breaking Dawn lgbt sequel to eclipse
by bellaedythforever
Summary: full summery inside
1. engaged/preface

To be irrevocably in love with a vampire is both fantasy and nightmare woven into a dangerously heightened reality for Bella Swan. Pulled in one direction by her intense passion for Edyth Cullen, and in another by her profound connection to werewolf Julie Black, a tumultuous year of temptation, loss, and strife have led her to the ultimate turning point. Her imminent choice to either join the dark but seductive world of immortals or to pursue a fully human life has become the thread from which the fates of two tribes hangs.

Now that Bella has made her decision, a startling chain of unprecedented events is about to unfold with potentially devastating, and unfathomable, consequences. Just when the frayed strands of Bella's life-first discovered in Twilight, then scattered and torn in New Moon and Eclipse-seem ready to heal and knit together, could they be destroyed… forever?

book 1 Bella

One has to pay dearly for immortality;

One has to die several times while one is still alive.

Frederick Nietzsche

Preface

I'd had more than my share of near-death experiences; it wasn't something you ever really got used to.

It seemed oddly inevitable, though, facing death again. Like I really was marked for disaster. I'd escaped time and time again, but it kept coming back for me.

Still, this time was so different from the others.

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared toward those kinds of killers—the monsters, the enemies.

But how do you run from death itself? How can you run when your time has run out? What do you do when your own body has failed you and you've run out of options?

Death had come for me; there was no avoiding it anymore.

No matter what, I knew my heart would stop beating.

No one is staring at you, I promised one is staring at you. No one is staring at you.

But, because I couldn't lie convincingly even to myself, I had to check.

As I sat waiting for one of the three traffic lights in town to turn green, I peeked to the right—in her minivan, Mrs. Weber had turned her whole torso in my direction. Her eyes bored into mine, and I flinched back, wondering why she didn't drop her gaze or look embarrassed. It was still considered rude to stare at people, right? I felt like that was one of those constant rules of social etiquette.

Then I remembered that these windows were so darkly tinted that she probably had no idea if it was even me in here, let alone that I'd caught her staring. I managed to take some comfort in the fact that she wasn't really staring at me, just the car.

Mycar. Jeez.

I glanced to the left and groaned. Two pedestrians were frozen on the sidewalk, missing their chance to cross as they stared. Behind them, Mr. Marshall was gawking through the plate-glass window of his little souvenir shop. At least he didn't have his nose pressed up against the glass.

The light turned green and, in my hurry to escape, I stomped on the gas pedal without thinking—the normal way I would have punched it to get my ancient Chevy truck moving.

Engine snarling like a hunting panther, the car jolted forward so fast that my body slammed into the black leather seat and my stomach flattened against my spine.

"Arg!" I gasped as I fumbled for the brake. Keeping my head, I merely tapped the pedal. The car lurched to an absolute standstill anyway.

If I had been embarrassed before… Yikes. I didn't dare look around at the reaction. If anyone had been wondering who was driving the car before, they were probably sure now. With the toe of my shoe, I gently nudged the gas pedal down one half millimeter, and the car shot forward again.

God, I missed my motorcycle. See, I didn't mind the speed of this beast, I just hated how touchy it was! I could handle speed—I enjoyed speed. But this stupid car was nearly impossible to drive!

I managed to reach my goal, the gas station. If I hadn't been running on vapors, I probably wouldn't have come into town at all. I absolutely hated being the center of attention, and I might as well have been driving a parade float for all the attention this car garnered.

I jumped out of the car, moving a little quicker than I would have if I were driving my truck. I got the hatch open, the cap off, the car scanned, and the nozzle in the tank within seconds. While I watched the numbers on the gauge sluggishly tick by, I began to wonder—for maybe the hundredth time—if it wasn't too late to send this beast back.

My eyes wandered to the horizon as I leaned against the car waiting for the tank to fill. It wasn't bright out—a typical drizzly day in Forks, Washington—but the scant light seemed to bounce off the shiny black car like a spotlight. The word 'ostentatious' came immediately to mind. I sighed and absentmindedly twisted the ring on my left hand. It was strange how it had become almost commonplace at this point.

It was stupid to be so self-conscious about the car, and I knew that. Did it really matter what people were saying about my new car? Or about my mysterious acceptance into an Ivy League college? Or about the shiny black credit card that felt increasingly heavier and heavier in my back pocket right now?

"Yeah, who cares what they think," I muttered under my breath.

"Um, hey miss?" A man's voice called.

I turned around, and immediately started turning red.

Two men stood beside a fancy SUV with brand-new kayaks tied to the top. Neither of them was looking at me; they were both staring, slack-jawed, at the car.

Personally, I didn't totally get it. But then, I really only bothered to know the difference between a Toyota, Ford, or a Chevy. This car was glossy black, sleek, and pretty, but it was still just a car to me.

"I'm sorry to bother you, ms, but could you tell me what kind of car you're driving?" The taller of the two men asked.

"Um, it's a Mercedes."

"Yes," the man said politely while his shorter friend raised an incredulous eyebrow at me. "I know. But I was wondering, is that… are you driving a Mercedes Guardian?" The man said the name with reverence. I had a feeling this guy would get along well with Edyth Cullen, my fiancé—and very soon to be wife with the wedding being only days away. "They aren't supposed to be available in Europe yet," the man went on, "let alone here."

While his eyes traced the sleek contours of my car—it truthfully didn't look much different from most other Mercedes sedans to me, but I wasn't the most informed about cars to begin with—I briefly contemplated the nearly here wedding.

On the one hand, I had always been exceedingly skeptical of the entire institution of marriage given my parents experience. But then, the idea that I could call Edyth—gorgeous, beautiful Edyth—my wife was extremely enticing. The public declaration of love and that promise of forever was something I was more than willing to give.

As soon as I started thinking about Edyth and marriage and wife, I sort of got caught up in a dizzy spin of fantasies. The stranger had to clear his throat to get my attention; he was still waiting for an answer about the car's make and model.

"I'm sorry, I don't know," I told him honestly.

"Do you mind if I take a picture with it?"

It took me a second to process that. "Really? You want to take a picture with the car?"

"Sure—nobody is going to believe me if I don't get proof."

"Um. Yeah, sure."

I swiftly put away the nozzle and crept into the front seat to wait while the enthusiast dug a huge professional-looking camera out of his backpack. He and his friend took turns posing by the hood, and then they went to take pictures at the back end.

"I miss my truck," I sighed to myself.

Very, very convenient—too convenient—that my truck would wheeze its last wheeze just weeks after Edyth and I had made the engagement official. She had asked, as an engagement gift to me, that she be allowed to replace my truck when it passed on. Edyth swore it was only to be expected; my truck had lived a long, full life and then expired of natural causes. According to her. And, unfortunately, I had no way to verify her story or to try to raise my truck from the dead on my own. My favorite mechanic—

My breath caught, a lump started forming in my throat. I pushed it back and instead, I listened to the men's voices outside, muted by the car walls.

"…went at it with a flamethrower in the online video. Didn't even pucker the paint."

"Of course not. You could roll a tank over this baby. Not much of a market for one over here. Designed for diplomats, arms dealers, and drug lords mostly."

"Think she's something?" the short one asked in a softer voice. I ducked my head, cheeks flaming.

"Huh," the tall one said. "Maybe. Can't imagine what you'd need missile-proof glass and four thousand pounds of body armor for around here. Must be headed somewhere more hazardous."

Body thousand poundsof body armor. Andmissile-proof glass? Nice. What had happened to good old-fashioned bulletproof?

Well, it made some sense—for Edyth at least.

It wasn't like I hadn't expected Edyth to go overboard with the new car. I'd agreed that she could replace my truck when it needed replacing, not expecting that moment to come quite so soon, of course. When I'd been forced to admit that the truck had become no more than a still-life tribute to classic Chevys on my curb, I knew her idea of a replacement was probably going to be… a lot. I'd been right on the mark about that. But even I couldn't imagine that she'd get metwo cars.

The "before" car and the "after" car, she'd reluctantly explained when I'd lost the ability to speak in coherent sentences.

This was just the "before" car. She'd told me it was mine as long as I needed it. It hadn't made any sense to me at the time. I understood now.

Apparently, Edyth felt I was so fragilely human, so accident-prone, and so much a victim to my own dangerous bad luck, that I needed a tank-resistant car to keep me safe. I wanted to be upset, but at this point there really was no arguing with Edyth. She worried endlessly about my safety, and if this helped ease some of that worry then maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

I sighed.

I hadn't even seen the "after" car yet. It was hidden under a cover in the deepest corner of the Cullens' garage. I knew most people would have peeked by now, but I didn't really want to know. Especially since I might not see it for years—or ever.

Probably no body armor on that car—because I wouldn't need it when the cover came off. That car was for me in the event I ever decided to end my mortal life and begin an immortal one. If I ever chose to become like the rest of the Cullens.

"Hey," the tall man called, cupping his hands to the glass in an effort to peer in. "We're done now. Thanks a lot!"

"You're welcome," I called back, and then tensed as I started the engine and eased the pedal—ever so gently—down…

No matter how many times I drove down the familiar road home, I still couldn't make the rain-faded flyers fade into the background. Each one of them, stapled to telephone poles and taped to street signs, was like a fresh stab to the heart. My mind was sucked back into the thought I'd pushed back before. I couldn't avoid it on this road. Not with pictures ofmy favorite mechanic flashing past me at regular intervals.

My best friend. My Julie.

The HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL? posters were not Julie's father's idea. It had been my father, Charlie, who'd printed up the flyers and spread them all over town. And not just Forks, but Port Angeles an Sequim and Hoquiam and Aberdeen and every other part of town in the Olympic Peninsula. He'd made sure that all the police stations in the state of Washington had the same flyer hanging on the wall, too. His own station had a whole corkboard dedicated to finding Julie. A corkboard that was mostly empty, much to his disappointment and frustration.

My dad was disappointed with more than the lack of response. He was most disappointed with Billy, Julie's father—and Charlie's closest friend.

For Billy's not being more involved with the search for his seventeen-year-old "runaway." For Billy's refusing to put the flyers in La Push, the reservation on the coast that was Julie's home. For his seeming resigned to Julie's disappearance, as if there was nothing he could do. For his saying, "Julie's grown up now. She'll come home if she wants to."

And he was frustrated with me, for taking Billy's side.

I wouldn't put up posters, either. Because both Billy and I knew where Julie was, roughly speaking, and we also knew that no one had seen this girl.

The flyers put the usual big, fat lump in my throat, the usual stinging tears in my eyes, and I was glad Edyth was out hunting this Saturday. If Edyth saw my reaction, it would only make her feel terrible, too.

Of course, being that it was a Saturday, that meant that Charlie would be home. As I turned slowly and carefully onto my street, I could see my dad's police cruiser in the driveway. He'd skipped fishing again today. Still in a bit of a tizzy over the wedding.

Since he was home, I couldn't make a call inside. But I had to call…

I parked along the curb behind the Chevy sculpture and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I dialed, keeping my finger on the "end" button as the phone rang. Just in case.

"Hello?" Seth Clearwater answered, and I sighed in relief. I was way too chicken to speak to his older brother, Liam. The phrase "bite my head off" was not entirely a figure of speech when it came to Liam.

"Hey Seth, it's Bella."

"Oh, hiya, Bella! How are you?"

Choked up. Desperate for reassurance. "I'm fine, Seth. Thanks."

"Calling for an update?"

"You're psychic."

"Not hardly. I'm no Alice—you're just predictable," he joked. Among the Quileute pack down at La Push, only Seth was comfortable even mentioning the Cullens by name, let alone joking about things like my nearly omniscient sister-in-law-to-be.

"I know I am." I hesitated for a minute. "How is she?"

Seth sighed. "Same as ever. She won't talk, though we know she hears us. She's trying not to think human, you know. Just going with her instincts."

"Do you know where she is?"

"Somewhere in northern Canada. I can't tell you which province. She doesn't pay much attention to state lines."

"Any hint that she might…"

"She's not coming home, Bella. Sorry."

I swallowed. "'S'okay, Seth. I knew before I asked. I just can't help wishing."

"Yeah. We all feel that same way."

"Thanks for putting up with me, Seth. I know the others must give you a hard time."

"They're not your hugest fans," he agreed cheerfully. "Kind of lame, I think. Julie made her choices, you made yours. Julie doesn't like their attitude about it. 'Course, she isn't super thrilled that you're checking up on her, either."

I gasped. "I thought she wasn't talking to you?"

"She can't hide everything from us, hard as she's trying."

So Julie knew I was worried. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Well, at least she knew I hadn't skipped off into the sunset and forgotten her completely. She might have imagined me capable of that.

"I guess I'll see you at the wedding," I said.

"Yeah, me and my mom will be there. It was cool of you to ask us."

I smiled at the enthusiasm in his voice. Having Seth there would be nice—a link, however tenuous, to my missing second maid of honor. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

"Tell Edyth I said hi, 'kay?"

"Sure thing, Seth."

I shook my head, amused. The friendship that had sprung up between Edyth and Seth was something that still boggled my mind. It was proof, though, that things didn't have to be this way. That vampires and werewolves could get along just fine if they were of a mind to. Maybe they just needed something to unite them.

Sadly, not everyone liked this idea.

"Ah," Seth said, his voice cracking up an octave. "Er, Liam's home."

"Oh! Bye!"

The phone went dead. I slid it into my pocket and prepared myself mentally to go inside the house, where Charlie would be waiting.

My poor dad had so much to deal with right now. Julie-the-runaway was just one of the straws on his overburdened back. He was almost as worried about me, his barely-a-legal-adult daughter who was about to get married—to a woman—in just a few days time.

I walked slowly through the light rain, remembering the night we'd told him…

As the sound of Charlie's cruiser announced his return, the ring suddenly weighed a hundred pounds on my finger. I wasn't ashamed of it, of course, but I understood it was alot for Charlie—for anyone. I was grateful for Edyth's cool hands holding mine, keeping me calm.

"It will be fine, Bella. I'm right here."

"I know, I know. I'm just nervous."

I listened to the sound of my father's boots approaching on the sidewalk. The key rattled in the already open door. I took a deep, steadying breath.

"Calm down, Bella," Edyth whispered, listening to the acceleration of my heart.

The door slammed against the wall, and I flinched. My nerves were wound too tight.

"Dang door," Charlie mumbled to himself.

"Hey, Charlie," Edyth called, entirely relaxed.

"Wait!" I protested under my breath.

"What?" Edyth whispered back.

"Let's wait till he hangs his gun up." I think I was joking. I couldn't actually tell.

Edyth chuckled and ran her free hand through her tousled bronze hair.

Charlie came around the corner, and he managed something close to a smile when he spied us sitting together on the loveseat. Lately, he'd been putting forth a lot of effort to like Edyth more. Now, I was worried this revelation would hamper those efforts.

"Hey, kids. What's up?"

"We'd like to talk to you," Edyth said, so serene. "We have some news."

Charlie's expression went from mildly strained friendliness to hard suspicion in a second.

"News?" Charlie raised an eyebrow at me.

"Good news." I assured him, "Have a seat, Dad."

His eyebrow stayed firmly raised, stared at me for five seconds, then cautiously crossed to the recliner and sat down on the very edge, his back ramrod straight.

"Don't get worked up, Dad," I said after a moment of loaded silence. "Everything's okay."

Edyth grimaced, and I knew it was in objection to the word okay. She probably would have preferred words like wonderful or perfect or glorious. But I was trying not to freak Charlie out.

"Is it, Bella?" Charlie eyed me suspiciously. "If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?"

"I'm not sweating," I lied.

Charlie sighed. "Come on, kiddo, what's going on?"

I opened my mouth to speak but my voice caught in my throat. I couldn't understand why this was so hard for me. Maybe because in the back of my head, I knew Charlie had gone through a marriage at a very young age—a marriage that had failed. Maybe because I knew Charlie worried about me, about what the world might say, about the closed-mindedness I could encounter out in the world. I knew that if he expressed any opposition it was only because he loved me. I still couldn't speak. I looked up at Edyth, desperate for help.

She smiled at me and then squared her shoulders and turned to my father.

"Charlie, I realize that I've gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don't want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I'm asking you for your blessing. We're getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and—by some miracle—she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?"

She sounded so sure, so calm. For just an instant, listening to the absolute confidence in her voice, I experienced an illuminating moment of insight. I could see the way the world looked to her. It helped me to better understand the 'old-timey' way she went about things.

And then I caught sight of the expression on Charlie's face, his eyes now locked on the ring.

I held my breath, waiting for his response. I couldn't read minds like Edyth, but I didn't need to. I saw all the emotions play across Charlie's face, the surprise, the concern, the sadness. I started to get up—I'm not sure what I planned to do; hug him? Leave the room? I didn't know—but Edyth squeezed my hand and murmured "Give him a minute" so low that only I could hear.

The silence lasted for a long moment. Then, gradually, Charlie's expression became more neutral. Then his lips pursed, and his eyebrows furrowed; I recognize his "deep in thought' expression. He studied the two of us for a long moment, and I felt Edyth relax at my side.

"Guess I'm not that surprised," Charlie sighed. "Knew something like this might happen sooner or later."

I exhaled.

"You're sure about this?" Charlie questioned, looking directly at me.

"I'm one hundred percent sure," I told him without missing a beat.

"I know you love her, kiddo, but…" He sighed, "Are you kids sure you want to get married? I mean, what's the rush?" He asked us intently.

I had expected this concern from Charlie. I couldn't be upset that he was so worried. I knew it came from a place of love and care, from his own past experiences, and his fear of the unknown world out there.

"We're going away to Dartmouth together in the fall, Charlie," Edyth reminded him. "I'd like to do that, well, the right way. It's how I was raised." She shrugged.

He wasn't exaggerating; they'd been big on old-fashioned morals during World War I.

Charlie's mouth twisted to the side. Mulling over everything. "I love you, kiddo. If this is what you want, what makes you happy, and you're absolutely sure you've thought it through…" He trailed off. Then he sighed. "It's a mean world out there, Bella. A real mean, pig-headed world out there."Filled with homophobic idiots.

"I know, Dad. And I love you, too." I assured him. "And I understand what you mean, but we'll be okay—I'll be okay."

"Alright, Bella." Charlie nodded slowly, considering everything. He looked at Edyth for a long moment and his face became very serious. "You have my blessing," He started. Edyth and I both began to smile, until Charlie held up one finger, "But—" I held my breath again. "You have to tell your mother."

I paused with my hand on the doorknob, smiling. Sure, at the time, Charlie's words had terrified me. The ultimate doom; telling Renée. Early marriage was higher up on her blacklist than boiling live puppies.

Who could have foreseen her response? Not me. Certainly not Charlie. Maybe Alice, but I hadn't thought to ask her.

"Well, Bella," Renée had said after I nervously stuttered out the words: Edyth and I are getting married."I'm a little miffed that you waited so long to tell me. Plane tickets only get more expensive. Oooh," she'd fretted. "Do you think Phil's cast will be off by then? It will spoil the pictures if he's not in a tux—"

"Sorry, Mom, back up a second." I stopped her. "What do you mean, waited so long? I just got engaged, like, literally today."

"Today? Really? That is a surprise. I assumed…"

"What did you assume?When did you assume?"

"Well, when you came to visit me in April, it looked like things were pretty much sewn up, if you know what I mean. You're not very hard to read, sweetie—you've always been my open book! But I didn't say anything because I knew it wouldn't do any good. You're exactly like Charlie." She'd sighed, resigned. "Once you make up your mind, there is no convincing you otherwise. Of course, exactly like Charlie, you stick by your decisions, too."

And then she'd said the last thing I'd ever expected to hear from my mother.

"You're not making my mistakes, Bella. You sound like you're scared silly, and I'm guessing it's because you're afraid of me." She'd giggled. "Of what I'm going to think. And I know I've said a lot of things about marriage and stupidity—and I'm not taking them back—but you need to realize that those things specifically applied to me. You're a completely different person than I am. You make your own kinds of mistakes, and I'm sure you'll have your share of regrets in life. But commitment was never your problem, sweetie. You have a better chance of making this work than most forty-year-olds I know." Renée had laughed again. "My little middle-aged child. Luckily, you seem to have found another old soul."

Despite my utter shock, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the accuracy of that last statement.

"You're not… mad? You don't think I'm making a mistake and rushing into things?"

"Well, sure, I wish you'd wait a few more years. I mean, do I look old enough to be a mother-in-law to you? Don't answer that. But this isn't about me. This is about you. Are you happy?"

"I don't know, I think I'm having an out-of-body experience right now."

Renée had chuckled. "Does she make you happy, Bella?"

"Very much."

"Are you ever going to want anyone else?"

"Nope. Never."

"So, why would I think you were making a mistake?"

"I don't know, Mom. I thought you'd tell me I sounded like exactly every other infatuated teenager since the dawn of time."

"You've never been a teenager, sweetie. You know what's best for you."

For the last few weeks, my mom had unexpectedly immersed herself in wedding plans. She'd spent hours every day on the phone with Edyth's mother, Esme—no worries about the in-laws getting along. Renée adored Esme, but then, I doubted anyone could help responding that way to my lovable almost-mother-in-law.

It left me without much to worry about; Edyth's family and my family were taking care of everything, leaving me with almost nothing to do.

Charlie had become more relaxed after talking to Renée. She assured him we would be okay—that even though we were young, we knew what we were doing-and that the world was coming around and we'd have each other and our families if we ever needed them. Once Charlie felt more at ease about the whole idea, he threw himself into the planning and preparing which—on top of everything else he was worried about—left him a little stressed out.

"Dad?" I called as I pushed open the front door. "I'm home."

"Hold on, kiddo, stay right there."

"Huh?" I asked, pausing automatically.

"Gimme a second. Ouch, you got me, Alice."

Alice?

"Sorry, Charlie," Alice's trilling voice responded. "How's that?"

"I'm bleeding on it."

"You're fine. Didn't break the skin—trust me."

"What's going on?" I demanded, hesitating in the doorway.

"Thirty seconds, please, Bella," Alice told me. "Your patience will be rewarded."

"What she said," Charlie added.

I counted down in my head. Before I got to thirty, Alice said, "Okay, Bella, come in!"

Moving with caution, I rounded the little corner into our living room.

"Oh," I gasped. "Aw, Dad. You look so—"

"Silly?" Charlie interrupted.

"I was thinking more like debonair."

Charlie laughed. Alice took his elbow and tugged him around into a slow spin to showcase the pale gray tux.

"Now, come on, Alice. I'm not some fashion model."

"No one dressed by me ever looks like anythingless than a model, Charlie."

"She's right, Dad. You look fantastic!" I smiled. "What's the occasion?" I feigned ignorance.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Ha, ha. It's the final check on the fit. For both of you."

I peeled my gaze off the unusually elegant Charlie for the first time and saw the ominous black garment bag laid carefully across the sofa.

"Ah."

"What's that look for?" Alice glared.

"Are we absolutely sure it's perfect? Because if it's not, don't worry—we can just rent a Dress." I shrugged, teasing Alice further.

"Very funny, now let's go!" Alice scooped up the bag as she spoke.

"Alright, alright." I laughed.

I climbed the stairs to my room. Alice handed me the bag outside my door and I went into my room, closing the door behind me. As I opened the garment bag, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.

This was it. It was happening. I began to imagine the next few days, then the next few weeks, months, years even. I couldn't imagine the wedding, because I had no idea what Alice, Renée, and Esme had put together—I gave them full creative control, after all. My imaginings began after the wedding.

We were alone, just Edyth and me. The setting was fuzzy and constantly in flux—it morphed from misty forest to cloud-covered city to Arctic night—because Edyth was keeping the location of our honeymoon a secret to surprise me. But I wasn't especially concerned about the where part.

Edyth and I would be together, and we would be married. An official married couple. We were going to Dartmouth College in the fall, and we were beginning our forever. But before 'forever,' there was one big thing—one big human experience—that I was hoping for. It was going to be a big step and I was ready for it. I couldn't help but grin as I imagined it all. It was going to be amazing, it was going to be perfect.

Imagining it, I wasn't nervous—I wasn't scared. I didn't mind that the whole town was talking about me. I didn't think about how spectacle the wedding would be. I didn't worry about tripping down the aisle or giggling at the wrong moment or being too young or the audience watching or even the empty seat where my best friend should be.

It was going to be me and Edyth. Forever.


	2. long night

"I miss you already."

"I don't need to leave. I can stay…"

"Mmm. Don't tempt me."

It was quiet for a long moment, just the thud of my heart hammering, the broken rhythm of our ragged breathing, and the whisper of our lips moving in synchronization.

Sometimes it was so easy to forget that I was kissing a vampire. Not because she seemed ordinary or human—I couldn't never for a second forget that I was holding someone who wasn't human in my arms—but because she made it seem like nothing at all to have her lips against my lips, my face, my throat. She claimed she was long past the temptation my blood used to be for her, that the idea of losing me had cured her of any desire for it. But I knew the smell of my blood still caused her pain—still burned her throat like she was inhaling flames.

I opened my eyes and found hers open, too, staring at my face. It always made me smile; the way she looked at me. Like I was some wonderful prize. It made me feel special.

Our gazes locked for a moment; her golden eyes were so deep that I imagined I could see all the way into her soul. It seemed silly that this fact—the existence of her soul—had ever been in question, even if she was a vampire. She had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than her brilliant mind or her incomparable face or her glorious body.

She looked back at me as if she could see my soul, too, and as if she liked what she saw.

She couldn't see into my mind, though, the way she saw into everyone else's. Who knew why—some strange glitch in my brain that made it immune to all the extraordinary and frightening things some immortals could do. It was only my mind that was immune; my body was still subject to vampires with abilities that worked in ways other than Edyth's. But I was seriously grateful to whatever it was that kept my thoughts a secret. I imagined some of Edyth's old-time sensibilities would be in for quite a shock if she could read my mind.

I pulled her face to mine again.

"Definitely staying," she murmured a moment later.

"No, no. It's your bachelorette party. You have to go."

I said the words, but the fingers of my right hand were still running through her bronze hair, my left hand still on the small of her back. Her cool hands stroked my face.

"Bachelorette parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."

"True." I breathed against the winter-cold skin of her, throat.

I didn't want her to leave. In fact, I was pretty content at the moment. We were curled up on my small bed, intertwined as much as it was possible, considering the thick afghan I was swathed in like a cocoon. I hated the necessity of the blanket, but it sort of ruined the romance when my teeth started chattering. Charlie would noticed if I turned the heat on in August…

I felt Edyth's compromise was very fair, though. If I had to be bundled up, then her shirt was on the floor she was left in her bra. I never got over the shock of how perfect her body was—white, cool, and polished as marble. I ran my hand down her stone chest now, tracing across the flat planes of her stomach, just marveling. A light shudder rippled through her, and her mouth found mind again. Carefully, I let the tip of my tongue press against her glass-smooth lip, and she moaned. Her, sweet breath washed—cold and delicious—over my face.

She started to pull away—that was her automatic response whenever she worried things were going too far, her reflex reaction whenever she most wanted to keep going. Edyth had spent most of her life rejecting any kind of physical gratification. I knew it was terrifying to her trying to change those habits now.

"Hold on," I said, gripping her shoulders and hugging myself close to her. I kicked one leg free of the blanket and wrapped it around her waist. "Practice makes perfect."

She let out another moan. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?"

"Well, this is dress rehearsal," I reminded her, "and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe."

She smirked, and her icy hand ran down my bare leg, she started leaning in deeper to me, she planted gentle kisses on my neck and my fingers tangled in her hair. Her hands reached my thigh and I let out a soft whimper. She growled in response and her fingers began to move further up my thigh. My pulse quickened, and my breath became ragged.

"Edyth…" I moaned.

Instantly her lips were on mine and her hand was under the blanket at my waist, in the passion of the moment my fingers pulled at her hair and her, hand gripped the waistband of my underwear.

"Bella…" She groaned against my lips, her kisses becoming more frantic.

The sudden sound of fabric ripping startled me out of the moment, and Edyth was a statue over me. I looked at her frozen face, the gold of her eyes seemed to harden from liquid to a solid and her lips were pressed into a hard line.

I lifted up the blanket and glanced down, my underwear had torn half way down the side where she had been gripping them.

"Oops," I mumbled. "Um…"

"I don't know," She finally said, "if we can…" she trailed off.

"Come on, now," I said softly, "don't start this again. We talked about this."

"I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I—I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."

"I'll be fine."

"Bella…"

"Shh!" I pressed my lips to hers to stop her panic attack. I pulled back and looked at her. "Come on, we said we'd try, didn't we? And you were pretty insistent on me having all those human experiences, right?"

"Yes, but—"

"Nope. Stop worrying." I sighed. "This is as far as we're going tonight. When it's actually…showtime… We'll, uh, take it slow!" I said encouragingly.

"Okay, Bella." She sighed, finally relaxing—a little.

"Also, you're buying me some new underwear." I raised my eyebrow.

She finally chuckled, and I felt some relief.

"How are your feet?" she asked.

Knowing she didn't mean that literally, I answered, "Toasty warm."

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

"Are you trying to ditch me?"

She chuckled again. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

"I'm sure about you, Edyth."

"Are you?" she asked quietly. "Am I worth having to give up everything some day? What about Renée and Charlie?"

I knew what she meant, even if I stayed human forever and lived out my human life by Edyth's side, we'd have to leave eventually. The Cullens couldn't stay in one place for too long.

I sighed. "I'll miss them with all of my heart," I confessed. "But even if I can never see them again, I can call, write letters…"

"Allen and Becca and Jeremy and Makayla?"

"I'll miss my friends, too." I smiled in the darkness. "Especially Makayla. Oh, Makayla! How will I go on?"

She growled.

I laughed but then was serious. "Edyth, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you. I want our forever."

"But what if forever means…" She trailed off, unable—or unwilling—to say the words.

"Then so be it." I shrugged.

"Frozen forever," she whispered. "Never changing… never moving forward."

"Maybe. But what's so bad about that?"

"You know Royal's feelings on the matter, you know how hard it was for him." She said.

"I do."

She sighed, and then her voice was fierce. "It's not right!I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human—"

I put my hand over her lips. "You are my future. The future I chose. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelorette party."

"I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."

"Are your feet cold?"

"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Bella Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait—" She broke off mid-thought. "Oh, for the love of all that's holy!"

"What's wrong?"

She gritted her, teeth. "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."

I clutched her closer for one second and then released her. I didn't have a prayer of winning a tug-of-war with Emmett. "Have fun."

There was a light thump against the window. Emmett's giant shape, hanging from the frame of the window, blocked out the moonlight.

"If you don't send her out, Bella," Emmett's low voice teased, "we're coming in after her!"

"Emmett!" Edyth hissed, dashing from the bed and scooping up her shirt, "Get out of here."

I hopped out of bed and glared at him. "I don't think I invited you into my room."

"I'm not in your room." Emmett snickered, "I'm still out—" He stopped. "Damn, sis, it's not your honeymoon yet. You're already ripping her clothes off?"

I glanced down and remembered the tear in my underwear and that I was standing there in nothing but a tank top and my underwear. I quickly grabbed the afghan off the bed and wrapped it around myself.

"Okay, get down right now!" I hissed.

"I didn't see anything!" Emmett countered.

"Emmett!" I hissed again.

And he was gone.

"Okay, go," I laughed, standing on my toes to kiss Edyth on the cheek. "Before they break my house… Or I throw something at Emmett."

I heard Emmett snickering again from the yard.

Edyth rolled her eyes, she leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."

"I'll meet you at the altar."

"I'll be the one in white." I smiled.

so will i. She chuckled as she sank into a crouch, her muscles coiled like a spring. She vanished—launching herself out my window too swiftly for my eyes to follow.

Outside there was a muted thud, and I heard Emmett curse.

"You'd better not make her late," I murmured, knowing they could hear.

And then Jasper's face was peering in my window, his honey hair silver in the weak moonlight that worked through the clouds.

"Don't worry, Bella. We'll get her home in plenty of time."

I was suddenly very calm, and my nerves about the next day all seemed unimportant. Jasper was, in his own way, just as talented as Alice with her uncannily accurate predictions. Jasper's medium was moods rather than the future, and it was impossible to resist feeling the way he wanted you to feel.

I sat down on my bed, wrapping my blanket tightly around me. "Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelorette parties? You're not taking her to a strip club, are you?"

"Don't tell her anything!" Emmett growled from below. There was another thud, and Edyth laughed quietly.

"Relax," Jasper told me—and I did. "We Cullens have our own version of bathaler or bathalerette parties. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."

"Sexy."

She laughed, winked, and dropped from sight.

It was completely silent outside. Charlie's muffled snores droned through the walls.

I checked my phone, picking it up from the little nightstand next to my bed, once last time before laying down. There was a text message from Jeremy to the group that him, Allen, and myself were in.

Can't wait for tomorrow,Jeremy said.

Thanks, Jeremy. I'm excited to see you there. I responded.

A text from Allen popped up now,Are you nervous?

I thought about that for a moment, before responding,Yeah, kind of. Excited and nervous.

Jeremy texted back,I still can't believe you're getting married!

Yeah, so crazy!Allen said.

You're going to be married this time tomorrow!Jeremy said.

I know, I still can't totally wrap my head around it. I replied.

OK, this is such a typical guy thing to say but I want all the wedding night detail's Jeremys text made me laugh out loud.

Allen responded before I could,Oh my gosh, Jeremy…

I'll consider giving some details, I humored Jeremy.

Ugh, fine. See you tomorrow!Jeremy said.

Goodnight, guys! See you tomorrow!Allen said.

I set my phone down and lay back against my pillow, sleepy now. I stared at the walls of my little room, bleached pale in the moonlight, from under heavy lids.

My last night in my room. My last night as Bella Swan. Tomorrow night, I would be Bella Cullen. I rather liked the sound of that.

I let my mind wander idly for a moment, expecting sleep to take me. But, after a few minutes, I found myself more alert, anxiety creeping back into my stomach, twisting it into uncomfortable positions. The bed seemed too soft, too warm without Edyth in it. Jasper was far away, and all the peaceful, relaxed feelings were gone with him.

It was going to be a very long day tomorrow.

I was aware that most of my fears were stupid—I just had to get over myself. Attention was an inevitable part of life. I couldn't always blend in with the scenery. However, I did have a few specific worries that were completely valid.

First there was my dress for tomorrow. Alice clearly had let her artistic sense overpower practicalities on that one. The dress was beautiful, to be sure, but it was exceedingly expensive—obscenely expensive. I imagined all the ways I could ruin in by tripping, spilling food or drink on it.

Then there was the guest list.

Taras and his family, the Denali clan, would be arriving sometime before the ceremony.

It would be touchy to have Taras and his family in the same room with our guests from the Quileute reservation, Julie's father and the Clearwaters. The Denalis were no fans of the wolves. In fact, Taras' brother Ivan was not coming to the wedding at all. He still nursed a vendetta against the wolves for killing his friend Laurent—just as Laurent was about to kill me. Thanks to that grudge, the Denalis had abandoned Edyth's family in their worst hour of need. It had been the unlikely alliance with the Quileute wolves that had saved all our lives when the horde of newborn vampires had attacked…

Edyth had promised me it wouldn't be dangerous to have the Denalis near the Quileutes. Taras and all his family—besides Ivan—felt horribly guilty for that defection. A truce with the wolves was a small price to make up some of that debt, a price they were prepared to pay.

That was the big problem, but there was a small problem, too: my self-esteem.

I'd never seen Taras before, but I was sure that meeting him wouldn't be a pleasant experience for my ego. Once upon a time, before I was born probably, he'd made his play for Edyth—not that I blamed Taras or anyone else for wanting Edyth. Still, he would be beautiful at the very least and magnificent at best. Though Edyth clearly—if surprisingly—preferred me, I wouldn't be able to help making comparisons.

I had grumbled a little until Edyth explained it all to me plainly.

"We're the closest thing they have to a family, Bella," she'd reminded me. "They still feel like orphans, you know, even after all this time."

So I'd conceded. I could be a good sport, after all.

Taras had a big family now, almost as big as the Cullens. There were five of them; Taras, Kate, and Ivan had been joined by Carmen and Elena much the same way the Cullens had been joined by Alice and Jasper, all of them bonded by their desire to live more compassionately than normal vampires did.

For all the company, though, Taras and his siblings were still alone in one way. Still in mourning. Because a very long time ago, they'd had a mother, too.

I could imagine the hole that loss would leave, even after a thousand years; I tried to visualize the Cullen family without their creator, their center, and their guide—their father, Carlisle. I couldn't see it.

Carlisle had explained Taras' history during one of the many nights I'd stayed late at the Cullens' home, learning as much as I could, preparing as much as was possible for the future I'd chosen. Taras' mother's story was one among many, a cautionary tale illustrating just one of the rules I would need to be aware of if I joined the immortal world. Only one rule, actually—one law that broke down into a thousand different facets:Keep the secret.

Keeping the secret meant a lot of things—living inconspicuously like the Cullens, moving on before humans could suspect they weren't aging. Or keeping clear of humans altogether—except at mealtime—the way nomads like James and Victoria had lived; the way Jasper's friends, Peter and Charlotte, still lived. It meant keeping control of whatever new vampires you created, like Jasper had done when he'd lived with Maria. Like Victoria had failed to do with her newborns.

These were all ways one could fail to keep the secret.

"I don't know Taras' mother's name," Carlisle had admitted, his golden eyes, almost the exact shade of his fair hair, sad with remembering Taras' pain. "They never speak of her if they can avoid it, never think of her willingly.

"The woman who created Taras, Kate, and Ivan—who loved them, I believe—lived many years before I was born, what I can gather about her, though, is that she was always regretful of her immortal life. She missed her mortality so greatly that it gnawed away at her for much of her existence. There was a village she was fond of, that she would frequently visit. It may even have been the village she lived in before her immortal life, I do not know for certain. Eventually, the woman she had been was forgotten and she became known as some sort of goddess-like creature to the people of that village—they thought her some sort of angel on earth. They even began to worship her.

"She broke the rules, she clung too deeply to the mortal world and hid nothing." He shook his head, sadly. "The Volturi became involved, of course."

I'd flinched as I always did at that name, but of course the legion of Italian vampires— royalty in their own estimation—was central to this story. There couldn't be a law if there was no punishment; there couldn't be a punishment if there was no one to deliver it. The ancients Aro, Caius, and Marcus ruled the Volturi forces; I'd only met them once, but in that brief encounter, it seemed to me that Aro, with his powerful mind-reading gift—one touch, and he knew every thought a mind had ever held—was the true leader.

This royal vampire family was another reason I may have to leave my human life behind one day. When I had met them, my humanity had proven to be quite the problem. I was allowed to live, but only on the promise that I would be turned into a vampire myself. The Volturi had vowed to one day check in and make sure the Cullens had, in fact, followed through on that promise. The threat of that visit meant that I either had to be ready to run or give up my mortality at a moment's notice.

I'd all but forgotten the Denali siblings' mother when the story returned to her.

"It is unclear precisely what happened with Taras' mother," Carlisle had said. "Taras, Kate, and Ivan were entirely oblivious until the day the Volturi came for them, their mother already their prisoner. It was ignorance that saved Taras and his siblings lives. Aro touched them and saw their total innocence, so they were not punished with their mother.

"None of them had ever seen the village before, or even knew of its existence, until the day they watched it burn along with their mother. I can only guess that she had kept her secret to protect them from this exact outcome. But why had she risked everything for this little village? Did she love it and the attention she received there more than the family she had created? Taras and the others never received an answer to these questions. But they could not doubt their mother's guilt, and I don't think they've ever truly forgiven her.

"Even with Aro's perfect assurance that Taras, Kate, and Ivan were innocent, Caius wanted them to burn. Guilty by association. They were lucky that Aro felt like being merciful that day. Taras and his siblings were pardoned, but left with unhealing hearts and a very healthy respect for the law…"

I'm not sure where exactly the memory turned into a dream. One moment it seemed that I was listening to Carlisle in my memory, looking at his face, and then a moment later I was standing in a golden meadow—mine and Edyth's meadow. I turned, and there she was, beautiful and perfect and smiling. She was dressed entirely in white, in clothes from another time, as was I.

It was the wedding, or at least some fantasy version of it. White rose petals seemed to be falling from the sky and everything was beautiful and perfect.

Then, suddenly, the light shifted, everything around me grew dark I turned and found myself face to face with a wall of cloaked Volturi guards all whispering and hissing in impossibly fast voices, I reached for Edyth but when my hands found hers they were wet and warm. I looked down and saw why; they were covered in blood.

Our handsandour clothes were covered with blood. As I felt the horror rising within me, a figure broke through the line of Volturi guards; Aro, smiling wickedly at me. I took a panicked step back, nearly tripping over something at my feet; an arm.

The horror overtook me completely as I realized we weren't standing on the ground. We were standing atop a pile of human bodies, drained and lifeless, and I knew them all—Allen , Becca, Jeremy, Makayla… And directly beneath me were the bodies of my father and mother.

Aro reached out toward me, holding an ornate hand mirror. He held it up to my face and I saw my reflection; white as snow, hard as marble, blood dripping from my mouth, and my eyes were crimson red.


	3. big day

I sat bolt upright in bed.

I was shivering and gasping in my warm bed for several minutes, trying to break free of the nightmare. The sky outside my window turned gray and then pale pink while I waited for my heart to slow.

When I was fully back to the reality of my messy, familiar room, I was annoyed with myself. What a nightmare to have before my wedding! That's what I got for obsessing over disturbing stories and frivolous fears in the middle of the night.

Eager to shake off the nightmare, I got dressed and headed down to the kitchen long before I needed to. First I cleaned the already tidy rooms, and then when Charlie was up I made him pancakes. I was much too keyed up to have any interest in eating breakfast myself—I sat bouncing in my seat while he ate.

"You're picking up Mr. Weber at three o'clock," I reminded him.

"I don't have that much to do today besides bring the minister, kiddo. I'm not likely to forget my only job." Charlie had taken the entire day off for the wedding, and he was definitely at loose ends. Now and then, his eyes flickered furtively to the closet under the stairs, where he kept his fishing gear—his tried and true stress-reliever.

"It's really great of Mr. Weber that he was so willing to perform the ceremony, considering it isn't traditional." I mused. "Also, Dad, picking up Mr. Weber is not your only job. You also have to be dressed and presentable."

He scoffed and muttered the words "monkey suit" under his breath.

There was a brisk tapping on the front door.

"You think you have it bad," I said, grimacing as I rose. "Alice will probably be working on me all day long."

Charlie nodded thoughtfully, conceding that he did have the lesser ordeal. I gave him a quick hug as I passed and then continued on to get the door for my best girlfriend and soon-to-be-sister.

Alice's short black hair was smoothed into a timeless update on a nineteen twenties finger wave that was soft and gentle, which was in stark contrast to her businesslike expression. She dragged me from the house with barely a "Hey, Charlie" called over her shoulder.

Alice appraised me as I got into her Porsche.

"Oh, hell, look at your eyes!" She tsked in reproach. "What did you do? Stay up all night?"

"Almost."

She glowered. "I've only allotted so much time to make you stunning, Bella—you might have taken better care of my raw material."

"No one expects me to be stunning. I think the bigger problem is that I might fall asleep during the ceremony and not be able to say 'I do' at the right part, and then Edyth will make her escape."

She laughed. "I'll throw my bouquet at you when it gets close."

"Thanks."

"At least you'll have plenty of time to sleep on the plane tomorrow."

I raised one , I mused. If we were heading out tonight after the reception, and we would still be on a plane tomorrow… well, we weren't going to Boise, Idaho. Edyth hadn't dropped a single hint. I wasn't too stressed about the mystery, but it was strange not knowing where I would be sleeping tomorrow night. Or hopefullynot sleeping…

Alice realized that she'd given something away, and she frowned.

"You're all packed and ready," she said to distract me.

It worked. "Alice, I wish you would let me pack my own things!"

"It would have given too much away."

"And denied you an opportunity to shop."

"You'll be my sister officially in ten short hours… it's about time to get over this aversion to new clothes."

I glowered groggily out the windshield until we were almost to the house.

"Is she back yet?" I asked.

"Don't worry, she'll be there before the music starts. But you don't get to see her, no matter when she gets back. We're doing this the traditional way."

I snorted. "Traditional!"

"Okay, aside from the bride and bride."

"You know she's already peeked."

"Oh no—that's why I'm the only one who's seen you in your dress. I've been very careful to not think about it when she's around."

"Well," I said as we turned into the drive, "I see you got to reuse your graduation decorations." Three miles of drive were once again wrapped in hundreds of thousands of twinkle lights. This time, there were white lanterns hanging from the trees as well.

"Waste not, want not. Enjoy this, because you don't get to see the inside decorations until it's time." She pulled into the cavernous garage north of the main house; Emmett's big jeep was still gone.

"Aren't I the bride in this situation? Since when is the bride not allowed to see the decorations?" I protested.

"Since she put me in charge. I want you to get the full impact coming down the stairs."

She clapped her hands over my eyes before she let me inside the kitchen. I was immediately assailed by the scent.

"What is that?" I wondered as she guided me into the house.

"Is it too much?" Alice's voice was abruptly worried. "You're the first human in here; I hope I got it right."

"It smells wonderful!" I assured her—almost intoxicating, but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless. "Orange blossoms… lilac… and something else—am I right?"

"Very good, Bella. You only missed the freesia and the roses."

She didn't uncover my eyes until we were in her oversized bathroom. I stared at the long counter, covered in all the paraphernalia of a beauty salon, and began to feel my sleepless night.

"Is this really necessary? I'm only going to look so good."

She pushed me down into a low gray chair. "You'll look amazing by the time I'm through with you."

"Okay, Alice," I yawned, leaning back in the chair. "Wake me up when it's time to start walking down the aisle." I closed my eyes, hoping I'd be able to nap through it. I did drift in and out a little bit while she masked, buffed, and polished me.

It was after lunchtime when Royal glided past the bathroom door in a silver-gray tuxedo with his golden hair pulled back into an ornately braided bun on the back of his head. He was so beautiful it left me breathless.

"They're back," Royal said, and I immediately perked up.

"Keep Edyth out of here!" Alice commanded.

"She won't cross you today," Royal reassured her. "She values her life too much. Esme's got them all finishing things up out back. Do you want some help? I could do her hair."

My jaw fell open. I floundered around in my head, trying to remember how to close it.

I had never been Royal's favorite person in the world. Though he had his impossible beauty, his loving family, and his soul mate in Emmett, he would have traded it all to be human. When I'd first stumbled into the Cullens's lives, he had been personally offended at the thought that I would so easily trade away my humanity for immortality. We had reached a sort of understanding though, when he found out I was adamant that I would stay human.

Even then, Royal had lived in a time when loving another man had effectively ended his life, and a part of him did resent that, despite the occasional homicidal vampire, I had things so much easier than he had. So his offer to help was… surprising.

"Sure," Alice said easily. "I want to really highlight how long her hair is getting." Her hands started combing through my hair. "I want it to look natural, with some shine, and these beautiful curls are the star!"

"Are you sure we shouldn't just cut it, Alice? It's getting pretty long." I asked catching one of the jaw length curls between my fingers.

"I think you look great, Bella." Royal assured me, replacing Alice's hands with his own, shaping my hair with a feather-light touch. "Don't worry, I know a thing or two about long hair." He smirked at me in the mirror.

I smiled back as he gently styled my hair back and away from my face, tucking the long curls behind my ears. Alice applied some expensive moisturizers to my face, and a few dots of concealer to hide the circles under my eyes.

Once Royal had received Alice's commendation on my hair, he was sent off to retrieve my dress and then to locate Jasper, who had been dispatched to pick up my mother and her husband, Phil, from their hotel. Downstairs I could faintly hear the door opening and closing over and over. Voices began to float up to us.

Alice had me get up and put my dress on. At first, I had no problems, but as I continued getting dressed I felt myself growing more and more nervous. By the time I was trying to button the back of the dress, my hands were shaking so bad Alice had to do it for me.

"Deep breaths, Bella," Alice soothed me. "And try to lower your heart rate. You're going to start sweating all over your dress."

I narrowed my eyes at her as I inhaled deeply. "I'll get right on that." I breathed out.

She slid the vail onto my head. "I have to get dressed now. Can you hold yourself together for two minutes?"

"Um… maybe?"

She rolled her eyes and darted out the door.

I concentrated on my breathing, counting each movement of my lungs, and stared at the patterns that the bathroom light made on the shiny fabric of my vail. I was afraid to look in the mirror—afraid the image of myself in this white dress would send me over the edge into a full-scale panic attack.

Alice was back before I had taken two hundred breaths, in a dress that flowed down her slender body like a silvery waterfall.

"Alice—wow."

"Do you like it?" She asked, spinning gracefully, "the color for the dresses was Edyth's idea. The tuxedos for the boys, too. She wanted them to match your beautiful eyes."

I blushed.

"Now, are you in control of yourself, or do I have to bring Jasper up here?"

"They're back? Is my mom here?"

"She just walked in the door. She's on her way up."

Renée had flown in two days ago, and I'd spent every minute I could with her—every minute that I could pry her away from Esme and the decorations, in other words. As far as I could tell, she was having more fun with this than a kid locked inside Disneyland overnight. Looking back, I felt silly for being so afraid of her reaction to being told about the wedding in the first place.

"Oh, Bella!" she squealed now, gushing before she was all the way through the door. "Oh, honey, you're so beautiful! Oh, I'm going to cry! Alice, you're amazing! You and Esme should go into business as wedding planners. Where did you find this dress? It's gorgeous! So graceful, so elegant. Bella, you look like you just stepped out of an Austen movie." My mother's voice sounded a little distance away, everything in the room was slightly blurry. "Such a creative idea, designing the theme around Bella's ring. So romantic! To think it's been in Edyth's family since the eighteen hundreds!"

Alice and I exchanged a brief conspiratorial look. My mom was off on the dress style by more than a hundred years. The dress, like the overall aesthetic of the wedding were truthfully more inspired by Edyth than my ring.

There was a loud, gruff throat-clearing in the doorway.

"Renée, Esme said it's time you got settled down there," Charlie said.

"Well, Charlie, don't you look dashing!" Renée said in a tone that was almost shocked. That might have explained the crustiness of Charlie's answer.

"Alice got to me."

"Is it really time already?" Renée said to herself, sounding almost as nervous as I felt. "This has all gone so fast. I feel dizzy."

That made two of us.

"Give me a hug before I go down," Renée insisted. "Carefully now, I don't want to get makeup on your dress."

My mother squeezed me gently around the waist, then wheeled for the door, only to complete the spin and face me again.

"Oh goodness, I almost forgot! Charlie, where's the box?"

My dad rummaged in his pockets for a minute and then produced a small white box, which he handed to Renée. Renée lifted the lid and held it out to me.

"Something blue," she said.

"Something old, too. They were your Grandma wonters's," Charlie added. "We had a jeweler replace the paste stones with sapphires from your Grandma Higginbotham's favorite earrings."

Inside the box were two silver cufflinks with brilliant, dark blue sapphires on the ends.

My throat got all thick. "Mom, Dad… you shouldn't have."

"Alice wouldn't let us do anything else," Renée said. "Every time we tried, she all but ripped our throats out."

A hysterical giggle burst through my lips.

Alice stepped up and quickly fastened the cufflinks in place on my sleeves. "That's something old and something blue," she mused, taking a few steps back to admire me. "And your dress is new… so here—"

She tucked an intricately folded antique silk handkerchief into the pocket of my jacket.

"That's mine and I want it back," Alice told me.

"Okay, Alice."

"You look wonderful, Bella." She smiled, and I blushed. "There," she said with satisfaction. "A little color—that's all you needed. You are officially perfect." With a little self-congratulatory smile, she turned to my parents. "Renée, we'll meet you at the bottom of the stairs."

"Yes, Ma'am." Renée blew me a kiss and hurried out the door.

"Charlie, would you grab my flowers, please?"

While Charlie was out of the room, Alice tucked a stray curl behind my ear. She put a hand on my cheek and gave me an encouraging smile.

Charlie returned with a frothy white bouquet for her. The scent of roses and orange blossoms and freesia enveloped me in a soft mist.

Royal—the best musician in the family next to Edyth—began playing the piano downstairs. Pachelbel's Canon. I began hyperventilating.

"Easy, kiddo," Charlie said. He turned to Alice nervously. "She looks a little sick. Do you think she's going to make it?"

His voice sounded far away. I couldn't feel my legs.

"She'd better."

Alice stood right in front of me, on her tiptoes to better stare me in the eye, and gripped my wrists in her hard hands.

"Focus, Bella. Edyth is waiting for you down there."

I took a deep breath, willing myself into composure.

The music slowly morphed into a new song. Charlie nudged me. "Kiddo, we're up to bat."

"Bella?" Alice asked, still holding my gaze.

"Yes," I squeaked. "I can do this." I let her pull me from the room, with Charlie following close behind.

The music was louder in the hall. It floated up the stairs along with the fragrance of a million flowers. I concentrated on the idea of Edyth waiting below to keep my feet moving forward.

The music was familiar, Wagner's traditional march surrounded by a flood of embellishments.

"It's my turn," Alice chimed. "Count to five and follow me. Don't forget to give your mother your arm when you get to the bottom." She began a slow, graceful dance down the staircase. I should have realized that having Alice as my only bridesmaid was a mistake. I would look that much more uncoordinated coming behind her.

A sudden fanfare trilled through the soaring music. I recognized my cue.

"Don't let me fall, Dad." I whispered. Charlie put his hand on my back and give it a quick pat.

One step at a time, I told myself as we began to descend to the slow tempo of the march. I didn't lift my eyes until my feet were safely on the flat ground, though I could hear the murmurs and rustling of the audience as I came into view. Blood flooded my cheeks at the sound; of course I could be counted on to be a blushing bride.

As soon as my feet were past the treacherous stairs, I automatically held out my arm for my mom. Hoping she was standing there. She hooked her arm through mine and gave it a squeeze. Then I finally lifted my eyes to look for Edyth. For a brief second, I was distracted by the profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands from everything in the room that wasn't alive, dripping with long lines of silver gossamer ribbons. But I tore my eyes from the bowery canopy and searched across the rows of satin-draped chairs—blushing more deeply as I took in the crowd of faces all focused on me—until I found her at last, standing before an arch overflowing with more flowers, more gossamer.

I was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by her side, and Allen's father behind them both. I didn't see my new family or any of the guests—they would have to wait until later.

All I really saw was Edyth's face; my focus was entirely on her. Her eyes were a buttery, burning gold; her perfect face was almost severe with the depth of her emotion. And then, as she met my blushing gaze, she broke into a breathtaking smile of exultation.

Suddenly, it was only the reminder of Charlie's hand on my back, and Renée's arm linked with mine that kept me from sprinting headlong down the aisle.

The march was too slow as I struggled to pace my steps to its rhythm. Mercifully, the aisle was relatively short. And then, at last, I was there. Edyth held out her hand. Renée unlinked her arm from mine and put her hand on my back next to Charlie's. I reached out my own shaking hand and placed it in Edyth's. And just like that, I was home.

Our vows were the simple, traditional words that had been spoken a million times, though never by a couple quite like us. We'd asked Mr. Weber to make only one small change. He obligingly traded the line "till death do us part" for the more appropriate "as long as we both shall live."

In that moment, as the minister said his part, my world, which had been upside down for so long now, seemed to settle into its proper position. I saw just how silly I'd been for fearing this—as if it were an unwanted birthday gift or an embarrassing exhibition, like the prom. I looked into Edyth's shining, triumphant eyes and knew that I was winning, too. Because nothing else mattered but that I could stay with her.

I didn't realize I was crying until it was time to say the binding words.

"I do," I managed to choke out in a nearly unintelligible whisper, blinking my eyes clear so I could see her face.

When it was her turn to speak, the words rang clear and victorious.

"I do," she vowed.

Mr. Weber declared us Mrs. and Mrs. Cullen, and then Edyth's hands reached up to cradle my face, carefully, as if it were as delicate as the white petals swaying above our heads. I tried to comprehend, through the film of tears blinding me, the surreal fact that this amazing person was mine. Her golden eyes looked as if they would have tears, too, if such a thing were not impossible. She bent her head toward mine, and I stretched up on the tips of my toes, throwing my arms around her neck.

She kissed me tenderly, adoringly; I forgot the crowd, the place, the time, the reason... only remembering that she loved me, that she wanted me, that I was hers.

She began the kiss, but I had to end it; once I had run out of air, I gently pulled my self away from her and inhaled a deep, powerful breath. My first breath of our new life together. As she gazed down at me. On the surface her wide smile was loving and sweet. But underneath I could see the deep joy that echoed my own.

The crowd erupted into applause, and we turned our bodies to face our friends and family. But we couldn't quite look away from each other's faces to see them.

My mother's arms were the first to find me, her tear-streaked face the first thing I saw when I finally tore my eyes from Edyth. And then I was moving through the crowd, passed from embrace to embrace, only vaguely aware of who held me, my attention centered on Edyth's hand clutched tightly in my own. I did recognize the difference between the soft, warm hugs of my human friends and the gentle, cool embraces of my new family.

One scorching hug stood out from all the others—Seth Clearwater had braved the throng of vampires to stand in for my long-lost werewolf friend.


	4. gesture

The wedding flowed into the reception party smoothly—proof of Alice's flawless planning. It was just Twilight over the river; the ceremony had lasted exactly the right amount of time, allowing the sun to set behind the trees. The lights in the trees glimmered as Edyth led me through the glass back doors, making the white flowers glow. There were another ten thousand flowers out here, serving as a fragrant, airy tent over the dance floor set up on the grass under two of the ancient cedars.

Things slowed down, relaxed as the mellow August evening surrounded us. The little crowd spread out under the soft shine of the twinkle lights, and we were greeted again by the friends we'd just embraced. There was time to talk now, to laugh.

"Congrats, guys," Seth Clearwater told us, ducking his head under the edge of a flower garland. His mother, Sue, was tight by his side, eyeing the guests with wary intensity. Her face was thin and fierce, an expression that was accented by her short, severe hairstyle; it was as short as her both her sons—I wondered if she'd cut it the same way in a show of solidarity. Billy Black, on Seth's other side, was not as tense as Sue.

When I looked at Julie's father, I always felt like I was seeing two people rather than just one. There was the old man in the wheelchair with the lined face and the white smile that everyone else saw. And then there was the direct descendant of a long line of powerful, magical chieftains, cloaked in the authority he'd been born with. Though the magic had—in the absence of a catalyst—skipped his generation, Billy was still a part of the power and the legend. It flowed straight through him. It flowed to his daughter tho unexpectedly, the heir to the magic, who had turned her back on it. That left Sam Uley to act as the chief of legends and magic now…

Billy seemed oddly at ease considering the company and the event—his black eyes sparkled like he'd just gotten some good news. I was impressed by his composure. This wedding must have seemed a very bad thing, the worst thing that could happen to his best friend's daughter, in Billy's eyes.

I knew it wasn't easy for him to restrain his feelings, considering the challenge this event foreshadowed to the ancient treaty between the Cullens and the Quileutes—the treaty that prohibited the Cullens from ever creating another vampire. The wolves knew a breach might come one day, but the Cullens had no idea how they would react. Before the alliance, it would have meant an immediate attack. A war. But now that they knew each other better, would there be forgiveness instead?

As if in response to that thought, Seth leaned toward Edyth, arms extended. Edyth returned the hug with her free arm.

I saw Sue shudder delicately.

"It's good to see things work out for you, Edyth," Seth said. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." Edyth pulled away from Seth and looked at Sue and Billy. "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

"You're welcome," Billy said in his deep, gravelly voice, and I was surprised at the optimism in his tone. Perhaps a stronger truce was on the horizon.

A bit of a line was forming, so Seth waved goodbye and wheeled Billy toward the food. Sue kept on hand on each of them.

Allen and Becca were the next to claim us.

"Bella, it was so beautiful," Allen was still crying softly. "Congratulations."

Becca bobbed her head in agreement.

Allen's parents followed, then Makayla and Jeremy—who were, to my surprise, holding hands. I hadn't heard they were together again. That was a nice surprise.

"Oh my god, Swan," Jeremy hugged me tightly, "I can't believe it!"

"Me either." I laughed softly.

"Once you guys are all settled, you'll have to come visit me in California, okay?"

"Okay, Jeremy."

Makayla awkwardly held out a hand, "Congrats, Bella."

"Thank you, Makayla."

Jeremy grinned and began pulling makayla away, "We're going to get some food." He smiled, "Bella," he looked at me pointedly, "I can't wait to hear all about the honeymoon!"

My eyes darted to Edyth, outwardly she managed to keep her expression even, but I could see the hard line of her lips as she saw the exact meaning of what Jeremy was implying in his mind. I began giggling.

Behind my human friends, were my new cousins-in-law, the Denali vampire clan. I realized I had stopped giggling and was holding my breath as the vampire in front—Taras, I assumed from the strawberry tint in his blond curls—reached out to embrace Edyth. Next to him, three other vampires with golden eyes stared at me with open curiosity. One woman had long, pale blond hair, straight as corn silk. The other two women beside her were both black-haired, with a hint of an olive tone to their chalky complexions.

And they were all four so beautiful that it made my stomach flutter.

Taras was still holding Edyth.

"Ah, Edyth," he said. "I've missed you."

Edyth chuckled and deftly maneuvered out of the hug, placing her hand lightly on Taras' shoulder and stepping back, as if to get a better look at him. "It's been too long, Taras, you look well."

"So do you."

"Let me introduce you to my wife." It was the first time Edyth had said the word since it was officially true; she seemed like she would explode with satisfaction saying it now. The Denalis all laughed lightly in respons. "Taras, this is my Bella."

Taras was every bit as handsome as my worst nightmares had predicted. He eyed me with a look that was much more speculative than it was resigned, and then reached out to take my hand.

"Welcome to the family, Bella." He smiled, a little rueful. "We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I am sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?"

"Of course," I said breathlessly. "It's so nice to meet you."

"The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh, Kate?" He grinned at the blonde.

"Keep the dream alive," Kate said with a roll of her golden eyes. She took my hand from Taras' and squeezed it gently. "Welcome, Bella."

One of the dark-haired women put her hand on top of Kate's. "I'm Elena, this is Carmen. We're all so very pleased to finally meet you."

"M-me, too," I stuttered.

Taras glanced at the people waiting behind him—Charlie's deputy, Mark, and his wife. Their eyes were huge as they took in the Denali clan.

"We'll get to know each other later. We'll have lots of time, I'm sure!" Taras grinned as he and his family moved on.

As many of the standard traditions as we could manage were kept. I was blinded by flashbulbs for the posed wedding photos, then more blinding flashes from cameras and cell phones as we held the knife over a spectacular cake—too grand, I thought, for our relatively intimate group of friends and family, a decent number of whom wouldn't even be eating it. We took turns shoving cake in each other's faces; Edyth manfully swallowed her portion as I watched in disbelief. Alice fretted just behind me at every crump and drop of frosting that threatened to fall on our dresses.

And when the music started, Edyth pulled me into her arms for the customary first dance; I went willingly, despite my fear of dancing—especially dancing in front of an audience—just happy to be with her. She did all the work, and I twirled effortlessly under the glow of a canopy of lights and the bright flashes from the cameras.

"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" she whispered in my ear.

I laughed. "That will take a while to get used to."

"We have a while," she reminded me, her voice exultant, and she leaned down to kiss me while we danced. Cameras clicked feverishly.

The music changed, and the mothers approached us on the dance floor.

Renée knew better than to expect me to dance well, so we moved safely from side to side in a tiny square formation. Edyth and Esme spun around us like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

"Oh, Bella, I'm just so happy for you, honey." She cried as we danced.

"Thanks, Mom." I smiled.

"You'll come visit us in Jacksonville, right?" She sniffled.

"Of course we will." I laughed.

As the music wound down, I spotted Charlie off to the side of the dance floor, shifted his weight from his heels to his toes. I ambled over to him and stood at his side. After a moment he sighed.

"I'm going to miss you at home, Bella. I'm already lonely."

I spoke through a tight throat, trying to make a joke of it. "I feel just horrible, leaving you to cook for yourself—it's practically criminal negligence. You could arrest me."

He grinned. "I suppose I'll survive the food. Just call me whenever you can."

"I promise."

I didn't have much time to talk, I was pulled back to the dance floor immediately. It seemed like I danced with everyone. Allen, Jeremy, Alice, literally everyone took a turn. After what seemed like forever, I was happy for Edyth to finally cut in, just half a minute after a new dance started.

"Still not that found of Makayla, eh?" I commented as Edyth whirled me away from her.

"Not when I have to listen to her thoughts. She's lucky I didn't kick her out. Or worse."

"Yeah, right."

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Makayla's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I am disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

"You are very biased, you know."

She sighed and then paused and turned me around to face the house. The wall of glass reflected the party back like a long mirror. Edyth pointed to a couple in the mirror directly across from us.

"Biased, am I?"

I caught just a glimpse of Edyth's reflection—a perfect duplicate of her perfect face—with a besutiful brown-haired woman at her side. Her skin was ivory and smooth, her blue eyes were huge with excitement and framed with thick lashes. Her full curls were pushed back from the contrasting angles of her face. The white dress with the shimmering silver embroidery seemed to sparkle in the lights, cut so skillfully that her body looked elegant and graceful—while it was motionless, at least.

Before I could blink and make the beautiful young woman turn back into me, Edyth suddenly stiffened and turned automatically in the other direction, as if someone had called her name.

"Oh!" She said. Her browed furrowed for an instant and then smoothed out just as quickly.

Suddenly, she was smiling a brilliant smile.

"What is it?" I asked.

"A surprise wedding gift."

"Huh?"

She didn't answer; she just started dancing again, spinning me the opposite way we'd been headed before, away from the lights and then into the deep swath of night that ringed the luminous dance floor.

She didn't pause until we reached the dark side of one of the huge cedars. Then Edyth looked straight into the blackest shadow.

"Thank you," Edyth said to the darkness. "This is very... kind of you."

"Kind is my middle name," a husky familiar voice answered from the black night. "Can I cut in?"

I staggered backwards, and if Edyth hadn't been holding me I might have collapsed.

"Jules!" I choked as soon as I could breathe. "Jules!"

"Hey there, babe."

I stumbled toward the sound of her voice. Edyth kept her grip under my elbow until another set of strong hands caught me in the darkness. The heat from Julie's skin burned right through the fabric of my dress as she pulled me close. She made no effort to dance; she just hugged me while I buried my face in her chest. She leaned down to press her cheek to the top of my head.

"Alice won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," Edyth murmured, and I knew she was leaving us, giving me a gift of her own—this moment with Julie.

"Oh, Jules." I was crying now; I couldn't get the words out clearly. "Thank you."

"Stop crying, Bella. You'll ruin your dress. It's just me."

"Just? Oh, Jules! Everything is perfect now."

She chuckled. "Yeah—the party can start. The second maid of honor finally made it."

"Now everyone I love is here."

I felt her lips brush my hair. "Sorry I'm late, babe."

"I'm just so happy you came!"

"That was the idea."

I glanced toward the guests, but I couldn't see through the dancers to the spot where I'd last seen Julie's father. I didn't know if he'd stayed. "Does Billy know you're here?" As soon as I asked, I knew that he must have—it was the only way to explain his uplifted expression before.

"I'm sure Sam's told him. I'll go see him when… when the party's over."

"He'll be so glad you're home."

Julie pulled back a little bit and straightened up. She left one hand on the small of my back and grabbed my right hand with the other. She cradled our hands to her chest; I could feel her heart beat under my palm, and I guessed that she hadn't placed my hand there accidentally.

"I don't know if I get more than just this one dance," she said, and she began pulling me around in a slow circle that didn't match the tempo of the music coming from behind us. "I'd better make the best of it."

We moved to the rhythm of her heart under my hand.

"I'm glad I came," Julie said quietly after a moment. "I didn't think I would be. But it's good to see you... one more time. Not as sad as I'd thought it would be."

"I don't want you to feel sad."

"I know that. And I didn't come tonight to make you feel guilty."

"No—it makes me very happy that you came. It's the best gift you could have given me."

She laughed. "That's good, because I didn't have time to stop for a real present."

My eyes were adjusting, and I could see her face now, higher up than I expected. Was it possible that she was still growing? She had to be closer to seven feet than to six. It was a relief to see her familiar features again after all this time—her deep-set eyes shadowed under her thick black brows, her high cheekbones, her full lips stretched over her bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched her tone. Her eyes were tight around the edges—careful; I could see that she was being very careful tonight. She was doing all she could to make me happy, to not slip and show how much this cost her.

I'd never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Julie. "When did you decide to come back?"

"Consciously or subconsciously?" She took a deep breath before she answered her own question. "I don't really know. I guess I've been wandering back this direction for a while, and maybe it's because I was headed here. But it wasn't until this morning that I really started running. I didn't know if I could make it." She laughed. "You wouldn't believe how weird this feels—walking around on two legs again. And clothes! And then it's more bizarre because it feels weird. I didn't expect that. I'm out of practice with the whole human thing."

We revolved steadily.

"It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this, though. That's worth the trip right there. You look unbelievable, Bella. So beautiful."

"Alice invested a lot of time in me today. The dark helps, too."

"It's not so dark for me, you know."

"Right." Werewolf senses. It was easy to forget all the things she could do, she seemed so human. Especially right now.

"You cut your hair," I noted.

"Yeah. Easier, you know. Thought I'd better take advantage of the hands."

"It looks good," I lied.

She snorted. "Right. I did it myself, with rusty kitchen shears." She grinned widely. "I see you haven't cut yours." She observed, catching a long curl between two fingers for a moment, before returning her hand to the small of my back.

"Alice wouldn't let me."

She sighed after a moment, and her expression turned serious. "Are you happy, Bella?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I felt her shoulders shrug. "That's the main thing, I guess."

"How are you, Jules? Really?"

"I'm fine, Bella, really. You don't need to worry about me anymore. You can stop bugging Seth."

"I'm not just bugging him because of you. Ilike Seth."

"He's a good kid. Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices

in my head, being a wolf would be about perfect."

I laughed at the way it sounded. "Yeah, I can't get mine to shut up, either."

"In your case, that would mean you're insane. Of course, I already knew that you were insane," she teased.

"Thanks."

"Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people's voices don't send babysitters to watch them."

"Huh?"

"Sam's out there. And some of the others. Just in case, you know."

"In case of what?"

"In case I can't keep it together, something like that. In case I decide to trash the party." She flashed a quick smile at what was probably an appealing thought to her. "But I'm not here to ruin your wedding, Bella. I'm here to…" She trailed off.

"To make it perfect."

"That's a tall order."

"Good thing you're so tall."

She groaned at my bad joke and then sighed. "I'm just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time."

"Sam should give you more credit."

"Well, maybe I'm being oversensitive. Maybe they'd be here anyway, to keep an eye on Seth. There are alot of vampires here. Seth doesn't take that as seriously as he should."

"Seth knows that he's not in any danger. He understands the Cullens better than Sam does."

"Sure, sure," Julie said, making peace before it could turn into a fight.

It was strange to have her being the diplomat.

"Sorry about those voices," I said. "Wish I could make it better." In so many ways.

"It's not that bad. I'm just whining a little."

"You're... happy?"

"Close enough. But enough about me. You're the star today." She chuckled. "I bet you're just loving that. Center of attention."

"Yeah. Can't get enough attention."

She laughed and then stared over my head. With pursed lips, she studied the shimmering glow of the reception party, the graceful whirl of the dancers, the fluttering petals falling from the garlands; I looked with her. It all seemed very distant form this black, quiet space. Almost like watching the white flurries swirling inside a snow globe.

"I'll give them this much," she said. "They know how to throw a party."

"Alice is an unstoppable force of nature."

She sighed. "Song's over. Do you think I get another one? Or is that asking too much?"

I tightened my hand around hers. "You can have as many dances as you want."

She laughed. "That would be interesting. I think I'd better stick with two, though. Don't want to start talk."

We turned in another circle.

"You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now," she murmured.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn't force it down.

Julie looked at me and frowned. She wiped her fingers across my cheek, catching the tears there.

"You're not supposed to be the one crying, Bella."

"Everyone cries at weddings," I said thickly.

"This is what you want, right?"

"Right."

"Then smile."

I tried. She laughed at my grimace.

"I'm going to try to remember you like this. Like…"

"Like what?"

She clenched her teeth. She was struggling with herself—with the decision to make her presence here a gift and not a judgment. I waited patiently for her answer.

"This is how I'll see you in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that."

I deliberately stomped on her foot as hard as I could.

She smiled. "That's my girl."

She started to say something else and then snapped her mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words she didn't want to say.

My relationship with Julie used to be so easy. Natural as breathing. But since Edyth had come back into my life, it was a constant strain. Because—in Julie's eyes—by choosing Edyth, I was choosing a fate that was worse than death, or at least equivalent to it.

"What is it, Jules? Just tell me. You can tell me anything."

"I—I... I don't have anything to tell you."

"Oh please. Spit it out."

"It's true. It's not... it's—it's a question. It's something I want you to tell me." "Ask me."

She struggled for another minute and then exhaled. "I shouldn't. It doesn't matter. I'm just morbidly curious."

I stared at her for a moment, not understanding, then I put it together.

"Oh! Oh, Jules," I sighed. "Are you asking… when?"

She averted her eyes, trying to hide her frown.

"Well, you'll be pleased to know that I have no plans for that anytime soon."

She blinked at me a few times. "Oh," she said, trying to downplay her relief. "Oh."

A new song started playing, but she didn't notice the change this time.

"But it is going to happen?" She whispered.

"I don't know, Jules." I shook my head. "I made the decision to stay human. I don't know for how long, but for now, that's the course I'm on."

She seemed comforted by this.

"Besides," I continued, "I definitely wouldn't want it to happen now. Last thing I want to do is spend my honeymoon writhing in pain."

"You'd rather spending it how? Playing checkers? Ha ha."

"Very funny."

"Kidding, Bella." She smirked. "Well, anyway, I'm glad." She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "So what are you going to do for the honeymoon? Is she taking you somewhere expensive and over the top?"

"I don't know yet," I answered truthfully. "But I'm excited for it."

"I guess," She shrugged, "but it's really more like a vacation than a real honeymoon, isn't it?"

I stared at her curiously. "It'll be as much a real honeymoon as anyone's, Julie."

She stopped our circle abruptly. For a moment, I wondered if she'd finally noticed the music change, and I scrambled in my head to figure out what I had said that had upset her.

And then her eyes bulged wide with a strange kind of confused horror.

"What?" she gasped. "What did you say?"

"About what…?" Julie? What's wrong?"

"What do you mean? A real honeymoon as anyone's? You're not thinking you're going to… I mean, you're not planning on… While you're still human? Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"

I stared at her, my jaw slightly open. "Julie, why are you getting upset? It's really not your business, anyway. I shouldn't have… we shouldn't even be talking about this. It's private—"

Her enormous hands gripped the top of my arms.

"Julie, calm down!"

Her eyes bored into mine.

"Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be serious! Tell me you're joking?"

Her grip tightened, and I could feel her hands quivering, sending vibrations deep into my bones.

"Julie—stop!"

The darkness was suddenly very crowded.

"Take your hands off her!" Edyth's voice was cold as ice, sharp as razors.

Behind Julie, there was a low snarl from the black night, and then another, overlapping the first.

"Julie, fome on, back away," I heard Seth Clearwater urge. "You're losing it."

Julie seemed frozen as she was, her horrified eyes wide and staring.

"You'll hurt her," Seth whispered. "Let her go."

"Now!" Edyth snarled.

Julie's hands dropped to her sides, and I felt unsteady suddenly being released from her vice-like grip. Before I could fall, cold hands replaced the hot ones, and the air was suddenly whooshing past me.

I blinked, and I was a half dozen feet away from where I'd been standing. Edyth was tensed in front of me. There were two enormous wolves braced between her and Julie, but they did not seem aggressive to me. More like they were trying to prevent the fight.

And Seth—gangly, fifteen-year-old Seth—had his long arms around Julie's shaking body, and he was tugging her away. If Julie phased with Seth so close…

"C'mon, Julie. Let's go."

"I'll kill you," Julie said, her voice so choked with rage that it was low as a whisper. Her eyes, focused on Edyth, burned with fury. "I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" She shuddered convulsively.

The biggest wolf, the black one, growled sharply.

"Seth, get out of the way," Edyth hissed.

Seth tugged on Julie again. But Julie didn't budge. "Don't do it, Julie. Walk away. C'mon."

Julie's eyes were still locked on Edyth, her body still vibrating.

"Julie," I could barely manage more than a whisper, "Please."

Julie's eyes refocused on me, and her expression shifted minutely. As our eyes locked, the rage slightly subsided, and I could see pain. Deep, unrelenting pain.

Seth took the opportunity to yank Julie a few feet further back.

Sam—the bigger wolf, the black one—joined Seth then. He put his massive head against Julie's chest and shoved.

The three of them—Seth towing, Julie trembling, Sam pushing—disappeared swiftly into the darkness.

The other wolf stared after them. I wasn't sure, in the weak light, about the color of his fur—chocolate brown, maybe? Was it Quil, then?

"I'm sorry," I whispered to the wolf.

"It's all right now, Bella," Edyth murmured.

The wolf looked at Edyth. His gaze was not friendly. Edyth gave him one cold nod. The wolf huffed and then turned to follow the others, vanishing as they had.

"All right," Edyth said to herself, and then she looked at me. "Let's get back."

"But Julie—"

"Sam has her in hand. She's gone."

"Edyth, I'm sorry. It was my fault—"

"You did nothing wrong—"

"I have such a big mouth! Why would I… I shouldn't have said anything."

"Don't worry, love." She touched my face. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence."

I shook my head, trying to reorient myself. Before someone noticed? Had anyone missed that?

Then, as I thought about it, I realized the confrontation that had seemed so catastrophic to me had, in reality, been very quiet and short here in the shadows.

"Give me two seconds," I pleaded.

My insides were chaotic with panic and grief, but that didn't matter—only the outside mattered right now. Putting on a good show was something I knew I had to master.

"My Dress?"

"You look fine. Not a hair out of place."

I took two deep breaths. "Okay. Let's go."

She put her arms around me and led me back to the light. When we passed under the twinkle lights, she spun me gently onto the dance floor. We melted in with the other dancers as if our dance had never been interrupted.

I glanced around at the guests, but no one seemed shocked or frightened. Only the very palest faces there showed any signs of stress, and they hid it well. Jasper and Emmett were on the edge of the floor, close together, and I guessed that they had been nearby during the confrontation.

"Are you—"

"I'm fine," I promised. "I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you."

I'd been so glad to see Julie here. I knew the sacrifice it had taken her. And then I'd ruined it, turned her gift into a disaster. I felt awful.

But I refused to let anything else tonight be spoiled. I would put this away, shove it in a drawer and lock it up to deal with later. There would be plenty of time to beat myself up for this, and nothing I could do now would help.

"It's over," I said. "Let's not think of it again tonight."

I expected a quick agreement from Edyth, but she was silent.

"Edyth?"

She closed her eyes and touched her forehead to mine. "Julie is right," she whispered. "What am I thinking?"

"She is not." I tried to keep my face smooth for the watching crowd of friends. "Julie is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly."

She mumbled something low that sounded almost like "should let her kill me for even thinking…"

"Stop it," I said fiercely. I grabbed her face in my hands and waited until she opened her eyes. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, mam," she sighed.

"Forget Julie came." I could do that. I would do that. "For me. Promise that you'll let this go."

She stared into my eyes for a moment before answering. "I promise."

"Thank you. Edyth, I'm not afraid."

"I am," she whispered.

"Don't be." I took deep breath and smiled. "By the way, I love you."

She smiled just a little in return. "That's why we're here."

"You're monopolizing the bride," Emmett said, coming up behind Edyth's shoulder. "Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush." He laughed loudly, as unaffected as he usually was by any serious atmosphere.

It turned out there were actually lots of people I hadn't danced with yet, and that gave me a chance to truly compose and resolve myself. When Edyth claimed me again, I found that the Julie-drawer was shut nice and tight. As she wrapped her arms around me, I was able to unearth my earlier sense of joy, my certainty that everything in my life was in the right place tonight. I smiled and laid my head against her chest. Her arms tightened.

"I could get used to this," I said.

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?"

"Dancing isn't so bad—with you. But I was thinking more of this,"—and I pressed myself to her even tighter—"of never having to let you go."

"Never," she promised, and she leaned down to kiss me.

It was a serious kind of kiss—intense, slow but building...

I'd pretty much forgotten where I was when I heard Alice call, "Bella! It's time!"

I felt a passing flicker of irritation with my new sister for the interruption.

Edyth ignored her; her lips were hard against mine, more urgent than before. My heart broke into a sprint and my arms were locked around her marble neck.

"Do you want to miss your plane?" Alice demanded, right next to me now. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight."

Edyth turned her face slightly to murmur, "Go away, Alice," and then pressed her lips to mine again.

"Bella, do you want to wear that Dress on the airplane?" she demanded.

I wasn't really paying much attention. At the moment, I simply didn't care.

Alice growled quietly. "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edyth. So help me, I will."

She froze. Then she lifted her face from mine and glared at her favorite sister. "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

"I didn't pick out the perfect going-away outfit to have it wasted," she snapped back, taking my hand. "Come with me, Bella."

I tugged against her hold, stretching up on my toes to kiss her one more time. She jerked my arm impatiently, hauling me away from her. There were a few chuckles from the watching guests. I gave up then and let her lead me into the empty house.

She looked annoyed.

"Sorry, Alice," I apologized.

"I don't blame you, Bella." She sighed. "I blame Edyth for getting you so worked up."

I giggled at her martyred expression, and she scowled.

"Thank you, Alice. It was the most perfect wedding anyone ever had," I told her earnestly. "Everything was exactly right. You're the best, smartest, most talented sister in the whole world."

That thawed her out; she smiled a huge smile. "I'm glad you liked it."

Renée and Esme followed us up the stairs. They all waited while I changed out of my dress into the deep blue going-away ensemble Alice had picked out for me. My mother handed me my phone as I opened the door, tears streaming down her face.

"I'll call you when I know where I'm going," I promised as I hugged her goodbye. I knew the honeymoon secret was probably driving her crazy; my mother hated secrets, unless she was in on them.

"I'll tell you as soon as she's safely away," Alice outdid me, smirking at my wounded expression. How unfair, for me to be the last to know.

"You have to visit me and Phil very, very soon. It's your turn to go south—see the sun for once," Renée said.

"It didn't rain today," I reminded her.

"A miracle."

"Everything's ready," Alice said. "Your suitcases are in the car—Jasper's bringing it around." She pulled me back toward the stairs with Renée following, still halfway embracing me.

"I love you, Mom," I whispered as we descended. "I'm so glad you have Phil. Take care of each other."

"I love you, too, Bella, honey."

"Goodbye, Mom. I love you," I said again, my throat thick.

Edyth was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I took her outstretched hand but leaned away, scanning the little crowd that was waiting to see us off.

"Dad?" I asked, my eyes searching.

"Over here," Edyth murmured. She pulled me through the guests; they made a pathway for us. We found Charlie leaning awkwardly against the wall behind everyone else, looking a little like he was hiding. The red rims around his eyes explained why.

"Oh, Dad!"

I hugged him tightly, tears streaming again—I was crying so much tonight. He patted my back.

"There, now. You don't want to miss your plane."

It was hard to talk about love with Charlie—we were so much alike, always reverting to trivial things to avoid embarrassing emotional displays. But this was no time for being self-conscious.

"I love you forever, Dad," I told him. "Don't forget that."

"You, too, kiddo. Always have, always will."

We embraced one more time.

"Call me," he said.

"Soon," I promised.

"Go on, then," he said gruffly. "Don't want to be late."

The guests made another aisle for us. Edyth pulled me close to her side as we made our escape.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"I am," I smiled.

Everyone applauded when Edyth kissed me on the doorstep. Then she rushed me to the car as the rice storm began. Most of it went wide, but someone, probably Emmett, threw with uncanny precision, and I caught a lot of the ricochets off Edyth's back.

The car was decorated with more flowers that trailed in streamers along its length, and long gossamer ribbons that were tied to a dozen shoes—designer shoes that looked brand-new—dangling behind the bumper.

Edyth shielded me from the rice while I climbed in, and then she was in and we were speeding away as I waved out the window and called "I love you" to the porch, where my families waved back.

The last image I registered was one of my parents. Phil had both arms wrapped tenderly around Renée. She had one arm tight around his waist but had her free hand reached out to hold Charlie's. So many different kinds of love, harmonious in this one moment. It seemed a very hopeful picture to me.

Edyth squeezed my hand.

"I love you," she said.

I leaned my head against her arm. "That's why we're here," I quoted her.

She kissed my hair.

As we turned onto the black highway and Edyth really hit the accelerator, I heard a noise over the purr of the engine, coming from the forest behind us. If I could hear it, then she certainly could. But she said nothing as the sound slowly faded in the distance. I said nothing, either.

The piercing, heartbroken howling grew fainter and then disappeared entirely.


	5. Isle Esme

Houston?" I asked, raising my eyebrows when we reached the gate in Seattle.

"Just a stop along the way," Edyth assured me with a grin.

It felt like I'd barely fallen asleep when she woke me. I was groggy as she pulled me through the terminals, struggling to remember how to open my eyes after every blink. It took me a few minutes to catch up with what was going on when we stopped at the international counter to check in for our next flight.

"Rio de Janeiro?" I asked with slightly more trepidation.

"Another stop," she told me.

The flight to South America was long but comfortable in the wide first-class seat, with Edyth's arms cradled around me. I slept myself out and awoke unusually alert as we circled toward the airport with the light of the setting sun slanting through the plane's windows.

We didn't stay in the airport to connect with another flight as I'd expected. Instead we took a taxi through the dark, teeming, living streets of Rio. Unable to understand a word of Edyth's Portuguese instructions to the driver, I guessed that we were off to find a hotel before the next leg of our journey. A sharp twinge of something very close to stage fright twisted in the pit of my stomach as I considered that. The taxi continued through the swarming crowds until they thinned somewhat, and we appeared to be nearing the extreme western edge of the city, heading into the ocean.

We stopped at the docks.

Edyth led the way down the long line of white yachts moored in the night-blackened water. The boat she stopped at was smaller than the others, sleeker, obviously built for speed instead of space. Still luxurious, though, and more graceful than the rest. She leaped in lightly, despite the heavy bags she carried. She dropped those on the deck and turned to help me carefully over the edge.

I watched in silence while she prepared the boat for departure, surprised at how skilled and comfortable she seemed, because she'd never mentioned an interest in boating before. But then again, she was good at just about everything.

As we headed due east into the open ocean, I reviewed basic geography in my head. As far as I could remember, there wasn't much east of Brazil... until you got to Africa.

But Edyth sped forward while the lights of Rio faded and ultimately disappeared behind us. On her face was a familiar exhilarated smile, the one produced by any form of speed. The boat plunged through the waves and I was showered with sea spray.

Finally the curiosity I'd suppressed so long got the best of me. "Are we going much farther?" I asked.

It wasn't like her to forget that I was human, but I wondered if she planned for us to live on this small craft for any length of time.

"About another half hour." Her eyes took in my hands, clenched on the seat, and she grinned.

Oh well, I thought to is a vampire, after all. Maybe we're going to Atlantis.

Twenty minutes later, she called my name over the roar of the engine. "Bella, look there." She pointed straight ahead.

I saw only blackness at first, and the moon's white trail across the water. But I searched the space where she pointed until I found a low black shape breaking into the sheen of moonlight on the waves. As I squinted into the darkness, the silhouette became more detailed. The shape grew into a squat, irregular triangle, with one side trailing longer than the other before sinking into the waves. We drew closer, and I could see the outline was feathery, swaying to the light breeze.

And then my eyes refocused and the pieces all made sense: a small island rose out of the water ahead of us, waving with palm fronds, a beach glowing pale in the light of the moon.

"Where are we?" I murmured in wonder while she shifted course, heading around to the north end of the island.

She heard me, despite the noise of the engine, and smiled a wide smile that gleamed in the moonlight.

"This is Isle Esme."

The boat slowed dramatically, drawing with precision into position against a short dock constructed of wooden planks, bleached into whiteness by the moon. The engine cut off, and the silence that followed was profound. There was nothing but the waves, slapping lightly against the boat, and the rustle of the breeze in the palms. The air was warm, moist, and fragrant—like the steam left behind after a hot shower.

"Isle Esme?" My voice was low, but it still sounded too loud as it broke into the quiet night.

"A gift from Carlisle—Esme offered to let us borrow it."

A gift. Who gives an island as a gift? I frowned. I hadn't realized that Edyth's extreme generosity was a learned behavior.

She placed the suitcases on the dock and then turned back, smiling her perfect smile as she reached for me. Instead of taking my hand, she pulled me right up into her arms.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" I asked, breathless, as she sprung lightly out of the boat.

She grinned. "I'm nothing if not thorough."

Gripping the handles of both huge steamer trunks in one hand and cradling me in the other arm, she carried me up the dock and onto a pale sand pathway through the dark vegetation.

For a short while it was pitch black in the jungle-like growth, and then I could see a warm light ahead. It was about at the point when I realized the light was a house—the two bright, perfect squares were wide windows framing a front door—that the stage fright attacked again, more forcefully than before, worse than when I'd thought we were headed for a hotel.

My heart thudded audibly against my ribs, and my breath seemed to get stuck in my throat. I felt Edyth's eyes on my face, but I refused to meet her gaze. I stared straight ahead, seeing nothing.

She didn't ask what I was thinking, which was out of character for her. I guessed that meant that she was just as nervous as I suddenly was.

She set the suitcases on the deep porch to open the doors—they were unlocked.

Edyth looked down at me, waiting until I met her gaze before she stepped through the threshold.

She carried me through the house, both of us very quiet, flipping on lights as she went. My vague impression of the house was that it was quite large for a tiny island, and oddly familiar. I'd gotten used to the pale-on-pale color scheme preferred by the Cullens; it felt like home. I couldn't focus on any specifics, though. The violent pulse beating behind my ears made everything a little blurry.

Then Edyth stopped and turned on the last light.

The room was big and white, and the far wall was mostly glass—standard décor for my vampires. Outside, the moon was bright on white sand and, just a few yards away from the house, glistening waves. But I barely noted that part. I was more focused on the absolutelyhugewhite bed in the center of the room, hung with billowy clouds of mosquito netting.

Edyth set me on my feet. "I'll... go get the luggage."

The room was too warm, stuffier than the tropical night outside. A bead of sweat dewed up on the nape of my neck. I walked slowly forward until I could reach out and touch the foamy netting. For some reason I felt the need to make sure everything was real.

I didn't hear Edyth return. Suddenly, her wintry finger caressed the back of my neck, wiping away the drop of perspiration.

"It's a little hot here," she said apologetically. "I thought... that would be best."

"Thorough," I murmured under my breath, and she chuckled. It was a nervous sound, rare for Edyth.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this... easier," she admitted.

I swallowed loudly, still facing away from her. Had there ever been a honeymoon like this before?

I knew the answer to that. No. There had not.

"I was wondering," Edyth said slowly, "if... first... maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" She took a deep breath, and her voice was more at ease when she spoke again. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice." My voice broke.

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two... It was a long journey."

I nodded woodenly. I felt barely human; maybe a few minutes alone would help.

Her lips brushed against my throat, just below my ear. She chuckled once and her cool breath tickled my overheated skin. "Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen."

I jumped a little at the sound of my new name.

Her lips brushed down my neck to the tip of my shoulder. "I'll wait for you in the water."

She walked past me to the French door that opened right onto the beach sand. On the way, she shrugged out of her shirt, dropping it on the floor, and then slipped through the door into the moonlit night. The sultry, salty air swirled into the room behind her.

Did my skin burst into flames? I had to look down to check. Nope, nothing was burning. At least, not visibly.

I reminded myself to breathe, and then I stumbled toward the giant suitcase that Edyth had opened on top of a low white dresser. It must be mine, because my familiar bag of toiletries was right on top, and there was a lot of dark blues in there, but I didn't recognize even one article of clothing. As I pawed through the neatly folded piles—looking for something familiar and comfortable, a pair of old sweats maybe—it came to my attention that there was an awful lot of, well,underwear.

But this wasn't the underwear I'd typically wear. These were all surprisingly skimpy, made of silky soft materials. Some were in bright colors, some had odd—but strategically placed—cutouts, others were just made of completely see through mesh.

I didn't know how or when, but someday, Alice was going to pay for this.

Giving up, I went to the bathroom and peeked out through the long windows that opened to the same beach as the French doors. I couldn't see her; I guessed she was there in the water, not bothering to come up for air. In the sky above, the moon was lopsided, almost full, and the sand was bright white under its shine. A small movement caught my eye—draped over a bend in one of the palm trees that fringed the beach, the rest of her clothes were swaying in the light breeze.

A rush of heat flashed across my skin again.

I took a couple of deep breaths and then went to the mirrors above the long stretch of counters. I looked exactly like I'd been sleeping on a plane all day. I ran my hands through the mess of curls on my head, which only seemed to agitate them further. I brushed my teeth meticulously, twice. Then I washed my face and splashed water on the back of my neck, which was feeling feverish. That felt so good that I washed my arms as well, and finally I decided to just give up and take the shower. I knew it was ridiculous to shower before swimming, but I needed to calm down, and hot water was one reliable way to do that.

When I was done, I grabbed a huge white towel off the counter and wrapped it around my waist.

Then I was faced with a dilemma I hadn't considered. What was I supposed to put on? Not a swimsuit, obviously. But it seemed silly to put my clothes back on, too. I didn't even want to think about the things Alice had packed for me.

My breathing started to accelerate again and my hands trembled—so much for the calming effects of the shower. I started to feel a little dizzy, apparently a full-scale panic attack on the way. I sat down on the cool tile floor in my big towel and put my head between my knees. I prayed she wouldn't decide to come look for me before I could pull myself together. I could imagine what she would think if she saw me going to pieces this way. It wouldn't be hard for her to convince herself that we were making a mistake.

And I wasn't freaking out because I thought we were making a mistake. Not at all. I was freaking out because I had no idea how to do this, and I was afraid to walk out of this room and face the unknown. Especially in mesh underwear. I knew I wasn't ready forthatyet.

This felt exactly like having to walk out in front of a theater full of thousands with no idea what my lines were.

How did people do this—swallow all their fears and trust someone else so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had—with less than the absolute commitment Edyth had given me? If it weren't Edyth out there, if I didn't know in every cell of my body that she loved me as much as I loved her—unconditionally and irrevocably and, to be honest, sometimes irrationally—I'd never be able to get up off this floor.

But it was Edyth out there, so I whispered the words "Don't be a coward" under my breath and scrambled to my feet. I pulled the towel tighter around my waist and marched determinedly from the bathroom. Past the suitcase full of underwear and the big bed without looking at either. Out the open glass door onto the powder-fine sand.

Everything was black-and-white, bleached colorless by the moon. I walked slowly across the warm powder, pausing beside the curved tree where she had left her clothes. I laid my hand against the rough bark and checked my breathing to make sure it was even. Or even enough.

I looked across the low ripples, black in the darkness, searching for her.

She wasn't hard to find. She stood, her back to me, waist deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon. The pallid light of the moon turned her skin a perfect white, like the sand, like the moon itself, and made her wet hair black as the ocean. She was motionless, her hands resting palms down against the water; the low waves broke around her as if she were a stone. I stared at the smooth lines of her back, her shoulders, her arms, her neck, the flawless shape of her...

The fire was no longer a flash burn across my skin—it was slow and deep now; it smoldered away all my awkwardness, my shy uncertainty. I slipped the towel off without hesitation, leaving it on the tree with her clothes, and walked out into the white light; it made me pale as the snowy sand, too.

I couldn't hear the sound of my footsteps as I walked to the water's edge, but I guessed that she could. Edyth did not turn. I let the gentle swells break over my toes and found that she'd been right about the temperature—it was very warm, like bath water. I stepped in, walking carefully across the invisible ocean floor, but my care was unnecessary; the sand continued perfectly smooth, sloping gently toward Edyth. I waded through the weightless current till I was at her side, and then I placed my hand lightly over her cool hand lying on the water.

"Beautiful," I said, looking up at the moon, too.

"It's all right," she answered, unimpressed. She turned slowly to face me; little waves rolled away from her movement and broke against my skin. Her eyes looked silver in her ice-colored face. She twisted her hand up so that she could twine our fingers beneath the surface of the water. It was warm enough that her cool skin did not raise goose bumps on mine.

"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful," she continued. "Not with you standing here in comparison."

I half-smiled, then raised my free hand—it didn't tremble now—and placed it over her heart. White on white; we matched, for once. She shuddered the tiniest bit at my warm touch. Her breath came rougher now.

"I promised we would try," she whispered, suddenly tense. "If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."

I nodded solemnly, keeping my eyes on hers. I took another step through the waves and leaned my head against her chest.

"Don't be afraid," I murmured. "We belong together."

I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.

Her arms wrapped around me, holding me against her, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.

"Forever," she agreed, and then pulled us gently into deeper water.

The sun, hot on the bare skin of my back, woke me in the morning. Late morning, maybe afternoon, I wasn't sure. Everything besides the time was clear, though; I knew exactly where I was—the bright room with the big white bed, brilliant sunlight streaming through the open doors. The clouds of netting would soften the shine.

I didn't open my eyes. I was too happy to change anything, no matter how small. The only sounds were the waves outside, our breathing, my heartbeat...

I was comfortable, even with the baking sun. Her cool skin was the perfect antidote to the heat. Lying across her wintry chest, her arms wound around me, felt very easy and natural. I wondered idly what I'd been so panicky about last night. My fears all seemed silly now.

Her fingers softly trailed down the contours of my spine, and I knew that she knew I was awake. I kept my eyes shut and tightened my arms around her neck, holding myself closer to her.

She didn't speak; her fingers moved up and down my back, barely touching it as she lightly traced patterns on my skin.

I would have been happy to lie here forever, to never disturb this moment, but my body had other ideas. I laughed at my impatient stomach. It seemed sort of prosaic to be hungry after all that had passed last night. Like being brought back down to earth from some great height.

"What's funny?" she murmured, still stroking my back. The sound of her voice, serious and husky, brought with it a deluge of memories from the night, and I felt a blush color my face and neck.

To answer her question, my stomach growled. I laughed again. "You just can't escape being human for very long."

I waited, but she did not laugh with me. Slowly, sinking through the many layers of bliss that clouded my head, came the realization of a different atmosphere outside my own glowing sphere of happiness.

I opened my eyes; the first thing I saw was the pale, almost silvery skin of her throat, the arc of her chin above my face. Her jaw was taut. I propped myself up on my elbow, so I could see her face.

She was staring at the frothy canopy above us, and she didn't look at me as I studied her grave features. Her expression was a shock—it sent a physical jolt through my body.

"Edyth," I said, a strange little catch in my throat, "what is it? What's wrong?"

"You have to ask?" Her voice was hard, cynical.

My first instinct, the product of a lifetime of insecurities, was to wonder what I had done wrong. I thought through everything that had happened, but I couldn't find any sour note in the memory. It had all been simpler than I'd expected; we'd figured it out quickly, all the passion we had so carefully been keeping in check for so long allowed to run free. Fire and ice, somehow existing together without destroying each other. More proof that we belonged together.

I couldn't think of any part that would make her look like this—so severe and cold. What had I missed?

Her finger smoothed the worried lines on my forehead. "What are you thinking?" she whispered.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I... ?" I couldn't finish.

Her eyes tightened. "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth—don't try to downplay it."

"Hurt?" I repeated; my voice came out higher than usual because the word took me so by surprise.

She raised one eyebrow, her lips a tight line.

I made a quick assessment, stretching my body automatically, tensing and flexing my muscles. There was stiffness, and a lot of soreness, too, it was true, but mostly there was the odd sensation that my bones all had become unhinged at the joints, and I had changed halfway into the consistency of a jellyfish. It was not an unpleasant feeling.

And then I was a little angry, because she was darkening this most perfect of all mornings with her pessimistic assumptions.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now."

Her eyes closed. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edyth!" I whispered, really upset now. She was pulling my bright memory through the darkness, staining it. "Don't ever say that."

She didn't open her eyes; it was like she didn't want to see me.

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster."

Wounded, shocked, I followed her instruction unthinkingly and then gasped.

What had happened to me? I couldn't make sense of the fluffy white snow that clung to my skin. I shook my head, and a cascade of white drifted out of my hair.

I pinched one soft white bit between my fingers. It was a piece of down.

"Why am I covered in feathers?" I asked, confused.

She exhaled impatiently. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."

"You... bit a pillow?Why?"

"Look, Bella!" she almost growled. She took my hand—very gingerly—and stretched my arm out. "Look at that."

This time, I saw what she meant.

Under the dusting of feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at a discoloration on my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched and then reappear. It throbbed a little.

So lightly that she was barely touching me, Edyth placed her hand against the bruises on my arm, one at a time, matching her long fingers to the patterns.

"Oh," I said.

I tried to remember this—to remember pain—but I couldn't. I couldn't recall a moment when her hold had been too tight, her hands too hard against me. I only remembered wanting her to hold me tighter and being pleased when she did...

"I'm... so sorry, Bella," she whispered while I stared at the bruises. "I knew better than this. I should not have—" She made a low, revolted sound in the back of her throat. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

She threw her arm over her face and became perfectly still.

I sat for one long moment in total astonishment, trying to come to terms—now that I understood it—with her misery. It was so contrary to the way that I felt that it was difficult to process.

The shock wore off slowly, leaving nothing in its absence. Emptiness. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of what to say. How could I explain it to her in the right way? How could I make her as happy as I was—or as I had been, a moment ago?

I touched her arm, and she didn't respond. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and tried to pry her arm off her face, but I could have been yanking on a sculpture for all the good it did me.

"Edyth."

She didn't move.

"Edyth?"

Nothing. So, this would be a monologue, then.

"I'm not sorry, Edyth. I'm... I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f—"

"Do not say the word fine." Her voice was ice cold. "If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine."

"But I am," I whispered.

"Bella," she almost moaned. "Don't."

No you dont, Edyth."

She moved her arm; her gold eyes watched me warily.

"Don't ruin this," I told her. "I. Am. Happy."

"I've already ruined this," she whispered.

"Cut it out," I snapped.

I heard her teeth grind together.

"Ugh!" I groaned. "Why can't you just read my mind already? That would make this so much easier!"

Her eyes widened a little bit, distracted in spite of herself. "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today."

She stared at me. "Why?"

I threw my hands up in frustration, feeling an ache in my shoulder that I ignored. My palms fell back against her chest with a sharp smack. "Because all this dramatic angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

"You should be angry at me."

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?"

She sighed. "No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now."

"That," I snapped. "That right there is why I'm angry. You are killing my buzz, Edyth."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

I took a deep breath. I was feeling more of the soreness now, but it wasn't that bad. Sort of like the day after lifting weights. Emmett had been training me leading up to the wedding after I told him I wanted to look good for it. Sixty-five lunges with twenty pounds in each hand, bicep curls, sit-ups. After our first training session, I couldn't walk the next day. This was not as painful as that had been by half.

I swallowed my irritation and tried to make my voice soothing. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." I brushed my fingers along my arm. "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice—"

Her expression was suddenly so livid that I broke off mid-sentence.

"Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones—that equals a victory?"

I waited, letting her get it all out. Then I waited some more while her breathing went back to normal. When her eyes were calm, I answered, speaking with slow precision.

"First, watch the temper. Second, I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how... how... just wonderful and perfect it was." My voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes slipped from her face down to my hands. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."

A cool finger pulled my chin back up.

"Is that what you're worried about?" she said through her teeth. "That I didn't enjoy myself?"

My eyes stayed down. "I mean, I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

She was quiet for so long that, finally, I had to look up. Her face was softer now, thoughtful.

"It seems that I have more to apologize for." She frowned. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't..." She paused, then let out a long, almost shuddering breath, "Well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were…"

My lips curved up a little at the edges. "Really? The best ever?" I asked in a small voice.

She took my face between her hands, still introspective. "I spoke to Carlisle before the wedding, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you." A shadow crossed her expression. "He had faith in me, though—faith I didn't deserve."

I started to protest, and she put two fingers over my lips before I could comment.

"I also asked him what I should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me... what with my being a vampire." She smiled halfheartedly. "Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—you had already altered me so completely." This time her smile was more genuine.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." A line creased her brow. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than that... I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."

"It was more. It was everything."

"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

"What does that mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"

"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes."

I grabbed her chin and leaned forward so that our faces were inches apart. "You listen to me, Edyth Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable.I've never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me... Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio"—she flinched at the old memory of my close call with a hunting vampire, but I didn't pause—"or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it."

She touched the frown line between my eyebrows. "I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."

"Then don't you be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here."

Her eyes tightened, then she took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now."

I examined her face suspiciously, and she gave me a serene smile.

"Whatever makes me happy?"

My stomach growled at the same time that I asked.

"You're hungry," she said quickly. She was swiftly out of the bed, stirring up a cloud of feathers. Which reminded me.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" I asked, sitting up and shaking more down from my hair.

She had already pulled on a pair of loose khaki pants, and she stood by the door, rumpling her hair, dislodging a few feathers of her own.

"I don't know if I decided to do anything last night," she muttered. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." She inhaled deeply and then shook her head, as if shaking off the dark thought. A very authentic-looking smile spread across her face, but I guessed it took a lot of work to put it there.

I slid carefully off the high bed and stretched again, more aware, now, of the aches and sore spots. I heard her gasp. She turned away from me, and her hands balled up, knuckles white.

"Do I look that awful?" I asked, working to keep my tone light. Her breath caught, but she didn't turn, probably to hide her expression from me. I walked to the bathroom to check for myself.

I stared at my naked body in the full-length mirror behind the door.

I'd definitely had worse. There was a faint shadow across one of my cheekbones, and my lips were a little swollen, but other than that, my face was fine. The rest of me was decorated with patches of blue and purple. I concentrated on the bruises that would be the hardest to hide—my arms and my shoulders. They weren't so bad. My skin marked up easily. By the time a bruise showed I'd usually forgotten how I'd come by it. Of course, these were just developing. I'd look even worse tomorrow. That would not make things any easier.

I looked at my hair, then, and groaned.

"Bella?" She was right there behind me as soon as I'd made a sound.

"I don't think I'll ever get all this out of my hair!" I pointed to my head, where it looked like a chicken was nesting. I started picking at the feathers.

"You would be worried about your hair," she mumbled, but she came to stand behind me, pulling out the feathers much more quickly.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous."

She didn't answer; she just kept plucking. And I knew the answer anyway—there was nothing that would be funny to her in this mood.

"This isn't going to work," I sighed after a minute. "It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out." I turned around, wrapping my arms around her cool waist. "Do you want to help me?"

"I'd better find some food for you," she said in a quiet voice, and she gently unwound my arms. I sighed as she disappeared, moving too fast.

It looked like my honeymoon was over. The thought put a big lump in my throat.

When I was mostly feather-free and dressed in an unfamiliar white cotton shirt and linen pants that concealed the worst of the violet blotches, I padded off barefoot to where the smell of eggs and bacon and cheddar cheese was coming from.

Edyth stood in front of the stainless steel stove, sliding an omelet onto the light blue plate waiting on the counter. The scent of the food overwhelmed me. I felt like I could eat the plate and the frying pan, too; my stomach snarled.

"Here," she said. She turned with a smile on her face and set the plate on a small tiled table.

I sat in one of the two metal chairs and started snarfing down the hot eggs. They burned my throat, but I didn't care. I hadn't imagined how a night like the one we had just spent could work up such an appetite.

She sat down across from me. "I'm not feeding you often enough."

I swallowed and then reminded her, "I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."

"Food Network," she said, flashing my favorite crooked smile.

I was happy to see it, happy that she seemed more like her normal self.

"Where did the eggs come from?"

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers... " She trailed off, her gaze fixed on a space above my head. I didn't respond, trying to avoid saying anything that would upset her again.

I ate everything, though she'd made enough for two.

"Thank you," I told her. I leaned across the table to kiss her. She kissed me back automatically, and then suddenly stiffened and leaned away.

I gritted my teeth, and the question I meant to ask came out sounding like an accusation. "You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?"

She hesitated, then half-smiled and raised her hand to stroke my cheek. Her fingers lingered softly on my skin, and I couldn't help leaning my face into her palm.

"You know that's not what I meant."

She sighed and dropped her hand. "I know. And you're right." She paused, lifting her chin slightly. And then she spoke again with firm conviction. "I will not make love with you while you are still human. I will never hurt you again."


	6. distractions

My entertainment became the number-one priority on Isle Esme. We snorkeled—well, I snorkeled while she flaunted her ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. We explored the small jungle that ringed the rocky little peak. We visited the parrots that lived in the canopy on the south end of the island. We watched the sunset from the rocky western cove. We swam with the porpoises that played in the warm, shallow waters there. Or at least I did; when Edyth was in the water, the porpoises disappeared as if a shark was near.

I knew what was going on. She was trying to keep me busy, distracted, so I that wouldn't continue badgering her about the sex thing. Whenever I tried to talk her into taking it easy with one of the million DVDs under the big-screen plasma TV, she would lure me out of the house with magic words like coral reef sand submerged cavesandsea turtles. We were going, going, going all day, so that I found myself completely famished and exhausted when the sun eventually set.

I drooped over my plate after I finished dinner every night; once I'd actually fallen asleep right at the table and she'd had to carry me to bed. Part of it was that Edyth always made too much food for one, but I was so hungry after swimming and climbing all day that I ate most of it. Then, full and worn out, I could barely keep my eyes open. All part of the plan, no doubt.

Exhaustion didn't help much with my attempts at persuasion. But I didn't give up. I tried reasoning with her endlessly, but to no avail. I was usually unconscious before I could really press my case far. And then my dreams felt so real—nightmares mostly, made more vivid, I guessed, by the too-bright colors of the island—that I woke up tired no matter how long I slept.

About a week or so after we'd gotten to the island, I decided to try and wage an all-out offense.

I was sleeping in the blue room now. The cleaning crew wasn't due until the next day, and so the white room still had a snowy blanket of down. The blue room was smaller, the bed more reasonably proportioned. The walls were dark, paneled in teak, and the fittings were all luxurious blue silk.

I'd taken to wearing some of the more provocative underwear Alice had packed for me to sleep in at night—which were almost as revealing as the scanty speedos she'd packed for me when it came right down to it. I wondered if she'd seen a vision of why I would want such things, and then shuddered, embarrassed by that thought.

I'd started out slow with the brightly colored options, worried that revealing more of my skin would be the opposite of helpful, but ready to try anything. Edyth seemed to notice nothing, as if I were wearing the same ratty old sweats I wore at home.

The bruises were much better now—yellowing in some places and disappearing altogether in others—so tonight I pulled out one of the scarier pieces as I got ready in the paneled bathroom. It was black, mostly mesh, but damn it was pretty sexy.

I slid the revealing garment on and prepared myself for my plan of attack.

I felt a sharp pinch on the back of my neck, my hand instinctively slapped the spot. When I pulled my hand back to examine it, I found the squished remains of some bug I couldn't identify. I washed my hand in the sink and splashed some water over the back of my neck where the bug had bit me.

That was when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Any hesitation I had about the mesh underwear was gone; if these things didn't work, nothing would.

Feeling confidently armed, I strolled out to the bedroom.

I had the satisfaction of watching her eyes pop open wide for just a second before she controlled her expression.

"What do you think?" I asked, slowly turning so that she could see every angle.

She cleared her throat. "You look amazing. You always do."

"Thanks," I said a bit sourly.

I was too tired to resist climbing quickly into the soft bed. She put her arms around me and pulled me against her chest, but this was routine—it was too hot to sleep without her cool body close.

She was wearing a shirt to bed tonight—as she did most nights now—to deter my advances. I carefully executed my plan.

"Edyth?"

"Yes, love?"

"I'm sorry, but, it's really hot," I pouted, "would you mind terribly taking off your shirt tonight and keeping the undershirt on? It'd help keep me cool. Your chest I mean. Because, you know, it's… uh, so cold." I was stumbling a little now. Evidently seduction was not one of my stronger skills.

She didn't move for a moment, then she shifted, pulled the shirt off, tossing it to the side. She put her arms back around me, but this time I turned my body to face away from her.

"You really like them?" I asked, innocently, curving my body into hers, trying to show off the skimpy underwear.

"Mhm." She answered shortly.

"Really?" I asked again, shifting my body slightly, making sure I was gently pushing up against her.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she said through her teeth, her tone suddenly full of despair and frustration. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" She grabbed a handful of the mesh on my thigh. For a moment, I thought she was going to rip it. Then her hand relaxed. "Bella, we can't."

"Edyth, please."

"No, Bella. There is absolutely nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."

"But, Edyth—"

"No, Bella. I can't do that to you again."

"There were some things you did besides bruising me that I would really like for you to do again." I grumbled, feeling defeated.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I yawned, and she smiled.

"You're tired. Sleep, love." She started humming the lullaby she'd composed for me when we first met.

"I wonder why I'm so tired," I muttered sarcastically. "That couldn't be part of your scheme or anything."

She just chuckled once and went back to humming.

"For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep better."

The song broke off. "You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for the snoring, I'd worry you were slipping into a coma."

I ignored the snoring jibe; I didn't snore. "I haven't been tossing? That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightmares. And shouting."

"You've been having nightmares?"

"Vivid ones. They make me so tired." I yawned. "I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night."

"What are they about?"

"Different things—but the same, you know, because of the colors."

"Colors?"

"It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier."

She sounded disturbed when she spoke again. "What is frightening you?"

I shuddered slightly.

"Mostly…" I hesitated.

"Mostly?" she prompted.

I didn't want to tell her about me being a vampire in my recurring nightmare; I knew it was her own worst nightmare. So, instead of giving her the full description, I gave her just one element. Certainly enough to frighten me or anyone else.

"The Volturi," I whispered.

She hugged me tighter. "They aren't going to bother us any time soon. Alice has been watching their decisions. You have nothing to worry about."

"I guess." I sighed.

She saw the emotions on my face. "What can I do to help?"

I shook it off. "They're just dreams, Edyth."

"Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

"They're not all bad. Some are nice. So... colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening—I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really bright here."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No. No, not yet. Can't we stay awhile longer?"

"We can stay as long as you want, Bella," she promised me.

"I think that might be forever."

She chuckled softly. She may have started humming again, too, but I was under before I could be sure.

Later, when I awoke in the dark, it was with shock. The dream had been so very real... so vivid, so sensory... I gasped aloud, now, disoriented by the dark room. Only a second ago, it seemed, I had been under the brilliant sun.

"Bella?" Edyth whispered, her arms tight around me, shaking me gently. "Are you all right, love?"

"Oh," I gasped again. Just a dream. Not real. I sat up in bed, and I felt my frustration brimming over. "God, this sucks."

"Bella!" she said—louder, slightly alarmed now. "What's wrong?" She sat up next to me, rubbing my back.

"It was only a dream." My voice sounded so devastated it was almost comical, but at this point I was just so frustrated—in more ways than one—that I couldn't help myself. I wanted so badly for the dream to be real.

"It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here." She continued rubbing my back. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"Not a nightmare." I shook my head, exhaling sharply. "It was a good dream."

"Then why are you upset?" she asked, bewildered.

"Because I woke up," I huffed.

She laughed once at my logic, but the sound was tense with concern. "Everything's all right, Bella. Go back to sleep."

"It was so real," I groaned. "I wanted it to be real."

"Tell me about it," she urged. "Maybe that will help."

"We were on the beach..." I trailed off, pulling back to look at her anxious face, dim in the darkness. I stared at her broodingly as the unreasonable grief began to ebb.

"And?" she finally prompted.

I hesitated. "Well…"

"Tell me, Bella," she pleaded.

But I couldn't. Instead I wrapped my arms around her neck again and locked my mouth with hers feverishly. It wasn't just desire—it was need, acute to the point of pain. Her response was instant but quickly followed by her rebuff.

She struggled with me as gently as she could in her surprise, holding me away, grasping my shoulders.

"No, Bella," she insisted, looking at me as if she was worried that I'd lost my mind.

My arms dropped, defeated, and I threw myself back against the bed.

She stared at me with confused, anguished eyes.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

But she pulled me to her then, hugging me tightly to her marble chest. "I can't, Bella, I can't!" Her moan was agonized.

"Please," I said, my plea muffled against her skin as I planted kisses on her neck and chest. "Please, Edyth?"

I couldn't tell if she was moved by my words, or if she was unprepared to deal with the urgency I was now kissing her neck with, or if her need was simply as unbearable in that moment as my own. But whatever the reason, she pulled my lips back to hers, surrendering with a groan.

And we began where my dream had left off.

I stayed very still when I woke up in the morning and tried to keep my breathing even. I was afraid to open my eyes.

I was lying across Edyths chest, but she was very still and her arms were not wrapped around me. That was a bad sign. I was afraid to admit I was awake and face her anger— no matter whom it was directed at today.

Carefully, I peeked through my eyelashes. She was staring up at the dark ceiling, her arms behind her head. I pulled myself up on my elbow so that I could see her face better. It was smooth, expressionless.

"How much trouble am I in?" I asked in a small voice.

"Heaps," she said, but turned her head and smirked at me.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I am sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to get so desperate last night." I shook my head at how I had practically thrown myself at her.

"You never did tell me what your dream was about."

"I guess I didn't—but I sort of showed you what it was about." I laughed nervously.

"Oh," she said. Her eyes widened, and then she blinked. "Interesting."

"It was a very good dream," I murmured. She didn't comment, so a few seconds later I asked, "Am I forgiven?"

"I'm thinking about it."

I sat up, planning to examine myself—there didn't seem to be any feathers, at least. But as I moved, an odd wave of vertigo hit. I swayed and fell back against the pillows.

"Whoa... head rush."

Her arms were around me then. "You slept for a long time. Twelve hours."

"Twelve?"How strange.

I gave myself a quick once-over while I spoke, trying to be inconspicuous about it. I looked fine. The bruises on my arms were still a week old, yellowing. I stretched experimentally. I felt fine, too. Well, better than fine, actually.

"Is the inventory complete?"

I nodded sheepishly. "The pillows all appear to have survived."

"Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, undergarments." She nodded toward the foot of the bed, where several scraps of black mesh were strewn across the silk sheets.

"That's too bad," I said. "I liked that one."

"I did, too."

"Were there any other casualties?" I asked timidly.

"I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame," she confessed, glancing over her shoulder. I followed her gaze and was shocked to see that large chunks of wood had apparently been gouged from the left side of the headboard.

"Hmm." I frowned. "You'd think I would have heard that."

"You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved."

"I was a bit absorbed," I admitted, blushing a deep red.

She touched my burning cheek and sighed. "I do enjoy that."

I stared at her face, searching for any signs of the anger or remorse I feared. She gazed back at me evenly, her expression calm but otherwise unreadable.

"How are you feeling?"

She laughed.

"What?" I demanded.

"You look so guilty—like you've committed a crime."

"I feel guilty," I muttered.

"So you seduced your all-too-willing wife. That's not a capital offense."

She seemed to be teasing.

My cheeks got hotter. "The word seduce dimplies a certain amount of premeditation."

She glanced meaningfully at the scraps of mesh. I giggled nervously.

"You're not angry?"

She smiled ruefully. "I'm not angry."

"Why not?"

"Well.." She paused. "I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses." Her eyes flickered to the damaged frame again. "Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect."

A hopeful smile started to spread across my face. "I told you that it was all about practice."

She rolled her eyes.

My stomach growled, and she laughed. "Breakfast time for the human?" she asked.

"Please," I said, hopping out of bed. I moved too quickly, though, and had to stagger drunkenly to regain my balance. She caught me before I could stumble into the dresser.

"Are you all right?"

"If I ever do change, I hope I have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, or I'm demanding a refund."

I cooked this morning, frying up some eggs—too hungry to do anything more elaborate. Impatient, I flipped them onto a plate after just a few minutes.

"Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?" she asked.

"Since now."

"Do you know how much food you've gone through in the last week?" She pulled the trash bin out from under the sink as evidence.

"Weird," I said after swallowing a scorching bite. "This place is messing with my appetite." And my dreams, and my already dubious balance. "But I think that has more to do with all the excursions you've been dragging me on. I'm going to get fat from eating so much."

She sat down next to me. "Isn't that part of being human and getting married?" she teased.

I snorted. "Very funny, Edyth. If I leave this honeymoon twenty pounds heavier, it'll be your fault."

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"I don't spend my free time plotting like some people can we do to wear Bella out today?" I said in a poor impression of her voice. She laughed, unashamed. "You know, if this is what being human entails, I think I may never think about changing ever again." I leaned over to run my hand across her chest. "I have not had enough."

She gave me a dubious look. "Forthis?" she asked, placing her hand over mine as it moved down her stomach. "Sex was the key all along?" She rolled her eyes. "Why didn't I think of that?" she muttered sarcastically. "I could have saved myself a lot of worry."

I laughed. "Yeah, probably."

"You are so human," she said again.

"I know."

A hint of a smile pulled at her lips. "So, after the honeymoon, are we really going to Dartmouth?"

I hadn't thought about our after-honeymoon plans since the wedding, but I considered it for a moment and smiled. "I'll probably fail out in one semester."

"I'll tutor you." The smile was wide now. "You're going to love college."

"Actually," I began thoughtfully, "I know you had your heart set on Dartmouth, but would it be too late for me to try to get into some sort of cooking school?"

"Cooking?" She smiled.

"Well, I mean, you know I like cooking," I shrugged, "and I think I'm pretty good at it. I was just thinking, if I was going to go to college why shouldn't it be for something I really enjoy?"

"I think that's an excellent idea, Bella." She smiled. "We can look into it after we leave."

"Speaking of, how much longer can we stay?" I asked.

"We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go the semester starts. We could spend Christmas with Renée…"

Her words painted a very happy immediate future, one free of pain for everyone involved. The Julie-drawer, all but forgotten, rattled, and I amended the thought—for almost everyone.

I didn't want to think about that now, though. But was that selfish of me? There would always be a part of my heart—a fractured piece—that would hurt for Julie Black. Even if I couldn't love her the way she wanted me to, I would always love her as my best friend. I had no plans to end my humanity anytime soon, Edyth and I were making the whole married thing work very well… Maybe Julie would come around… someday.

"A few weeks," I agreed. And then, because there never seemed to be enough time, I added, "So I was thinking—you know what I was saying about practice before?"

She laughed. "Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here."

She wanted me to hold on to that thought. Did that mean she wasn't going to give me any more trouble about practicing? I smiled.

"Let me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south—"

"I don't want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island today. I want to stay here and watch a movie."

She pursed her lips, trying not to laugh at my disgruntled tone. "All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick one out while I get the door?"

"I didn't hear a knock."

She cocked her head to the side, listening. A half second later, a faint, timid rap on the door sounded. She grinned and turned for the hallway.

I wandered over to the shelves under the big TV and started scanning through the titles. It was hard to decide where to begin. They had more movies than a rental store.

I could hear Edyth's low, velvet voice as she came back down the hall, conversing fluidly in what I assumed was perfect Portuguese. Another, harsher, human voice answered in the same tongue.

Edyth led them into the room, pointing toward the kitchen on her way. One was a round man, the other a slight female, both their faces creased with lines. Edyth gestured to me with a proud smile, and I heard my name mixed in with a flurry of unfamiliar words. I flushed a little as I thought of the downy mess in the white room, which they would soon encounter. The little man smiled at me politely.

But the tiny coffee-skinned woman didn't smile. She stared at me with a mixture of shock, worry, and most of all, wide-eyedfear. Before I could react, Edyth motioned for them to follow her toward the chicken coop, and they were gone.

When she reappeared, she was alone. She walked swiftly to my side and wrapped her arms around me.

"What's with her?" I whispered urgently, remembering her panicked expression.

She shrugged, unperturbed. "Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious—or you could call it more aware—than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough." She still didn't sound worried. "They have their own legends here. The Libishomen—a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful humans." She leered at me.

Beautiful humans only? Well, that was kind of flattering. "She looked terrified," I said.

"She is—but mostly she's worried about you."

"Me?"

"She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone." She chuckled darkly and then looked toward the wall of movies. "Oh well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do."

"Yes, I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." I laughed and clasped my arms securely around her neck, stretching up on my tiptoes. She leaned down so that I could kiss her, and then her arms tightened around me, lifting me off the floor so she didn't have to bend.

"Movie, schmovie," I muttered as her lips moved down my throat, twisting my fingers in her bronze hair.

Then I heard a gasp, and she put me down abruptly. Kaure stood frozen in the hallway, feathers in her black hair, a large sack of more feathers in her arms, an expression of horror on her face. She stared at me, her eyes bugging out, as I blushed and looked down. Then she recovered herself and murmured something that, even in an unfamiliar language, was clearly an apology. Edyth smiled and answered in a friendly tone. She turned her dark eyes away and continued down the hall.

"She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?" I muttered.

She laughed at my convoluted sentence. "Yes."

"Here," I said, reaching out at random and grabbing a movie. "Put this on and we can pretend to watch it."

It was an old musical with smiling faces and fluffy dresses on the front.

"Very honeymoonish," Edyth approved.

While actors on the screen danced their way through a perky introduction song, I lolled on the sofa, snuggled into Edyth's arms.

"Will we move back into the white room now?" I wondered idly.

"I don't know... I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair—maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday."

I smiled widely. "So there will be more destruction?"

She laughed at my expression. "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again."

"It would only be a matter of time," I agreed casually, but my pulse was racing in my veins.

"Is there something the matter with your heart?"

"Nope. Healthy as a horse." I paused. "Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?"

"Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them."

In truth, I'd already forgotten the people in the other room. "Right. Damn."

Gustavo and Kaure moved quietly through the house while I waited impatiently for them to finish and tried to pay attention to the happily-ever-after on the screen. I was starting to get sleepy—though, according to Edyth, I'd slept half the day—when a rough voice startled me. Edyth sat up, keeping me cradled against her, and answered Gustavo in flowing Portuguese. Gustavo nodded and walked quietly toward the front door.

"They're finished," Edyth told me.

"So that would mean that we're alone now?"

"How about lunch first?" she suggested.

I bit my lip, torn by the dilemma. Iwaspretty hungry.

With a smile, she took my hand and led me to the kitchen. She knew my face so well, it didn't matter that she couldn't read my mind.

"This is getting out of hand," I complained when I finally felt full.

"Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon—burn off the calories?" she asked.

"Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories."

"And what was that?"

"Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left—"

But I didn't finish. She'd already swept me up into her arms, and her lips silenced mine as she carried me with inhuman speed to the blue room.


	7. unexpected

The line of black advanced on me through the shroud-like mist. I could see their dark ruby eyes glinting with desire, lusting for the kill. Their lips pulled back over their sharp, wet teeth—some to snarl, some to smile.

I heard a sound behind me, I turned to see the faces of my human family and friends, all of them were trembling with fright. I turned back to face the oncoming threat, though I was desperate to make sure everyone I loved felt safe and reassured, I could not afford any lapse in focus now.

The guards ghosted closer, their black robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They started to drift apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were surrounded. We were going to die.

And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed—the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a snarl ripped through my bared teeth.

I jolted upright, shocked out of the dream.

The room was black. It was also steamy hot. Sweat matted my hair at the temples and rolled down my throat.

I groped the warm sheets and found them empty.

"Edyth?"

Just then, my fingers encountered something smooth and flat and stiff. One sheet of paper folded in half. I took the note with me and felt my way across the room to the light switch.

The outside of the note was addressed to Mrs. Bella Cullen.

I'm hoping you won't wake and notice my absence, but, if you should, I'll be back very soon. I've just gone to the mainland to hunt. Go back to sleep and I'll be here when you wake again. I love you.

I sighed. We'd been here about two weeks now, so I should have been expecting that she would have to leave, but I hadn't been thinking about time. We seemed to exist outside of time here, just drifting along in a perfect state.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I felt absolutely wide awake, though the clock on the dresser said it was after one. I knew I would never be able to sleep as hot and sticky as I felt. Not to mention the fact that if I shut off the light and closed my eyes, I was sure to see those prowling black figures in my head.

I got up and wandered aimlessly through the dark house, flipping on lights. It felt so big and empty without Edyth there. Different.

I ended up in the kitchen and decided that maybe I should eat something. I wasn't particularly hungry, but maybe some comfort food would be nice.

I poked around in the fridge until I found all the ingredients for fried chicken. The popping and sizzling of the chicken in the pan was a nice, homey sound; I felt less nervous while it filled the silence.

It smelled so good that I started eating it right out of the pan, burning my tongue in the process. By the fifth or sixth bite, though, it had cooled enough for me to taste it. My chewing slowed. Was there something off about the flavor? I checked the meat, and it was white all the way through, but I wondered if it was completely done. I took another experimental bite; I chewed twice. Ugh—definitely bad. I jumped up to spit it into the sink. Suddenly, the chicken-and-oil smell was revolting. I took the whole plate and shook it into the garbage, then opened the windows to chase away the scent. A coolish breeze had picked up outside. It felt good on my skin.

I was abruptly exhausted, but I didn't want to go back to the hot room. So I opened more windows in the TV room and lay on the couch right beneath them. I turned on the same movie we'd watched the other day and quickly fell asleep to the bright opening song.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was halfway up the sky, but it was not the light that woke me. Cool arms were around me, pulling me against her. At the same time, a sudden whirl of dizziness and a sharp pain twisted in my stomach.

"I'm sorry," Edyth was murmuring as she wiped a wintry hand across my clammy forehead. "So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again."

I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. "Excuse me!" I gasped, struggling to get free of her arms.

She dropped her hold automatically. "Bella?"

I streaked for the bathroom with my hand clamped over my mouth. I felt so horrible that I didn't even care—at first—that she was with me while I crouched over the toilet and was violently sick.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I couldn't answer yet. She held me anxiously, keeping my hair out of my face, waiting till I could breathe again.

"Damn rancid chicken," I moaned.

"Are you all right?" Her voice was strained.

"Fine," I panted. "It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away."

"Not likely, Bella."

"Go away," I moaned again, struggling to get up so I could rinse my mouth out. She helped me gently, ignoring the weak shoves I aimed at her.

After my mouth was clean, she carried me to the bed and sat me down carefully, supporting me with her arms.

"Food poisoning?"

"Yeah," I croaked. "I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

She put a cold hand on my forehead. It felt nice. "How do you feel now? You're very warm."

I thought about that for a moment. The nausea had mostly passed, but I still felt off. All my joints ached. And it was so hot—swelteringly hot.

She made me drink a big glass of water. She wanted me to stay in bed, but I didn't want to, so she carried me to the couch in front of the television. She put on CNN—we'd been so out of touch, world war three could have broken out and we wouldn't have known—and I lounged drowsily across her lap.

I got bored with the news and twisted around to kiss her. Just like this morning, a bout of nauseating dizziness overwhelmed me, and a sharp rolled through my body when I moved. I lurched away from her, my hand tight over my mouth. I knew I'd never make it to the bathroom this time, so I ran to the kitchen sink.

She kept my hair back from my face again.

"Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor," she suggested anxiously when I was rinsing my mouth afterward.

I shook my head and edged toward the hallway. Doctors meant needles. "I'll be fine right after I brush my teeth."

"What's this?" She asked, running her cool fingers over the back of my neck.

I reached back, feeling a lump where her fingers had been. "I don't know…" I hesitated. "Oh, no, wait, I remember. I got bit by some bug the other night."

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked, concerned.

"It didn't seem like that big of a deal, bug bites are part of being human," I shrugged, inching my way to the bathroom, "Besides, I had other things on my mind that night."

She chuckled softly. "I see."

"Is it hotter today than it's been?" I asked, feeling the sweat beading on my forehead.

"No more so than before," She said softly, "perhaps you overheated last night."

"Maybe." I said, inching into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

When my mouth tasted better, I searched through my suitcase for the little first-aid kit Alice had backed for me, full of human things like bandages and painkillers—I had a searing headache, probably from the strain of vomiting. Some painkillers and Pepto-Bismol would help settle my head and my stomach and calm Edyth down.

As I was fumbling with the bottle of painkillers I felt another wave of dizziness coming on, I tried to steady myself against the sink, dropping the bottle which clattered to the tile floor.

"Are you alright, love?" Edyth asked through the door. "Did you get sick again?"

"Just a dizzy spell," I groaned. "I think I'm oka—" My words were cut off by a sudden, violent cough that wracked through my body.

"Bella? Can I please come in?" Her voice was worried now.

"O…kay…" I gasped through the coughs.

She came in and appraised my position, gripping the edge of the sink, my body still shaking from the violent coughing fit. Then her eyes grew wide and she was at my side, a hand on my back.

"What's wrong?"

"Just a cough, I think maybe I have the flu or something." I answered, clearing my throat.

"Bella…" Her hand was at my mouth, her fingers wiping something away from the corner.

"What is it?" I asked, I was having an increasingly hard time focusing.

Her face was stone, her eyes wide and hard, her lips pressed into a tight line as she held her hand out to me. There was blood on her fingers.

"What the hell?" I wiped at the corners of my mouth with my hand, finding more blood. "That's… not good." I coughed again, into my hand. When the fit passed, there were more flecks of red in my palm.

Edyth's hand was on my forehead in a flash. "You're burning up. Does anything else feel wrong?" Her voice was strained and full of panic.

"My head hurts, my body aches, I feel dizzy…" I tried to assess my physical state as thoroughly as possible. "I guess I'm pretty thirsty." I couldn't list anymore symptoms, another violent coughing fit spasmed through me and I lost my balance, falling into Edyth's arms.

In the same moment, Edyth's phone rang, shrill and demanding. Neither of us moved. It rang again and again. I tried to tune it out while I focused on steadying my breathing and calming the cough. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror, my skin looked pale and clammy, there was blood trickling from the corner of my mouth.

The phone kept ringing. I wished Edyth would answer it—I didn't think I could focus enough to do so myself.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Finally, the annoyance broke through everything else. I reached into her pocket and pulled the phone out, nearly dropping it. I half-expected her to thaw out and answer it herself, but she was perfectly still.

I glanced at the caller ID before answering.

"Hey, Alice," I said. My voice sounded dry and harsh. I cleared my throat.

'Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

"I don't know, Alice. I think I'm sick. Is Carlisle there?"

"He is. What's wrong, Bella?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Is Edyth all right?" she asked warily. She called Carlisle's name away from the phone and then demanded, "Why didn't she pick up the phone?" before I could answer her first question.

"I'm not sure."

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw—"

"What did you see?"

There was a silence. "Here's Carlisle," she finally said.

It felt like ice water had been injected in my veins. If Alice had just seen a vision of me sick, she would have answered me, wouldn't she?

While I waited through the split second it took for Carlisle to speak, I wondered what Alice could have seen that would make her sound so worried.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. I woke up feeling… sick, I guess." I glanced down at Edyth, who was still unmoving at my side. "I'm a little worried about Edyth… Can vampires go into shock?"

"Has she been harmed?" Carlisle's voice was getting urgent.

"No, no," I assured him. "I think she's just worried about me."

"I don't understand, Bella."

"I've been really hot and dizzy since I woke up, and then I started coughing and…" I looked down at my bloody hand.

"And what, Bella?"

"I started coughing up blood."

Carlisle's medical training immediately kicked in.

"What other symptoms do you have?"

"My body aches," I told him. "I'm dizzy, nauseous, hot…" Another cough burst through my lips. "There's the coughing with the blood, and I'm having a hard time focusing."

"Did you come into contact with anything that might have started the symptoms?"

"I got bit by a bug the other night."

"Bella, let me speak to Edyth."

Edyth's head snapped up, she held her hand out for the phone, her face white and hard.

"Okay, here she is."

"Thank you," Carlisle said in a strained voice.

Not entirely sure that Edyth could talk, I put the phone in her outstretched hand.

She pressed it to her ear. "Carlisle, her blood…" she whispered.

She listened for a long time, staring blankly at nothing.

"Carlisle, what did Alice see?" she asked. Her arm wrapped around me as she spoke, pulling me close into her side.

Her eyes widened, and a look of despair passed over her face. After a long moment she said, "Yes. Yes, I will."

She pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed the "end" button. Right away, she dialed a new number.

"What did Carlisle say?" I asked, wobbling slightly.

Edyth answered in a strained voice. "He thinks you're very sick."

The words were simple, straightforward enough. But the way she said them made my stomach drop. There was something… desperate, something deeply pained in her voice.

"Who are you calling now?" I asked as she put the phone back to her ear.

"The airport. We're going home."

Edyth was on the phone for more than an hour without a break. I guessed that she was arranging our flight home, but I couldn't be sure because she wasn't speaking English. It sounded like she was arguing; she spoke through her teeth a lot.

While she argued, she packed. She whirled around the room like an angry tornado, leaving order rather than destruction in her path. She threw a set of my clothes on the bed without looking at them, so I assumed it was time for me to get dressed. She continued with her argument while I changed, gesturing with sudden, agitated movements.

When I could no longer bear the violent energy radiating out of her, I quietly left the room. Her manic concentration made me sick to my stomach—not like the nausea, just uncomfortable. I would wait somewhere else for her mood to pass. I couldn't talk to this icy, focused Edyth who honestly frightened me a little.

Once again, I ended up in the kitchen. I carefully got myself a glass of water, sipping it absently, staring out the window at the sand and rocks and trees and ocean, everything glittering in the sun.

"I don't want to go," I sighed to myself.

I stared out the window for a moment, feeling confused.

"I don't understand," I whispered.

Humans got sick. It was a part of life. I'd gotten sick before. Carlisle could fix me up, I was sure. He was a genius with medicine. What could possibly be different about this sickness? What could make Carlisle sound so worried? Make Edyth so upset?

Then I realized.

It was what Alice had seen.

Something had made Carlisle and Edyth scared. Scared for me. Something in Alice's vision had worried them to the point of what I could only describe as panic. I pressed the cool glass of water to my temple, trying to ease the burning heat that was making it increasingly difficult to focus.

My eyes were blurry, the sand and rocks slid out of focus into a smear of colors and light. I heard the crashing sound of glass breaking and felt water around my feet. Then, before I had time to fully grasp what was happening, the world turned upside down.

"Bella? Bella!" Edyth's voice was panicked, rushing toward me.

I was vaguely aware of her cradling me to her chest. The coldness of her body felt good against my increasingly hot skin.

"Bella, are you alright?" Her hand was gently pushing my hair out of my eyes. "Bella, say something, please."

"I'm fine," I croaked out the words. "What happened?"

She didn't speak at first. "You collapsed."

"Oh," I mumbled, glancing around.

She pulled me against her chest. "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this, and you'll be fine, you'll be fine."

"Edyth, what did Alice see?"

She didn't answer me, I tried to make my eyes focus on her face.

"Edyth, what did she see?" I asked again, louder. The strain forced me into another fit of violent coughs.

She held me steady through the fit, when it had subsided she gently rubbed my back. "Alice's visions aren't set in stone, Bella. They're not…" She trailed off. "Don't worry, we will fix this. If Carlisle can't get you better…" She hesitated. "We have one last option."

She looked sharply away from me, toward the front door.

"Dammit! I forgot Gustavo was due today. I'll get rid of him and be right back." She lifted me and rushed me to a chair, leaving me there before darting out of the room.

I leaned against the nearby counter, feeling like I might fall out of the chair if I wasn't careful.

As I sat there, the severity of the situation began to come into focus before me. I was sick—very sick. So sick that Edyth was panicked, that Carlisle needed to do something immediately. So sick, that Edyth was willing to consider changing me in order to save me.

For Edyth to even consider that alternative made it perfectly clear to me what Alice had seen. There was no other explanation. Alice had seen my death.

I heard Edyth speaking Portuguese again. Arguing again. Her voice got closer, and I heard her grunt in exasperation. Then I heard another voice, low and timid. A woman's voice.

She came into the kitchen ahead of her and went straight to me. She wiped the sweat from my brow and murmured in my ear through the thin, hard line of her lips.

"She's insisting on leaving the food she brought—she made us dinner." If she had been less tense, less furious, I knew she would have rolled her eyes. "it's an excuse—she wants to make sure I haven't killed you yet." Her voice went ice cold at the end.

Kaure edged nervously around the corner with a covered dish in her hands. I wished I could speak Portuguese, or that my Spanish was less rudimentary, so that I could try to thank this woman who had dared to anger a vampire just to check on me.

Her eyes flickered between the two of us. I saw her measuring the color in my face, the sheen of sweat on my skin. Mumbling something I didn't understand, she put the dish on the counter.

Edyth snapped something at her; I'd never heard her be so impolite before. She turned to go and I cleared my throat, trying to remember how to apologize in Spanish, but my breath caught in my throat and I began coughing again. This time so violently, then when I could quell the coughs long enough to inhale, the breath was a strained gasp. Edyth was holding me tightly, rubbing my back.

I heard a little gasp and I looked up.

The woman was still there, hesitating in the doorway with her hands half-outstretched as if she had been looking for some way to help. Her eyes were locked on my face, popping wide with shock. Her mouth hung open.

Then Edyth gasped, too, and she suddenly turned to face the woman, cradling me against her chest.

Suddenly, Kaure was shouting at her—loudly, furiously, her unintelligible words flying across the room like knives. She raised her tiny fist in the air and took two steps forward, shaking it at her. Despite her ferocity, it was easy to see the terror in her eyes.

Edyth stepped toward her, too, and I clutched at her arm, frightened for the woman. But when she interrupted her tirade, her voice took me by surprise, especially considering how sharp she'd been with her when she wasn't screeching at her. It was low now; it was pleading. Not only that, but the sound was different, more guttural, the cadence off. I didn't think she was speaking Portuguese anymore.

For a moment, the woman stared at her in wonder, and then her eyes narrowed as she barked out a long question in the same alien tongue.

I watched as her face grew sad and serious, and she nodded once. She took a quick step back and crossed herself.

She reached out to her, gesturing toward me and then resting her hand against my cheek. She replied angrily again, waving her hands accusingly toward her, and then gestured to her. When she finished, she pleaded again with the same low, urgent voice.

Her expression changed—she stared at her with doubt plain on her face as she spoke, her eyes repeatedly flashing to my confused face. She stopped speaking, and she seemed to be deliberating something. She looked back and forth between the two of us, and then, unconsciously it seemed, took a step forward.

She asked me something I couldn't understand, I stared at her through my foggy haze. She pursed her lips, then began moving her hand around in the air, a droning buzzing sound coming from her lips. She moved her hand to her arm and pinched a bit of skin with her forefinger and thumb. I understood now, she was asking if I had been bitten by a bug. I weakly nodded my head.

She walked a few steps forward deliberately this time and asked a few brief questions, which she responded to tensely. Then she became the questioner—one quick query. She hesitated and then slowly shook her head. When she spoke again, her voice was so agonized that I looked up at her in shock. Her face was drawn with pain.

In answer, she walked slowly forward until she was close enough to lay her small hand on my forehead. She spoke one word in Portuguese.

"Morte,"she sighed quietly. Then she turned, her shoulders bent as if the conversation had aged her and left the room.

I knew enough Spanish for that one.

Edyth was frozen again, staring after her with the tortured expression fixed on her face. A few moments later, I heard a boat's engine putter to life and then fade into the distance.

Edyth did not move until I slowly stood to my feet and wobbled toward the bathroom. Then her hand caught my shoulder.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was a whisper of pain.

"I need some painkillers. I never took any."

"Don't worry about what she said. She's seen this sickness before, but they don't have access to the same medicine here that Carlisle does."

"I didn't understand anything," I told her, though it wasn't entirely true. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Edyth."

"I packed the painkillers. I'll get them for you."

"Are we leaving soon?" I asked weakly.

"As soon as you're ready."

She returned with the painkillers and a glass of water for me. She waited for me to finish, pacing silently.

"I'll get the bags into the boat." She finally said.

"Edyth—"

She turned back. "Yes?"

I hesitated from my initial question. "Could you… make sure the painkillers are easy to get to? I might need more."

"Of course," she said, her eyes suddenly soft. "Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. He'll know what to do."

I nodded. "Edyth…"

"Yes, love?"

"If Carlisle can't do anything…" I trailed off.

Her eyes grew hard again. "If—if—Carlisle can't do anything medically for you…" She paused, thoughtfully. "I won't let you die, Bella." The sudden fierceness in her voice, coupled with her admittance that I could die, startled me. "If I have to, if there's nothing else I can do to save you… I'll change you."

She turned and left the room, one big suitcase in each hand.

So that was it. I was sick, so sick that she had already had to grapple with the decision of whether or not to change me. She had thought about it and already resolved herself to do so. For her to be so sure, so certain that she would need to… That meant my mortal life was reaching its end.

I'd survived so much before. I'd faced death and escaped numerous times. But how do you run away from your own body failing you? It wasn't a homicidal tracker, a vengeful lover, or the might of the Volturi that was coming for me now. It was my own body giving up. Death itself had come to claim me.

I could let her change me. I could become like her. Hadn't I wanted it—to varying degrees—before? But now, with the reality of what that meant so clear before me I couldn't bring myself to accept it. I could survive this, I could become like Edyth and her family. But I would never see my family again, I would never see my friends again.

If I died of whatever this sickness was, my family could mourn that death. But if I became a vampire, my family would mourn and I would still be around—I would have to live with myself for all of eternity knowing the pain I put Charlie and Renée through and never being able to see them again. I couldn't live with that.

Thinking as quickly as my increasingly tired mind could manage, I grabbed Edyth's phone that she'd left on the counter. It was very unlike her to forget things—forget that Gustavo was coming, to leave her phone lying here. She was so stressed she was barely herself.

I unlocked the phone and scrolled through the preprogrammed numbers. I was glad she had the sound turned off, afraid that she would catch me. Would she be at the boat now? Or back already? Would she hear me from the kitchen if I whispered?

I found the number I wanted, one I had never called before in my life. I pressed the "send" button and crossed my fingers.

"Hello?" the voice like golden bells answered.

"Royal?" I whispered. "It's Bella. Please. You have to help me."

I couldn't remember what else I said, the next thing I knew the world was going dark around me and I was falling.


	8. waiting for the damn fight to start

**Book 2 Julie**

And yet, to say the truth,

Reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

William Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Act III, scene i

Preface

Life sucks, and then you die.

Yeah, I should be so lucky.

"Jeez, Paul, don't you freaking have a home of your own?"

Paul, lounging across my whole couch, watching some stupid baseball game onmy crappy TV, just grinned at me and then—real slow—he lifted one Dorito from the bag in his lap and wedged it into his mouth in one piece.

"You better've brought those with you."

Crunch. "Nope," he said while chewing. "Your sister said to go ahead and help myself to anything I wanted."

I tried to make my voice sound like I wasn't about to punch him. "Is Rachel here now?"

It didn't work. He heard where I was going and shoved the bag behind his back. The bag crackled as he smashed it into the cushion. The chips crunched into pieces. Paul's hands came up in fists, close to his face like a boxer.

"Bring it, kid. I don't need Rachel to protect me."

I snorted. "Right. Like you wouldn't go crying to her first chance."

He laughed and relaxed into the sofa, dropping his hands. "I'm not going to tattle to your sister. If you got in a lucky hit, that would be just between the two of us. And vice versa, right?"

Nice of him to give me an invitation. I made my body slump like I'd given up. "Right."

His eyes shifted to the TV.

I lunged.

His nose made a satisfying crunching sound of its own when my fist connected. He tried to grab me, but I danced out of the way before he could find a hold, the ruined bag of Doritos in my left hand.

"You broke my nose, idiot."

"Just between us, right Paul?"

I went to put the chips away. When I turned around, Paul was repositioning his nose before it could set crooked. The blood had already stopped; it looked like it had no source as it tricked down his lips and off his chin. He cussed, wincing as he pulled at the cartilage.

"You are such a pain, Julie. I swear, I'd rather hang out with Liam."

"Ouch. Wow, I bet Liam's really going to love to hear that you want to spend some quality time with him. It'll just warm the cockles of his heart."

"You're going to forget I said that."

"Of course. I'm sure it won't slip out."

"Ugh," he grunted, and then settled back into the couch, wiping the leftover blood on the collar of his t-shirt. "You're fast, kid, I'll give you that." He turned his attention back to the fuzzy game.

I stood there for a second, and then I stalked off to my room, muttering about alien abductions.

Back in the day, you could count on Paul for a fight pretty much whenever. You didn't have to hit him then—any mild insult would do. It didn't take a lot to flip him out of control. Now, of course, when I really wanted a good snarling, ripping, break-the-trees-down math, he had to be all mellow.

Wasn't it bad enough that yet another member of the pack had found someone—because, really, that made four of ten now! When would it stop? It's like they were falling in love on purpose just to kick me when I was already down!

And did it have to be my sister? Did it have to be Paul?

When Rachel'd come home from Washington State at the end of the summer semester—graduated early, the nerd—my biggest worry'd been that it would be hard keeping the secret around her. I wasn't used to covering things up in my own home. It made me real sympathetic to guys like Embry and Collin, whose parents didn't know they were werewolf's. Embrys mom thought he was going through some kind of rebellious stage. He was permanently grounded for constantly sneaking out, but, of course, there wasn't much he could do about that. She'd check his room every night, and every night it would be empty again. She'd yell and he'd take it in silence, and then go through it all again the next day. We'd tried to talk Sam into giving Embry a break and letting his mom in on the gig, but Embry'd said he didn't mind. The secret was too important.

So I'd been all geared up to be keeping that secret. And then, two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on the beach, they got to talking, laughing and bada bing, bada boom—true love! No secrets necessary when you found your other half, right? They'd hit it off so well that I swear they were already thinking about marriage—marriage!Stupid.

Rachel got the whole story. And I got Paul as a potential brother-in-law someday. I knew Billy wasn't much thrilled about it, either. But he handled it better than I did. 'Course, he did escape to the Clearwaters' more often than usual these days. I didn't see where that was so much better. No Paul, but plenty of Liam.

I wondered—would a bullet through my temple actually kill me or just leave a really big mess for me to clean up?

I threw myself down on the bed. I was tired—hadn't slept since my last patrol—but I knew I wasn't going to sleep. My head was too crazy. The thoughts bounced around inside my skull like a disoriented swarm of bees. Noisy. Now and then they stung. Must be hornets, not bees. Bees died after one sting. And the same thoughts were stinging me again and again.

This waiting was driving me insane. It had been almost four weeks. I'd expected, one way or another, the news would have come by now. I'd sat up nights imagining what form it would take.

Charlie sobbing on the phone—Bella and her new wife lost in an accident. A plane crash? That would be hard to fake. Unless the leeches didn't mind killing a bunch of bystanders to authenticate it, and why would they? Maybe a small plane instead. They probably had one of those to spare.

Or would the murderer come home alone, unsuccessful in her attempt to make Bella one of them? Or not even getting that far. Maybe she'd smashed her like a bag of chips in her drive to get some? Because Bella's life was less important to her than her own pleasure...

I shook my head, trying not to think about that. I still felt bad about that night at the wedding. It hadn't been any of my business, 'course. But I just couldn't even imagine Bella would want that? Who wants to slide into bed with an ice-cold rock? I'd over reacted, I'd been an idiot. Obviously, I was worried about Bella's safety, sure. But there was the other side of it. I couldn't stop myself from being jealous about it—about Bella being with that bloodsucker like that… I needed to stop thinking about it.

The story would be so tragic—Bella lost in a horrible accident. Victim of a mugging gone wrong. Choking to death at dinner. A car accident, like my mom. So common. Happened all the time.

Would the leech bring Bella home? Bury her here for Charlie? Closed-casket ceremony, of course. My mom's coffin had been nailed shut...

I could only hope that the bloodsucker would come back here, within my reach.

Maybe there would be no story at all. Maybe Charlie would call to ask my dad if he'd heard anything from Dr. Cullen, who just didn't show up to work one day. The house abandoned. No answer on any of the Cullens' phones. The mystery picked up by some second-rate news program, foul play suspected...

Maybe the big white house would burn to the ground, everyone trapped inside. Of course, they'd need bodies for that one. Eight humans of roughly the right size. Burned beyond recognition—beyond the help of dental records.

Either of those would be tricky—for me, that is. It would be hard to find them if they didn't want to be found. Of course, I had forever to look. If you had forever, you could check out every single piece of straw in the haystack, one by one, to see if it was the needle.

Right now, I wouldn't mind dismantling a haystack. At least that would be something to do.I hated knowing that I could be losing my chance. Giving the bloodsuckers the time to escape, if that was their plan.

We could go tonight. We could kill every one of them that we could find.

I liked that plan because I knew Edyth well enough to know that, if I killed any one of her coven, I would get my chance at her, too. She'd come for revenge. And I'd give it to her—I wouldn't let my brothers take her down as a pack. It would be just her and me. May the better person win.

But Sam wouldn't hear of 're not going to break the treaty. Let them make the first because we had no proof that the Cullens had done anything wrong. Yet. You had to add the yet, because we all knew it was inevitable. Even though Bella said she had no plans on becoming a bloodsucker, we knew. Bella was either coming back one of them, or not coming back. Either way, a human life would be lost. And that meant game on.

In the other room, Paul brayed like a mule. Maybe he'd switched to a comedy. Maybe the commercial was funny. Whatever. It grated on my nerves.

I thought about breaking his nose again. But it wasn't Paul I wanted to fight with. Not really.

I tried to listen to other sounds, the wind in the trees. It wasn't the same, not through human ears. There were a million voices in the wind that I couldn't hear in this body.

But these ears were sensitive enough. I could hear past the trees, to the road, the sounds of the cars coming around that last bend where you could finally see the beach—the vista of the islands and the rocks and the big blue ocean stretching to the horizon. The La Push cops liked to hang out right around there. Tourists never noticed the reduced speed limit sign on the other side of the road.

I could hear the voices outside the souvenir shop on the beach. I could hear the cowbell clanging as the door opened and closed. I could hear Embry's mom at the cash register, printing out a receipt.

I could hear the tide raking across the beach rocks. I could hear the kids squeal as the icy water rushed in too fast for them to get out of the way. I could hear the moms complain about the wet clothes. And I could hear a familiar voice...

I was listening so hard that the sudden burst of Paul's donkey laugh made me jump half off the bed.

"Get out of my house," I grumbled. Knowing he wouldn't pay any attention, I followed my own advice. I wrenched open my window and climbed out the back way so that I wouldn't see Paul again. It would be too tempting. I knew I would hit him again, and Rachel was going to be pissed enough already. She'd see the blood on his shirt, and she'd blame me right away without waiting for proof. Of course, she'd be right, but still.

I paced down to the shore, my fists in my pockets. Nobody looked at me twice when I went through the dirt lot by First Beach. That was one nice thing about summer—no one cared if you wore nothing but shorts.

I followed the familiar voice I'd heard and found Quil easy enough. He was on the south end of the crescent, avoiding the bigger part of the tourist crowd. He kept up a constant stream of warnings.

"Keep out of the water, Claire. C'mon. No, don't. Oh!Nice, kid. Seriously, do you want Elise to yell at me? I'm not bringing you back to the beach again if you don't—Oh, yeah? Don't—ugh. You think that's funny, do you? Hah! Who's laughing now, huh?"

He had the giggling toddler by the ankle when I reached them. She had a bucket in one hand, and her jeans were drenched. He had a huge wet mart down the front of his t-shirt.

"Five bucks on the baby girl," I said.

"Hey, Julie."

Claire squealed and threw her bucket at Quil's knees. "Down, down!"

He set her carefully on her feet and she ran to me. She wrapped her arms around my leg.

"Auntie Julie!"

"How's it going, Claire?"

She giggled. "Quilaaaa all wet now."

"I can see that. Where's your mama?"

"Gone, gone, gone," Claire sang, "Gonna play with Quil all day. Never gonna go home!" She let go of me and ran to Quil. He scooped her up and slung her onto his shoulders.

"Sounds like somebody's hit the terrible twos."

"Threes actually," Quil corrected. "You missed the party. Princess theme. She made me wear a crown, and then Elise and Emily suggested they all try out her new play makeup on me."

"Wow, I'm really sorry I wasn't around to see that."

"Don't worry, Emily has pictures. Actually, I look pretty hot."

"You're such an idiot."

Quil shrugged. "Claire had a great time. That was the point."

I rolled my eyes. It was hard being around such happy people. No matter what stage they were in—about to tie the knot like Sam or just teen-werewolf-turned-future-stepdad like Quil—the peace and contentedness they always radiated was downright puke-inducing.

Claire squealed on his shoulders and pointed at the ground. "Pretty rock, Quil! For me, for me!"

"Which one kiddo? The red one?"

"No red!"

Quil dropped to his knees—Claire screamed and pulled his hair like a horse's reigns.

"This blue one?"

"No, no, no….," the little girl sang, thrilled with her new game.

The weird part was, Quil was having just as much fun as she was. He didn't have that face on that so many of the tourist dads and moms were wearing—the when-is-nap-time? Face. You never saw a real parent so jazzed to play whatever stupid kiddie sport their rugrat could think up. I'd seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored.

And I couldn't even make fun of him for it—I envied him too much.

Emily's sister, Elise, had moved to La Push from the Makah reservation to stay with her older sister pretty recently. Elise had gotten pregnant by her high school boyfriend and he immediately skipped out on her, so Emily took her in. Elise had Claire, and everyone sort of pitched in to help raise her since Elise was so young. She and Quil are about the same age so they got along pretty well. One thing led to another, and, well, here we are.

I didn't envy the idea of being a teenage werewolf parent, but Quil couldn't have been happier. He had Elise and they had Claire. One big happy family before high school graduation, I guess.

"Quil, you ever think maybe it's all too much?"

"Huh?"

"No, no yellow!" Claire crowed.

"You know. I mean, Elise is cool, but a kid? Already? Don't you ever want to just… not have that responsibility? Try dating someone else?"

Quil just stared at me.

"Pretty rock! Pretty rock!" Claire screamed when he didn't offer her another choice. She smacked him on the head with her little fist.

"Sorry, Claire-bear. How about this purple one?"

"No," she giggled. "No purple."

"Give me a clue. I'm begging, kid."

Claire thought it over. "Green," she finally said.

Quil stared at the rocks, studying them. He picked four rocks in different shades of green and offered them to her.

"Did I get it?"

"Yay!"

"Which one?"

"All of them!"

She cupped her hands and he poured the small rocks into them. She laughed and immediately clunked him on the head with them. He winced theatrically and then got to his feet and started walking back up toward the parking lot. Probably worried about her getting cold in her wet clothes. He was worse than any paranoid, overprotective parent.

"Sorry if I was being a jerk, man, about the whole dating thing," I said.

"Naw, that's cool," Quil said. "I get what you mean. Who would have guessed I'd be the one to be a dad so soon, right?"

"Not me, that's for sure."

"I don't know what to tell you, Julie." He shrugged. "Me and Elise, we just clicked. You know? And Claire is great. I'm happy, man. I don't even notice any other girls anymore, you know. I don't see their faces."

"If you say so," I sighed. "Though, put that together with the tiara and the makeup, and maybe Elise will have a different kind of competition to worry about."

Quil laughed and made kissing noises at me. "You available this Friday, Julie?"

"You wish," I said, and then I made a face. "Yeah, guess I am, though."

He hesitated a second then said, "You ever think about… moving on? Dating?"

I sighed. I guess I'd opened myself up for that one.

"You know, Julie, maybe you should think about getting a life."

He didn't say it like a joke. His voice was sympathetic. That made it worse.

"I don't see anyone else, either, Quil. I don't see their faces."

Quil sighed, too. "At some point, Jules, you just gotta grow up a little and embrace the life you've got."

I stared at him, annoyed. That was the last thing I wanted. This life sucked. I'd trade it for just about anything.

He continued, "Because, and I might be wrong, but I think there's happiness waiting right under your nose. You just gotta see it, you know?"

I shrugged, and turned away. He sighed again.

Far away, too low for anyone but just us two to hear it over the waves, a howl rose out of the forest.

"Dang, that's Sam," Quil said. His hands flew up to touch Claire, as if to make sure she was still there. "I don't know where Elise's at!"

"I'll see what it is. If we need you, I'll let you know." I raced through the words. They came out all slurred together. "Hey, why don't you take Claire up to the Clearwaters'? Sue and Billy can keep an eye on her if they need to. They might know what's going on, anyway."

"Okay—get outta here, Julie!"

I took off running, not for the dirt path through the weedy hedge, but in the shortest line toward the forest. I hurdled the first line of driftwood and then ripped my way through the briars, still running. I felt the little tears as the thorns cut into my skin, but I ignored them. Their sting would be healed before I made the trees.

I cut behind the store and darted across the highway. Somebody honked at me. Once in the safety of the trees, I ran faster, taking longer strides. People would stare if I was out in the open. Normal people couldn't run like this. Sometimes I thought it might be fun to enter a race—you know, like the Olympic trials or something. It would be cool to watch the expressions on those star athletes' faces when I blew by them. Only I was pretty sure the testing they did to make sure you weren't on steroids would probably turn up some really freaky crap in my blood.

As soon as I was in the true forest, unbound by roads or houses, I skidded to a stop and kicked my shorts off. With quick, practiced moves, I rolled them up and tied them to the leather cord around my ankle. As I was still pulling the ends tight, I started shifting. The fire trembled down my spine, throwing tight spasms out along my arms and legs. It only took a second. The heat flooded through me, and I felt the silent shimmer that made me something else. I threw my heavy paws against the matted earth and stretched my back in one long, rolling extension.

Phasing was very easy when I was centered like this. I didn't have issues with my temper anymore. Except when it got in the way.

For one half second, I again remembered the awful moment at the wedding. I'd been so insane with fury that I couldn't make my body work right. I'd been trapped, shaking and burning, unable to make the change but unable to calm down. It had been so confusing. Dying to kill her. Afraid to hurt Bella. My friends in the way. And then, when I was finally able to shift, the order from my leader. The edict from the Alpha. If it had been just Embry and Quil there that night without Sam... would I have attacked that bloodsucker then and there?

I hated it when Sam laid down the law like that. I hated the feeling of having no choice. Of having to obey.

And then I was conscious of an audience. I was not alone in my thoughts.

So self-abosrbed all the time, Liam thought.

Yeah, no hypocrisy there, Liam,I thought back.

Can it, guys,Same told us.

We fell silent, and I felt Liam's wince at Sam's words. Touchy, like always.

Sam pretended no to 's Quil and Jared?

Quil's got Claire. He's taking her to the Clearwaters'.

Good. Sue will take her.

Jared was going to Kim's,Embry thought, Good chance he didn't hear you.

There was a low grumble through the pack. I moaned along with them. When Jared finally showed up, no doubt he'd still be thinking about Kim. And nobody wanted a replay of what they were up to right now.

Sam sat back on his haunches and let another howl rip into the air. It was a signal and an order in one.

The pack was gathered a few miles east of where I was. I loped through the thick forest toward them. Liam, Embry, and Paul all were working in toward them, too. Liam was close—soon I could hear his footfalls not far into the woods. We continued in a parallel line, choosing not to run together.

Well, we're not waiting all day for him. He'll just have to catch up later.

'Sup, boss?Paul wanted to know.

We need to talk. Something's happened.

I felt Sam's thoughts flicker to me—and not just Sam's, but Seth's and Collin's and Brady's as well. Collin and Brady—the new kids—had been running patrol with Sam today, so they would know whatever he knew. I didn't know why Seth was already out here, and in the know. It wasn't his turn.

Seth, tell them what you heard.

I sped up, wanting to be there. I heard Liam move faster, too. He hated being outrun. Being the fastest was the only edge he claimed.

Claim this, moron,he hissed, and then he really kicked it into gear. I dug my nails into the loam and shot myself forward.

Sam didn't seem in the mood to put up with our usual , Liam, give it a rest.

Neither of us slowed.

Sam growled, but let it ?

Charlie called around till he found Billy at my house.

Yeah, I talked to him,Paul added.

I felt a jolt go through me as Seth thought Charlie's name. This was it. The waiting was over. I ran faster, forcing myself to breathe, though my lungs felt kinda stiff all of a sudden.

Which story would it be?

So he's all flipped out. Guess Edyth and Bella got home last week, and...

My chest eased up.

Bella was alive. Or she wasn't dead dead, at least.

I hadn't realized how much difference it would make to me. I'd been thinking of her as dead this whole time, and I only saw that now. I saw that I'd never believed that she would bring Bella back alive. It shouldn't matter, because I knew what was coming next.

Yeah, Jules, and here's the bad news. Charlie talked to Bella, said she sounded bad. she told Charlie she's sick. Carlisle got on and told Charlie that Bella picked up some rare disease in South America. Said she's quarantined. Charlie's going crazy, 'cause even he's not allowed to see Bella. Charlie says he doesn't care if he gets sick, but Carlisle wouldn't bend. No visitors. Told Charlie it was pretty serious, but that he's doing everything he can. Charlie's been stewing about it for days, but he only called Billy now. He said Bella sounded worse today.

The mental silence when Seth finished was profound. We all understood.

So she would die of this disease, as far as Charlie knew. Would they let him view the corpse? The pale, perfectly still, unbreathing white body? They couldn't let him touch the cold skin—he might notice how hard it was. They'd have to wait until Bella could hold still, could keep from killing Charlie and the other mourners. How long would that take?

Would they bury her? Would she dig herself out, or would the bloodsuckers come for her?

The others listened to my speculating in silence. I'd put a lot more thought into this than any of them.

Liam and I entered the clearing at nearly the same time. He was sure his nose led the way, though. He dropped onto his haunches beside his brother while I trotted forward to stand at Sam's right hand. Paul circled and made room for me in my place.

Beat'cha again,Liam thought, but I barely heard him.

I wondered why I was the only one on my feet. My fur stood up on my shoulders, bristling with impatience.

Well, what are we waiting for?I asked.

No one said anything, but I heard their feelings of hesitation.

Oh, come on! The treaty's broken!

We have no proof—maybe she is sick...

OH, PLEASE!

Okay, so the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong. Still... 's thought came slow, you sure this is what you want? Is it really the right thing? We all know what she wanted.

The treaty doesn't mention anything about victim preferences, Sam!

Is she really a victim? Would you label her that way?

Yes! Besides, Bella wanted to stay human! She told me so!

Sam considered this for a can't attack the Cullens without proof that the treaty has been violated. We don't know if this illness is a ruse or not.

It's totally a lie!

Enough, Julie!Sam snapped.

Julie,Seth thought,they aren't our enemies.

Shut up, kid! Just 'cause you've got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn't change the law. They are our enemies. They are in our territory. We take them out. I don't care if you had fun fighting alongside Edyth Cullen once upon a time.

You're upset, girl. You're not thinking clearly and you're going to do something stupid.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, Seth.

Sure you won't. You're not ready for this fight, Julie.

Instinct took over and I crouched forward, snarling at the gangly sand-colored wolf across the circle.

Julie!Sam , shut up for a nodded his big head.

Dang, what'd I miss?Quil thought. He was running for the gathering place about Charlie's call...

We're getting ready to go,I told don't you swing by Kim's and drag Jared out with your teeth? We're going to need everyone.

Come straight here, Quil,Sam 've decided nothing yet.

I growled.

We need to find out if the treaty has been broken before we make any decision. I have to think about what's best for this pack. I have to choose the course that protects you all best.

This is B.S., and you know it.I growled.

Enough, Julie. You're 's mental voice changed, took on that strange double timbre that we could not disobey. The voice of the Alpha. He met the gaze of every wolf in the circle.

The pack is not attacking the Cullens without provocation. We will determine if the treaty has been broken—well and truly violated—before we attack our former allies.

Hear, hear,Seth thought enthusiastically.

I thought I told you to shut it, Seth.

Oops. Sorry, Sam.

Julie, where do you think you're going?

I left the circle, moving toward the west so that I could turn my back on him.I'm going to find out what we already know—that they're going to turn Bella into one of them. I'm going to get this damn fight started.

Aw, Julie—Come on!

Shut up, Seth,several voices thought together.

Julie, we understand this is difficult for you, we don't want this to be any more difficult than it already is,Sam told me, his thought softer than before.

So force me to stay, Sam. Take away my will. Make me a slave.

You know I won't do that.

Then I'm going.

Fine, Julie. But if you find out Bella is still human, once you determine that the treaty hasn't been broken, you come straight back.

No, after I find out I'm leaving again.

I ran away from them, trying very hard not to think about what was next. Instead, I concentrated on my memories of the long wolf months, of letting the humanity bleed out of me until I was more animal than woman. Living in the moment, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, drinking when thirsty, and running—running just to run. Simple desires, simple answers to those desires. Pain came in easily managed forms. The pain of hunger. The pain of cold ice under your paws. The pain of cutting claws when dinner got feisty. Each pain had a simple answer, a clear action to end that pain.

Not like being human.

Yet, as soon as I was in jogging distance of my house, I shifted back into my human body. I needed to be able to think in privacy.

I untied my shorts and yanked them on, already running for the house.

I'd done it. I'd hidden what I was thinking and now it was too late for Sam to stop me. He couldn't hear me now.

Sam had made a very clear ruling. We would determine if the treaty had been broken. The pack would not attack the Cullens. Okay.

He hadn't mentioned an individual acting alone.

Nope, the pack wasn't attacking anyone today.

But I was.


	9. sure as hell didn't see that one coming

**hey guys no Bella is not suicidal and she's not trying to be selfish. i gave Bella a whole different personality i wouldn't change it now lol. She has a good reason for doing what she's doing. you guys will find it out soon i promise. since this section is in Julie's pov it's not really easy to know what Bella is thinking. Thanks for the reviews :)**

I didn't really know what my plan was.

I needed to be careful, avoid tipping Billy off, otherwise he'd call Sam and the game would be up. They'd cut me off and push me back. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt me—somehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law.

But Billy was expecting me, knowing I'd be in some kind of state. He was in the yard, just sitting there in his wheelchair with his eyes right on the spot where I came through the trees. I saw him judge my direction—headed straight past the house to my homemade garage.

"Got a minute, Julie?"

I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage.

"C'mon kid. At least help me inside."

I gritted my teeth but decided that he'd be more likely to cause trouble with Sam if I didn't lie to him for a few minutes.

"Since when do you need help, old man?"

He laughed his rumbling laugh. "My arms are tired. I pushed myself all the way here from Sue's."

"It's downhill. You coasted the whole way."

I rolled his chair up the little ramp I'd made for him and into the living room.

"Caught me. Think I got up to about thirty miles per hour. It was great."

"You're gonna wreck that chair, you know. And then you'll be dragging yourself around by your elbows."

"Not a chance. It'll be your job to carry me."

"You won't be going many places."

Billy put his hands on the wheels and steered himself to the fridge. "Any food left?"

"You got me. Paul was here all day, though, so probably not."

Billy sighed. "Have to start hiding the groceries if we're gonna avoid starvation."

"Tell Rachel to go stay at his place."

Billy's joking tone vanished, and his eyes got soft. "We've only had her home a few weeks. First time she's been here in a long time. It's hard—the girls were older than you when your mom passed. They have more trouble being in this house."

"I know."

Rebecca hadn't been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey. Washington State was close enough that Rachel didn't have the same defense. She'd taken classes straight through the summer semesters, working double shifts over the holidays at some café on campus. If it hadn't been for Paul, she probably would have taken off again real quick. Maybe that was why Billy wouldn't kick him out.

"Well, I'm going to go work on some stuff…" I started for the back door.

"Wait up, Julie. Aren't you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?"

I stood with my back to him, hiding my face.

"Nothing happened. Sam doesn't want to do anything till we know for sure the treaty's been broken. Guess we're all just a bunch of leech lovers now."

"Julie…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you leaving, Julie?"

The room was quiet for a long time while I decided how to say it.

"Rachel can have her room back. I know she hates that air mattress."

"She'd rather sleep on the floor than lose you. So would I."

I snorted.

"Julie, please. If you need... a break. Well, take it. But not so long again. Come back."

"Maybe. Maybe my gig will be weddings. Make a cameo at Sam's, then Rachel's. Jared and Kim might come first, though. Probably ought to have a dress or something."

"Julie, look at me."

I turned around slowly. "What?"

He stared into my eyes for a long minute. "Where are you going?"

"I don't really have a specific place in mind."

He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes narrowed. "Don't you?"

We stared each other down. The seconds ticked by.

"Julie," he said. His voice was strained. "Julie, don't. It's not worth it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Leave Bella and the Cullens be. Sam is right."

I stared at him for a second, and then I crossed the room in two long strides. I grabbed the phone and disconnected the cable from the box and the jack. I wadded the gray cord up in the palm of my hand.

"Bye, Dad."

"Julie, wait—," he called after me, but I was out the door, running.

The motorcycle wasn't as fast as running, but it was more discreet. I wondered how long it would take Billy to wheel himself down to the store and then get someone on the phone who could get a message to Sam. I'd bet Sam was still in his wolf form. The problem would be if Paul came back to our place anytime soon. He could phase in a second and let Sam know what I was doing...

I wasn't going to worry about it. I would go as fast as I could, and if they caught me, I'd deal with that when I had to.

I kicked the bike to life and then I was racing down the muddy lane. I didn't look behind me as I passed the house.

The highway was busy with tourist traffic; I wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. I took the turn onto the 101 at seventy, not bothering to look. I had to ride the line for a minute to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. Not that it would have killed me, but it would have slowed me down. Broken bones—the big ones, at least—took days to heal completely, as I had good cause to know.

The freeway cleared up a little, and I pushed the bike to eighty. I didn't touch the brake until I was close to the narrow drive; I figured I was in the clear then. Sam wouldn't come this far to stop me. It was too late.

It wasn't until that moment—when I was sure that I'd made it—that I started to think about what exactly I was going to do now. I slowed down to twenty, taking the twists through the trees more carefully than I needed to.

I knew they would hear me coming, bike or no bike, so surprise was out. There was no way to disguise my intentions. Edyth would hear my plan as soon as I was close enough. Maybe she already could. But I thought this would still work out, because I had her ego on my side. She'd want to fight me alone.

So I'd just walk in, see Sam's precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edyth to a duel.

I snorted. The parasite'd probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it.

When I finished with her, I'd take as many of the rest of them as I could before they got me. Huh—I wondered if Sam would consider my death enough. Probably say I got what I deserved. Wouldn't want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs.

The drive opened up into the meadow, and the smell hit me like a rotten tomato to the face. Ugh. Reeking vampires. My stomach started churning. The stench would be hard to take this way—undiluted by the scent of humans as it had been the other time I'd come here—though not as bad as smelling it through my wolf nose.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew I was here.

I cut the engine and listened to the quiet. Now I could hear tense, angry murmurs from just the other side of the wide double doors. Someone was home. I heard my name and I smiled, happy to think I was causing them a little stress.

I took one big gulp of air—it would only be worse inside—and leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.

The door opened before my fist touched it, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave.

"Hello, Julie," he said, calmer than I would have expected. "How are you?"

I took a deep breath through my mouth. The reek pouring through the door was overpowering.

I was disappointed that it was Carlisle who answered. I'd rather Edyth had come through the door, fangs out. Carlisle was so... just human or something. Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when I got busted up. But it made me uncomfortable to look into his face and know that I was planning to kill him if I could.

"I heard Bella made it back alive," I said.

"Er, Julie, it's not really the best time." The doctor seemed uncomfortable, too, but not in the way I expected. "Could we do this later?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking to post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?

And then I heard Bella's voice, cracked and rough, and I couldn't think about anything else.

"Why not?" she asked someone. "Are we keeping secrets from Julie, too? What's the point?"

Her voice was not what I was expecting. I tried to remember the voices of the young vampires we'd fought in the spring, but all I'd registered was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadn't had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse.

"Come in, please, Jules," Bella croaked more loudly.

Carlisle's eyes tightened.

I wondered if Bella was thirsty. My eyes narrowed, too.

"Excuse me," I said to the doctor as I stepped around him. It was hard—it went against all my instincts to turn my back to one of them. Not impossible, though. If there was such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader.

I would stay away from Carlisle when the fight started. There were enough of them to kill without including him.

I sidestepped into the house, keeping my back to the wall. My eyes swept the room—it was unfamiliar. The last time I'd been in here it had been all done up for a party. Everything was bright and pale now. Including the six vampires standing in a group by the white sofa.

They were all here, all together, but that was not what froze me where I stood and had my jaw dropping to the floor.

It was Edyth. It was the expression on her face.

I'd seen her angry, and I'd seen her arrogant, and once I'd seen her in pain. But this— this was beyond agony. Her eyes were half-crazed. She didn't look up to glare at me. She stared down at the couch beside her with an expression like someone had lit her on fire. Her hands were rigid claws at her side.

I couldn't even enjoy her anguish. I could only think of one thing that would make her look like that, and my eyes followed hers.

I saw her at the same moment that I caught her scent. Her warm, human scent.

Bella was half-hidden behind the arm of the sofa, curled up in a loose fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a long second I could see nothing except that she was still the Bella that I loved, her skin still a soft, pale peach, her eyes still the same silvery blue. My heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and I wondered if this was just some lying dream that I was about to wake up from.

Then I really saw her.

There were deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that jumped out because her face was all haggard. Was she thinner? Her skin seemed tight—like her cheekbones might break right through it. Most of her long, brown hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary.

Shewas sick. Very sick.

Not a lie. The story Charlie'd told Billy was not a story. While I stared, eyes bugging, her body convulsed and she started coughing.

The blond bloodsucker—the showy one, Royal—bent over Bella, cutting into my view, hovering in a strange, protective way.

This was wrong. I knew how Bella felt about almost everything—her thoughts were so obvious; sometimes it was like they were printed on her forehead. So she didn't have to tell me every detail of a situation for me to get it. I knew that Bella didn't like Royal. I'd seen it in the set of her lips when she talked about the blond. Not just that she didn't like him. She was afraid of Royal. Or she had been.

There was no fear as Bella glanced up at Royal now. Bella's expression was... apologetic or something. Then Royal snatched a towel from the nearby table and held it up to Bella's face as she coughed violently into it.

Edyth fell to her knees by Bella's side—her eyes all tortured-looking—and Royal held out his hand, warning Edyth to keep back.

None of it made sense.

When she could raise her head, Bella smiled weakly at me, sort of embarrassed. "Sorry about that," she whispered to me.

Edyth moaned real quiet. Her head slumped against Bella's knees. Bella put one of her hands against Edyth's cheek. Like she was comforting her.

I didn't realize my legs had carried me forward until Royal hissed at me, suddenly appearing between me and the couch. He was like a person on a TV screen. I didn't care he was there. He didn't seem real.

"Roy, don't," Bella whispered. "It's fine."

Blondie moved out of my way, though I could tell he hated to do it. Scowling at me, he crouched by Bella's head, tensed to spring. He was easier to ignore than I ever would have dreamed.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I whispered. Without thinking about it, I found myself on my knees, too, leaning over the back of the couch across from her... wife. Edyth didn't seem to notice me, and I barely glanced at her. I reached out for Bella's free hand, taking it in both of mine. Her skin was icy cold. "Are you all right?"

It was a stupid question. She didn't answer it.

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jules," she said.

Even though I knew Edyth couldn't hear Bella's thoughts, she seemed to hear some meaning I didn't. She moaned again, into the blanket that covered Bella, and Bella stroked her cheek.

"What is it, Bella?" I insisted, wrapping my hands tight around her icy, fragile fingers.

She didn't answer me right away, she glanced around the room. Six pairs of anxious yellow eyes stared back at her. Finally, she turned to Royal.

"Help me up, Roy?" she asked.

Royal's lips pulled back over his teeth, and he glared up at me like he wanted to rip my throat out. I was sure that was exactly the case.

"Please, Roy."

The blond made a face, but leaned over Bella again, next to Edyth, who didn't move an inch. He put his arm carefully behind Bella's shoulders.

"No," I whispered. "Don't get up…" She looked so weak.

"Oh, stop fussing," She coughed, rolling her eyes, sounding a littlle bit more like her usual self. "I want to give you a hug."

Royal pulled Bella off the couch. Edyth stayed where she was, sagging forward till her face was buried in the cushions. The blanket fell to the ground at Bella's feet.

She was thinner. Her clothes hung off her body, like she had been wasting away in the short month since I'd seen her last. She staggered forward, weakly holding her arms out to me. I stood up and caught her, and wrapped my arms around her as gently as I could. I felt like I would snap her in half if I wasn't careful. Her body felt small and cold in my arms.

"Jules," She sighed. "I'm obviously not doing so great." She tried to laugh, but she started coughing.

The blond jerked forward, hand outstretched.

"It's fine, Roy," Bella held back the coughs. "It's—shoot, sorry Jules."

I glanced down. I felt a chill run down my spine. There was blood on my chest where her head had been resting.

"Bella, babe," I choked out the words. "What's going on? How—why—"

"We don't know, Jules," She sighed. "It's bad, though. We're trying to fix it."

I didn't know what to think. If she was doing this badly, and if they were still trying to fix it, well, that had to mean that they weren't making good progress. Bella was dying, the longer I was here, the more I could smell it—the sickness—rooted deep inside of her, killing her, destroying her.

Some rare, obviously fatal disease picked up from the other side of the world. All because the bloodsucker had to take Bella away with her. Take her away, but not do a good enough job protecting her.

I always knew the bloodsucker would be responsible for killing her.

Edyth's head snapped up as she heard the words inside mine. One second she was on her knees, and then she was on her feet, inches away from my face. Her eyes were flat black, the circles under them dark purple.

"Outside, Julie," she snarled.

I let go of Bella and turned to face the leech. This was why I was here.

"Let's do this," I agreed.

The big one, Emmett, pushed forward on Edyth's other side, with the hungry-looking one, Jasper, right behind him. I really didn't care. Maybe my pack would clean up the scraps when they finished me off. Maybe not. It didn't matter.

For the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme. Alice. Small and gentle looking. Well, I was sure the others would kill me before I had to do anything about them. I didn't want to kill them… they were so ...tiny.

"No," Bella gasped, coughing as she stumbled forward, weak and out of balance, to clutch at Edyth's arm. Royal moved with her, like there was a chain locking them to each other.

"I just need to talk to her, Bella," Edyth said in a low voice, talking only to her. She reached up to touch her face, to stroke it. This made the room turn red, made me see fire—that, after all the pain she'd put Bella through, after letting her get so sick, she was still allowed to touch her that way. "Don't strain yourself," she went on, pleading. "Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

Bellq stared at her face, reading it carefully. Then she nodded and drooped toward the couch. Royal helped lower her back onto the cushions. Bella stared at me, trying to hold my eyes.

"Behave, Julie," she insisted. "And then come back."

I didn't answer. I wasn't making any promises today. I looked away and then followed Edyth out the front door.

A random, disjointed voice in my head noted that separating her from the coven hadn't been so difficult, had it?

She kept walking, never checking to see if I was about to spring at her unprotected back. I supposed she didn't need to check. She would know when I decided to attack. Which meant I'd have to make that decision very quickly.

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Julie Black," she whispered as she paced quickly away from the house. "You'll have to have a little patience."

Like I cared about her schedule. I growled under my breath. "Patience isn't my specialty."

She kept walking, maybe a couple hundred yards down the drive away from the house, with me right on her heels. I was all hot, my fingers trembling. On the edge, ready and waiting.

She stopped without warning and pivoted to face me. Her expression froze me again.

For a second I was just a kid—a kid who had lived all of her life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edyth's eyes.

She raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from her forehead, but her fingers scraped against her face like they were going to rip her granite skin right off. Her black eyes burned in their sockets, out of focus, or seeing things that weren't there. Her mouth opened like she was going to scream, but nothing came out.

This was the face a woman would have if she were burning at the stake.

For a moment I couldn't speak. It was too real, this face—I'd seen a shadow of it in the house, seen it in Bella's eyes and hers, but this made it final. The last nail in Bella's coffin.

"This… disease, it's killing her right? She's dying." And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered-down echo of hers. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadn't wrapped my head around it yet—it was happening too fast. She'd had time to get to this point. And it was different because I'd already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose.

And different because this wasn't my fault.

"My fault," Edyth whispered, and her knees gave out. She crumpled in front of me, vulnerable, the easiest target you could imagine.

But I felt cold as snow—there was no fire in me.

"Yes," she groaned into the dirt, like she was confessing to the ground. "Yes, it's killing her."

Her broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where was her smug superiority now?

"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" I growled. "He's a doctor, right? Give her medicine, fix it."

She looked up then and answered me in a broken voice. "Nothing is working."

"What do you mean?"

"We weren't lying to Charlie," she whispered. "This sickness… it's unpredictable, violent. One moment, Carlisle thought Malaria, then a strain of Dengue Fever. But just when he thinks he knows what it is—how to fight it—it shifts, and it gets worse. Bella is dying. Her body is giving out on her. She's burning up one moment, then freezing the next. She can't keep food down, she's coughing up blood. Every joint in her body hurts…" She pulled her fingers through her hair. "We can't save her, not with any medicine we have here."

"So take her to a hospital!" I snapped.

She shook her head slowly. "If we take her to a hospital…" She closed her eyes and sighed. "You have to know what our contingency is. If Bella is taken to a hospital, with this disease—it's nothing seen here before. She'd be immediately quarantined, locked up in a lab somewhere while they watch her waste away so they can learn more about this mysterious new illness. I wouldn't be able to save her through…"

She didn't have to say it, I knew what she meant. I shuddered.

"I'm honestly surprised you haven't already changed her, I mean, since you've already put her through so much hell." I sneered.

Her eyes met mine again. "She won't let us."

It took a minute for the words to sink in. Bella was dying of some insane disease, and the Cullens had their damned miracle cure, and she wouldn't let them… It was so stubborn, so human… so Bella.

"You know her well," she whispered. "How quickly you see… I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened—that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she stumbled right into Royal's arms. Royal's! And then I heard what Royal was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second…" She half-sighed, half-groaned.

"Just back up a second. She won't let you." The words were acid on my tongue. "So you were going to change her?"

"I wanted to," she whispered. "Carlisle would have…"

So eager to make another reeking bloodsucker.

"No. Not at all. We knew early on; this sickness would kill her. Alice saw it. Changing her was the last thing I wanted to do. But it was the surest way to save her. I was ready to do it, but her bodyguard complicated things."

Oh. Her story hadn't made much sense before, but it fit together now. So that's what Blondie was up to. What was in it for him, though? Did the prom king want Bella to die so bad?

"Hardly," she said. "Royal understands better than the rest of us how precious humanity is."

Huh. Well, I guess I couldn't hate the blonde bloodsucker that much. He was keeping Bella human, at least.

"Yes, and ruined our chances of saving her," Edyth groaned. "I know Bella would never had forgiven me, I know it's selfish, but I couldn't watch her die. I told myself changing her was the right thing—I was only trying to save her. But now…" She shook her head, defeated. "The disease attacked her cardiovascular system."

I raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Her heart," she snapped, "Bella's heart. It's weak. Too weak. She'd never survive the transformation process. Her heart would give out and she would die."

I took all this in for a second. Processed it. My anger was slowly being pushed out of the way for another emotion; despair. Bella was dying. There was no stopping it. Medicine couldn't fix it, and now she couldn't be changed. I was going to lose her.

"Congratulations, bloodsucker. I hope you're happy with yourself."

She stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old.

"Even you, Julie Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

Wrong, I thought, too enraged to speak.

"Killing me now doesn't save her," she said quietly.

"So what does?"

"Julie, you have to do something for me."

"The hell I do, parasite!"

She kept staring at me with those half-tired, half-crazy eyes. "For her?"

I clenched my teeth together hard. "I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. You should have left her with me. Now it's too late."

She stared up at me from inside her own personal hell, and I could see that she agreed with me.

"You know her, Julie. You connect with her on a level that I don't even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm just punishing myself. She won't let me say anything…" She chocked and then swallowed. "She might listen to you."

"Why would she?"

She lurched to her feet, her eyes burning brighter than before, wilder. I wondered if she was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?

"Maybe," she answered my thought. "I don't know. It feels like it." She shook her head. "I have to try and hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder. But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

"I'm not going to march in there and convince her to hold on long enough for you to change her, bloodsucker!" I snarled. "You must be crazy if you think I'd do that."

"I'm not asking that," she whispered. "Carlisle thinks there's a chance—a small chance—Bella can survive this. It won't be easy, but it is possible if we do everything we possibly can." She shook her head. "I don't care about anything but keeping her alive," she said, suddenly focused now. "If she can survive this, I want her to have a long human life. I want her to be happy. I understand now, that I can't be a part of that happiness. We always end up here. Bella clinging to life, in mortal danger, and it is my fault." She paused and let out a slow, ragged sigh "I already knew I would do anything to keep her from dying but seeing her like this—knowing I would go so far as to take away her choice and—and change her…" she choked on the words. "I need you to convince Bella that she belongs with you."

She met my stare for a moment and her face was frenzied under the thin layer of control. My hard scowl crumbled as I processed her words, and I felt my mouth pop open in shock.

"Convince Bella that if she survives this, she needs to go with you. That she needs to stay here in Forks and live a long, happy life with you, Charlie, her human friends. I am a monster, Julie Black. Don't think I've ever for a moment thought otherwise. But I'm not a monster for the reasons you believe. I'm a monster because I would destroy her humanity just to keep myself from losing her. I am a monster because I am so selfish that I would end her mortal life to keep away the pain of her death."

The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking.

Was she serious? After everything that had happened—everything I had tried to do—did she really think I could convince Bella to choose me? To love me?

"She does love you."

"Not enough."

"Maybe she does."

"You really have lost your mind," I mumbled.

"Please, Julie." Her eyes were focused on me like lasers. "I know, I know it's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense."

I couldn't think about what she was asking. It was too much. Impossible. Rushing into that stinking house, getting down on one knee, and pleading Bella to leave her wife and run away with me? So messed up.

So tempting.

I didn't want to consider, didn't want to imagine, but the images came anyway. I'd dreamed about Bella loving me like that too many times, back when there was still a possibility of us, and then long after it was clear that the dreams would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility, none at all. I hadn't been able to help myself then. I couldn't stop myself now. Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name.

I tried to put the idea out of my head. "Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?"

"At least try."

I shook my head fast. She waited, ignoring the negative answer because she could hear the conflict in my thoughts.

"Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?"

"I can't be allowed to love her anymore. Not when I'm willing to go to such extremes. I've lost the right to call Bella mine. She wants to stay human. I want her to stay human. If she survives this, I don't know if I'll be strong enough to keep myself from changing her if anything like this happens again. I don't think I trust myself."

"You're one hell of a mess."

"Help me," she whispered. "Help me keep her human and happy."

"She'll never do it." I growled. "She won't choose me. She's made that pretty clear."

"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

It would hurt me. Hadn't I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?

"A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?"

"But it won't work."

"But it might. After everything, you don't think I'm so egotistical that I can't see how much she does love you?"

I hadn't expected that. I didn't have a comeback.

"Talk to her. Convince her. If she chooses you, I won't fight."

I couldn't believe I was thinking about this. I shouldn't let her talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill her now.

"Not now," she whispered. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she doesn't survive… The moment Bella's heart stops beating, you'll get your chance. I will be begging for you to kill me."

"You won't have to beg long."

The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I'm very much counting on that."

"Then we have a deal."

She nodded and held out her cold stone hand.

Swallowing my disgust, I reached out to take her hand. My fingers closed around the rock, and I shook it once.

"We have a deal," she agreed.


	10. why didn't I just walk away

I felt like—like I don't know what. Like this wasn't real. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire's wife to run away with me. Nice.

No, I couldn't do it. It was wrong. I'd put myself through enough of it, and I'd put Bella through enough of it. I wasn't going to put either of us through it again.

But I would talk to her. I had to talk to her.

After all, I might not get another chance to.

Edyth didn't answer or comment on my thoughts as she led the way back to the house. I wondered about the place that she'd chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the others couldn't hear her whispers? Was that the point?

Maybe. When we walked through the door, the other Cullens' eyes were suspicious and confused. No one looked disgusted or outraged. So they must not have heard either favor Edyth had asked me for.

I hesitated in the open doorway, not sure what to do now. It was better right there, with a little bit of breathable air blowing in from outside.

Edyth walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched her anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to me for a second. Then she was watching Edyth again.

Her face turned a grayish pale, and I could see what she meant about the stress making Bella feel worse.

"We're going to let Julie and Bella speak privately," Edyth said. There was no inflection at all in her voice. Robotic.

"Over my pile of ashes," Royal hissed at her. He was still hovering by Bella's head, one of his cold hands placed passively on Bella's sallow cheek.

Edyth didn't look at her. "Bella," she said in that same empty tone. "Julie wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with her?"

Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Royal.

"Roy, it's fine. Julie's not going to hurt me. Go with Edyth."

"It might be a trick," the blond warned.

"Unless Julie has a syringe of venom in her pocket, I don't see how," Bella said.

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Royal," Edyth said. The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. "We're the ones she's afraid of."

"No," Bella whispered. Her eyes fell, her face looked sad. "No, Edyth. I'm not…"

She shook her head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. "I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Sickening. She was right—Bella was beating herself up about hurting her feelings. She had no idea that her precious bloodsucker was so willing to change her against her will.

"Everyone," Edyth said, her hand stiffly motioning toward the door. "Please."

The composure she was trying to keep up for Bella was shaky. I could see how close she was to that burning woman she'd been outside. The others saw it, too. Silently, they moved out the door while I shifted out of the way. They moved fast; my heart beat twice, and the room was cleared except for Royal, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edyth, still waiting by the door.

"Roy," Bella said quietly. "I want you to go."

The blonde glared at Edyth and then gestured for her to go first. She disappeared out the door. Royal gave me a long warning glower, and then he disappeared, too.

Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.

"Thanks, Julie. That feels good."

"I'm not going to lie, babe. You're hideous."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm scary-looking."

"Thing-from-the-swamp scary," I agreed.

She laughed. "It's really great having you here. It feels nice to smile. Everyone's been so serious lately."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, okay," she sighed. "They have a reason to be."

"Yeah, they do. Why aren't you taking this more seriously, babe?"

"People get sick, Julie. It's a part of life."

"Sick, sure, but…" I sighed. "Bella, do you not understand how bad this is?"

"I do," she said quietly.

"So why aren't you—I don't know, scared? Angry?"

"I was before." She said softly. "I was scared, then I was angry, now… I guess I'm just, letting it take its course."

"So you're giving up?"

"No, not at all." She sighed. "I'm sure all of you think I have some sort of death wish but that's not the case. I know—if I get better enough that my heart could take it—I could just let Edyth change me. But, Julie, I understand the cost of that decision. If I'm changed it will break the treaty and start a fight between your family and mine. People I love could be hurt—die! Just because I was too scared of dying myself."

"So you're going to be a martyr?" I rolled my eyes.

"Do you think I'll be made a saint for it?" She smirked.

"Knock it off. It's not funny, Bella."

"I know." She was quiet for a second. "Julie, I've been selfish. I've made choices that have had consequences. But I'm not a child, I'm not making decisions a child would have to make. I need to think, act, and decide like an adult now. No, I don't want to die. But I can't let that fear or that want lead me to a decision that will have consequences I can't handle. I'm not going to be responsible for a war. I'm not going to change and have to leave you, Charlie, my mom, and all my human life behind."

"But, Bella—"

"I'm human. And I will face this as a human." She said, her voice resolute. "In every human way…"

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't used to Bella being like this. So… strong, so grown up. It was weird.

We sat in silence. She looked at my face for a long minute. "What did you and Edyth talk about out there?"

I didn't answer, I definitely wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Obviously she wanted you to come talk to me about something."

I hated when she was so spot on like that. "Yeah, she did."

"What was it?"

"She wanted… She thought I could maybe convince you of 'sa battle that's lost before it starts."

She laughed. "So why did you agree?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't sure I knew.

I did know this—every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.

"It'll work out, you know," she said after a quiet minute. "I believe that."

That made me see red again. "Is dementia one of your symptoms?" I snapped.

She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.

"Maybe," she said. "I'm not saying things will work out easily, Julie. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"

"Magic?"

"Especially for you," she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pressed it against my cheek. Warmer than before, but it felt cool against my skin, like most things did. "More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you."

"What are you babbling about?"

She was still smiling, but it was sadder now. "I might not make it through this, Julie. I mean, I really hope I do. But," she sighed, "I was glad you came today because I wanted a chance to tell you how much you mean to me, Julie. I'm sorry everything turned out like it did. All the pain, the heartbreak… But, I do love you, Julie. You're my best friend in the whole world, even if you're not very happy with me right now. I hope, beyond anything, that you find someone who makes you happy because you deserve to be happy, Julie. You deserve to find someone who loves you."

"Stop Bella," the words came out strangled, "Stop it, you're saying goodbye. Don't say goodbye."

"Julie…"

"No, Bella! What was the point of it? Of any of it? Of me loving you? Of you loving her? When you die"—my voice cracked on the word, despite my anger—"how is that ever right again? What's the point of me finding someone else? Do you understand how much you mean to us? Not just me, or her, but to Charlie and Renée? How are we supposed to move on with our lives without you?"

Her other hand flew to my face, she ran her frail fingers through my hair.

"What do you want me to do, Julie?" She soothed. "I'm only human."

"I… I… I don't know, Bella, but you can't die!"

"Julie, I'll fight as long as I can…"

"Listen to me, babe. You can't die." Like before, when the call from Charlie had come, I could see how much difference it really made to me. I realized I needed her to stay alive, in some form. In any form. I took a deep breath. "Live, Bella. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to her." My voice got harder, louder. "You know what she's goingto do when you die. You've seen it before. You want her to go back to those Italian killers?"

She cringed for a moment. Then she relaxed and moved her hands back to my face.

"Julie…"

I felt a knot in my stomach forming, and a lump in my throat. This was getting harder every second. I couldn't imagine a world she didn't exist in. I swore to myself I wouldn't do this, but I was out of time.

"Bella," I said.

She heard the change in my voice. Her eyes searched mine, confused.

"Bella, if you get better…"

"Yes?"

"Okay, just listen before you say anything. What if…"

"What if what?"

"What if you get better and… and… You… You and I…"

She watched me struggle around the words, her eyebrows furrowed, then they relaxed as she began to understand what I was saying. She smiled again but it was sad. "Julie Black," she sighed. "I love you, and I'm sorry. But I'll always love her more"But please understand you're my very best friend.

She leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

"Julie, promise me you'll try to be happy." She sighed. "I don't think you'll ever know how sorry I am that I couldn't make you happy, and that I caused you so much pain."

"You didn't always," I mumbled. "Sometimes you made me happier than anyone in the world."

She smiled, then she coughed once into her sleeve once, then a violent string of coughs left her shaking.

As I saw the blood staining her sleeve the reality of everything came crashing down all around me. Bella was sick, there wasn't anything I could do to stop her from dying. Nothing human could stop her from dying.

"Let them change you."

Her hands froze, her eyes widened, and her mouth hung open.

"What?"

"Let them change you, Bella."

"Julie, what are you… You can't be serious."

"Bella, you know I wouldn't say it if I wasn't serious."

She stared at me for a long minute. "I already told you, Jules. I can't do that to Charlie, to my mom…" She sighed. "I can't do that toyou."

"Bella, I'd rather see you as one of them than see you dead."

"But…"

"No buts, Bella. If you're not going to get better the human way…" I swallowed hard. "You need to do it their way."

She was very still for a second. Her expression gradually relaxed.

"I have to try to get better first. The human way." She said quietly, then she looked up at me. "If I have no other option…" She didn't finish the thought. "I'll think about it, Julie."

I nodded once, stiffly. After another long moment, I got to my feet.

"Where are you going?"

"I… don't know, Bella."

She held out her thin hand, pleading. "Don't go."

I felt like I was being stabbed with knives. A thousand rusty, jagged knives.

"I have to get back."

"Why did you come today?" she asked, still reaching limply.

"Just to see if you were still alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said."

I couldn't tell from her face whether she bought that or not.

"Will you come back again? Before…"

"I can't watch you die, Bella."

She flinched. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry."

I headed for the door.

"Bye," she whispered behind me. "Love you, Jules you're my best friend."

I almost went back. I almost turned around and fell down on my knees and started crying. But I knew I had to leave. I had to get out before loving her killed me, like it was going to kill Edyth.

"Sure, sure," I mumbled on my way out.

I didn't see the rest of the vampires. Only Edyth. She was standing near my bike, like she was lost. She looked up at me as I approached.

I walked straight up to her and grabbed her by the shirt. "You keep her alive, you get her as healthy as you can, and if you have to…" I inhaled a deep breath, "change her." I shoved Edyth away from me and broke into a run towards the forest.

I ignored my bike, it wasn't fast enough for me now. My dad would be freaked out—Sam, too. What would the pack make of the fact that they hadn't heard me phase? Would they think the Cullens got me before I'd had the chance? I stripped down once I broke through the trees, not caring anymore. I blurred into wolf mid-stride.

They were waiting. Of course they were.

Julie, Julie,eight voices chorused in relief.

Come home now, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.

I felt Paul fade out, and I knew Billy and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to me. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that I wasn't vampire chow to listen to the whole story.

I didn't have to tell the pack I was on my way—they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted for home. I didn't have to tell them that I was half-past crazy, either. The sickness in my head was obvious.

They saw everything—Bella's frail body, the blood on her sleeve; her raspy voice:What do you want me to do, Julie? I'm only human; the burning woman in Edyth's face: Bella is dying. Her body is giving out on her; and me, saying the unthinkable: Let them change you—and for once, no one had anything to say.

Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Wordless.

I was halfway home before anyone recovered. Then they all started running to meet me.

It was almost dark—the clouds covered the sunset completely. I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen.

We met up about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see us. Paul found them when I did, so the pack was complete.

The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.

Sam's hackles were sticking straight up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head. The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.

At first their anger was undefined, and I thought I was in for it. I was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to me for what I had said.

And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.

What were they thinking? Endangering everyone!

Not safe. Dangerous.

Breaking the treaty. Bringing disease.

We can't allow it.

The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and one other. I sat beside whichever brother it was, too dazed to look over with either my eyes or my mind to see who was next to me, while the pack circled around us.

The treaty is broken.

This puts everyone in danger.

I tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the curling pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasn't making sense. The pictures in the center of their thoughts were my pictures—the very worst of them. Bella's sickly face, Edyth's face as she burned.

They knew it was dangerous.

They still brought her back here.

They've already considered breaking the treaty.

They're planning on it!

The safety of our families, of everyone here, is what's important.

Protect the tribe.

Protect our families.

Uphold the treaty!

Another of my memories, Edyth's words this time:This sickness… it's unpredictable, violent

No time to waste,Jared thought.

It will mean a fight,Embry cautioned. A bad one.

We're ready,Paul insisted.

We'll need surprise on our side, Sam thought.

If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase our chances of victory,Jared thought, starting to strategize now.

I shook my head, rising slowly to my feet. I felt unsteady there—like the circling wolves were making me dizzy. The wolf beside me got up, too. His shoulders pushed against mine, propping me up.

Wait, I thought.

The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again.

There's little time,Sam said.

But—what are you thinking? You wouldn't attack them this afternoon. Now you're planning an ambush, when the treaty is still intact?

The treaty is one failing heart away from being broken, Sam said. Not only have the Cullens already considered turning Bella—in violation of the treaty—Not only are they planning to do it if she does get worse, they've brought her back to Forks with this disease. They've put everyone in danger, they have broken the treaty and that means war.

No, we can't—

She's dying, Julie, you know they won't let her die if they can do anything about it, Liam whispered.

Julie, buddy, this is a big problem,Quil said we can't just ignore it.

They're just trying to save Bella,I argued.

You don't get an opinion on this, Julie, you've already betrayed us once today. Encouraging the blood drinkers to change Bella,Sam said this disease is unpredictable and violent—what if we're already too late? What if it's already spreading through the town? The Cullens have shown they are a danger to our people and they would change a human—even against their will!

Can't we just tell them to leave?The wolf who was still supporting me asked. It was Seth. Of course.

And inflict this upon others? When blood drinkers cross our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can.

This is crazy,I afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger.

This afternoon I didn't know our families were at risk.

I can't believe this! How're you going to stop them without hurting Bella?

There were no words, but the silence was full of meaning.

Bella's human, too! Doesn't our protection apply to her?

She's dying anyway,Liam said we'll just shorten the process.

That did it. I leaped away from Seth, toward his brother, with my teeth bared. I was about to catch his left hind leg when I felt Sam's teeth cut into my flank, dragging me back.

I howled in pain and fury and turned on him.

Stop!he ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.

My legs seemed to buckle under me. I jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on my feet by sheer willpower.

He turned his gaze away from will not be cruel to him, Liam,he sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will all recognize that. It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing. We will all mourn for what we do tonight.

Tonight?Seth repeated, —I think we should talk about this some more. Consult with the Elders, at least. You can't seriously mean for us to—

We can't afford your tolerance for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate. You will do as you are told, Seth.

Seth's front knees folded, and his head fell forward under the weight of the Alpha's command.

Sam paced in a tight circle around the two of us.

We need the whole pack for this. Julie, you are our strongest fighter. You will fight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters—Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You don't have to be involved with the... other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you.

My knees trembled; I struggled to hold myself upright while the voice of the Alpha lashed at my will.

Paul, Jared, and I will take on Edyth and Royal. I think, from the information Julie has brought us, they will be the ones guarding Bella. Carlisle and Alice will also be close, possibly Esme. Brady, Collin, Seth, and Liam will concentrate on them. Whoever has a clear line on—we all heard him mentally stutter over Bella's name—the target will take it. Destroying this disease is our first priority.

The pack rumbled in nervous agreement. The tension had everyone's fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil.

Only Seth and I were still, the eye in the center of a storm of bared teeth and flattened ears. Seth's nose was almost touching the ground, bowed under Sam's commands. I felt his pain at the coming disloyalty. For him this was a betrayal—during that one day of alliance, fighting beside Edyth Cullen, Seth had truly become the vampire's friend.

There was no resistance in him, however. He would obey no matter how much it hurt him. He had no other choice.

And what choice did I have? When the Alpha spoke, the pack followed.

Sam had never pushed his authority this far before; I knew he honestly hated to see Seth kneeling before him like a slave at the foot of his master. He wouldn't force this if he didn't believe that he had no other choice. He couldn't lie to us when we were linked mind to mind like this. He really believed it was our duty to destroy Bella and the disease she carried. That Bella had to die before she could become a vampire. And that the Cullens were a real and present danger to everyone. He really believed we had no time to waste. He believed it enough to die for it.

I saw that he would face Edyth himself; Edyth's ability to read our thoughts made her the greatest threat in Sam's mind. Sam would not let someone else take on that danger.

He saw Jasper as the second-greatest opponent, which is why he'd given him to me. He knew that I had the best chance of any of the pack to win that fight. He'd left the easiest targets for the younger wolves and Liam. Little Alice was no danger without her future vision to guide her, and we knew from our time of alliance that Esme was not a fighter. Carlisle would be more of a challenge, but his hatred of violence would hinder him.

I felt sicker than Seth as I watched Sam plan it out, trying to work the angles to give each member of the pack the best chance of survival.

Everything was inside out. This afternoon, I'd been chomping at the bit to attack them. But Seth had been right—it wasn't a fight I'd been ready for. I'd blinded myself with that hate. I hadn't let myself look at it carefully, because I must have known what I would see if I did.

Carlisle Cullen. Looking at him without that hate clouding my eyes, I couldn't deny that killing him was murder. He was good. Good as any human we protected. Maybe better. The others, too, I supposed, but I didn't feel as strongly about them. I didn't know them as well. It was Carlisle who would hate fighting back, even to save his own life. That's why we would be able to kill him—because he wouldn't want us, his enemies, to die.

This was wrong.

And it wasn't just because killing Bella felt like killing me, like suicide.

Pull it together, Julie,Sam said the tribe comes first.

I was wrong today, Sam.

Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill.

I braced .

Sam snarled and stopped pacing in front of me. He stared into my eyes and a deep growl slid between his teeth.

Yes, the Alpha decreed, his double voice blistering with the heat of his are no loopholes tonight. You, Julie, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are obligated to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You will perform this obligation.

My shoulders hunched as the edict crushed me. My legs collapsed, and I was on my belly under him.

No member of the pack could refuse the Alpha.


	11. two things I never wanted to do

**so I'd like to say I'm not offended by your review i love hearing from you guys. But the other chapter didn't give all of Bella's reasons i can promise you that she's not being selfish intentionally. And i promise she very much does love Edythe but I'm trying to make it were she's not just willing to abandon her friends and family for her because in my opinion that was very selfish of her in the original. As i Said I'm not offended and i love your reviews :)**

Sam started moving the others into formation while I was still on the ground. Embry and Quil were at my sides, waiting for me to recover and take the point.

I could feel the drive, the need, to get on my feet and lead them. The compulsion grew, and I fought it uselessly, cringing on the ground where I was.

Emhry whined quietly in my ear. He didn't want to think the words, afraid that he would bring me to Sam's attention again. I felt his wordless plea for me to get up, for me to get this over with and be done with it.

There was fear in the pack, not so much for self but for the whole. We couldn't imagine that we would all make it out alive tonight. Which brothers would we lose? Which minds would leave us forever? Which grieving families would we be consoling in the morning?

My mind began to work with theirs, to think in unison, as we dealt with these fears. Automatically, I pushed up from the ground and shook out my coat.

Embry and Quil huffed in relief. Quil touched his nose to my side once.

Their minds were filled with our challenge, our assignment. We remembered together the nights we'd watched the Cullens practicing for the fight with the newborns. Emmett Cullen was strongest, but Jasper would be the bigger problem. He moved like a lightning strike—power and speed and death rolled into one. How many centuries' experience did he have? Enough that all the other Cullens looked to him for guidance.

I'll take point, if you want flank,Quil offered. There was more excitement in his mind than most of the others. When Quil had watched Jasper's instruction those nights, he'd been dying to test his skill against the vampire's. For him, this would be a contest. Even knowing it was his life on the line, he saw it that way. Paul was like that, too, and the kids who had never been in battle, Collin and Brady. Seth probably would've been the same—if the opponents were not his friends.

Julie?Quil nudged do you want to roll?

I just shook my head. I couldn't concentrate—the compulsion to follow orders felt like puppet strings hooked into all of my muscles. One foot forward, now another.

Seth was dragging behind Collin and Brady—Liam had assumed point there. He ignored Seth while planning with the others, and I could see that he'd rather leave him out of the fight. There was a paternal edge to his feelings for his younger brother. He wished Sam would send him home. Seth didn't register Liam's doubts. He was adjusting to the puppet strings, too.

Maybe if you stopped resisting...,Embry whispered.

Just focus on our part. The big ones. We can take them down. We own them!Quil was working himself up—like a pep talk before a big game.

I could see how easy it would be—to think about nothing more than my part. It wasn't hard to imaging attacking Jasper and Emmett. We'd been close to that before. I'd thought of them as enemies for a very long time. I could do that now again.

I just had to forget that they were protecting the same thing I would protect. I had to forget the reason why I might want them to win...

Julie, Embry said get your head in the game.

My feet moved sluggishly, pulling against the drag of the strings.

There's no point fighting it,Embry whispered again.

He was right. I would end up doing what Sam wanted, if he was willing to push it. And he was. Obviously.

There was a good reason for the Alpha's authority. Even a pack as strong as ours wasn't much of a force without a leader. We had to move together, to think together, in order to be effective. And that required the body to have a head.

So what if Sam was wrong now? There was nothing anyone could do. No one could dispute his decision.

Except.

And there it was—a thought I'd never, never wanted to have. But now, with my legs all tied up in strings, I recognized the exception with relief—more than relief, with a fierce joy.

No one could dispute the Alpha's decision—except forme.

I hadn't earned anything. But there were things that had been born in me, things that I'd left unclaimed.

I'd never wanted to lead the pack. I didn't want to do it now. I didn't want the responsibility for all our fates resting on my shoulders. Sam was better at that than I would ever be.

But he was wrong tonight.

And I had not been born to kneel to him.

The bonds fell off my body the second that I embraced my birthright.

I could feel it gathering in me, both a freedom and also a strange, hollow power. Hollow because an Alpha's power came from his pack, and I had no pack. For a second, loneliness overwhelmed me.

I had no pack now.

But I was straight and strong as I walked to where Sam stood, planning with Paul and Jared. He turned at the sound of my advance, and his black eyes narrowed.

No,I told him again.

He heard it right away, heard the choice that I'd made in the sound of the Alpha voice in my thoughts.

He jumped back a half step with a shocked yelp.

Julie? What have you done?

I won't follow you, Sam. Not for something so wrong.

He stared at me, would... you would choose your enemies over your family?

They aren't—I shook my head, clearing it—they aren't our enemies. They never have been. Until I really thought about destroying them, thought it through, I didn't see that.

This isn't about them,he snarled at is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!

They were hard words, but true words. I sucked in a big gulp of air, breathing them in.

Maybe you're right. But you're going to destroy the pack over her, Sam. No matter how many of them survive tonight, they will always have murder on their hands.

We have to protect our families!

I know what you've decided, Sam. But you don't decide for me, not anymore.

Julie—you can't turn your back on the tribe.

I heard the double echo of his Alpha command, but it was weightless this time. It no longer applied to me. He clenched his jaw, trying to force me to respond to his words.

I stared into his furious eyes Ephraim Black's son was not born to follow Levi Uley's.

Is this it, then, Julie Black?His hackles rose and his muzzle pulled back from his teeth. Paul and Jared snarled and bristled at his if you can defeat me, the pack will never follow you!

Now I jerked back, a surprised whine escaping my throat.

Defeat you? I'm not going to fight you, Sam.

Then what's your plan? I'm not stepping aside so that you can protect the vampires at the tribe's expense.

I'm not telling you to step aside.

If you order them to follow you—

I'll never take anyone's will away from him.

His tail whipped back and forth as he recoiled from the judgment in my words. Then he took a step forward so that we were toe to toe, his exposed teeth inches from mine. I hadn't noticed till this moment that I'd grown taller than him.

There cannot be more than one Alpha. The pack has chosen me. Will you rip us apart tonight? Will you turn on your brothers? Or will you end this insanity and join us again?Every word was layered with command, but it couldn't touch me. Alpha blood ran undiluted in my veins.

I could see why there was never more than one Alpha in a pack. My body was responding to the challenge. I could feel the instinct to defend my claim rising in me. The primitive core of my wolf-self tensed for the battle of supremacy.

I focused all my energy to control that reaction. I would not fall into a pointless, destructive fight with Sam. He was my brother still, even though I was rejecting him.

There is only one Alpha for this pack. I'm not contesting that. I'm just choosing to go my own way.

Do you belong to a coven now, Julie?

I flinched.

I don't know, Sam. But I do know this—

He shrunk back as he felt the weight of the Alpha in my tone. It affected him more than his touched me. Because I had been born to lead him.

I will stand between you and the Cullens. I won't just watch while the pack kills innocent—it was hard to apply that word to vampires, but it was true—people. The pack is better than that. Lead them in the right direction, Sam.

I turned my back on him, and a chorus of howls tore into the air around me.

Digging my nails into the earth, I raced away from the uproar I'd caused. I didn't have much time. At least Liam was the only one with a prayer of outrunning me, and I had a head start.

The howling faded with the distance, and I took comfort as the sound continued to rip apart the quiet night. They weren't after me yet.

I had to warn the Cullens before the pack could get it together and stop me. If the Cullens were prepared, it might give Sam a reason to rethink this before it was too late. I sprinted toward the white house I still hated, leaving my home behind me. Home didn't belong to me anymore. I'd turned my back on it.

Today had begun like any other day. Made it home from patrol with the rainy sunrise, breakfast with Billy and Rachel, bad TV, bickering with Paul... How did it change so completely, turn all surreal? How did everything get messed up and twisted so that I was here now, all alone, an unwilling Alpha, cut off from my brothers, choosing vampires over them?

The sound I'd been fearing interrupted my dazed thoughts—it was the soft impact of big paws against the ground, chasing after me. I threw myself forward, rocketing through the black forest. I just had to get close enough so that Edyth could hear the warning in my head. Liam wouldn't be able to stop me alone.

And then I caught the mood of the thoughts behind me. Not anger, but enthusiasm. Not chasing... but following.

My stride broke. I staggered two steps before it evened out again.

Wait up. My legs aren't as long as yours.

SETH! What do you think you're DOING? GO HOME!

He didn't answer, but I could feel his excitement as he kept right on after me. I could see through his eyes as he could see through mine. The night scene was bleak for me— full of despair. For him, it was hopeful.

I hadn't realized I was slowing down, but suddenly he was on my flank, running in position beside me.

I am not joking, Seth! This is no place for you. Get out of here.

The gangly tan wolf snorted.I've got your back, Julie. I think you're right. And I'm not going to stand behind Sam when—

Oh yes, the hell you are going to stand behind Sam! Get your furry butt back to La Push and do what Sam tells you to do.

No.

Go, Seth!

Is that an order, Julie?

His question brought me up short. I skidded to a halt, my nails gouging furrows in the mud.

I'm not ordering anyone to do anything. I'm just telling you what you already know.

He plopped down on his haunches beside me.I'll tell you what I know—I know that it's awful quiet. Haven't you noticed?

I blinked. My tail swished nervously as I realized what he was thinking underneath the words. It wasn't quiet in one sense. Howls still filled the air, far away in the west.

They haven't phased back,Seth said.

I knew that. The pack would be on red alert now. They would be using the mind link to see all sides clearly. But I couldn't hear what they were thinking. I could only hear Seth. No one else.

Looks to me like separate packs aren't linked. Huh. Guess there was no reason for our fathers to know that before. 'Cause there was no reason for separate packs before. Never enough wolves for two. Wow. It's really quiet. Sort of eerie. But also kinda nice, don't you think? I bet it was easier, like this, for Ephraim and Quil and Levi. Not such a babble with just three. Or just two.

Shut up, Seth.

Yes, mam.

Stop that! There are not two packs. There is THE pack, and then there is me. That's all. So you can go home now.

If there aren't two packs, then why can we hear each other and not the rest? I think that when you turned your back on Sam, that was a pretty significant move. A change. And when I followed you away, I think that was significant, too.

You've got a point,I what can change can change right back.

He got up and started trotting toward the time to argue about it now. We should be moving right along before Sam...

He was right about that part. There was no time for this argument. I fell into a run again, not pushing myself quite as hard. Seth stayed on my heels, holding the Second's traditional place on my right flank.

I can run somewhere else,he thought, his nose dipping a little.I didn't follow you because I was after a promotion.

Run wherever you want. Makes no difference to me.

There was no sound of pursuit, but we both stepped it up a little at the same time. I was worried now. If I couldn't tap into the pack's mind, it was going to make this more difficult. I'd have no more advance warning of attack than the Cullens.

We'll run patrols,Seth suggested.

And what do we do if the pack challenges us?My eyes our brothers?Your brother?

No—we sound the alarm and fall back.

Good answer. But then what? I don't think...

I know, he agreed. Less confident now.I don't think I can fight them, either. But they won't be any happier with the idea of attacking us than we are with attacking them. That might be enough to stop them right there. Plus, there're only eight of them now.

Stop being so...Took me a minute to decide on the right . It's getting on my nerves.

No problem. You want me to be all doom and gloom, or just shut up?

Just shut up.

Can do.

Really? Doesn't seem like it.

He was finally quiet.

And then we were across the road and moving through the forest that ringed the Cullens' house. Could Edyth hear us yet?

Maybe we should be thinking something like, "We come in peace."

Go for it.

Edyth?He called the name , you there? Okay, now I feel kinda stupid.

You sound stupid, too.

Think she can hear us?

We were less than a mile out now.I think so. Hey, Edyth. If you can hear me—circle the wagons, bloodsucker. You've got a problem.

We'vegot a problem,Seth corrected.

Then we broke through the trees into the big lawn. The house was dark, but not empty. Edyth stood on the porch between Emmett and Jasper. They were snow white in the pale light.

"Julie? Seth? What's going on?"

I slowed and then paced back a few steps. The smell was so sharp through this nose that it felt like it was honestly burning me. Seth whined quietly, hesitating, and then he fell back behind me.

To answer Edyth's question, I let my mind run over the confrontation with Sam, moving through it backward. Seth thought with me, filling in the gaps, showing the scene from another angle. We stopped when we got to the part about the "disease," because Edyth hissed furiously and leaped off the porch.

"They want to kill Bella?" she snarled flatly.

Emmett and Jasper, not having heard the first part of the conversation, took her inflectionless question for a statement. They were right next to her in a flash, teeth exposed as they moved on us.

Hey, now,Seth thought, backing away.

"Em, Jazz—not them! The others. The pack is coming."

Emmett and Jasper rocked back on their heels; Emmett turned to Edyth while Jasper kept his eyes locked on us.

"What'stheir problem?" Emmett demanded.

"The same one as mine," Edyth hissed. "But they have their own plan to handle it. Get the others. Call Carlisle! He and Esme have to get back here now."

I whined uneasily. They were separated.

"They aren't far," Edyth said in the same dead voice as before.

I'm going to go take a look, Seth the western perimeter.

"Will you be in danger, Seth?" Edyth asked.

Seth and I exchanged a glance.

Don't think so,we thought together. And then I added,But maybe I should go. Just in case...

They'll be less likely to challenge me,Seth pointed out.I'm just a kid to them.

You're just a kid to me, kid.

I'm outta here. You need to coordinate with the Cullens.

He wheeled and darted into the darkness. I wasn't going to order Seth around, so I let him go.

Edyth and I stood facing each other in the dark meadow. I could hear Emmett muttering into his phone. Jasper was watching the place where Seth had vanished into the woods. Alice appeared on the porch and then, after staring at me with anxious eyes for a long moment, she flitted to Jasper's side. I guessed that Royal was inside with Bella. Still guarding her—from the wrong dangers.

"This isn't the first time I've owed you my gratitude, Julie," Edyth whispered. "I would never have asked for this from you."

I thought of what she'd asked me for earlier today. When it came to Bella, there were no lines she wouldn't , you would.

She thought about it and then nodded. "I suppose you're right about that."

I sighed , this isn't the first time that I didn't do it for you.

"Right," she murmured.

Sorry I didn't do any good today. Told you she wouldn't listen to me.

"I know. I never really believed she would. But…"

You had to try. I get it. She any better?

Her voice and eyes went hollow. "Worse," she breathed.

I didn't want to let that word sink in. I was grateful when Alice spoke.

"Julie, would you mind switching forms?" Alice asked. "I want to know what's going on."

I shook my head at the same time Edyth answered.

"She needs to stay linked to Seth."

"Well, then would you be so kind as to tell me what's happening?"

She explained in clipped, emotionless sentences. "The pack thinks Bella's become a problem. They foresee potential danger from the sickness. They feel it's their duty to remove that danger, and they feel we're in violation of the treaty for considering changing Bella to save her. Julie and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us. The rest are planning to attack tonight."

Alice hissed, leaning away from me. Emmett and Jasper exchanged a glance, and then their eyes ranged across the trees.

Nobody out here,Seth's quiet on the western front.

They may go around.

I'll make a loop.

"Carlisle and Esme are on their way," Emmett said. "Twenty minutes, tops."

"We should take up a defensive position," Jasper said.

Edyth nodded. "Let's get inside."

I'll run perimeter with Seth. If I get too far for you to hear my head, listen for my howl.

"I will."

They backed into the house, eyes flickering everywhere. Before they were inside, I turned and ran toward the west.

I'm still not finding much,Seth told me.

I'll take half the circle. Move fast—we don't want them to have a chance to sneak past us.

Seth lurched forward in a sudden burst of speed.

We ran in silence, and the minutes passed. I listened to the noises around him, double- checking his judgment.

Hey—something coming up fast!he warned me after fifteen minutes of silence.

On my way!

Hold your position—I don't think it's the pack. It sounds different.

Seth—

But he caught the approaching scent on the breeze, and I read it in his mind.

Vampire. Bet it's Carlisle.

Seth, fall back. It might be someone else.

No, it's them. I recognize the scent. Hold up, I'm going to phase to explain it to them.

Seth, I don't think—

But he was gone.

Anxiously, I raced along the western border. Wouldn't it be just peachy if I couldn't take care of Seth for one freaking night? What if something happened to him on my watch? Liam would shred me into kibble.

At least the kid kept it short. It wasn't two minutes later when I felt him in my head again.

Yep, Carlisle and Esme. Boy, were they surprised to see me! They're probably inside by now. Carlisle said thanks.

He's a good guy.

Yeah. That's one of the reasons why we're right about this.

Hope so.

Why're you so down, Julie? I'll bet Sam won't bring the pack tonight. He's not going to launch a suicide mission.

I sighed. It didn't seem to matter, either way.

Oh. This isn't about Sam so much, is it?

I made the turn at the end of my patrol. I caught Seth's scent where he'd turned last. We weren't leaving any gaps.

You think Bella's going to die anyway,Seth whispered.

Yeah, she is.

Poor Edyth. She must be crazy.

Literally.

Edyth's name brought other memories boiling to the surface. Seth read them in astonishment.

And then he was , man! No way! You did not! That just plain ol' sucks rocks, Julie! And you know it, too! I can't believe you said you'd kill her. What is that? You have to tell her no.

Shut up, shut up, you idiot! They're going to think the pack is coming!

Oops!He cut off mid-howl.

I wheeled and started loping in toward the keep out of this, Seth. Take the whole circle for now.

Seth seethed and I ignored him.

False alarm, false alarm,I thought as I ran closer . Seth is young. He forgets things. No one's attacking. False alarm.

When I got to the meadow, I could see Edyth staring out of a dark window. I ran in, wanting to be sure she got the message.

There's nothing out there—you got that?

She nodded once.

This would be a lot easier if the communication wasn't one way. Then again, I was

kinda glad I wasn't in her head.

She looked over her shoulder, back into the house, and I saw a shudder run through her whole frame. She waved me away without looking in my direction again and then moved out of my view.

What's going on?

Like I was going to get an answer.

I sat very still in the meadow and listened. With these ears, I could almost hear Seth's soft footfalls, miles out into the forest. It was easy to hear every sound inside the dark house.

"It was a false alarm," Edyth was explaining in that dead voice, just repeating what I'd told her. "Seth was upset about something else, and he forgot we were listening for a signal. He's very young."

"Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort," a deeper voice grumbled. Emmett, I thought.

"They've done us a great service tonight, Emmett," Carlisle said. "At great personal sacrifice."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there."

"Seth doesn't think Sam will attack now," Edyth said mechanically. "Not with us forewarned, and lacking two members of the pack."

"What does Julie think?" Carlisle asked.

"Ehe's not as optimistic."

No one spoke. There was a quiet dripping sound that I couldn't place. I heard their low breathing—and I could separate Bella's from the rest. It was harsher, labored. It hitched and broke in strange rhythms. I could hear her heart. It seemed... too fast, too weak. I paced it against my own heartbeat, but I wasn't sure if that was any measure. It wasn't like I was normal.

"Don't touch her! You'll wake her up," Royal whispered.

Someone sighed.

"Royal," Carlisle murmured.

"Don't start with me, Carlisle. None of you get it. Bella thought she had more time as a human. She wanted more time. Yes, she was willing to change one day but this sped everything up too quickly. We should do everything we can to make her comfortable and help her through this, I think if we're going to damn her to this existence we owe her at least that."

I didn't like Royal much, but I appreciated him a little more in that moment. It was a small glimpse into the insanity that was Bella's decisions.

I paced quietly in front of the house. Each pass brought me a little closer. The dark windows were like a TV set running in some dull waiting room—it was impossible to keep my eyes off them for long.

A few more minutes, a few more passes, and my fur was brushing the side of the porch as I paced.

I could see up through the windows—see the top of the walls and the ceiling, the unlit chandelier that hung there. I was tall enough that all I would have to do was stretch my neck a little... and maybe one paw up on the edge of the porch...

I peeked into the big, open front room, expecting to see something very similar to the scene this afternoon. But it had changed so much that I was confused at first. For a second I thought I'd gotten the wrong room.

The glass wall was gone—it looked like metal now. And the furniture was all dragged out of the way, with Bella curled up awkwardly on a narrow bed in the center of the open space. Not a normal bed—one with rails like in a hospital. Also like a hospital were the monitors strapped to her body, the tubes stuck into her skin. The lights on the monitors flashed, but there was no sound. The dripping noise was from the IV plugged into her arm—some fluid that was thick and white, not clear.

She choked a little in her uneasy sleep, and both Edyth and Royal moved in to hover over her. Her body jerked, and she whimpered. Royal smoothed his hand across Bella's forehead. Edyth's body stiffened—her back was to me, but her expression must have been something to see, because Emmett wrenched himself between them before there was time to blink. He held his hands up to Edyth.

"Not tonight, Edyth. We've got other things to worry about."

Edyth turned away from them, and she was the burning woman again. Her eyes met mine for one moment, and then I dropped back to all fours.

I ran back into the dark forest, running to join Seth, running away from what was behind me.

Worse. Yes, Bella was worse.


	12. some people just don't understand

I was right on the edge of sleep.

The sun had risen behind the clouds an hour ago—the forest was gray now instead of black. Seth'd curled up and passed out around one, and I'd woken him at dawn to trade off. Even after running all night, I was having a hard time making my brain shut up long enough to fall asleep, but Seth's rhythmic run was helping. One, two-three, four, one, two-three, four—dum, dum-dum, dum—dull paw thuds against the damp earth, over and over as he made the wide circuit around the Cullens' land. We were already wearing a trail into the ground. Seth's thoughts were empty, just a blur of green and gray as the woods flew past him. It was restful. It helped to fill my head with what he saw rather than letting my own images take center stage.

And then Seth's piercing howl broke the early morning quiet.

I lurched up from the ground, my front legs pulling toward a sprint before my hind legs were off the ground. I raced to the place where Seth had frozen, listening with him to the tread of paws running in our direction.

Morning, you two.

A shocked whine broke through Seth's teeth. And then we both snarled as we read deeper into the new thoughts.

Man! Go away, Liam!Seth groaned.

I stopped when I got to Seth, head thrown back, ready to howl again—this time to

complain.

Cut the noise, Seth.

Right. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!He whimpered and pawed at the ground, scratching deep furrows in the dirt.

Liam trotted into view, his lean gray body weaving through the underbrush.

Stop whining, Seth. You're such a baby.

I growled at him, my ears flattening against my skull. He skipped back a step automatically.

What do you think you're doing, Liam?

He huffed a heavy 's pretty obvious, isn't it? I'm joining your crappy little

renegade pack. The vampires' guard barked out a low, sarcastic laugh.

No, you're not. Turn around before I rip out one of your hamstrings.

Like you could catch grinned and coiled his body for race, O fearless leader?

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs until my sides bulged. Then, when I was sure I wasn't going to scream, I exhaled in a gust.

Seth, go let the Cullens know that it's just your jackass brother—I thought the words as harshly as possible.I'll deal with this.

On it!Seth was only too happy to leave. He vanished toward the house.

Liam whined, and he leaned after Seth, the fur on his shoulders you're just going to let him run off to the vampires alone?

I'm pretty sure he'd rather they took him out than spend another minute with you.

Shut up, Julie. Oops, I'm sorry—I meant, shut up, most high Alpha.

Why the hell are you here?

You think I'm just going to sit home while my little brother volunteers as a vampire chew toy?

Seth doesn't want or need your protection. In fact, no one wants you here.

Oooh, ouch, that one hurt. Ha,he barked. Tell me who does want me around, and I'm outta here.

So this isn't about Seth at all, is it?

Of course it is. I'm just pointing out that being unwanted is not a first for me. Not really a motivating factor, if you know what I mean.

I gritted my teeth and tried to get my head straight.

Did Sam send you?

If I was here on Seth's errand, you wouldn't be able to hear me. My allegiance is no longer with him.

I listened carefully to the thoughts mixed in with the words. If this was a diversion or a ploy, I had to be alert enough to see through it. But there was nothing. His declaration was nothing but the truth. Unwilling, almost despairing truth.

You're loyal to me now?I asked with deep -huh. Right.

My choices are limited. I'm working with the options I've got. Trust me, I'm not enjoying this any more than you are.

That wasn't true. There was an edgy kind of excitement in his mind. He was unhappy about this, but he was also riding some weird high. I searched his mind, trying to understand.

He bristled, resenting the intrusion. I usually tried to tune Liam out—I'd never tried to make sense of him before.

We were interrupted by Seth, thinking his explanation at Edyth. Liam whined anxiously. Edyth's face, framed in the same window as last night, showed no reaction to the news. It was a blank face, dead.

Wow, she looks bad, Seth muttered to himself. The vampire showed no reaction to that thought, either. She disappeared into the house. Seth pivoted and headed back out to us. Liam relaxed a little.

What's going on?Liam said. keep me up to speed.

There's no point. You're not staying.

Actually, Ms. Alpha, I am. Because since apparently I have to belong to someone—and don't think I haven't tried breaking off on my own, you know yourself how well that doesn't work—I choose you.

Liam, you don't like me. I don't like you.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. That doesn't matter to me. I'm staying with Seth.

You don't like vampires. Don't you think that's a little conflict of interest right there?

You don't like vampires either.

But I am committed to this alliance. You aren't.

I'll keep my distance from them. I can run patrols out here, just like Seth.

And I'm supposed to trust you with that?

He stretched his neck, leaning up on his toes, trying to be as tall as me as he stared into my eyes.I will not betray my pack.

I wanted to throw my head back and howl, like Seth had isn't your pack! This isn't even a pack. This is just me, going off on my own! What is it with you Clearwaters? Why can't you leave me alone?

Seth, just coming up behind us now, whined; I'd offended him. Great.

I've been helpful, haven't I, Julie?

You haven't made too much a nuisance of yourself, kid, but if you and Liam are a package deal—if the only way to get rid of him is for you to go home... Well, can you blame me for wanting you gone?

Ugh, Liam, you ruin everything!

Yeah, I know,he told him, and the thought was loaded with the heaviness of his

despair.

I felt the pain in the three little words, and it was more than I would've guessed. I didn't want to feel that. I didn't want to feel bad for him. Sure, the pack was rough on him, but he brought it all on himself with the bitterness that tainted his every thought and made being in his head a nightmare.

Seth was feeling guilty, too. Julie... You're not really gonna send me away, are you? Liam's not so bad. Really. I mean, with him here, we can push the perimeter out farther. And this puts Sam down to seven. There's no way he's going to mount an attack that outnumbered. It's probably a good thing...

You know I don't want to lead a pack, Seth.

So don't lead us,Liam offered.

sounds perfect to me. Run along home now.

Julie,Seth thought.I belong here. I do like vampires. Cullens, anyway. They're people to me, and I'm going to protect them, 'cause that's what we're supposed to do.

Maybe you belong, kid, but your brother doesn't. And he's going to go wherever you are —

I stopped short, because I saw something when I said that. Something Liam had been trying not to think.

Liam wasn't going anywhere.

Thought this was about Seth,I thought sourly.

Of course I'm here for Seth.

And to get away from Sam.

His jaw clenched.I don't have to explain myself to you. I just have to do what I'm told. I belong to your pack, Julie. The end.

I paced away from him, growling.

Crap. I was never going to get rid of him. As much as he disliked me, as much as he loathed the Cullens, as happy as he'd be to go kill all the vampires right now, as much as it pissed him off to have to protect them instead—none of that was anything compared to what he felt being free of Sam.

Liam didn't like me, so it wasn't such a chore having me wish he would disappear.

He loved Sam. Still. And having Sam wish he would disappear was more pain than he was willing to live with, now that he had a choice. He would have taken any other option. Even if it meant moving in with the Cullens as their lapdog.

I don't know if I'd go that far,he thought. He tried to make the words tough, aggressive, but there were big cracks in his show.I'm sure I'd give killing myself a few good tries first.

Look, Liam…

No,you look, Julie. Stop arguing with me, because it's not going to do any good. I'll stay out of your way, okay? I'll do anything you want. Except go back to Sam and be the pathetic ex-boyfriend—the dirty little secret—he can't get away from. If you want me to leave—he sat back on his haunches and stared straight into my eyes—you're going to have to make me.

I snarled for a long, angry minute. I was beginning to feel some sympathy for Sam, despite what he had done to me, to Seth. No wonder he was always ordering the pack around. How else would you ever get anything done?

Seth, are you gonna get mad at me if I kill your brother?

Seth pretended to think about it for a ... yeah, probably.

I sighed.

Okay, then, Mr. Do-Anything-I-Want. Why don't you make yourself useful by telling us what you know? What happened after we left last night?

Lots of howling. But you probably heard that part. It was so loud that it took us a while to figure out that we couldn't hear either of you anymore. Sam was...Words failed him, but we could see it in our head. Both Seth and I that, it was clear pretty quick that we were going to have to rethink things. Sam was planning to talk to the other Elders first thing this morning. We were supposed to meet up and figure out a game plan. I could tell he wasn't going to mount another attack right away, though. Suicide at this point, with you and Seth AWOL and the bloodsuckers forewarned. I'm not sure what they'll do, but I wouldn't be wandering the forest alone if I was a leech. It's open season on vamps now.

You decided to skip the meeting this morning?I asked.

When we split up for patrols last night, I asked permission to go home, to tell my mother what had happened—

Crap! You told Mom?Seth growled.

Seth, hold off on the sibling stuff for a sec. Go on, Liam.

So once I was human, I took a minute to think things through. Well, actually, I took all night. I bet the others think I fell asleep. But the whole two-separate-packs, two- separate-pack-minds thing gave me a lot to sift through. In the end, I weighed Seth's safety and the, er, other benefits against the idea of turning traitor and sniffing vampire stink for who knows how long. You know what I decided. I left a note for my mom. I expect we'll hear it when Sam finds out...

Liam cocked an ear to the west.

Yeah, I expect we will,I agreed.

So that's everything. What do we do now?he asked.

He and Seth both looked at me expectantly.

This was exactly the kind of thing I didn't want to have to do.

I guess we just keep an eye out for now. That's all we can do. You should probably take a nap, Liam.

You've had as much sleep as I have.

Thought you were going to do what you were told?

Right. That's going to get old,he grumbled, and then he , whatever. I don't care.

I'll run the border, Julie. I'm not tired at all i was so glad I hadn't forced them home, he was all but prancing with excitement.

Sure, sure. I'm going to go check in with the Cullens.

Seth took off along the new path worn into the damp earth. Liam looked after him thoughtfully.

Maybe a round or two before I crash... Hey Seth, wanna see how many times I can lap you?

NO!

Barking out a low chuckle, Liam lunged into the woods after him. I growled uselessly. So much for peace and quiet.

Liam was trying—for Liam. He kept his jibes to a minimum as he raced around the circuit, but it was impossible not to be aware of his smug mood. I thought of the whole "two's company" saying. It didn't really apply, because one was plenty to my mind. But if there had to be three of us, it was hard to think of anyone that I wouldn't trade him for.

Paul?he suggested.

Maybe,I allowed.

He laughed to himself, too jittery and hyper to get offended. I wondered how long the buzz from dodging Sam's pity would last.

That will be my goal, then—to be less annoying than Paul.

Yeah, work on that.

I changed into my other form when I was a few yards from the lawn. I hadn't been planning to spend much time human here. But I hadn't been planning to have Liam in my head, either. I pulled on my ragged shorts and started across the lawn.

The door opened before I got to the steps, and I was surprised to see Carlisle rather than Edyth step outside to meet me—his face looked exhausted and defeated. For a second, my heart froze. I faltered to a stop, unable to speak.

"Are you all right, Julie?" Carlisle asked.

"Is Bella?" I choked out.

"She's... much the same as last night. Did I startle you? I'm sorry. Edyth said you were coming in your human form, and I came out to greet you, as she didn't want to leave Bella. She's awake."

And Edyth didn't want to lose any time with her, because she didn't have much time left. Carlisle didn't say the words out loud, but he might as well have.

It had been a while since I'd slept—since before my last patrol. I could really feel that now. I took a step forward, sat down on the porch steps, and slumped against the railing.

Moving whisper-quiet as only a vampire could, Carlisle took a seat on the same step, against the other railing.

"I didn't get a chance to thank you last night, Julie. You don't know how much I appreciate your... compassion. I know your goal was to protect Bella, but I owe you the safety of the rest of my family as well. Edyth told me what you had to do…"

"Don't mention it," I muttered.

"If you prefer."

We sat in silence. I could hear the others in the house. Emmett, Alice, and Jasper, speaking in low, serious voices upstairs. Esme humming tunelessly in another room. Royal and Edyth breathing close by—I couldn't tell which was which, but I could hear the difference in Bella's labored panting. I could hear her heart, too. It seemed... uneven.

It was like fate was out to make me do everything I'd ever sworn I wouldn't in the course of twenty-four hours. Here I was, hanging around, waiting for Bella to die.

I didn't want to listen anymore. Talking was better than listening.

"Bella's family to you?" I asked Carlisle. It had caught my notice before, when he'd said I'd helped therestof his family, too.

"Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."

"But you're going to let her die."

He was quiet long enough that I looked up. His face was very, very tired. I knew how he felt.

"I can imagine what you think of me for that," he finally said. "But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her. I don't think Bella would have been opposed to changing if it had been on her terms, but not having any choice in the matter… well, I can hardly blame her for refusing."

I wanted to be angry with him, but he was making it hard. It was like he was throwing my own words back at me, just scrambled up. They'd sounded right before, but they couldn't be right now. Not with Bella dying. Still... I remembered how it felt to be broken on the ground under Sam—to have no choice over my own life, my own future. It wasn't the same, though. Sam was wrong. And Bella was making stupid decisions.

"Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that."

"I'd say there's an even chance at this point," he answered quietly. "I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail... there won't be anything for me to do."

Bella's heartbeat throbbed and faltered, giving an agonizing emphasis to her words.

Maybe the planet had started turning backward. Maybe that would explain how everything was the opposite of what it had been yesterday—how I could be hoping for what had once seemed like the very worst thing in the world.

"What is it doing to her?" I whispered. "She was so much worse last night. I saw... the tubes and all that. Through the window."

"The disease is attacking her body at an alarming rate. It's too strong, too unpredictable. I've never seen anything like it. I've tried every kind of antibiotic I can think of. Her body just keeps breaking down, getting weaker and weaker. Aside from the blood in her lungs, the pain, the fevers and chills, she can't even keep food down anymore. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it fast enough. I thought I knew everything there was to know about medicine, but this…" His weary voice broke at the end.

I felt nauseous and furious just thinking about Bella's condition, about how frail and sick she'd looked.

I clenched my hands into fists to control the shaking. I hated that Bella was in so much pain. I hated that there was nothing any of us could do to stop it. It wasn't fair. Bella was a good person. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to suffer so much, to die. Even now, I could smell the sickness from here. It was a bitter, acrid smell in her blood.

"Her blood smells all wrong," I muttered, more to myself than to Carlisle.

"Yes," he agreed. "I'm not surprised you can smell it, given your abilities. The disease is vector-borne, that's where it originated. A bite from some insect that introduced something into her bloodstream. Now that it's in her blood, it has attacked her blood cells, destroyed her body's ability to fight disease. It's almost turned her own antibodies against her."

"Nothing is helping?"

"Nothing we've tried. There were some mild improvements with blood-transfusions. I've kept a stock of O-negative laid aside for Bella—in the event of emergencies—but it was short-lived, and I've run out now. But it was the only thing that seemed to truly help in any way."If we can get her heart beating strong enough we could change her and beat the desease before it does any further damage.

Ironic. Blood was the answer. "How does that work, exactly?"

"Bella's blood is breaking down from the disease, making it unable to perform necessary functions. The transfusions introduced healthy blood back into her system and improved her condition. Again, it's pointless now that I've run out."

"Can't you get more?" I asked.

"I'm hesitant to leave given Bella's condition. If something were to happen when I'm not here…." Carlisle sighed. "I've had to make do with what I have."

I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to help, but I wasn't really any use. I wished I could give Bella some of my own healing abilities. I'd be willing to give up my life if it meant helping her at this point, even my own blood.

Then we heard Edyth's voice inside the house, and we both paused to listen.

"I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Royal, would you mind accompanying me?" Edyth sounded different. There was a little life in her dead voice. A spark of something. Not hope exactly, but maybe the desire to hope.

"What is it, Edyth?" Bella asked hoarsely.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will take just a second. Please, Roy?"

"Esme?" Royal called. "Can you mind Bella for me?"

I heard the whisper of wind as Esme flitted down the stairs.

"Of course," she said.

Carlisle shifted, twisting to look expectantly at the door. Edyth was through the door first, with Royal right on her heels. Edyth's face was, like her voice, no longer dead. She seemed intensely focused. Royal looked suspicious.

Edyth shut the door behind her.

"Carlisle," she murmured.

"What is it, Edyth?"

"Perhaps we can help Bella without making a supply run. I was listening to you and Julie just now, and when you mentioned the blood transfusions, Julie had a thought."

Me?What had I thought?

"We know that clean blood has helped Bella, we know it's strengthened her. Until we ran out, it was the best she was doing."

"Yes, but I'm not following you, Edyth," Carlisle said.

"Think about it, Carlisle. We need blood, and none of us can provide it. But there is someone here who can."

I realized at the same moment as Carlisle that he was talking about me.

"Oh," he said in a surprised tone. "I hadn't considered…"

Royal hissed under his breath. His revoltingly perfect face incredulous. "We're going to pump Bella full of dog blood?"

"Hmm." Carlisle put his hand to his chin, lost in thought. "I wonder… If the blood types are compatible…"

"Do you know your blood type, Julie?" Edyth asked me.

I dug through my brain. "O-negative. Pretty sure, at least."

Royal hissed again.

"Would it work, Carlisle? Given Julie's…" Edyth glanced at me, "abilities?"

Carlisle considered this for a moment. "I'm not sure." His eyes were intense, focused. "On a DNA level… The chromosomal count is similar, but not exactly the same."

"You're losing me, Doc," I sighed. "Can you dumb it down."

He glanced up to me, "Okay. How much biology have you taken? Did you study chromosomal pairs?"

"Think so. We have twenty-three, right?"

"Humans do."

I blinked. "How many do you have?"

"Twenty-five."

I frowned at him for a second, then I realized he was excluding me from 'humans.'

"I don't have twenty-three?"

Carlisle coughed self-consciously. "You have twenty-four pairs, Julie."

I raised my eyebrows at him slowly.

He looked embarrassed. "I was… curious. I took the liberty when I was treating you last June."

I thought about it for a second. "I guess that should piss me off. But I don't really care."

"I'm sorry. I should have asked."

"S'okay, Doc. You didn't mean any harm."

"No, I promise you that I did not mean you any harm. It's just that... I find your species fascinating. I suppose that the elements of vampiric nature have come to seem commonplace to me over the centuries. Your family's divergence from humanity is much more interesting. Magical, almost."

"Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo," I mumbled. He was just like Bella with all the magic garbage.

"How is this helping Bella?" Royal snapped.

"Yes, of course," Carlisle was focused again. "The blood-types match. The chromosomal count is similar…" He sighed, "But I don't know what will happen. I don't know if they're truly compatible."

"But they might be." Edyth urged.

"And what if Bella turns into a dog?" Royal glared.

"I don't think it works that way, Royal." Edyth snapped.

"But you don't know, Edyth." Royal turned to her. "I'm not going to let you do anything to jeopardize Bella's humanity. Remember, it has to be her choice."

Edyth was quiet then. Her expression dark, full of guilt. The blond knew what buttons to push.

I was annoyed with Blondie, but I couldn't be mad at his logic. Bella had wanted to stay human, and Royal was willing to do anything to help her stay human. In different circumstances I could probably manage to be grateful.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edyth nod once, absently, not looking in my direction. But I knew she was agreeing with me.

"Well," I finally spoke, "we've never had any other problems in the tribe. No stories in our legends of anyone becoming a wolf because of blood. I mean, it's a lineage thing—passed down through the bloodline—but I think it's more like a metaphor?"

Carlisle considered this for a moment. "It may be worth a try."

Royal huffed. "It should be Bella's decision." He cut a seething glance at me. "I don't like it. But if it will help…" He huffed again, "Let's just ask Bella what she thinks."

Edyth's expression lifted a little. That same look of hope in her eyes.

I slowly trudged behind them as they disappeared into the house. I wasn't sure if I was ready to believe this could help. I didn't know if I could handle the disappointment if it didn't. I failed to protect Bella from the bloodsuckers, I didn't know if I could handle failing her again now.

Bella lay flat on the hospital bed, her body skeletal under the sheet. She looked like wax—colorless and sort of see-through. You'd think she was already dead, except for the tiny movement of her chest, her shallow breathing. Her expression was somber and thoughtful. She barely noticed us when we came in.

The others were at her side already, flitting across the room with sudden darting motions. It was creepy to watch. I ambled along at a slow walk.

"What's going on?" Bella demanded in a scratchy, startled whisper.

"We've had an idea that might help you," Carlisle said. "It does have some risk, and we're not sure it will work…"

"But there is a chance," Edyth urged.

"A small chance." Royal corrected.

Bella eyed us all. Then she coughed weakly. "I could use a chance right now," She chuckled, then coughed again. "I think I've used up all my other chances at this point."

Royal sighed and rubbed Bella's arm softly. Edyth put a hand on Bella's head.

She looked like she only had hours left, and she had to be in pain, but she was making jokes. So Bella. Trying to ease the tension, make it better for everyone else.

"Bella," Edyth said softly, no humor in her intense expression. "You remember the blood transfusions?"

Bella shuddered, "Yeah, loved those. Absolutely thrilling." She coughed again.

"We've come up with a solution…" Edyth began carefully.

"A risky solution." Royal interrupted. "Possibly not even a real solution."

"It's the best chance we have, Royal." Edyth barely managed to keep her voice above a growl.

"Hey, hey now!" Bella coughed, "Knock it off, you two." She cleared her throat, it was a raspy, haggard sound. "What's the solution?"

The bloodsuckers all slowly looked over at me.

"Jules?" Bella raised an eyebrow. "What can you do,Jules ?"

"It's not what I can do, babe, it's what I can give."

She blinked. " ."

"Your condition is deteriorating rapidly." Carlisle said, "We don't have time to waste. Introducing healthy blood into your body seems to be the only thing that's helped you."

"How's that for ironic?" Bella said softly after a moment. "I wasn't ready to become a vampire yet and here I am still sucking down blood." She was quiet for a moment. "Well," She sighed, "at least I don't have to drink it."

Royal and Carlisle chuckled quietly. Edyth was stone faced. I felt slightly nauseous.

Bella's gaze flickered to me, "Jules," she began slowly, "I can't ask you to do this. You've already done so much for me—you're already doing so much for me. Too much. I'm not going to ask you to give me… To…" She trailed off.

I took one of her hands in mine, for once, it didn't feel cool. It felt just as hot as my skin. "You're not asking me to do anything, babe. I'm offering. I just hope it works."

"Hope it doesn't turn Bella into a dog," Royal muttered under his breath.

Bella's eyes widened, then a smile spread across her face and she laughed for a moment, before another coughing fit took over.

"Bella, love, you can't excite yourself like that." Edyth soothed.

"Sorry—" Bella cleared her throat, wiping a trickle of blood from her lips, "The mental image was just too funny…"

"Do you want to give it a try, Bella?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Well," she rasped, "what have we got to lose at this point?" She shrugged, weakly, "Bring on the blood."


	13. good thing ive got a strong stomach

**guys no Bella is not going to become a werewolf and imprinting doesn't exist in my version. And as for the disease and venom thing well in my version the heart has to be strong for it to work im not really following canon because the disease is the only way around the pregnancy and in a few more chapters we will see bellas reson for doing what she's doing **

I tried to check out mentally so the next step went by quickly. Carlisle hurried me away and began the process of collecting my blood. Once he had collected a sufficient amount—and I was totally light-headed—he rushed off to perform some tests to make sure it was compatible with Bella's body. Royal followed behind him, maybe to see the results for himself, or maybe to make sure Carlisle didn't swap my blood out for some bloodsucker venom at the last second.

I slowly stumbled back to where Bella and Edyth were. Bella's eyes glanced down at the bandage on my arm—which was pointless, I had already healed—and a guilty look passed over her face.

Edyth hadn't moved, she was still standing there holding Bella's hand. Her face was dead again. She didn't seem to have the energy to keep up even that little hint of hope she'd had before. They stared into each other's eyes, but not in a gooey way. It was like they were having a conversation. Kind of reminded me of Sam and Emily.

No, it wasn't gooey, but that only made it harder to watch.

I knew what it was like for Liam, having to see that all the time. Having to hear it in Sam's head. Of course, we all felt bad for Liam, we weren't monsters—in that sense, anyway. But I guess we'd all blamed him for how he handled it. Lashing out at everyone, trying to make us all as miserable as he was.

I would never blame him again. How could anyone help spreading this kind of misery around? How could anyonenottry to ease some of the burden by shoving a little piece of it off on someone else?

And if it meant that I had to have a pack, how could I blame Liam for taking my freedom? I would do the same. If there was a way to escape this pain, I'd take it, too.

Royal darted downstairs after a second, flying through the room like a sharp breeze, stirring up the burning smell. He stopped at a little table next to Bella's hospital bed and placed a clean needle on it.

"Cover that, Royal," Edyth murmured. She rolled her eyes.

Bella made a concentrated effort not to look at the needle, she swallowed.

Royal placed a cloth over the needle and blew back out of the room, disappearing again.

"How did you get roped into this?" Bella whispered, her voice rough as she strained to make it loud enough for me to hear. Forgetting that I could hear just fine. I kind of liked how, a lot of the time, she seemed to forget that I wasn't completely human. I moved closer, so that she wouldn't have to work so hard.

"I'm not totally sure. But if it helps, I don't mind."

She smiled a little, but it was sad. "I didn't expect to see you again."

"Yeah, me either," I said.

It felt weird just standing here, but the vampires had shoved all the furniture out of the way for the medical setup. I imagined that it didn't bother them—sitting or standing didn't make much difference when you were stone. Wouldn't bother me much, either, except that I was so exhausted.

"Edyth told me what you had to do. With the pack, I mean. I'm sorry."

"S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do," I lied.

"And Seth," she whispered.

"He's actually happy to help."

"I hate causing you trouble."

I laughed once—more a bark than a laugh.

She breathed a faint sigh. "I guess that's nothing new, is it?"

"No, not really."

"You don't have to stay, you can go rest Julie," she said, barely mouthing the words.

I could leave. It was probably a good idea. But if I did, with the way she looked right now, I could be missing the last fifteen minutes of her life.

"I don't really have anywhere else to go," I told her, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. "The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Liam joined up."

"Liam?" she gasped.

"You didn't tell her?" I asked Edyth.

She just shrugged without moving her eyes from Bella's face. I could see it wasn't very exciting news to her, not something worth sharing with the more important events that were going down.

Bella didn't take it so lightly. It looked like it was bad news to her.

"Why?" she breathed.

I didn't want to get into the whole novel-length version. "To keep an eye on Seth."

"But Liam hates us," she whispered.

Us. Nice. I could see that she was afraid, though.

"Liam's not going to bug anyone." But me. "He's in my pack"—I grimaced at the words—"so he follows my lead." Ugh.

Bella didn't look convinced.

"You're scared ofLiam, but you're best buds with the psychopath blond?"

There was a low hiss from the second floor. Cool, he'd heard me.

Bella frowned at me. "Don't. Roy... is just trying to help."

"Yeah," I grunted. "He's trying to help you die."

"Stop, Julie, please," Bella whispered. "Don't be a jerk."

She looked too weak to get mad at. I tried to smile instead. "You say that like it's possible."

Bella tried not to smile back for a second, but she couldn't help it in the end; her chalky lips pulled up at the corners.

And then Carlisle and the psycho in question were there. Carlisle had one of those hospital bags of blood—my blood—in one hand, and a long tube in the other. Royal darted to the little table and collected the needle. Carlisle moved toward the metal pole near Bella's bed that held the IV bag.

Carlisle hesitated as he hung the blood bag. Bella eyed it, looking vaguely nauseous.

"Bella, I can't guarantee that this will work," Carlisle said quietly.

"It's fine, Carlisle," Bella whispered.

"Nor can I guarantee it's completely without risks."

Bella considered this for a minute. Then she sighed and held out her arm where the IV needle was stuck.

"Let's just do this." Bella said, pulling her eyes tightly closed.

Carlisle moved quickly, in a flash Bella was hooked up to the blood bag.

"Alright, let's begin." Carlisle said quietly.

"You're completely sure about this, Bella?" the blond asked, his face serious.

"Royal—" Edyth snapped.

"Give it a rest, both of you." Bella sighed, disgruntled. "Go head, Carlisle."

Royal put a hand on Bella's shoulder as Carlisle messed with the blood bag. My donated blood started slowly draining from the bag and moving down the tube into Bella.

She squeezed her eyes shut and wrinkled her nose. The seconds seemed to tick by slower than usual as we all watched her, Carlisle was carefully monitoring her vital signs. Then Bella shifted slightly and groaned quietly with her eyes still closed.

Edyth and I stepped forward at the same time. She touched Bella's face. I clenched my hands behind my back.

"Bella, love—"

"I'm okay," she whispered. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Incredible…" Carlisle muttered.

Edyth's expression lit up, that glimmer of hope reappeared in her eyes.

"What is it, Carlisle?" Royal asked.

"Give it a minute, it's too soon to say." Carlisle said, but he seemed excited.

"Am I sprouting any fur yet?" Bella asked, half amused at her own joke.

Royal rolled his eyes.

If this worked, Edyth was going to owe me. Big time.

"We'll discuss it later," Edyth said, so low the words were just a breath.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Just talking to myself," she lied smoothly.

If he succeeded with this, if Bella lived, Edyth wasn't going to be able to get away with so much when her senses were as sharp as hers. She'd have to work on the honesty thing.

Edyth's lips twitched, fighting a smile.

Bella stared past us toward the window, dutifully avoiding looking at the blood bag. I wondered if my blood was tempting the vampires or if it repulsed them as much as my scent did—it must not be very appetizing to them, otherwise they'd probably rip the bag off the hook and chug it themselves.

Edyth rolled her eyes.

Jeez, how did anyone stand living with her? It was really too bad she couldn't hear Bella's thoughts. Then she'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of her.

Edyth chuckled once. Bella's eyes flicked to her immediately, and then she half-smiled at the humor in her face. I would guess that wasn't something she'd seen in a while.

"Something funny?" she breathed.

"Julie," she answered.

She looked over with another sad, weary smile for me. "Julie's good at cheering people up," she agreed.

I don't know why that hit me so hard. The honesty in her voice maybe. "I try," I mumbled.

She smiled again, then sighed. "Alright, Carlisle, how's it looking?"

"Much better, Bella, much better." Carlisle said, sounding pleased.

Royal looked surprised, but not unhappy.

We could all see it—the blood had made an immediate difference. Her color was returning—there was a tiny hint of pink in her waxy cheeks. Already she didn't seem nearly as frail as she had just a few minutes ago. Her breathing was easier, and I could swear her heartbeat was stronger, more even.

Everything accelerated.

The ghost of hope in Edyth's eyes had turned into the real thing.

"You really feel better?" Royal pressed.

Bella nodded.

"You don't feel…" Royal trailed off.

"Wolfy?" Bella's lips pulled up into a smile.

Royal rolled his eyes, then he glanced at me. "You're in decent standing, dog." He narrowed his eyes. "For now."

"I guess that's a thank you," I smirked.

Royal sniffed and turned his head away.

"There does appear to be a marked improvement," Carlisle mused. "But we'll need more blood eventually." He looked thoughtful. "I'm going to go make some notes about this development, if Julie is still willing I'll determine when we'll need to collect more blood… and when it's safe to collect it."

He glanced at me, and I nodded.

"I'll be right back." Carlisle said.

Bella stared at me while he disappeared.

"Julie, you look awful," she croaked.

"Look who's talking."

"Seriously. You just donated blood—and when's the last time you slept?"

I thought about that for a second. "Huh. I'm not actually sure."

"Aw, Julie. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't do that to yourself."

I dropped my eyes from hers. Somehow I always felt so guilty when she scolded me like that.

"Get some rest, please," she went on. "There's a few beds upstairs—you're welcome to any of them."

The look on Royal's face made it clear that I wasn't welcome to one of them. It made me wonder what Sleepless Beauty needed a bed for anyway. Was he that possessive of his props?

"Thanks, babe, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."

She grimaced. "Right."

She really was looking better. She pulled herself forward, being careful of the tubes, and scooted into a sitting position. Royal hovered, his hands ready to catch Bella if she sagged. But Bella didn't need the help. Her breathing continued, steady as her heart.

"How do you feel now?" Carlisle asked walking back into the room.

"Not sick. Sort of hungry actually," Bella mused, "Man, didn't think I'd feel hungry again."

"I think we still have some food in the house," Royal murmured. "Hopefully nothing has spoiled."

"Esme ensured the fridge and pantry were well stocked, we should be able to find something," Carlisle said. "Does anything sound particularly good, Bella?"

"I'll think about it and let you know," She said, her voice sounding stronger. She looked up at Edyth and they exchanged smiles. Edyth's smile was brittle, but there was more life on her face than before.

I blinked then, and almost forgot how to open my eyes again.

"Julie," Edyth murmured. "You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything—I promise I'll find you if there's a need."

"Sure, sure," I mumbled. Now that it appeared Bella had a few more hours, I could escape. Go curl up under a tree somewhere... Far enough away that the smell couldn't reach me. The bloodsucker would wake me up if something went wrong. She owed me.

"I do," Edyth agreed.

I nodded and then put my hand on Bella's. Her skin was icy cold again.

"Feel better," I said.

"Thank you, Julie. Really." She turned her hand over and squeezed mine. I felt the thin band of her wedding ring riding loose on her skinny finger. "And I'm sorry."

"Get her a blanket or something," I muttered as I turned for the door.

Before I made it, two howls pierced the still morning air. There was no mistaking the urgency of the tone. No misunderstanding this time.

"Dammit," I snarled, and I threw myself through the door. I hurled my body off the porch, letting the fire rip me apart midair. There was a sharp tearing sound as my shorts .Those were the only clothes I had. Didn't matter now. I landed on paws and took off toward the west.

What is it?I shouted in my head.

Incoming,Seth least three.

Did they split up?

I'm running the line back to Seth at the speed of light,Liam promised. I could feel the air huffing through his lungs as he pushed himself to an incredible velocity. The forest whipped around far, no other point of attack.

Seth, do not challenge them. Wait for me.

They're slowing. Ugh—it's sooffnot being able to hear them. I think...

What?

I think they've stopped.

Waiting for the rest of the pack?

Shh. Feel that?

I absorbed his impressions. The faint, soundless shimmer in the air.

Someone's phasing? Feels like it,Seth agreed.

Liam flew into the small open space where Seth waited. He raked his claws into the dirt, spinning out like a race car.

Got your back, bro.

They're coming,Seth said . Walking.

Almost there,I told them. I tried to fly like Liam. It felt horrible being separated from Seth and Liam with potential danger closer to their end than mine. Wrong. I should be with them, between them and whatever was coming.

Look who's getting all paternal,Liam thought wryly.

Head in the game, Liam.

Four,Seth decided. Kid had good wolves, one man.

I made the little clearing then, moving immediately to the point. Seth sighed with relief and then straightened up, already in place at my right shoulder. Liam fell in on my left with a little less enthusiasm.

So now I rank under Seth,he grumbled to himself.

First come, first served,Seth thought smugly.'Sides, you were never an Alpha's Third before. Still an upgrade.

Under my baby brother is not an upgrade.

Shh!I complained.I don't care where you stand. Shut up and get ready.

They came into view a few seconds later, walking, as Seth had thought. Jared in the front, human, hands up. Paul and Quil and Collin on four legs behind him. There was no aggression in their postures. They hung back behind Jared, ears up, alert but calm.

But... it was weird that Sam would send Collin rather than Embry. That wasn't what I would do if I were sending a diplomacy party into enemy territory. I wouldn't send a kid. I'd send the experienced fighter.

A diversion?Liam thought.

Were Sam, Embry, and Brady making a move alone? That didn't seem likely.

Want me to check? I can run the line and be back in two minutes.

Should I warn the Cullens?Seth wondered.

What if the point was to divide us?I Cullens know something's up. They're ready.

Sam wouldn't be so stupid...,Liam whispered, fear jagged in his mind. He was imagining Sam attacking the Cullens with only the two others beside him.

No, he wouldn't,I assured him, though I felt a little sick at the image in his head, too.

All the while, Jared and the three wolves stared at us, waiting. It was eerie not to hear what Quil and Paul and Collin were saying to one another. Their expressions were blank —unreadable.

Jared cleared his throat, and then he nodded to me. "White flag of truce, Julie. We're here to talk."

Think it's true?Seth sense, but...

Yeah,Liam .

We didn't relax.

Jared frowned. "It would be easier to talk if I could hear you, too."

I stared him down. I wasn't going to phase back until I felt better about this situation. Until it made sense. Why Collin? That was the part that had me most worried.

"Okay. I guess I'll just talk, then," Jared said. "Julie, we want you to come back."

Quil let out a soft whine behind him. Seconding the statement.

"You've torn our family apart. It's not meant to be this way."

I wasn't exactly in disagreement with that, but it was hardly the point. There were a few unresolved differences of opinion between me and Sam at the moment.

"We know that you feel... strongly about the situation with the Cullens. We know that's a problem. But this is an overreaction."

Seth ? And attacking our allies without warning isn't?

Seth, you ever heard of a poker face? Cool it.

Sorry.

Jared's eyes flickered to Seth and back to me. "Sam is willing to take this slowly, Julie. He's calmed down, talked to the other Elders. They've decided that immediate action is in no one's best interest at this point."

Translation: They've already lost the element of surprise,Liam thought.

It was weird how distinct our joint thinking was. The pack was already Sam's pack, was already "them" to us. Something outside and other. It was especially weird to have Liam thinking that way—to have him be a solid part of the "us."

"Billy and Sue agree with you, Julie, that we can wait for Bella..." He paused, choosing his words more carefully, "We can wait and see how this illness plays out. Killing her is not something any of us feel comfortable with."

Though I'd just given Seth crap for it, I couldn't hold back a small snarl of my own. So they didn't quite feel comfortablewith murder, huh?

Jared raised his hands again. "Easy, Julie. You know what I mean. The point is, we're going to wait and reassess the situation. Decide later if there's a problem with the... treaty."

Ha,Liam a load.

You don't buy it?

I know what they're thinking, Julie. What Sam's thinking. They're betting on Bella dying anyway. And then they figure you'll be so torn up...

That I'll lead the attack ears pressed against my skull. What Liam was guessing sounded pretty spot-on. And very possible, too. When... if the disease killed Bella, it was going to be easy to forget how I felt about Carlisle's family right now. They would probably look like enemies—like no more than bloodsucking leeches—to me all over again.

I'll remind you,Seth whispered.

I know you will, kid. Question is whether I'll listen to you.

"Julie?" Jared asked.

I huffed a sigh.

Liam, make a circuit—just to be sure. I'm going to have to talk to him, and I want to be positive there isn't anything else going on while I'm phased.

Give me a break, Julie. You can phase in front of me. Despite my best efforts, I've seen you naked before—doesn't do much for me, so no worries.

I'm not trying to protect the innocence of your eyes, I'm trying to protect our backs. Get out of here.

Liam snorted once and then launched himself into the forest. I could hear his claws cutting into the soil, pushing him faster.

Nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life. We'd all thought nothing of it before Liam came along. Then it got awkward. Mostly for Liam and me. Being the only two in the pack who were interested in guys, we sometimes caught each other looking a second longer than we should. It was always super awkward, but it wasn't like Liam wasn't worth looking at I mean I am a bisexual girl...

Julie. Really?Seth shook his head, that's still my brother.

In your dreams, Julie Black. Liam thought as he ran, amused and annoyed all at once.

"Where's he going?" Jared asked, snapping me back to the present situation.

He and the others were staring at the place where Liam had disappeared into the brush with wary expressions.

I ignored him, closing my eyes and pulling myself together again. It felt like the air was trembling around me, shaking out from me in small waves. I lifted myself up on my hind legs, catching the moment just right so that I was fully upright as I shimmered down into my human self.

"Oh," Jared said. "Hey, Julie."

"Hey, Jared."

"Thanks for talking to me."

"Yeah."

"We want you to come back, Julie."

Quil whined again.

"I don't know if it's that easy, Jared."

"Come home," he said, leaning forward. Pleading. "We can sort this out. You don't belong here. Let Seth and Liam come home, too."

I laughed. "Right. Like I haven't been begging them to do that from hour one."

Seth snorted behind me.

Jared assessed that, his eyes cautious again. "So, what now, then?"

I thought that over for a minute while he waited.

"I don't know. But I'm not sure things could just go back to normal anyway, Jared. I don't know how it works—it doesn't feel like I can just turn this Alpha thing off and on as the mood strikes. It feels sort of permanent."

"You still belong with us."

I raised my eyebrows. "Two Alphas can't belong in the same place, Jared. Remember how close it got last night? The instinct is too competitive."

"So are you all just going to hang out with the parasites for the rest of your lives?" he demanded. "You don't have a home here. You're already out of clothes," he pointed out. "You gonna stay wolf all the time? You know Liam doesn't like eating that way."

"Liam can do whatever he wants when he gets hungry. He's here by his own choice.I'm not telling anyone what to do."

Jared sighed. "Sam is sorry about what he did to you."

I nodded. "I'm not angry anymore."

"But?"

"But I'm not coming back, not now. We're going to wait and see how it plays out, too. And we're going to watch out for the Cullens for as long as that seems necessary. Because, despite what you think, this isn't just about Bella. We're protecting those who should be protected. And that applies to the Cullens, too." At least a fair number of them, anyway.

Seth yelped softly in agreement.

Jared frowned. "I guess there's nothing I can say to you, then."

"Not now. We'll see how things go."

Jared turned to face Seth, concentrating on him now, separate from me. "Sue asked me to tell you—no, to beg you—to come home. She's brokenhearted, Seth. All alone. I don't know how you and Liam can do this to her. Abandon her this way, when your dad just barely died—"

Seth whimpered.

"Ease up, Jared," I warned.

"Just letting him know how it is."

I snorted. "Right." Sue was tougher than anyone I knew. Tougher than my dad, tougher than me. Tough enough to play on her kids' sympathies if that's what it took to get them home. But it wasn't fair to work Seth that way. "Sue's known about this for how many hours now? And most of that time spent with Billy and Old Quil and Sam? Yeah, I'm sure she's just perishing of loneliness. 'Course you're free to go if you want, Seth. You know that."

Seth sniffed.

Then, a second later, he cocked an ear to the north. Liam must be close. Jeez, he was fast. Two beats, and Liam skidded to a stop in the brush a few yards away. He trotted in, taking the point in front of Seth. He kept his nose in the air, very obviously not looking in my direction.

I appreciated that.

"Liam?" Jared asked.

He met Jared's gaze, his muzzle pulling back a little over his teeth.

Jared didn't seem surprised by his hostility. "Liam, you know you don't want to be here."

He snarled at him. I gave Liam a warning glance he didn't see. Seth whined and nudged him with his shoulder.

"Sorry," Jared said. "Guess I shouldn't assume. But you don't have any ties to the bloodsuckers."

Liam very deliberately looked at his brother and then at me.

"So you want to watch out for Seth, I get that," Jared said. His eyes touched my face and then went back to Liam's. Probably wondering about that second look—just like I was. "But Julie's not going to let anything happen to him, and he's not afraid to be here." Jared made a face. "Anyway,please, Liam. We want you back. Sam wants you back."

Liam's tail twitched.

"Sam told me to beg. He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to. He wants you home, Lee-Lee, where you belong."

I saw Liam flinch when Jared used Sam's old nickname for him. And then, when he added those last three words, his hackles rose and he was yowling a long stream of snarls through his teeth. I didn't have to be in his head to hear the cussing-out he was giving Jared, and neither did he. You could almost hear the exact words Liam was using.

I waited till he was done. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Liam belongs wherever he wants to be."

Liam growled, but, as he was glaring at Jared, I figured it was in agreement.

"Look, Jared, we're still family, okay? We'll get past the feud, but, until we do, you probably ought to stick to your land. Just so there aren't misunderstandings. Nobody wants a family brawl, right? Sam doesn't want that, either, does he?"

"Of course, not," Jared snapped. "We'll stick to our land. But where is your land, Julie? Is it vampire land?"

"No, Jared. Homeless at the moment. But don't worry—this isn't going to last forever." I had to take a breath. "There's not that much time... left. Okay? Then the Cullens will probably go, and Seth and Liam will come home."

Liam and Seth whined together, their noses turning my direction in synchronization.

"And what about you, Julie?"

"Back to the forest, I think. I can't really stick around La Push. Two Alphas means too much tension. 'Sides, I was headed that way anyway. Before this mess."

"What if we need to talk?" Jared asked.

"Howl—but watch the line, 'kay? We'll come to you. And Sam doesn't need to send so many. We aren't looking for a fight."

Jared scowled, but nodded. He didn't like me setting conditions for Sam. "See you around, Julie. Or not." He waved halfheartedly.

"Wait, Jared. Is Embry okay?"

Surprise crossed his face. "Embry? Sure, he's fine. Why?"

"Just wondering why Sam sent Collin."

I watched his reaction, still suspicious that something was going on. I saw knowledge flash in his eyes, but it didn't look like the kind I was expecting.

"That's not really your business anymore, Julie."

"Guess not. Just curious."

I saw a twitch from the corner of my eye, but I didn't acknowledge it, because I didn't want to give Quil away. He was reacting to the subject.

"I'll let Sam know about your... instructions. Goodbye, Julie."

I sighed. "Yeah. Bye, Jared. Hey, tell my dad that I'm okay, will you? And that I'm sorry, and that I love him."

"I'll pass that along."

"Thanks."

"C'mon, guys," Jared said. He turned away from us, tugging his clothes off as he prepared to phase. Paul and Collin were right on his heels, but Quil hesitated. He yelped softly, and I took a step toward him.

"Yeah, I miss you, too, bro."

Quil jogged over to me, his head hanging down morosely. I patted his shoulder. "It'll be okay."

He whined.

"Tell Embry I miss having you two on my flanks."

He nodded and then pressed his nose to my forehead. Liam snorted. Quil looked up, but not at him. He looked back over his shoulder at where the others had gone.

"Yeah, go home," I told him.

Quil yelped again and then took off after the others. I'd bet Jared wasn't waiting super- patiently. As soon as he was gone, I pulled the warmth from the center of my body and let it surge through my limbs. In a flash of heat, I was on four legs again.

Thought you were going to make out with him,Liam snickered. I ignored him.

Was that okay?I asked them. It worried me, speaking for them that way, when I couldn't hear exactly what they were thinking. I didn't want to assume anything. I didn't want to be like Jared that I say anything you didn't want me to? Did I not say something I should have?

You did great, Julie!Seth encouraged.

You could have hit Jared,Liam thought.I wouldn't have minded that.

I guess we know why Embry wasn't allowed to come,Seth thought.

I didn't allowed?

Julie, did ya see Quil? He's pretty torn up, right? I'd put ten to one that Embry's even more upset. And Embry doesn't have an Elise. There's no way Quil can just pick up and walk away from La Push. Embry might. So Sam's not going to take any chances on him getting convinced to jump ship. He doesn't want our pack any bigger than it is now.

Really? You think? I doubt Embry would mind shredding some Cullens.

But he's your best friend, Julie. He and Quil would rather stand behind you than face you in a fight.

Well, I'm glad Sam kept him home, then. This pack is big enough.I , then. So we're good, for now. Seth, you mind keeping an eye on things for a while? Liam and I both need to crash. This felt on the level, but who knows? Maybe it was a distraction.

I wasn't always so paranoid, but I remembered the feel of Sam's commitment. The total one-track focus on destroying the danger he saw. Would he take advantage of the fact that he could lie to us now?

No problem!Seth was only too eager to do whatever he want me to explain to the Cullens? They're probably still kinda tense.

I got it. I want to check things out anyway.

They caught the whir of images from my fried brain.

Seth whimpered in .

Liam tilted his head to the side, 's… Huh. Well, if it works, I guess..

Hey, maybe you passed some of your healing powers to Bella!Seth thought excitedly,Maybe you're making her better! That would be so cool!

Both Liam and I stared at him.

What?

Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby,Liam told me.

On his head, apparently.I mused.

He used to gnaw on the crib bars, too.

Lead paint?

Looks like it,Liam thought.

Seth . Why don't you two shut up and sleep?


	14. you feel guilty for being rude to vampir

When I got back to the house, there was no one waiting outside for my report. Still on alert?

Everything's cool,I thought tiredly.

My eyes quickly caught a small change in the now-familiar scene. There was a stack of light-colored fabric on the bottom step of the porch. I loped over to investigate. Holding my breath, because the vampire smell stuck to the fabric like you wouldn't believe, I nudged the stack with my nose.

Someone had laid out clothes. Huh. Edyth must have caught my moment of irritation as I'd bolted out the door. Well. That was... nice. And weird.

I took the clothes gingerly between my teeth—ugh—and carried them back to the trees. Just in case this was some joke by the blond psychopath and I had a bunch of the little psychic's stuff here. Bet he'd love to see the look on my human face as I stood there naked, holding a tiny sundress.

In the cover of the trees, I dropped the stinking pile and shifted back to human. I shook the clothes out, snapping them against a tree to beat some of the smell from them. They were definitely guy's clothes—tan pants and a white button-down shirt. Neither of them long enough, but they looked like they'd fit around me. Must be Emmett's. I rolled the cuffs up on the shirtsleeves, but there wasn't much I could do about the pants. Oh well.

I had to admit, I felt better with some clothes to my name, even stinky ones that didn't quite fit. It was hard not being able to just jet back home and grab another pair of old sweatpants when I needed them. The homeless thing again—not having any place to go back to. No possessions, either, which wasn't bothering me too bad now, but would probably get annoying soon.

Exhausted, I walked slowly up the Cullens' porch steps in my fancy new secondhand clothes but hesitated when I got to the door. Did I knock? Stupid, when they knew I was here. I wondered why no one acknowledged that—told me either to come in or get lost. Whatever. I shrugged and let myself in.

More changes. The room had shifted back to normal—almost—in the last twenty minutes. The big flat-screen was on, low volume, showing some chick flick that no one seemed to be watching. Carlisle and Esme stood by the back windows, which were open to the river again. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett were out of sight, but I heard them murmuring upstairs. Bella was on the couch like yesterday, with just one tube still hooked into her, and an IV hanging behind the back of the sofa. She was wrapped up like a burrito in a couple of thick quilts, so at least they'd listened to me before. Royal was cross-legged on the ground by Bella's head. Edyth sat at the other end of the couch with Bella's burrito'ed feet in her lap. She looked up when I came in and smiled at me— just a little twitch of her mouth—like something pleased her.

Bella didn't hear me. She only glanced up when Edyth did, and then she smiled, too. There was more energy in her face than before, but there was still something sad in her smile. Behind her eyes. There was something else there, too. It was a desperateness in her smile. It wasn't… It wasn't the way she looked at Edyth. It wasn't the loving way she would look at her precious vampire.

But what was it? I didn't understand it. It made me hurt. Hurt because I knew she wasn't ever going to love me, not like she loved Edyth. And it made me hurt because there was still something in that smile. Not love, or maybe it was. It just wasn't the kind of love I wanted from her.

Edyth was frowning a bit now. Her eyes drifted over to Bella, like she was trying to understand the emotions behind Bella's eyes just as much as I was.

"They just wanted to talk," I mumbled, my voice dragging with exhaustion. "No attack on the horizon."

"Yes," Edyth answered. "I heard most of it."

That woke me up a little. We'd been a good three miles out. "How?"

"I'm hearing you more clearly—it's a matter of familiarity and concentration. Also, your thoughts are slightly easier to pick up when you're in your human form. So I caught most of what passed out there."

"Oh." It bugged me a little, but for no good reason, so I shrugged it off. "Good. I hate repeating myself."

"I'd tell you to go get some sleep," Bella said, "but my guess is that you're going to pass out on the floor in about six seconds, so there's probably no point."

It was amazing how much better she sounded, how much stronger she looked. I was pleased, in a weird way, knowing it was my blood that had helped her so much. At least there was something I could do for Bella.

I headed for the door, counting off the seconds for her as I walked. "One Mississippi... two Mississippi . . ."

"Where's the flood, mutt?" Royal muttered.

"You know how you drown a blond, Royal?" I asked without stopping or turning to look at him. "Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

I heard Edyth chuckle as I pulled the door shut. Her mood seemed to improve in exact correlation to Bella's health.

"I've already heard that one," Royal called after me.

I trudged down the steps, my only goal to drag myself far enough into the trees that the air would be pure again. I planned to ditch the clothes a convenient distance from the house for future use rather than tying them to my leg, so I wouldn't be smelling them, either. As I fumbled with the buttons on the new shirt, I thought randomly about how buttons would never be in style for werewolves.

I heard the voices while I slogged across the lawn.

"Where are you going?" Bella asked.

"There was something I forgot to say to her."

"Let Julie sleep—it can wait."

Yes,please, let Julie sleep.

"It will only take a moment."

I turned slowly. Edyth was already out the door. She had an apology in her expression as she approached me.

"Jeez, whatnow?"

"I'm sorry," she said, and then she hesitated, like she didn't know how to phrase what she was thinking.

What's on your mind, mind reader?

"When you were speaking to Sam's delegates earlier," she murmured, "I was giving a play-by-play for Carlisle and Esme and the rest. They were concerned—"

"Look, we're not dropping our guard. You don't have to believe Sam like we do. We're keeping our eyes open regardless."

"No, no, Julie. Not about that. We trust your judgment. Rather, Esme was troubled by the hardships this is putting your pack through. She asked me to speak to you privately about it."

That took me off guard. "Hardships?"

"The homeless part, particularly. She's very upset that you are all so... bereft."

I snorted. Vampire mother hen—bizarre. "We're tough. Tell her not to worry."

"She'd still like to do what she can. I got the impression that Liam prefers not to eat in his wolf form?"

"And?" I demanded.

"Well, we do have normal human food here, Julie. Keeping up appearances, and, of course, for Bella. Liam is welcome to anything he'd like. All of you are."

"I'll pass that along."

"Liam hates us."

"So?"

"So try to pass it along in such a way as to make him consider it, if you don't mind."

"I'll do what I can."

"And then there's the matter of clothes."

I glanced down at the ones I was wearing. "Oh yeah. Thanks." It probably wouldn't be good manners to mention how bad they reeked.

She smiled, just a little. "Well, we're easily able to help out with any needs there. Alice rarely allows us to wear the same thing twice. We've got piles of brand-new clothes that are destined for Goodwill, and I'd imagine that Liam is fairly close to Jasper's size…"

"Not sure how he'll feel about bloodsucker castoffs. He's not as practical as I am."

"I trust that you can present the offer in the best possible light. As well as the offer for any other physical object you might need, or transportation, or anything else at all. And showers, too, since you prefer to sleep outdoors. Please... don't consider yourselves without the benefits of a home."

She said the last line softly—not trying to keep quiet this time, but with some kind of real emotion.

I stared at her for a second, blinking sleepily. "That's, er, nice of you. Tell Esme we appreciate the, uh, thought. But the perimeter cuts through the river in a few places, so we stay pretty clean, thanks."

"If you would pass the offer on, regardless."

"Sure, sure."

"Thank you."

I turned away from her, only to stop cold when I heard a dull thud, and the low, pained cry from inside the house. By the time I looked back, she was already gone.

What now?

I followed after her, shuffling like a zombie. Using about the same number of brain cells, too. It didn't feel like I had a choice. Something was wrong. I would go see what it was. There would be nothing I could do. And I would feel worse.

It seemed inevitable.

I let myself in again. Bella was on the floor in front of the couch panting. Royal held her while Edyth, Carlisle, and Esme all hovered. A flicker of motion caught my eye; Alice was at the top of the stairs, staring down into the room with her hands pressed to her temples. It was weird—like she was barred from entering somehow.

"Give me a second, Carlisle," Bella panted.

"Bella," the doctor said anxiously, "I heard something crack. I need to take a look."

"Pretty sure"—pant—"it was a rib. Ow. Yep. Right here." She pointed to her left side, careful not to touch.

"What happened?" I demanded.

"My fault," Bella winced, "I tried to stand up, I fell, no big deal."

"I need to take an X-ray to assess the damage."

Bella took a deep breath. "Okay."

Royal lifted Bella carefully. Edyth seemed like she was going to argue, but Royal bared his teeth at her and growled, "I've already got her."

So Bella was stronger now, but she was still weak—fragile. No way to win.

Blondie carried Bella swiftly up the big staircase with Carlisle and Edyth right on his heels, none of them taking any notice of me standing dumbstruck in the doorway.

So they had a blood bankandan X-ray machine? Guess the doc brought his work home with him.

I was too tired to follow them, too tired to move. I leaned back against the wall and then slid to the ground. The door was still open, and I pointed my nose toward it, grateful for the clean breeze blowing in. I leaned my head against the jamb and listened.

I could hear the sound of the X-ray machinery upstairs. Or maybe I just assumed that's what it was. And then the lightest of footsteps coming down the stairs. I didn't look to see which vampire it was.

"Do you want a pillow?" Alice asked me.

"No," I mumbled. What was with the pushy hospitality? It was creeping me out.

"That doesn't look comfortable," she observed.

"S'not."

"Why don't you move, then?"

"Tired. Why aren't you upstairs with the rest of them?" I shot back.

"Headache," she answered.

I rolled my head around to look at her.

Alice was a tiny little thing. 'Bout the size of one of my arms. She looked even smaller now, sort of hunched in on herself. Her small face was pinched.

"Vampires get headaches?"

"Not the normal ones."

I snorted. Normal vampires.

"So how come you're never with Bella anymore?" I asked, making the question an accusation. It hadn't occurred to me before, because my head had been full of other crap, but it was weird that Alice was never around Bella, not since I'd been here. Maybe if Alice were by her side, Royal wouldn't be. "Thought you two were like this." I twisted two of my fingers together.

"Like I said"—she curled up on the tile a few feet from me, wrapping her skinny arms around her skinny knees—"headache."

"Bella's giving you a headache?"

"Yes."

I frowned. Pretty sure I was too tired for riddles. I let my head roll back around toward the fresh air and closed my eyes.

"Not Bella, really," she amended. "her illness."

I turned my head slightly to look at her, she seemed deeply annoyed.

"It changes so quickly," she told me, though she might have been talking to herself. For all she knew, I was already gone. "At first, I saw Bella die. Then I saw her better. Then a vampire. Then dead again. The disease changes so quickly, and Bella's future changes with it. But it changes so suddenly and quickly it's like she's… blurry. Like bad reception on a TV—like trying to focus your eyes on those fuzzy people jerking around on the screen. It's killing my head to watch her. And I can't see more than a few minutes ahead, anyway. And when she first decided... when she knew she wanted to stay human, she blurred right out of my sight. Scared me to death."

She was quiet for a second, and then she added, "I have to admit, it's a relief having you close by—in spite of the wet-dog smell. I can't see you. Everything goes away. Like having my eyes closed. It numbs the headache."

"Happy to be of service, ma'am," I mumbled.

"I just wish I could be more useful," she finally said.

"I know the feeling," I sighed.

"You don't mind if I sit here by you, do you?" she asked.

"Guess not. Stinks anyway."

"Thanks," she said. "This is the best thing for it, I guess, since I can't take aspirin."

"Could you keep it down? Sleeping, here."

She didn't respond, immediately lapsing into silence. I was out in seconds.

I was dreaming that I was really thirsty. And there was a big glass of water in front of me—all cold, you could see the condensation running down the sides. I grabbed the cup and took a huge gulp, only to find out pretty quick that it wasn't water—it was straight bleach. I choked it back out, spewing it everywhere, and a bunch of it blew out of my nose. It burned. My nose was on fire...

The pain in my nose woke me up enough to remember where I'd fallen asleep. The smell was pretty fierce, considering that my nose wasn't actually inside the house. Ugh. And it was noisy. Someone was laughing too loud. A familiar laugh, but one that didn't go with the smell. Didn't belong.

I groaned and opened my eyes. The skies were dull gray—it was daytime, but no clue as to when. Maybe close to sunset—it was pretty dark.

"About time," Blondie mumbled from not too far away. "The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired."

I rolled over and wrenched myself into a sitting position. In the process, I figured out where the smell was coming from. Someone had stuffed a wide feather pillow under my face. Probably trying to be nice, I'd guess. Unless it'd been Royal.

Once my face was out of the stinking feathers, I caught other scents. Like bacon and cinnamon, all mixed up with the vampire smell.

I blinked, taking in the room.

Things hadn't changed too much, except that now Bella was sitting up in the middle of the sofa, and the IV was gone. Blondie sat at her feet, his head resting against Bella's knees. Still gave me chills to see how casually they touched her, though I guess that was pretty brain-dead, all things considered. Edyth was on one side of Bella, holding her hand. Alice was on the floor, too, like Royal. Her face wasn't pinched up now. And it was easy to see why—she'd found another painkiller.

"Hey, Julie's coming around!" Seth crowed.

He was sitting on Bella's other side, looking like he had just had a shower, his arm slung carelessly over her shoulders, an overflowing plate of food on his lap.

What the hell?

"He came to find you," Edyth said while I got to my feet. "And Esme convinced him to stay for breakfast."

Seth took in my expression, and he hurried to explain. "Yeah, Julie—I was just checking to see if you were okay 'cause you didn't ever phase back. Liam got worried. I told him you probably just crashed human, but you know how Liam is. Anyway, they had all this food and, dang,"—he turned to Edyth—"girl, you can cook."

"Thank you," Edyth murmured.

I inhaled slowly, trying to unclench my teeth. I couldn't take my eyes of Seth's arm.

"Bella got cold," Edyth said quietly.

Right. None of my business, anyway. She wasn't mine to be jealous about.

Seth heard Edyth's comment, looked at my face, and suddenly he needed both hands to eat with. He took his arm off Bella and dug in. I walked over to stand a few feet from the couch, still trying to get my bearings.

"Liam running patrol?" I asked Seth. My voice was still thick with sleep.

"Yeah," he said as he chewed. Seth had new clothes on, too. They fit him better than mine fit me. "He's on it. No worries. He'll howl if there's anything. We traded off around midnight. I ran twelve hours." He was proud of that, and it showed in his tone.

"Midnight? Wait a minute—what time is it now?"

"'Bout dawn." He glanced toward the window, checking.

Well,damn. I'd slept through the rest of the day and the whole night—dropped the ball. "Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake."

"Naw, Julie, you needed some serious sleep. You haven't taken a break since when? Night before your last patrol for Sam? Like forty hours? Fifty? You're not a machine, Julie. 'Sides, you didn't miss anything at all."

Nothing at all? I glanced quickly at Bella. Her color was back to the way I remembered it. Pale, but with the rose undertone. Her lips were pink again. Even Her hair looked better—shinier. She saw me appraising and gave me a grin. There was something off about her smile, again. But I still couldn't figure what.

"How's the rib?" I asked.

"Taped up nice and tight. I don't even feel it."

I rolled my eyes. I heard Edyth grind her teeth together, and I figured Bella's blow-it-off attitude bugged her as much at it bugged me.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked, a little sarcastic. "Did the vampire prepare a five-star, three course meal?"

Bella stuck her tongue out at me. Totally herself again. "Omelets and cinnamon rolls!" She said enthusiastically, but her eyes darted down to her plate. There were a few saltine crackers and some apple slices. "Well, for those of us who can stomach that much."

"Go get some breakfast, Julie," Seth said. "There's a bunch in the kitchen. You've got to be empty."

I examined the food in his lap. Looked like half a cheese omelet and the last fourth of a Frisbee-sized cinnamon roll. My stomach growled, but I ignored it.

"What's Liam having for breakfast?" I asked Seth critically.

"Hey, I took food to him before I ate anything," he defended himself. "He said he'd rather eat road kill, but I bet he caves. These cinnamon rolls... " He seemed at a loss for words.

"I'll go hunt with him, then."

Seth sighed as I turned to leave.

"A moment, Julie?"

It was Carlisle asking, so when I turned around again, my face was probably less disrespectful than it would have been if anyone else had stopped me.

"Yeah?"

Carlisle approached me while Esme drifted off toward the other room. He stopped a few feet away, just a little bit farther away than the normal space between two humans having a conversation. I appreciated him giving me my space.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you, if you're still willing, to donate more blood for Bella. In normal circumstances, it would be far too soon. However, I believe your regenerative abilities may compensate for another donation so quickly."

"Sure, sure. You wanna do it now?" I asked.

"In a moment," he hesitated. "There was something else."

"What is it?"

"Well, speaking of hunting," he began in a somber tone. "That's going to be an issue for my family. I understand that our previous truce is inoperative at the moment, so I wanted your advice. Will Sam be hunting for us outside of the perimeter you've created? We don't want to take a chance with hurting any of your family—or losing any of ours. If you were in our shoes, how would you proceed?"

I leaned away, a little surprised, when he threw it back at me like that. What would I know about being in a bloodsucker's expensive shoes? But, then again, I did know Sam.

"It's a risk," I said, trying to ignore the other eyes I felt on me and to talk only to him. "Sam's calmed down some, but I'm pretty sure that in his head, the treaty is void. As long as he thinks the tribe, or any other human, is in real danger, he's not going to ask questions first, if you know what I mean. But, with all that, his priority is going to be La Push. There really aren't enough of them to keep a decent watch on the people while putting out hunting parties big enough to do much damage. I'd bet he's keeping it close to home."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.

"So I guess I'd say, go out together, just in case. And probably you should go in the day, 'cause we'd be expecting night. Traditional vampire stuff. You're fast—go over the mountains and hunt far enough away that there's no chance he'd send anyone that far from home."

"And leave Bella behind, unprotected?"

I snorted. "What are we, chopped liver?"

Carlisle laughed, and then his face was serious again. "Julie, you can't fight against your brothers."

My eyes tightened. "I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but if they were really coming to kill her—I would be able to stop them."

Carlisle shook his head, anxious. "No, I didn't mean that you would be... incapable. But that it would be very wrong. I can't have that on my conscience."

"It wouldn't be on yours, Doc. It would be on mine. And I can take it."

"No, Julie. We will make sure that our actions don't make that a necessity." He frowned thoughtfully "We'll go three at a time," he decided after a second. "That's probably the best we can do."

"I don't know, Doc. Dividing down the middle isn't the best strategy."

"We've got some extra abilities that will even it up. If Edyth is one of the three, she'll be able to give us a few miles' radius of safety."

We both glanced at Edyth. Her expression had Carlisle backtracking quickly.

"I'm sure there are other ways, too," Carlisle said. Clearly, there was no physical need strong enough to get Edyth away from Bella now. "Alice, I would imagine you could see which routes would be a mistake?"

"The ones that disappear," Alice said, nodding. "Easy."

Edyth, who had gone all tense with Carlisle's first plan, loosened up. Bella was staring unhappily at Alice, that little crease between her eyes that she got when she was stressed out.

"Okay, then," I said. "That's settled. After we're done with the bloodletting, I'll just be on my way. Seth, I'll expect you back on at dusk, so get a nap in there somewhere, all right?"

"Sure, Julie. I'll phase back soon as I'm done. Unless..." he hesitated, looking at Bella. "Do you need me?"

"She's got blankets," I snapped at him.

"I'm fine, Seth, thanks," Bella said quickly.

And then Esme flitted back in the room, a big covered dish in her hands. She stopped hesitantly just behind Carlisle's elbow, her wide, dark gold eyes on my face. She held the dish out and took a shy step closer.

"Julie," she said quietly. Her voice wasn't quite so piercing as the others'. "I know it's... unappetizing to you, the idea of eating here, where it smells so unpleasant. But I would feel much better if you would take some food with you when you go. I know you can't go home, and that's because of us. Please—ease some of my remorse. Take something to eat." She held the food out to me, her face all soft and pleading. I don't know how she did it, because she didn't look older than her mid-twenties, and she was bone pale, too, but something about her expression suddenly reminded me of my mom.

Jeez.

"Uh, sure, sure," I mumbled. "I guess. Maybe Liam's still hungry or something."

I reached out and took the food with one hand. I mean, food was food, so I guessed it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to eat it.

"Thank you, Julie," Esme said, smiling at me. How did a stone face have dimples, for crying out loud?

"Um, thank you," I said. My face felt hot—hotter than usual.

This was the problem with hanging out with vampires—you got used to them. They started messing up the way you saw the world. They started feeling like friends.

"Julie, if you don't mind coming upstairs? We'll be quick." Carlisle said gently.

Oh, right, more blood donation.

"Will you come back later, Jules?" Bella asked as I tried to make a run for the stairs

"Uh, I don't know."

She pressed her lips together, like she wanted to say something but changed her mind. "It's up to you, Julie. No pressure. But… if you'd like to…" She trailed off.

I inhaled deeply through my nose, and then realized, too late, that that was not a good idea. I winced. "Maybe."

"Julie?" Esme asked. I turned toward her as she continued; she took a few steps after me. "I left a basket of clothes on the porch. They're for Liam. They're freshly washed—I tried to touch them as little as possible." She frowned. "Do you mind taking them to him?"

"On it," I muttered, and then I hurried up the stairs before anyone could guilt me into anything else.


	15. tick tock

**so in this chapter we get more insight into why Bella is doing what she's doing and in the next chapter Bella and Edythe talk which will put everything out in the open. I'm trying to do what the original novel failed to do which is have the charecters grow and mature breaking Dawn is a mess of a novel so I'm doing the best i can with it. and ik Bella is being selfish but yes it is not on purpose and she's going to realize that in the next chapter.**

Hey Julie, thought you said you wanted me at dusk. How come you didn't have Liam wake me up before he crashed?

'Cause I didn't need you. I'm still good.

He was already picking up the north half of the ?

Nope. Nothing but nothing.

You did some scouting?

He'd caught the edge of one of my side trips. He headed up the new trail.

Yeah—I ran a few spokes. You know, just checking. If the Cullens are going to make a hunting trip...

Good call.

Seth looped back toward the main perimeter.

It was easier to run with Seth than it was to do the same with Liam. Though Liam was trying—trying hard—there was always an edge to his thoughts. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to feel the softening toward the vampires that was going on in my head. He didn't want to deal with Seth's cozy friendship with them, a friendship that was only getting stronger.

Funny, though, I'd've thought his biggest issue would just be me. We'd always gotten on each other's nerves when we were in Sam's pack. But there was no antagonism toward me now at all, just the Cullens and Bella. I wondered why. Maybe it was simply gratitude that I wasn't forcing him to leave. Maybe it was because I understood his hostility better now. Whichever, running with Liam wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected.

Of course, he had made a pretty big fuss when I brought the food and clothes Esme had sent for him. At first he threatened to chuck them in the river. I'd decided to ignore his threats and sit down and eat my share—it did smell nearly irresistible away from the vampire burn. After a while he calmed down and begrudgingly ate some of the food. Then he took to sulking.

Maybe we should run a sweep east?Seth deep, see if they're out there waiting.

I was thinking about that,I let's do it when we're all awake. I don't want to let down our guard. We should do it before the Cullens give it a try, though. Soon.

Right.

That got me thinking.

If the Cullens were able to get out of the immediate area safely, they really ought to keep on going. They probably should have taken off the second we'd come to warn them. They had to be able to afford other digs. And they had friends up north, right? Take Bella and run. It seemed like an obvious answer to their problems.

I probably ought to suggest that, but I was afraid they would listen to me. And I didn't want to have Bella disappear—to never know whether she'd made it or not.

No, that was stupid. I would tell them to go. It made no sense for them to stay, and it would be better—not less painful, but healthier—for me if Bella left.

Easy to say now, when Bella wasn't right there, looking all sad at me and also clinging to life by her fingernails at the same time...

Oh, I already asked Edyth about that,Seth thought.

What?

I asked her why they hadn't taken off yet. Gone up to Taras' place or something. Somewhere too far for Sam to come after them.

I had to remind myself that I'd just decided to give the Cullens that exact advice. That it was best. So I shouldn't be mad at Seth for taking the chore out of my hands. Not mad at all.

So what did she say? Are they waiting for a window?

No. They're not leaving.

And that shouldn't sound like good news.

Why not? That's just stupid.

Not really,Seth said, defensive now. Edyth doesn't want to take any risks moving Bella.

She's better than she was.

Seriously,Seth agreed. In his head, he was comparing my memories of Bella hooked up to the tubes with the last time he'd seen her as he'd left the house. Bella had smiled at him and she can't move around much, you know. And her body is still pretty weak. Just one little tumble off the couch and she broke a freaking rib!

I swallowed back the pain.I know, I was there.

Oh,his thoughts grew somber, no, it happened earlier after you left. So I guess she's broken two now.

My stride faltered, and I staggered a step before I regained my rhythm.

Carlisle taped her up again. Just another crack, she said. Then Royal said something about how humans fall and crack ribs all the time. Edyth looked like she was gonna rip his head off.

Too bad she didn't.

Seth was in full report mode now—knowing it was all vitally interesting to me, though I'd never've asked to hear 's been running a fever off and on today. Just low grade—sweats and then chills. Carlisle's not sure what to make of it—the disease keeps… mutating, I guess.

Yeah, Carlisle mentioned that before.

Bella's in a decent mood, though. I mean, sometimes she seemed really sad. Like she was thinking about something.

Oh, so now she's thinking?Given the entire situation, I found that unlikely.

It's weird, sometimes she just looks so sad, but then she'll snap out of it and be totally fine. Like when she was chatting with Charlie, laughing and all—

Charlie!What?!What do you mean, she was talking to Charlie?!

Now Seth's pace stuttered; my fury surprised he calls every day to talk to her. Sometimes Bella's mom calls, too. Bella sounds so much better now, so she was reassuring them that she was on the mend—

On the mend? What the hell are they thinking?! Get Charlie's hopes up just so that he can be destroyed even worse if she dies? I thought they were getting him ready for that! Trying to prepare him! Why would Bella set him up like this?

She might not die,Seth thought quietly.

I took deep breath, trying to calm . You know how badly I want to believe she's going to pull through this. But chances are she won't. The second she's strong enough they're going to have to… to…I couldn't think the words. Anyway, she knows that, and so do the rest of them. If she doesn't die, she's going to have to do a pretty convincing impersonation of a corpse, kid. Either that, or disappear. I thought they were trying to make this easier on Charlie. Why... ?

Think it's Bella's idea. No one said anything, but Edyths face kinda went right along with what you're thinking now.

On the same wavelength with the bloodsucker yet again.

We ran in silence for a few minutes. I started off along a new line, probing south.

Don't get too far.

Why?

Bella asked me to ask you to stop by.

My teeth locked together.

Alice wants you, too. She says she's tired of hanging out in the attic like the vampire bat in the snorted a laugh.I was switching off with Edyth before. Trying to keep Bella's temperature stable. Cold to hot, as needed. I guess, if you don't want to do it, I could go back—

No. I got it,I snapped.

didn't make any more comments. He concentrated very hard on the empty forest.

I kept my southern course, searching for anything new. I turned around when I got close to the first signs of habitation. Not near the town yet, but I didn't want to get any wolf rumors going again. We'd been nice and invisible for a long while now.

I passed right through the perimeter on my way back, heading for the house. As much as I knew it was a stupid thing to do, I couldn't stop myself. I must be some kind of masochist.

There's nothing wrong with you, Julie. This isn't the most normal situation.

Shut up, please, Seth.

Shutting.

I didn't hesitate at the door this time; I just walked through like I owned the place. I figured that would piss Royal off, but it was a wasted effort. Neither Royal or Bella were anywhere in sight. I looked around wildly, hoping I'd missed them somewhere, my heart squeezing against my ribs in a weird, uncomfortable way.

"She's all right," Edyth whispered. "Or, the same, I should say."

Edyth was on the couch with her face in her hands; she hadn't looked up to speak. Esme was next to her, her arm wrapped tight around her shoulders.

"Hello, Julie," she said. "I'm so glad you came back."

"Me, too," Alice said with a deep sigh. She came prancing down the stairs, making a face. Like I was late for an appointment.

"Uh, hey," I said. It felt weird to try to be polite. "Where's Bella?"

"Bathroom," Alice told me. "Mostly fluid diet, you know."

"Ah."

I stood there awkwardly, rocking back and forth on my heels.

"Oh, wonderful," Royal grumbled. I whipped my head around and saw him coming from a hall half-hidden behind the stairway. He had Bella cradled gently in his arms, a harsh sneer on his face for me. "I knew I smelled something nasty."

And, just like before, Bella's face had that same sad smile. It was full of something I couldn't place, something that made me ache and scared me all at once.

It was so unfair.

"Julie," she said. "You came."

"Hi, babe."

Esme and Edyth both got up. I watched how carefully Royal laid Bella out on the couch. I watched how, despite that, Bella turned white and held her breath—like she was set on not making any noise no matter how much it hurt.

Edyth brushed her hand across Bella's forehead and then along her neck. She tried to make it look as if She was just sweeping her hair back, but it looked like a doctor's examination to me.

"Are you cold?" she murmured.

"I'm fine."

"Bella, you know what Carlisle told you," Royal said. "Don't downplay anything. It doesn't help us take care of you."

"Okay, I'm a little cold. Edyth, can you hand me that blanket?"

I rolled my eyes. "Isn't that sort of the point of me being here?"

"You just walked in," Bella said. "After running all day, I'd bet. Put your feet up for a minute. I'll probably warm up again in no time."

I ignored her, going to sit on the floor next the sofa while she was still telling me what to do. At that point, though, I wasn't sure how... she looked pretty brittle, and I was afraid to move her, even to put my arms around her. So I just leaned carefully against her side, letting my arm rest along the length of hers, and held her hand. Then I put my other hand against her face. It was hard to tell if she felt colder than usual.

"Thanks, Julie," she said, and I felt her shiver once.

"Yeah," I said.

Edyth sat on the arm of the sofa by Bella's feet, her eyes always on her face.

It was too much to hope, with all the super-hearing in the room, that no one would notice my stomach rumbling.

"Royal, why don't you get Julie something from the kitchen?" Alice said. She was invisible now, sitting quietly behind the back of the sofa.

Royal stared at the place Alice's voice had come from in disbelief.

"Thanks, anyway, Alice, but I don't think I'd want to eat something Blondie's spit in. I'd bet my system wouldn't take too kindly to venom."

"Royal would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality."

"Of course not," Blondie said in an overly kind voice that I immediately distrusted.

He got up and breezed out of the room.

Edyth sighed.

"You'd tell me if he poisoned it, right?" I asked.

"Yes," Edyth promised.

And for some reason I believed her.

There was a lot of banging in the kitchen, and—weirdly—the sound of metal protesting as it was abused. Edyth sighed again, but smiled just a little, too. Then Royal was back before I could think much more about it. With a pleased smirk, he set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.

"Enjoy, mongrel."

It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but he'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with his quick craftsmanship. And his attention to detail. He'd scratched the word Fidointo the side. Excellent handwriting.

Because the food looked pretty good—steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings—I told him, "Thanks, Blondie."

He snorted.

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?" I asked, and then continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."

"I've heard that one, too," he said, no longer smiling.

"I'll keep trying," I promised, and then I dug in.

He made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. Then he sat in one of the armchairs and started flicking through channels on the big TV so fast that there was no way he could really be surfing for something to watch.

The food was good, even with the vampire stink in the air. I was getting really used to that. Huh. Not something I'd been wanting to do, exactly...

When I was finished—though I was considering licking the bowl, just to give Royal something to complain about—I felt Bella's cold fingers pulling softly through my hair. She patted it down against the back of my neck.

"Time for a haircut, huh?"

"You're getting a little shaggy," she said.

"Yeah, look who's talking." I snorted, reaching back and gently ruffling the long mop of curls on Bella's head.

She laughed and gently pushed my hand away, "Maybe—"

"Let me guess, someone around here used to cut hair in a salon in Paris?"

She chuckled. "Probably."

"No thanks," I said before she could really offer. "I'm good for a few more weeks."

Which made me wonder how long she was good for. I tried not to think too much about it. But Bella continued, distracting me.

"Actually, I'm feeling much better. I could probably trim up the edges for you if you'd like." She offered.

"I guess I wouldn't mind that so much." I shrugged.

She continued running her hands through my hair.

"How's the heart?" I finally asked after a few quiet minutes.

"Hard to say," she replied softly. "Carlisle says I'm doing better. But obviously we don't want to rush into anything. That would be risky." She paused. "We want to wait a few more days before we make any big decisions, I guess. At least three or four days."

I couldn't make complete sense of it in my head. Bella's life was speeding by in fast-forward. Now a number on the days she had left. Four. Four measly days. It took me a minute to figure out how to swallow.

"You okay?" she asked.

I nodded, not really sure how my voice would come out.

Edyth's face was turned away from us as she listened to my thoughts, but I could see her reflection in the glass wall. She was the burning woman again.

Funny how having a deadline made it harder to think about leaving, or having Bella leave. I was glad Seth'd brought that up, so I knew they were staying here. It would be intolerable, wondering if they were about to go, to take away one or two or three of those four days. My four days.

Also funny how, even knowing that it was almost over, the hold Bella had on me only got harder to break. It was like every hour of her life that faded away pulled me in deeper.

For a minute I tried to look at her from a distance, to separate myself from the pull. I knew it wasn't my imagination that my need for her was stronger than ever. Why was that? Because she was dying? Or knowing that even if she didn't, still—best case scenario—she'd be changing into something else that I wouldn't know or understand?

She ran her finger across my cheekbone, and my skin was wet where she touched it.

"It's going to be okay," She soothed, sadness in her voice.

"Right," I muttered.

She curled against my arm, resting her head on my shoulder. "I didn't think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edyth, but I didn't believe them."

"Why not?" I asked gruffly.

"You're not happy here. But you came anyway."

"You wanted me here."

"I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood."

It was quiet for a minute. Edyth'd put her face back together. She looked at the TV as Royal went on flipping through the channels. He was into the six hundreds. I wondered how long it would take to get back to the beginning.

"Thank you for coming," Bella whispered.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Of course."

Edyth didn't look like she was paying attention to us at all, but she knew what I was about to ask, so she didn't fool me.

"Why do you want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he's probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when I walk in the door, you smile at me and you act like I'm your favorite person in the world."

"You're one of them."

"That sucks, you know."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Sorry."

"Why, though? You didn't answer that."

Edyth was looking away again, like she was staring out the windows. Her face was blank in the reflection.

"You're my best friend, Jules." She said simply. "I've never been able to get things right between us. I thought I might never get the chance. Things still might not end up right, but at least I have a chance to fix it."

"What are you trying to fix, Bella?"

"I just want you to be happy, Julie."

I could have been. If everything had actually gone my way. I could have been incredibly happy with Bella. But that was a far gone possibility now.

"I didn't want to change without making sure everything was right." She said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to make sure I had everything set up first," she explained. "A reason why I wouldn't be able to see everybody so I didn't have to just disappear. And I wanted to fix everything between us, before I had to say goodbye."

I didn't know what to say to her. Things were starting to make more sense to me now. Bella wasn't being stupid. She didn't have a death wish. She had wanted to stay human long enough to make her changing easier on everyone else.

I glanced back over to Edyth, her expression had hollowed out a bit again. There was something like guilt in the back of her burning eyes.

I looked back down at Bella's face then, so close to mine. Her eyes were shut and she was frowning. "We got off track, Julie. Out of balance. You're supposed to be part of my life —I can feel that, and so can you." She paused for a second without opening her eyes— like she was waiting for me to deny it. When I didn't say anything, she went on. "But not like this. We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track..." I could hear her sniffle a little. "I didn't realize before, how selfish I could be. This put everything into perspective."

Her voice trailed off, and the frown on her face relaxed until it was just a little pucker at the corner of her lips. I waited for her to pour some more lemon juice into my paper cuts, but then a soft snore came from the back of her throat.

"She's exhausted," Edyth murmured. "It's been a long day. A hard day. I think she would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you."

I didn't look at her.

"Seth said she fell again. Broke another rib."

"Yes. She's been having a harder time breathing."

"Great."

"Let me know when she gets hot again."

"Yeah."

Bella still had goose bumps on the arm that wasn't touching mine. I'd barely raised my head to look for a blanket when Edyth snagged one draped over the arm of the sofa and flung it out so that it settled over Bella's body.

Occasionally, the mind-reading thing saved time. For example, maybe I wouldn't have to make a big production out of the accusation about what was going on with Charlie. That mess. Edyth would just hear exactly how furious—

"Yes," she agreed. "It's not a good idea."

"Then why?" Why was Bella telling her father she was on the mend when it would only make him more miserable?

"She can't bear Charlie's anxiety."

"So it's better—"

"No. It's not better. But I'm not going to force her to do anything that makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I'll deal with the rest afterward."

That didn't sound right. Bella wouldn't just shuffle Charlie's pain off to some later date, for someone else to face. Even dying. That wasn't her. If I knew Bella, she had to have some other plan.

"She's very sure she's going to live," Edyth said.

"But not human," I protested.

"Perhaps, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again, no matter what."

Oh, this just got better and better.

"See. Charlie." I finally looked at her, my eyes bugging. "Afterwards. See Charlie when she's all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I'm not a bloodsucker, so maybe I'm missing something, but Charlie seems like kind of a strange choice for Bella's first meal."

Edyth sighed. "She knows she won't be able to be near Charlie for at least a year. Bella thinks she can stall. Tell Charlie she has to go to a special hospital on the other side of the world. Keep in contact through phone calls…."

"That's insane."

"Yes."

"Charlie's not stupid. Even if Bella doesn't kill him, Charlie's going to notice a difference."

"She's expecting that."

I continued to stare, waiting for her to explain.

"She wouldn't be aging, of course, so that would set a time limit, even if Charlie accepted whatever excuse she comes up with for the changes." She smiled faintly. "Do you remember when you tried to tell Bella about your transformation? How you made her guess?"

My free hand flexed into a fist. "She told you about that?"

"Yes. She was explaining her... idea. She's been coming up with plans for changing. You see, She's not allowed to tell Charlie the truth —it would be very dangerous for him. But Charlie's a smart, practical man. Bella thinks he'll come up with his own explanation. She assumes he'll get it wrong." Edyth snorted. "After all, we hardly adhere to vampire canon. Charlie will make some wrong assumption about us, like Bella did in the beginning, and we'll go along with it. She thinks she'll be able to see him... from time to time."

"Insane," I repeated.

"Yes," she agreed again.

It was weak of her to let Bella get her way on this, just to keep her happy now. It wouldn't turn out well.

Which made me think that she probably wasn't expecting her to live to try out her crazy plan. Placating Bella, so that she could be happy for a little while longer.

Like four more days.

"I'll deal with whatever comes," she whispered, and she turned her face down and away so that I couldn't even read her reflection. "I won't cause Bella pain now."

"Four days?" I asked.

She didn't look up. "Approximately."

"Then what?"

"Then we see if she's strong enough to keep fighting, or just strong enough to change her."

"You don't seem to think she has much chance of staying human."

"I don't." She said, her voice was pained. "But we've been trying to research."

"Research?" I asked.

"That's why you haven't seen Jasper or Emmett around. That's what Carlisle is doing now. Trying to find clues as to what this disease is, in the hopes that we can find another case of it to better understand it. We haven't had much luck."

Of course not. None of us had luck anymore. Just pain.

"We had some small hope," Edyth began. "There was a woman we encountered in South America—where she contracted the disease. She had seen it before."

"And?"

Agony ripped across her face, and, as I flinched away from her pain, I knew she wasn't going to give me an answer. I doubted she could talk.

It was Royal—who'd been so still and quiet since Bella'd fallen asleep that I'd nearly forgotten him—who answered.

He made a scornful noise in the back of his throat. "Of course there were no survivors," he survivors, so blunt and uncaring."Without the proper medical supplies or training to keep them alive, how could they survive? Bella has a better chance than any of them ever did. She has us on her side, fighting for her humanity. We're doing all we can to keep her human. Of course, we have plans in place if she takes a turn—and if she chooses that route. But all this worrying isn't good for her. She wants to let things take their course and we should respect her wishes." He sniffed.

Blondie was so concerned about keeping Bella human he didn't seem to really care about the deeper repercussions of Bella dying.

Edyth's face went white as snow. Her hands curved into claws. Totally egotistical and indifferent, Royal twisted in his chair so that his back was to her. Edyth leaned forward, shifting into a crouch.

Allow me,I suggested.

Edyth paused, raising one eyebrow.

Silently, I lifted my doggy bowl off the floor. Then, with a quick, powerful flip of my wrist, I threw it into the back of Blondie's head so hard that—with an earsplittingbang—it smashed flat before it ricocheted across the room and snapped the round top piece off the thick newel post at the foot of the stairs.

Bella twitched but didn't wake up.

"Dumb blonde," I muttered.

Royal turned his head slowly, and his eyes were blazing.

"You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair."

That did it.

I busted up. I pulled away from Bella so that I wouldn't shake her, and laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. From behind the couch, I heard Alice's tinkling laugh join in.

I wondered why Royal didn't spring. I sort of expected it. But then I realized that my laughing had woken Bella up, though she'd slept right through the real noise.

"What's so funny?" she mumbled.

"I got food in his hair," I told her, chortling again.

"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Royal hissed.

"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in his ear."

"Get some new jokes," he snapped.

"Alright, you two, calm do—" Bella broke off mid-sentence and sucked in a sharp breath. In the same second, Edyth was leaning over the top of me, ripping the blanket out of the way. Bella seemed to convulse, her back arching off the sofa.

"Ah!" She gasped.

Her lips were white, and she had her teeth locked together like she was trying to hold back a scream.

Edyth put both hands on either side of Bella's face.

"Carlisle?"

"Right here," the doctor said. I hadn't heard him come in.

"It's fine," Bella said, still breathing hard and shallow. "Think it's over. My chest. I don't know. It hurt."

Edyth and Carlisle exchanged wary glances. It was Bella's heart.

"I'll be… fine…" Bella's voice began to trail off. She relaxed back into the couch. Before long she was lightly snoring again.

"Her cardiovascular system isn't improving." Carlisle said after a long second. "It's getting weaker."

"Carlisle…" Edyths face was dark, the burning woman reappearing.

"Yes, most likely a mild heart attack." The doc's voice was serious.

"The blood isn't helping." I wasn't asking, I was stating a fact. I had hoped that maybe my blood could fix Bella, maybe it would save her. After all, it had helped before, hadn't it? Why wasn't it helping now?

I noticed Edyth watching me out of the corner of her eye. Probably wondering the same thing I was.

"It does help, Julie." Carlisle assured me. "The transfusions give Bella some extra strength." He paused, "The problem is that, while your blood types are compatible, on a chromosomal level you and Bella are different."

"Chromosomes again." I muttered.

"Yes," Carlisle sighed. "I had hoped that perhaps your innate healing abilities might transfer to Bella via the transfusions of your blood." He shook his head, "I had no logical scientific basis to support that hope…"

"Just hope." I muttered. My eyes trailed over Bella's frail body. She looked like she was plenty warm now, in fact, a sheen of sweat was forming on her forehead. "She looks warm enough. I'm gonna step outside. Get some air."

I pushed myself up from the ground and crossed the room to the nearby backdoor before anyone had a chance to say anything else that would make me feel even more depressed than I already did.

The clean air was a welcome relief to my lungs. Even though I was spending a lot of time in the Cullen's place, I still wasn't quite used to their scent. Still burned my nose.

I was staring up at the cloudy sky, unable to think properly when I caught the scent of one of the leaches approaching. Can't I have five damn minutes to myself?

"Sorry to bother you," Alice's bird-like voice chirped.

"S'fine," I lied.

She slowly walked just past me and stood with her hands clasped behind her back, looking up at the sky like me.

"I wish I knew what to say here," she sighed. "Usually I'm pretty good at knowing what to say to make someone feel better," she laughed, humorlessly, "I guess I didn't realize how much my visions helped me accomplish that."

"Don't worry 'bout it." I muttered. "Guess I wouldn't mind those visions right now. Some answers would be nice."

"Tell me about it," she sighed. "It's all completely dark now. You and your pack are too wrapped up in this. I don't have a hope of seeing anything anymore."

"Hope," I snorted, "What's that?"

Alice sighed, she turned to face me. Her black eyes looked as dull and lifeless as I felt. "Hope is all Bella has now. She keeps hoping that it will all work out."

"She's making me crazy with the way she keeps going on like that."

Alice watched me for a second, her eyes curious.

"What?" I finally snapped.

"You really love Bella, don't you?"

"Why would you ask that?" I glowered.

"I can't see your future and I can't read your mind like Edyth can," She sighed, "But I can see how much you hurt. I don't need any powers to see that. And I'm sorry."

"At least someone cares about how I feel in all this, I guess." I snorted.

"Bella cares," she insisted. "She cares a lot."

"Sure, sure."

"You'll be happy again one day, Julie Black." She said, sounding pretty damn sure of herself.

I knew Alice was supposed to be kind of out there from what I had seen myself and what Bella had told me about her, but I never expected her to be flat out crazy.

"Sorry, but I don't know if I trust the predictions of a fortune teller who can't see the future."

She half-smiled at me and turned to go back inside.

"Maybe I just have some of Bella's hope. Maybe I'm just hoping that all of us will have a happy ending."

I watched her walk back inside. When I was alone again I slumped against the side of the house. Happy ending? Yeah right. None of us were going to have a happy ending now. Well, at least not all of us. There was only one way all this could end. A happy ending only happens for some of the people in the story. Someone has to lose out.

I knew that someone would be me, no matter what.


	16. to much information alert

I took off early, long before sunrise was due. I'd gotten just a little bit of uneasy sleep leaning against the side of the sofa. Edyth and I had spent most of the night taking turns regulating Bella's body temperature, trying to keep her comfortable. She woke me one last time when Bella's face was flushed, and she took my spot to cool Bella back down. I stretched and decided I was rested enough to get some work done.

"Thank you," Edyth said quietly, seeing my plans. "If the route is clear, they'll go today."

"I'll let you know."

It felt good to get back to my animal self. I was stiff from sitting for so long. I extended my stride, working out the kinks.

Morning Julie,Liam greeted me.

Good, you're up. How long's Seth been out?

Not out yet,Seth thought there. What do you need?

You think you got another hour in you?

Sure thing. No got to his feet right away, shaking out his fur.

Let's make the deep run,I told , take the perimeter.

broke into an easy jog.

Off on another vampire errand,Liam grumbled.

You got a problem with that?

Of course not. I just love to coddle those darling leeches.

Good. Let's see how fast we can run.

Okay, I'm definitely up forthat!

Liam was on the far western rim of the perimeter. Rather than cut close to the Cullens' house, he stuck to the circle as he raced around to meet me. I sprinted off straight east, knowing that even with the head start, he'd be passing me soon if I took it easy for even a second.

Nose to the ground, Liam. This isn't a race, it's a reconnaissance mission.

I can do both and still kick your butt.

I gave him that one.I know.

He laughed.

We took a winding path through the eastern mountains. It was a familiar route. We'd run these mountains when the vampires had left a year ago, making it part of our patrol route to better protect the people here. Then we'd pulled back the lines when the Cullens returned. This was their treaty land.

But that fact would probably mean nothing to Sam now. The treaty was dead. The question today was how thin he was willing to spread his force. Was he looking for stray Cullens to poach on their land or not? Had Jared spoken the truth or taken advantage of the silence between us?

We got deeper and deeper into the mountains without finding any trace of the pack. Fading vampire trails were everywhere, but the scents were familiar now. I was breathing them in all day long.

I found a heavy, somewhat recent concentration on one particular trail—all of them coming and going here except for Edyth. Some reason for gathering that must have been forgotten when Edyth brought her dying wife home. I gritted my teeth. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me.

Liam didn't push himself past me, though he could have now. I was paying more attention to each new scent than I was to the speed contest. He kept to my right side, running with me rather than racing against me.

We're getting pretty far out here,he commented.

Yeah. If Sam was hunting strays, we should have crossed his trail by now.

Makes more sense right now for him to bunker down in La Push,Liam knows we're giving the bloodsuckers three extra sets of eyes and legs. He's not going to be able to surprise them.

This was just a precaution, really.

Wouldn't want our precious parasites taking unnecessary chances.

Nope,I agreed, ignoring the sarcasm.

You've changed so much, Julie. Talk about one-eighties.

You're not exactly the same Liam I've always known and loved, either.

True. Am I less annoying than Paul now?

Amazingly... yes.

Ah, sweet success.

Congrats.

We ran in silence again then. It was probably time to turn around, but neither of us wanted to. It felt nice to run like this. We'd been staring at the same small circle of a trail for too long. It felt good to stretch our muscles and take the rugged terrain. We weren't in a huge hurry, so I thought maybe we should hunt on the way back. Liam was pretty hungry.

Yum, yum,he thought sourly.

It's all in your head,I told 's the way wolves eat. It's natural. It tastes fine. If you didn't think about it from a human perspective—

Forget the pep talk, Julie. I'll hunt. I don't have to like it.

Sure, sure,I agreed easily. It wasn't my business if he wanted to make things harder for himself.

He didn't add anything for a few minutes; I started thinking about turning back.

Thank you,Liam suddenly told me in a much different tone.

For?

For letting me be. For letting me stay. You've been nicer than I had any right to expect, Julie.

Er, no problem. Actually, I mean that. I don't mind having you here like I thought I would.

He snorted, but it was a playful a glowing commendation!

Don't let it go to your head.

Okay—if you don't let this go to paused for a second.I think you make a good Alpha. Not in the same way Sam does, but in your own way. You're worth following, Julie.

My mind went blank with surprise. It took me a second to recover enough to respond.

Er, thanks. Not totally sure I'll be able to stop that one from going to my head, though. Where did that come from?

He didn't answer right away, and I followed the wordless direction of his thoughts. He was thinking about the future—about what I'd said to Jared the other morning. About how the time would be up soon, and then I'd go back to the forest. About how I'd promised that He and Seth would return to the pack when the Cullens were gone...

I want to stay with you,he told me.

The shock shot through my legs, locking my joints. He blew past me and then put on the brakes. Slowly, he walked back to where I was frozen in place.

I won't be a pain, I swear. I won't follow you around. You can go wherever you want, and I'll go where I want. You'll only have to put up with me when we're both paced back and forth in front of me, swishing his long gray tail , as I'm planning on quitting as soon as I can manage it... maybe that won't be so often.

I didn't know what to say.

I'm happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years.

I want to stay, too,Seth thought quietly. I hadn't realized he'd been paying much attention to us as he ran the perimeter.I like this pack.

Hey, now! Seth, this isn't going to be a pack much longer.I tried to put my thoughts together so they would convince 've got a purpose now, but when... after that's over, I'm just going to go wolf. Seth, you need a purpose. You're a good kid. You're the kind of person who always has a crusade. And there's no way you're leaving La Push now. You're going to graduate from high school and do something with your life. You're going to take care of Sue. My issues are not going to mess up your future.

But—

Julie is right,Liam seconded.

You're agreeing with me?

Of course. But none of that applies to me. I was on my way out, anyway. I'll get a job somewhere away from La Push. Maybe take some courses at a community college. Get into yoga and meditation to work on my temper issues... And stay a part of this pack for the sake of my mental well-being. Julie—you can see how that makes sense, right? I won't bother you, you won't bother me, everyone is happy.

I turned back and started loping slowly toward the west.

This is a bit much to deal with, Liam. Let me think about it, 'kay?

Sure. Take your time.

It took us longer to make the run back. I wasn't trying for speed. I was just trying to concentrate enough that I wouldn't plow headfirst into a tree. Seth was grumbling a little bit in the back of my head, but I was able to ignore him. He knew I was right. He wasn't going to abandon his mom. He would go back to La Push and protect the tribe like he should.

But I couldn't see Liam doing that. And that was just plain scary.

A pack of the two of us? No matter the physical distance, I couldn't imagine the... the intimacy of that situation. I wondered if he'd really thought it through, or if he was just desperate to stay free.

Liam didn't say anything as I chewed it over. It was like he was trying to prove how easy it would be if it was just us.

We ran into a herd of black-tailed deer just as the sun was coming up, brightening the clouds a little bit behind us. Liam sighed internally but didn't hesitate. His lunge was clean and efficient—graceful, even. He took down the largest one, the buck, before the startled animal fully understood the danger.

Not to be outdone, I swooped down on the next largest deer, snapping her neck between my jaws quickly, so she wouldn't feel unnecessary pain. I could feel Liam's disgust warring with his hunger, and I tried to make it easier for him by letting the wolf in me have my head. I'd lived all-wolf for long enough that I knew how to be the animal completely, to see his way and think his way. I let the practical instincts take over, letting Liam feel that, too. He hesitated for a second, but then, tentatively, he seemed to reach out with his mind and try to see my way. It felt very strange—our minds were more closely linked than they had ever been before, because we both were trying to think together.

Strange, but it helped him. His teeth cut through the fur and skin of his kill's shoulder, tearing away a thick slab of streaming flesh. Rather than wince away as his human thoughts wanted to, he let his wolf-self react instinctively. It was kind of a numbing thing, a thoughtless thing. It let him eat in peace.

It was easy for me to do the same. And I was glad I hadn't forgotten this. This would be my life again soon.

Was Liam going to be a part of that life? A week ago, I would've found that idea beyond horrifying. I wouldn't've been able to stand it. But I knew him better now. And, relieved from the constant pain, he wasn't the same wolf. Not the same man.

We ate together until we both were full.

Thanks,he told me later as he was cleaning his muzzle and paws against the wet grass. I didn't bother; it had just started to drizzle and we had to swim the river again on our way back. I'd get clean wasn't so bad, thinking your way.

You're welcome.

Seth was dragging when we hit the perimeter. I told him to get some sleep; Liam and I would take over the patrol. Seth's mind faded into unconsciousness just seconds later.

You headed back to the vampires?Liam asked.

Maybe.

It's hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.

You know, Liam, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And you'll have to suffer right along with me.

He thought about how to answer , this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.

Fair enough.

I know it's going to be bad for you, Julie. I understand that—maybe better than you think. I don't like Bella that much, but... she's your Sam. She's everything you want and everything you can't have.

I couldn't answer.

I know it's worse for you. At least Sam is happy. At least he's alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have what's best for sighed.I just don't want to stick around to watch.

Do we need to talk about this?

I think we do. Because I want you to know that I won't make it worse for you. Hell, maybe I'll even help. I wasn't born a compassionless monster. I used to be sort of nice, you know.

My memory doesn't go that far back.

We both laughed once.

I'm sorry about this, Julie. I'm sorry you're in pain. I'm sorry it's getting worse and not better.

Thanks, Liam.

He thought about the things that were worse, the black pictures in my head, while I tried to tune him out without much success. He was able to look at them with some distance, some perspective, and I had to admit that this was helpful. I could imagine that maybe I would be able to see it that way, too, in a few years.

He saw the funny side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires. He liked my ragging on Royal, chuckling internally and even running through a few blond jokes in his mind that I might be able to work in. But then his thoughts turned serious, lingering on Royal's face in a way that confused me.

You know what's crazy?he asked.

Well, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?

That blond vampire you hate so much—I totally get his perspective.

For a second I thought he was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized he was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing we'd spread out to run our watch. If he'd been within biting distance...

Hold up! Let me explain!

Don't want to hear it. I'm outta here.

Wait! Wait!he pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back.C'mon, Julie!

Liam, this isn't really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.

He didn't answer me, then suddenly his mind shimmered away. I turned back to him just as he finished phasing. He stood there, arms crossed, his jaw locked.

"Jeez, what an overreaction. You don't even know what I'm talking about."

I huffed at him, then closed my eyes and let my body phase back into human. When I reopened my now human eyes, he hadn't moved. His eyes locked on my face.

"Can I explain myself?" He asked shortly.

I nodded once, keeping my eyes locked on his face, like his were on mine.

"I understand how it feels to miss your humanity. I understand the ache it leaves in you to lose it." He paused, sighed. "In fact, I can sort of understand Bella's mindset on the whole thing, too."

"Great," I deadpanned, "I'm glad everyone is so happy to see Bella die."

"Julie, come on," Liam rolled his eyes, "no one wants to see Bella die. I don't particularly like her that much and I don't even want that. I'm just saying, I understand why your blond vampire is so cold—in the figurative sense. He's focused. He's concentrating completely on helping Bella stay human. If I could have had someone help me stay human? I would have begged for their help. I would have accepted it in a heartbeat."

"The situation is different. You weren't dying."

"Don't you ever miss just being human, Julie?" He took a deliberate step toward me and I flinched back. "Doesn't some part of you miss when things were easy? Simple?" He reached out a hand and placed it on my shoulder. "Don't you miss touching another human and not burning them? Not worrying about your temper turning you into a whirlwind of teeth and claws?"

His face was close to mine now, his eyes locked on mine. I could see the pain behind them.

"I miss that, Julie." He sighed. "I miss knowing I have options. Because I don't really, do I?" He laughed sadly. "That's why all this sucks!" He turned away from me and took a few aimless steps. "I want to get over Sam, Julie. You know probably as well as I do that I want to just forget him. But what options do I have? It's a joke, really. I'm twenty years old. I should have the world ahead of me and I don't. I feel like I'm stuck, you know? I can't just go out and find someone like I should be able to do." He paused, sighed deeply, then very quietly he said, "I know Sam and I is never going to happen—I've accepted that." He glanced back at me. "I know you know what I'm talking about.

I sighed. He was in a healthier place than I was. At least when it came to this sucky unrequited love thing.

"You can't be mad at Bella for wanting to do this the human way, Julie." Liam said, quietly. "She's being incredibly mature about the whole thing. She's literally got a miracle cure, but she knows the consequences, she knows what's at stake. I swear, that kid is stronger than any of the non-humans." Liam paused. "That stuff she told you… about wanting to make everything right before she changed." He shook his head, "Damn, I mean, sure, holding off on changing made things worse for her in the long run but… that amount of selflessness? She could have changed right away and been happy, but she wanted to stay human just to make sure everyone else would be happy?"

"None of us are happy now, Liam. It was stupid of her to hold off."

"No, Julie, you don't get it." Liam frowned. "She wasn't being stupid. She was thinking of the consequences. If she had changed right away then she wouldn't have been able to say a proper goodbye to anyone. She was thinking of her family… She was thinking of you. I mean, you guys had ended things pretty badly at the wedding. I think she just wanted to make sure she fixed this with you before she… Well, you know."

I couldn't speak. Liam could look at things from an outside perspective and I knew he was probably right.

"I do envy you that." Liam said softly. "Sam just wants to ignore it all. Pretend none of it ever happened. At least Bella cares enough about you to try and make things right, and you know she just wants you to be happy."

"I don't think I can talk about this anymore, Liam." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"Okay, Julie." Liam shrugged, "I'm sorry."

"You're right," I admitted, "That's why I can't talk about it anymore. I know you're right. I know I should be handling all of this better. But I just…"

"You can't right now." Liam finished for me.

I shook my head.

Liam started to walk away, then he paused and turned back. "If…When you're ready to talk, Julie, I'll be here. Okay?"

He didn't wait for my response, he phased and bounded away into the woods.

I was only about a mile from where I'd left my clothes, so I stayed human and walked. I didn't think about our conversation. Not because there wasn't anything to think about, but because I couldn't stand it. Seeing that side of Liam's thoughts, hearing what he said, I couldn't argue with him because he was right. We got dealt a crappy hand, and maybe Liam couldn't get over the whole wolf side of things but at least he was moving on from Sam—as best as he could, at least. At least he could see the big picture, even if I couldn't.

I didn't think I could run with that for the rest of my life. But how could I take away the solace he found running with me? I supposed it would make me the most selfish ass in the world if I Alpha ordered him to stay in La Push. Just because I couldn't move on, that didn't give me the right to deny Liam that… did it?

It was real early when I got to the house. Bella was probably still asleep. I figured I'd poke my head in, see what was going on, give 'em the green light to go hunting, and then find a patch of grass soft enough to sleep on while human. I wasn't phasing back until Liam was asleep.

But there was a lot of low mumbling going on inside the house, so maybe Bella wasn't sleeping. And then I heard the machinery sound from upstairs again—the X-ray? Great. It looked like day four on the countdown was starting off with a bang.

Alice opened the door for me before I could walk in.

She nodded. "Hey, wolf."

"Hey, shortie. What's going on upstairs?" The big room was empty—all the murmurs were on the second floor.

She shrugged her pointy little shoulders. "Maybe another break." She tried to see the words casually, but I could see the flames in the very back of her eyes. Edyth and I weren't the only ones who were burning over this. Alice loved Bella, too.

"Another rib?" I asked hoarsely.

"No. She fell on her wrist this time."

Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised? Each new disaster seemed kinda obvious in hindsight.

Then we were listening to Royal's voice upstairs.

"See, I told you I didn't hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edyth." There was no answer.

Alice made a face. "Edyth's going to end up ripping Roy into small pieces, I think. I'm surprised he doesn't see that. Or maybe he thinks Emmett will be able to stop her."

"I'll take Emmett," I offered. "You can help Edyth with the ripping part."

Alice half-smiled.

The procession came down the stairs then—Edyth had Bella this time. Bella was incredibly tense, her left wrist was wrapped in bandages, and her face was white. I could see that, though Edyth compensated for every tiny movement of her body to keep from jostling Bella, she was hurting.

"Hey, Julie," she whispered, and she smiled through the pain. I stared at her, saying nothing.

Edyth placed Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didn't leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bella's idea. She'd want to act like things were normal, avoid the hospital setup. And Edyth was humoring her. Naturally.

Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once.

"Carlisle," I said. "We went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go."

"Thank you, Julie. This is good timing. There's much that we need." His black eyes flickered to Bella.

"Honestly, I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. It surprised me how willingly he took my advice. "If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Roy—"

"Not a chance," Royal said. "Emmett can go with you now."

"You should hunt," Carlisle said in a gentle voice.

"I'll hunt when she does," Royal said flatly, jerking his head toward Edyth.

Carlisle sighed, then he turned to me. "Julie, if you don't mind, could we…" He trailed off.

"Blood bank is open," I sighed. "Let's go, doc."

After Bella was set up with a fresh bag of my blood, Carlisle called everyone.

Jasper and Emmet were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alice's side.

Carlisle put his hand on my arm. The icy touch did not feel good, but I didn't jerk away. I held still, half in surprise, and half because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Thank you," he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four. My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must have been more urgent than I'd imagined.

There was no sound for a minute. I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. I'd been planning to take off and get some Z's, but the chance to ruin Royal's morning seemed too good to pass up.

So I sauntered over to the armchair next to the one Royal had and settled in, sprawling out so that my head was tilted toward Bella and my left foot was near Royal's face.

"Ugh. Someone put the dog out," he murmured, wrinkling his nose.

"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?"

He didn't say anything.

"Well?" I asked. "Do you know the punch line or not?"

He looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.

"Has he heard it?" I asked Edyth.

There was no humor on her tense face—she didn't move her eyes from Bella. But she said, "No."

"Awesome. So you'll enjoy this—a blonde's brain cells diealone."

Royal didn't look at me. "I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."

"Someday, Beauty King, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that."

"Enough, Julie," Bella said.

I looked down, and she was frowning. It looked like yesterday's good mood was long gone.

Well, I didn't want to bug her. "You want me to take off?" I offered.

Before I could hope—or fear—that she'd finally gotten tired of me, she blinked, her eyes darting up to me, and her frown disappeared. She seemed totally shocked that I would come to that conclusion. "No, of course not…"

I sighed, and I heard Edyth sigh very quietly, too. I knew she wished Bella'd get over me, too. Too bad she'd never ask her to do anything that might make her unhappy.

"You look tired," Bella commented.

"Dead beat," I admitted.

"I'd like to beat you dead," Royal muttered, too low for Bella to hear.

I just slumped deeper into the chair, closing my eyes, and getting comfortable. My bare foot dangled closer to Royal, and he stiffened. After a few minutes Bella asked Royal for a glass of water. I felt the wind as Royal blew towards the kitchen. It was really quiet. Might as well take a nap, I figured.

After a few minutes, Bella sighed. "I'm glad she's finally getting some rest."

Bella must have thought I was already asleep, I didn't have the energy to correct her, and Edyth didn't say anything.

"This is all my fault," Bella began, then faltered. "I did everything wrong, Edyth."

"What do you mean, love?"

"I mean, breaking Julie's heart, still putting her through this…"

I felt my body tense up, I wanted to hear what Bella had to say, but I was sure Edyth would tell her I wasn't really sleeping.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Edyth asked.

Oh. So we're both playing along now.

"I mean," Bella began, "I love Julie. She's my best friend. I just want her to be happy. As happy as I am with you, Edyth." Bella sniffled. "I feel like every second that ticks by I'm losing my chance to make things right with Julie. I have to make things right before I…" She cut herself off. "I've set everything else up. Made things right with Charlie, Renée, my friends… But I still haven't gotten it right with Julie."

I felt my body tense up. Was Bella holding off on changing just because of me? That was insane! How could she be that stupid? I felt waves of guilt pour over me.

"Bella," Edyth said softly, "is that why you refused to change? Back when you first got sick?"

Well, I guess the mind-reading wasn't all bad.

"No," Bella said quietly, "It's not the only reason."

Great. Bella was being cryptic.

"Please," Edyth said softly, her tone was a little desperate, "please, Bella, explain it to me because I've been out of my mind trying to understand." Edyth's voice cracked a bit, I could tell her façade was breaking down. "Do you regret marrying me? Choosing me over Julie? Was it a mistake?"

I'd never heard Edyth talk so openly and broken to Bella before. It was almost as broken as she had spoken to me that first day in the yard.

"Shh…" Bella was instantly soothing, "No. I love you, more than anything. I chose you, I still choose you." She paused. "I knew changing would happen for me one day, Edyth. You never wanted it, but realistically it had to happen at some point. But I didn't see the harm in spending a little more time as a human—enjoy the honeymoon, come back and see my friends, see Charlie, then go spend some time at college… That would have given me time to set everything up—make plans so that everyone would be ready for me to disappear for just a little while until I was strong enough to be around them again. Make plans so that we could avoid breaking the treaty and starting a war with the wolves… and some time for me to settle everything with Julie."

"But now…" Edyth couldn't say the words, she didn't have to.

"I didn't think my window would close so fast." Bella said, sadly. "I thought, if I got Royal to help me, I would have just enough time to set things up with my family, explain why I'd be disappearing for a while—"

"We could have come up with a story, Bella." Edyth interrupted.

"I know, but it had to be good, Edyth. Charlie wouldn't have settled for anything less. I know what changing involves. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything but being a newborn for at least a year. I couldn't leave Charlie in the dark for all that time."

I was starting to understand better and better. Liam was right. Bella had wanted to make sure everything was set up before she changed. She had been wanting to make this as easy for everyone else as she could.

"Besides," Bella continued, "The treaty would have been nullified. It would have meant a war. If there had been more time, we could have left Forks before I changed, avoided all that. Didn't do much good now, I guess." She said, glumly.

It made sense. But where did I fit in?

"And what about Julie?" Edyth prompted.

"Julie," Bella said sadly. "After the wedding, we left things so badly. I was selfish the whole honeymoon. I ignored that, I tried not to think about Julie and her pain. But that isn't fair. Julie deserves to be happy. I couldn't change unless I worked it all out with her. If we can't stay friends, at least Julie needs to move on from me and try to be happy. I can't love her the way she wants me to, and that kills me. But I love Julie as a friend, and I want her to be loved the way she deserves to be loved. I knew that if I changed without trying to talk to her one last time she'd never get over it. She'd be the bitter, angry Julie that ran away from her family and her home. I needed to try to…"

Bella's voice cut off then, she had started crying. I kept my eyes clamped shut. I felt cold inside.

So, that was it.

Bella was over me. She loved me, sure. But only as her friend. There was no chance for anything else. The truth was just that I was too deluded to see it. Too stubborn. Bella had said it was her fault, that she had messed everything up. But that wasn't really true, was it? I had messed it up. I had spent so much time being angry, bitter, and desperate for Bella to love me back that I had missed the fact that she did love me. I just wasn't able to accept the love she could give me.

And now, she had sacrificed her chance at being with the woman she did love forever… Just to make sure all the rest of us were happy. To try and make sure I was happy. She wanted to change all along but was trying to make everyone happy first. And she could've died in the process.

"I thought you regretted it," Edyth said, quietly. "Choosing me, marrying me."

"No," Bella said through her tears, "I don't regret choosing you, Edyth. I love you more than anything. Marrying you was what I wanted. Being with you is what I want."

"We could have dealt with everything else after we changed you, Bella." Edyth said, her voice broken and sad.

"I know," Bella sighed, sniffling, "I know that now. I just… I panicked. You were so set on changing me as soon as we got back. All my time had run out. I just… I couldn't change without making sure everything was set up and resolved first, Edyth! I had counted on having the time to do that. I thought if Royal helped me, it would buy me enough time to set everything up and then I could change but…" She sniffled again. "That made everything worse and i hurt everyone i swear i didn't mean to."

"You just wanted everyone to be happy i can understand that." Edyth said, comforting her. "I should have talked to you, I shouldn't have just decided on changing you without taking away your choice in the matter. Perhaps if I had…"

"You don't get to take my stupidity out of the equation here," Bella laughed, I've hurt you and I'm very sorry Edyth.

I felt sick, I felt wrong. Like I shouldn't be here. I opened my eyes, just in time to see Bella leaning forward toward Edyth.

"I love you, more than anything." Bella breathed, pressing her lips to Edyth's.

"And I love you," Edyth's eyes had closed as she gently wrapped her arms around Bella.

All my pain crashed over me. It was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being slowly dragged across a bed of razors. Pain so bad you'd take death with a smile just to get away from it.

The pain pushed me to my feet.

Bella and Edyth's heads snapped over to me, and I watched my pain ripple across Edyth's face as she trespassed in my head again.

"Ahh," she choked.

I didn't know what I was doing; I stood there, trembling, ready to bolt for the very first escape that I could think of.

"Julie…" Bella's eyes met mine. After hearing everything she had said, I finally understood that sad look in her eyes, behind her smiles. It hit me like a car—no, like a bullet train—crashing into me. It was the love of a friend, concerned and pitying. And that was all it would ever be.

Moving like the strike of a snake, Edyth darted to a small end table and ripped something from the drawer there. She tossed it at me, and I caught the object reflexively.

"Go, Julie. Get away from here." She didn't say it harshly—she threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. She was helping me find the escape I was dying for.

The object in my hand was a set of car keys.


	17. nothing left

**hey you have every right to vent about Bella she didn't make a great choice but like i Said I'm trying to do what meyer didn't do which is make the charecters mature idk how well im doing that but you guys can tell me lol. As for the valturi situation I've been planning on handling that as well. And im so glad you didn't stop reading and held on to see how i would handle this :) and im finishing Julie's section because im excited for Book 3 and the suprises i have :)**

I sort of had a plan as I ran to the Cullens' garage. The second part of it was totaling the bloodsucker's car on my way back.

So I was at a loss when I mashed the button on the keyless remote, and it was not her Volvo that beeped and flashed its lights for me. It was another car—a standout even in the long line of vehicles that were mostly all drool-worthy in their own ways.

Did she actually mean to give me the keys to an Aston Martin Vanquish, or was that an accident?

I didn't pause to think about it, or if this would change that second part of my plan. I just threw myself into the silky leather seat and cranked the engine while my knees were still crunched up under the steering wheel. The sound of the motor's purr might have made me moan another day, but right now it was all I could do to concentrate enough to put it in drive.

I found the seat release and shoved myself back as my foot rammed the pedal down. The car felt almost airborne as it leaped forward.

It only took seconds to race through the tight, winding drive. The car responded to me like my thoughts were steering rather than my hands. As I blew out of the green tunnel and onto the highway, I caught a fleeting glimpse of Liam's gray face peering uneasily through the ferns.

For half a second, I wondered what he'd think, and then I tried not to care.

I turned south, because I had no patience today for ferries or traffic or anything else that meant I might have to lift my foot off the pedal.

In a sick way, it was my lucky day. If by lucky you meant taking a well-traveled highway at two hundred without so much as seeing one cop, even in the thirty-mile-an- hour speed-trap towns. What a letdown. A little chase action might have been nice, not to mention that the license plate info would bring the heat down on the leech. Sure, he'd buy his way out of it, but it might have been just alittle inconvenient for him.

The only sign of surveillance I came across was just a hint of dark brown fur flitting through the woods, running parallel to me for a few miles on the south side of Forks. Quil, it looked like. He must have seen me, too, because he disappeared after a minute without raising an alarm. Again, I almost wondered what his story would be before I remembered that I didn't care.

I raced around the long U-shaped highway, heading for the biggest city I could find. That was the first part of my plan.

It seemed to take forever, probably because I was still on the razor blades, but it actually didn't even take two hours before I was driving north into the undefined sprawl that was part Tacoma and part Seattle. I slowed down then, because I really wasn't trying to kill any innocent bystanders.

I didn't really have a plan. But my conversation with Liam was replaying in my head over and over, with sprinkles of Bella and Edyth's conversation just to add some more pain to the mix. Liam had the right idea, after all. So did Bella. I had to move on.

But how do you do that? How do you just move on? Would it be like in movies where you catch someone's eye in a crowd and the whole world slows down and stops, till it's just the two of you? That's probably what it was like for Bella and her vampire. Didn't I deserve that, too?

So how do you look for a random soul mate in a crowd? Well, first I needed a crowd. So I tooled around, looking for a likely spot. I passed a couple of malls, which probably wouldn't been pretty good places to find someone my age, but I couldn't make myself stop. Like part of me knew this was stupid.

I kept going north, and it got more and more crowded. Eventually, I found a big park full of kids and families and skateboards and bikes and kites and picnics and the whole bit. I hadn't noticed till now—it was a nice day. Sun and all that. People were out celebrating the blue sky.

I parked across two handicapped spots—just begging for a ticket—and joined the crowd.

I walked around for what felt like hours. Long enough that the sun changed sides in the sky. I stared into the face of every girl and guy who passed anywhere near me, making myself really look, noticing who was good looking and who had brown eyes and who looked good in braces and who had way too much gel in their hair. I tried to find something interesting about each face, so that I would know for sure that I'd really tried. Things like: This one had a really straight nose; that one should pull her hair out of her eyes; this one could model if the rest of her face was as perfect as her smile…

Sometimes they stared back. Sometimes they looked nervous—like they were thinking,Who is this big freak glaring at me?Sometimes I thought they looked kind of interested, but maybe that was just my ego running wild.

Either way, nothing. Even when I met the eyes of the guy who was—no contest—the hottest guy in the park and probably in the city, and he stared right back with a speculation that looked like interest, I felt nothing. Just the same desperate drive to find a way out of the pain.

As time went on, I started noticing all the wrong things. Bella things with the girls i looked at. This one's hair was the same color. That one's eyes were sort of shaped the same. This one's cheekbones cut across her face in just the same way. That one had the same little crease between her eyes—which made me wonder what she was worrying about.

That was when I gave up. Because it was beyond stupid to think that I had picked exactly the right place and time and I was going to simply walk into my soul mate just because I was so desperate to. That's not how real life worked. Not how my life worked.

I wandered back to the car and then slumped against the hood and played with the keys.

Maybe I was just meant to be what I was. I sad, bitter, lone wolf. In the most pathetically literal sense. Maybe my life was just a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line.

"Hey, you okay? Hello? You there, with the stolen car."

It took me a second to realize that the voice was talking to me, and then another second to decide to raise my head.

A familiar-looking guy was staring at me, his expression kind of anxious. I knew why I recognized his face—I'd already catalogued this one. Light red-gold hair, fair skin, a few gold-colored freckles sprinkled across his cheeks and nose, and eyes the color of cinnamon.

"If you're feeling that remorseful over boosting the car," he said, smiling so that a dimple popped out in his chin, "you could always turn yourself in."

"It's borrowed, not stolen," I snapped. My voice sounded horrible—like I'd been crying or something. Embarrassing.

"Sure,that'll hold up in court."

I glowered. "You need something?"

"Not really. I was kidding about the car, you know. It's just that... you look really upset about something. Oh, hey, I'm Lucas." He held out his hand.

I looked at it until he let it fall.

"Anyway...," he said awkwardly, "I was just wondering if I could help. Seemed like you were looking for someone before." He gestured toward the park and shrugged.

"Yeah."

He waited.

I sighed. "I don't need any help. She's not here."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Me, too," I muttered.

I looked at the boy again. Lucas. He was good looking. Nice enough to try to help a grouchy stranger who must seem nuts. Why couldn't he be the one? Why did everything have to be so freaking complicated? Nice guy, good looking, and sort of funny. Why not?

"This is a sweet car," he said. "It's really a shame they're not making them anymore. I mean, the Vantage's body styling is badass, too, but there's just something about the Vanquish. . . ."

Nice guy who knew cars. Wow. I stared at his face harder, wishing I knew how to make it work.C'mon, Julie—make the world stop already fall in love with him.

"How's it drive?" He asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe," I told him.

He grinned his one-dimple smile, clearly pleased to have dragged a halfway civil response out of me, and I gave him a reluctant smile back.

But his smile did nothing about the sharp, cutting blades that raked up and down my body. No matter how much I wanted it to, my life was not going to come together like that.

I wasn't in that healthier place where Liam was headed. I wasn't going to be able to fall in love like a normal person. Not when I was bleeding over someone else. Maybe—if it was ten years from now and Bella's heart was long dead and I'd hauled myself through the whole grieving process and come out in one piece again—maybe then I could offer Lucas a ride in a fast car and talk makes and models and get to know something about him and see if I liked him as a person. But that wasn't going to happen now.

Magic wasn't going to save me. I was just going to have to take the torture like a woman. Suck it up.

Lucas waited, maybe hoping I was going to offer him that ride. Or maybe not.

"I'd better get this car back to the person I borrowed it from," I muttered.

He smiled again. "Glad to hear you're going straight."

"Yeah, you convinced me."

He watched me get in the car, still sort of concerned. I probably looked like someone who was about to drive off a cliff. Which maybe I would've, if that kind of move'd work for a werewolf. He waved once, his eyes trailing after the car.

At first, I drove more sanely on the way back. I wasn't in a rush. I didn't want to go where I was going. Back to that house, back to that forest. Back to the pain I'd run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.

Okay, that was melodramatic. I wouldn't be all alone, but that was a bad thing. Liam and Seth would have to suffer with me. I was glad Seth wouldn't have to suffer long. Kid didn't deserve to have his peace of mind ruined. Liam didn't, either, but at least it was something he understood. Nothing new about pain for Liam.

I sighed big as I thought about what Liam wanted from me, because I knew now that he was going to get it. I was still wary about the whole thing, but I couldn't ignore the fact that I could make his life easier. And—now that I knew him better—I thought he would probably do this for me, if our positions were reversed.

It would be interesting, at the very least, and strange, too, to have Liam as a companion —as a friend. We were going to get under each other's skin a lot, that was for sure. He wouldn't be one to let me wallow, but I thought that was a good thing. I'd probably need someone to kick my butt now and then. But when it came right down to it, he was really the only friend who had any chance of understanding what I was going through now.

I thought of the hunt this morning, and how close our minds had been for that one moment in time. It hadn't been a bad thing. Different. A little scary, a little awkward. But also nice in a weird way.

I didn't have to be all alone.

And I knew Liam was strong enough to face with me the months that were coming. Months and years. It made me tired to think about it. I felt like I was staring out across an ocean that I was going to have to swim from shore to shore before I could rest again.

So much time coming, and then so little time before it started. Before I was flung into that ocean. Three and a half more days, and here I was, wasting that little bit of time I had.

I started driving too fast again.

I saw Sam and Jared, one on either side of the road like sentinels, as I raced up the road toward Forks. They were well hidden in the thick branches, but I was expecting them, and I knew what to look for. I nodded as I blew past them, not bothering to wonder what they made of my day trip.

I nodded to Liam and Seth, too, as I cruised up the Cullens' driveway. It was starting to get dark, and the clouds were thick on this side of the sound, but I saw their eyes glitter in the glow of the headlights. I would explain to them later. There'd be plenty of time for that.

It was a surprise to find Edyth waiting for me in the garage. I hadn't seen her away from Bella in days. I could tell from her face that nothing bad had happened to her. In fact, she looked more peaceful than before. My stomach tightened as I remembered the conversation that had given her that peace.

It was too bad that—with all my brooding—I'd forgotten to wreck the car. Oh well. I probably wouldn't have been able to stand hurting this car, anyway. Maybe she'd guessed as much, and that's why she'd lent it to me in the first place.

"A few things, Julie," she said as soon as I cut the engine.

I took a deep breath and held it for a minute. Then, slowly, I got out of the car and threw the keys to her.

"Thanks for the loan," I said sourly. Apparently, it would have to be repaid. "What do you want now?"

"Firstly... I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but . . ."

I blinked, astonished that she would even dream of starting in on this one. "What?"

"If you can't or won't control Liam, then I—"

"Liam?" I interrupted, speaking through my teeth. "What happened?"

Edyth's face was hard. "He came up to see why you'd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right."

"What did he do?"

"He phased to his human form and—"

"Really?" I interrupted again, shocked this time. I couldn't process that. Liam letting his guard down right in the mouth of the enemy's lair?

"He wanted to...speak to Bella."

"To Bella?"

Edyth got all hissy then. "I won't let Bella be upset like that again. I don't care how justified Liam thinks he is! I didn't hurt him—of course I wouldn't—but I'll throw him out of the house if it happens again. I'll launch him right across the river—"

"Hold on. What did he say?" None of this was making any sense.

Edyth took a deep breath, composing herself. "Liam was unnecessarily harsh. I'm not going to pretend that you didn't hear what Bella said. You know Bella only cares about you and your happiness, and she suffers a great deal over your pain. What Liam said was uncalled for. At least what I heard—after a a few minutes of Liam's tirade, Bella demanded that everyone else leave the room—out of hearing range. They talked for a long while alone, even though it was completely against my better judgement. Anyway, Bella's been crying and saying she deserves to die—"

"Wait—Liam was yelling at Bella about me?"

She nodded one sharp nod. "You were quite vehemently championed."

Whoa. "I didn't ask Liam to do that."

"I know."

I rolled my eyes. Of course she knew. She knew everything.

But that was really something about Liam. Who would have believed it? Liam walking into the bloodsuckers' place human to complain about how I was being treated.

"I can't promise to control Liam," I told her. "I won't do that. But I'll talk to him, okay? And I don't think there'll be a repeat. Liam's not one to hold back, so he probably got it all off his chest today."

"I would say so."

"Anyway, I'll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn't need to feel bad. This one's on me."

"I already told her that."

"Of course you did. Is she okay?"

"She's sleeping now. Roy is with her."

"And what about…" I trailed off.

"She's… better in some ways. Aside from Liam's tirade and the resulting guilt."

Better. Because Edyth finally understood why Bella had put off changing and everything was all lovey-dovey now because Edyth knew that Bella only loved her. Fantastic.

"It's a bit more than that," she murmured. "She seems more… resolved. She feels—we feel—there's no point in delaying any further."

I stared at Edyth, feeling the pain hit me all over again.

Edyth went on, acting like she couldn't hear the screaming inside my brain. "As soon as Carlisle returns—"

"They're not back?" I cut in sharply. I thought of Sam and Jared, watching the road. Would they get curious as to what was going on?

"Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, so as to relieve you from donation duties, but it wasn't as much as he was hoping for. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I don't think that's necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality."

"When you say it isn't necessary?"

I could tell she was watching and listening to my reaction carefully as she explained. "Bella decided, once Carlisle returns, if her heart is strong enough… She's going to change."

"What?"

"I… I'm sorry, Julie. I know this is…" She paused, and I could see my pain in her face. "I don't know how you are handling it, to be honest with you. Please, understand, Bella is too fragile to delay. The damage this disease has done to her body is… Even if she survived and stayed human a little longer, as she had originally wanted, she would never truly recover. She wouldn't be able to do any of the things she wanted. No, if her heart is strong enough then it's time."

I kept getting my legs knocked out from under me. First, hearing Bella put everything out black and white on the table. Now, I'd realized that I thought of those four days as a sure thing. I'd banked on them.

The endless ocean of grief that waited stretched out before me.

I tried to catch my breath.

Edyth waited. I stared at her face while I recovered, recognizing another change there.

"You think she's going to make it," I whispered.

"Yes. She's still in stable condition from the last transfusion of your blood it's made her heart strong enough. Which means we should act. But that also means there's something else I need to talk to you about."

I couldn't say anything. After a minute, she went on.

"Yes," she said again. "Bella is as stable as she's probably going to get. We discussed everything thoroughly, even brought Royal in for his… opinion. Even Royal agrees, Bella has done everything she can do. It's time. We just need Carlisle's help to make it as smooth and easy as we can."

"When will Carlisle be back?" I asked, still whispering. I hadn't got my breath back yet.

"By noon tomorrow."

My knees buckled. I had to grab the car to hold myself up. Edyth reached out like she was offering support, but then she thought better of it and dropped her hands.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I truly am sorry for the pain this causes you, Julie. Though you hate me, I must admit that I don't feel the same way about you. I think of you as, a… a sister in many ways. A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to survive"—when she said that her voice was fierce, even violent—"and I know that's what really matters to you."

She was probably right. It was hard to tell. My head was spinning.

"So I hate to do this now, while you're already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have one last thing to ask of you, Julie Black—beg you, if I must."

"I don't have anything left," I choked out.

She lifted her hand again, as if to put it on my shoulder, but then let it drop like before and sighed.

"I know how much you have given," she said quietly. "But this is something you do have, and only you. I'm asking this of the true Alpha, Julie. I'm asking this of Ephraim's heir."

I was way past being able to respond.

"I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save Bella's life. You know I'll do it anyway, but I don't want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don't do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Julie, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over. This is what Bella needed, why she waited."

I tried to , It 's Sam you want.

"No. Sam's authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You'll never take it from him, but

no one can rightfully agree to what I'm asking except for you."

It's not my decision.

"It is, Julie, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me not to mention if we don't change her you our family and your pack could be destroyed. Alice has been watching Aros decisions they are planning a day to see if Bella is human tho we don't know yet when they will arrive."They haven't decided.

I can't think. I don't know.

"We don't have much time." She glanced back toward the house.

No, there was no time. My few days had become a few hours.

I don't know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?

"Yes."

I started walking to the house, and she followed. Crazy how easy it was, walking through the dark with a vampire right beside me. It didn't feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, really. It felt like walking next to anybody. Well, anybody who smelled bad.

There was a movement in the brush at the edge of the big lawn, and then a low whimper. Seth shrugged through the ferns and loped over to us.

"Hey, kid," I muttered.

He dipped his head, and I patted his shoulder.

"S'all cool," I lied. "I'll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that."

He grinned at me.

"Hey, tell your brother to back off now, okay? Enough."

Seth nodded once.

I shoved against his shoulder this time. "Get back to work. I'll spell you in a bit."

Seth leaned against me, shoving back, and then he galloped into the trees.

"He has one of the purest, sincerest,kindest minds I've ever heard," Edyth murmured when she was out of sight. "You're lucky to have his thoughts to share."

"I know that," I grunted.

We started toward the house, and both of our heads snapped up when we heard the sound of some coughing. Edyth was in a hurry then. She darted up the porch stairs and was gone.

"Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping," I heard her say. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left."

"Don't worry, Edyth. I rolled over on my wrist—it's still sore and it woke me up. But I'm fine."

I walked through the door.

Alice said, "Finally," and Bella's eyes flashed to me. That sad smile appeared on the corner of her lips for only a second. Then it faltered, and her face fell. She snapped her eyes close and clenched her jaw, like she was trying not to cry.

I wanted to punch Liam right in his stupid mouth.

"Hey, babe," I said quickly. "How ya doing?"

"I'm fine," she said.

"Big day today, huh? Lots of big decisions."

"You don't have to do that, Julie."

"Don't know what you're talking about," I said, going to sit on the arm of the sofa by her head. Edyth had the floor there already.

She gave me a reproachful look, that quickly moved to deep regret. "I'm so s—" she started to say.

I pinched her lips together between my thumb and finger.

"Julie," she mumbled, trying to pull my hand away. Her attempt was so weak it was hard to believe that she was really trying.

I shook my head. "You can talk when you're not being stupid."

"Fine, I won't say it," it sounded like she mumbled.

I pulled my hand away.

"Sorry!" she finished quickly, as a grin teased at the corners of her mouth.

I rolled my eyes and then smiled back at her.

When I stared into her eyes, I saw everything that I'd been looking for in the park.

Tomorrow, she'd be someone else. But still alive, and that was what counted, right? She'd look at me with the same eyes, sort of. Smile with the same lips, almost. She'd still know me better than anyone who didn't have full access to the inside of my head.

Liam might be an interesting companion, maybe even a true friend—someone who would stand up for me. But he wasn't my best friend the way Bella was. Aside from the impossible, unrequited love I felt for Bella, there was also that other bond, and it ran bone deep.

And that connection was more important to me than anything else.

Tomorrow she'd be my enemy. Or she'd be my ally. And, apparently, that distinction was up to me.

I sighed.

Fine!I thought, giving up the very last I had to give. It made me feel ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right—they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this and since you explained the situation to me i can pass it onto them.

"Thank you." Edyth's whisper was low enough that Bella didn't hear anything. But the words were so fervent that, from the corner of my eye, I saw the other vampires turning to stare.

"So," Bella asked, working to be casual. "How was your day?"

"Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park."

"Sounds nice."

"Sure, sure."

After a long moment, she huffed a sigh. "Roy?" she asked.

I heard Blondie chuckle. "Again?"

"I think I've drunk like two gallons of water in the last hour," Bella explained.

Edyth and I both got out of the way while Royal came to lift Bella from the couch and take her to the bathroom.

"Can I walk?" Bella asked. "My legs are so stiff."

"Are you sure?" Edyth asked.

"Royal will catch me if I collapse from sudden exhaustion." She deadpanned.

Royal set Bella carefully on her feet, keeping his hands right at Bella's shoulders. Bella stretched her arms out in front of her, wincing a little.

"That feels good," she sighed. "Other than the sore ribs." She took a deep breath and let out another long sigh. "One more day…"

I couldn't help the pain that shot through me in a sudden, stabbing burst, but I tried to keep it off my face. I could hide it for one more day, right?

"All right," She started, then she twisted out from Royal's arms to face me, "Oh, Julie, can we talk when I get back? Please? Just some stuff I want… to… to…"

Her face contorted in a strange, pained way. Her right hand jumped to her left arm, and she was suddenly covered in a sheen of sweat. She gasped and stumbled backwards.

"Her heart—Edyth her heart!" Alice screamed.

I could hear it too, her heart was beating erratically, wildly

All of us rushed forward, but we were a second too late. Bella's back hit the arm of the sofa at an odd angle and there was sickening cracking sound. She bounced off the sofa arm, and fell, her knees making a similar cracking sound as they hit the floor.

Edyth caught her head before it also hit the floor.

Bella's gasping cut off into a sickening, wet, gurgling noise.

"Bella? Bella?" Edyth asked, and then her eyes unfocused, and panic shot across her features.

A half second later, Bella screamed.

It was not just a scream, it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched in Edyth's arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.


	18. there are no words for this

Bella's body, streaming with red, started to twitch, jerking around in Edyth's arms like she was being electrocuted. All the while, her face was contorted in pain. Her arms were thrashing but her legs weren't moving.

Edyth and Royal were frozen for the shortest half second, and then they broke. Edyth whipped Bella's body into her arms, and, shouting so fast it was hard to separate the individual words, she and Royal shot up the staircase to the second floor.

I sprinted after them.

"Morphine!" Edyth yelled at Royal.

"Alice—get Carlisle on the phone!" Royal shouted.

The room I followed them to looked like an emergency ward set up in the middle of a library. The lights were brilliant and white. Bella was on a table under the glare, skin ghostly in the spotlight. Her body twitched now and then. I felt nauseous as I watched the blood that was coming out of her mouth and her nose. Royal held Bella still, yanking and ripping Bella's bloodstained shirt out of the way, while Edyth stabbed a syringe into her arm.

I couldn't look anymore. I was afraid to have these memories in my head.

"What's happening, Edyth?"

"She must be going into cardiac arrest."

"Why is she bleeding so much?"

Somewhere in this, Bella took a sudden, rasping breath of air.

"Edyth" she choked, "Ed…."

"She's hemorrhaging!"

Alice darted into the room, bags of blood in her hand. She handed them to Royal and backed away, her gold eyes wide and burning.

Royal hurried to set up the blood, he grabbed a clean needle from the nearby table, but in his haste he ripped the bag and fresh blood began to drip down his arm.

And then Royal lost his focus. I saw the expression on his face shift, saw his lips pull back from his teeth and his black eyes glint with thirst.

"No, Royal!" Edyth roared, but her hands were trapped, trying to prop Bella upright so she could breathe.

I launched myself at Royal, jumping across the table without bothering to phase. As I hit his stone body, knocking him toward the door, I felt the needle in his hand stab deep into my left arm. My right palm smashed against his face, locking his jaw and blocking his airways.

I used my grip on Royal's face to swing his body out so that I could land a solid kick in his gut; it was like kicking concrete. He flew into the door frame, buckling one side of it. Then Alice was there, yanking him by the throat to get him into the hall.

And I had to give to Blondie—he didn't put up an ounce of fight. He wanted us to win. He let me trash him like that to get him out of the way so we could save Bella.Hmm that was weird.

I ripped the needle out of my arm.

"Alice, get Royal out of here!" Edyth shouted. "Take him to Jasper and keep him there! Julie, I need you!"

I didn't watch Alice finish the job. I wheeled back to the operating table, where Bella was turning blue, her eyes wide and staring.

"CPR?" Edyth growled at me, fast and demanding.

"Yes!"

I judged her face swiftly, looking for any sign that she was going to react like Royal to the blood spilled all over the floor. There was nothing but single-minded ferocity.

"Get her breathing! I have to get the venom."

I tried to get Bella in a neutral position so I could perform CPR, as I tried to align her spine, she let out an agonized cry of pain.

"Her spine," Edyth choked in horror.oh god her spine "It's broken."

"Hurry up and do what you need to do!" I snarled.

And then I bent over Bella's head. Her mouth looked clear, so I pressed mine to hers and blew a lungful of air into it. I felt her twitching body expand, so there was nothing blocking her throat.

Her lips tasted like blood.

I could hear her heart, thumping unevenly,keep it going. I thought fiercely at her, blowing another gust of air into her lungs. you promised. Keep your heart beating.

She coughed back at me, her eyes blinking, rolling back into her head.

"You stay with me now, Bella!" I yelled at her. "Do you hear me? Stay! You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!"

Her eyes wheeled, looking for me, or her, but seeing nothing.

"Jul…lie…" She breathed, "S…sorr…"

And then, with a last dullga-lump, her heart faltered and went silent.

She missed maybe half of one beat, and then my hands were on her chest, doing compressions. I counted in my head, trying to keep the rhythm steady. One. Two. Three. Four.

Breaking away for a second, I blew another lungful of air into her.

I couldn't see anymore. My eyes were wet and blurry. But I was hyperaware of the sounds in the room. The unwilling glug-glug of her heart under my demanding hands, the pounding of my own heart, and Edyth's ragged, panicked breathing.

I forced more air down Bella's throat.

"What are you waiting for?" I choked out breathlessly, pumping her heart again. One. Two. Three. Four.

"Her heart has to be beating. I could crush her ribcage. I need you to get her heart beating again." Edyth's voice was urgent, broken.

One. Two. Three. Four.

"Get her heart beating." She snarled as I breathed for Bella again.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Another breath.

Bella's heart gave a weak, tentative thud.

"Move your hands, Julie."

I looked up from Bella's white eyes, still pumping for her. Edyth had a syringe in her hand—all silver, like it was made from steel.

"What's that?"

Her stone hand knocked mine out of the way. There was a tiny crunch as her blow broke my little finger. In the same second, she shoved the needle straight into Bella's heart.

"My venom," she answered as she pushed the plunger down.

I heard the jolt in Bella's heart, like Edyth had shocked her with paddles.

"Keep it moving," she ordered. Her voice was ice, was dead. Fierce and unthinking. Like she was a machine.

I ignored the healing ache in my finger and started pumping Bella's heart again. It was harder, as if her blood was congealing there—thicker and slower. While I pushed the now-viscous blood through her arteries, I watched what Edyth was doing.

It was like she was kissing Bella, brushing her lips at her throat, at her wrists, into the crease at the inside of her arm. But I could hear the lush tearing of Bella's skin as Edyth's teeth bit through, again and again, forcing venom into Bella's system at as many points as possible. I saw Edyth's pale tongue sweep along the bleeding gashes, but before this could make me either sick or angry, I realized what she was doing. Where her tongue washed the venom over Bella's skin, it sealed shut. Holding the poison and the blood inside her body.

I blew more air into Bella's mouth, but there was nothing there. Just the lifeless rise of her chest in response. I kept pumping her heart, counting, while Edyth worked manically over her, trying to put her back together. All the king's horses and all the king's men...

But there was nothing there, just me, just her. Working over a corpse.

Because that's all that was left of the girl we both loved. This broken, bleeding corpse. We couldn't put Bella together again.

I knew it was too late. I knew she was dead. She had to be. Even Bella couldn't survive this. Everything came crashing down on me. I had been so stupid. I could have had Bella as my best friend. Always in my life. But that hadn't been good enough for me, and still it would have been more than enough. If only I hadn't been so blind. Now she was gone and there was no point anymore.

"Go, then," Edyth snapped, and she hit my hands out of the way again, taking my place this time. Three fingers broken, it felt like.

I straightened them numbly, not minding the throb of pain.

Edyth pushed Bella's dead heart faster than I had.

"She's not dead," she growled. "She's going to be fine."

I wasn't sure she was talking to me anymore.

Turning away, leaving her with what was left of Bella, I walked slowly to the door. So slowly. I couldn't make my feet move faster.

This was it, then. The ocean of pain. The other shore so far away across the boiling water that I couldn't imagine it, much less see it.

I felt empty again, now that I'd lost my purpose. Saving Bella had been my fight for so long now. And she wouldn't be saved. She couldn't be saved. She had wanted to stay human just a little longer for she'd be leaving behind before she would go join her vampires forever. Now we all lost her. It was all over.

I shuddered at the sound coming from behind me as I plodded down the stairs—the sound of a dead heart being forced to thud.

I wanted to somehow pour bleach inside my head and let it fry my brain. To burn away the images left from Bella's final minutes. I'd take the brain damage if I could get rid of that—the screaming, the bleeding, the unbearable sight of Bella's dead body.

I wanted to sprint away, to take the stairs ten at a time and race out the door, but my feet were heavy as iron and my body was more tired than it had ever been before. I shuffled down the stairs like a crippled old woman.

I rested at the bottom step, gathering my strength to get out the door.

Royal and Alice stood in the living room, somber, silent. They watched as I slowly trudged my way out the front door.

I stumbled on my way down the porch, landing in a heap on the cold ground.

Then I couldn't hold it back anymore. I burst into violent tears. Deep, painful sobs broke through my chest as every moment I had spent with Bella from that first time on First Beach to now replayed in my head. At one point, it had almost seemed like the saddest romance movie ever. It was a tragedy now. A horror movie.

I was barely aware of the footsteps at the edge of the forest.

"Bella didn't make it." Seth said. He wasn't asking.

I could hear steps coming toward me, but I didn't look up. Then someone knelt down in front of me, placing steadying hands on my shaking shoulders.

"Go away." I sobbed.

The hands moved to my face, pulled them up. Liam looked down at me, his face full of sorrow and concern.

"I'm so sorry, Julie. I'm so, so sorry." He said softly.

The sobs broke through my throat again, and my arms wrapped around Liam's waist. Desperately gripping onto some sort of comfort, if that was even possible. I sobbed into his chest as he put his arms around me and held me.

Seth joined us a second later, putting a hand on my shoulder.

My pack was here to comfort me, help me, in this unbearable and agonizing moment. There was nothing but my sobs breaking through the dead silence. Seth's hand gently squeezing my shoulder.

And Liam.

Liam's arms tight around me, keeping me from falling into nothingness, from drowning in that ocean of pain. Holding me there, comforting me. Trying to assure me that somehow, someday, it would be okay.

And then, from upstairs, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch me in this wretched moment.

A frantic pounding, a racing beat…

A changing heart.


	19. burning

**yeah im not a big fan of sam either (sorry if anyone out there is)**

Book III

Bella

I argue thee that love is life.

And life has immortality.

-Emily Dickinson

Preface

No longer just a nightmare, the line of black advanced on us through the icy mist stirred up by their feet.

We're going to die,I thought in panic. I was desperate for the loved ones I guarded, but even to think of that was a lapse in attention I could not afford.

They ghosted closer, their dark robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They drifted apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were outnumbered. It was over.

And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed—the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. Iwanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth.

Chapter 19. Burning

The pain was bewildering.

Exactly that—I was bewildered. I couldn't understand, couldn't make sense of what was happening.

My body tried to reject the pain, and I was sucked again and again into the blackness that cut whole seconds or maybe even minutes of the agony, making it that much harder to keep up with reality.

I tried to separate them.

Non-reality was black, and it didn't hurt so much.

Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time.

Reality was feeling my body twitch and spasm when I couldn't possibly move because of the pain.

Reality was knowing there was something so much more important than all this torture, and not being able to remember what it was.

Reality had come on so fast.

One moment, everything was as it should have been. Surrounded by people I loved. Smiles. Somehow, unlikely as it was, it seemed like I was about to get everything I'd been fighting for.

And then it all went wrong.

I'd felt the odd thump in my chest, a strange and unwelcome spasm. Then the growing pain that spread from my chest to my arm before the searing pain of my heart stopping and panicking sent me reeling backwards.

If the pain in my chest had been bad, the feeling of my spine snapping against the hard arm of the sofa was unbearable.

Cracking. Breaking. Agony.

The darkness had taken over, and then washed away to a wave of torture. I couldn't breathe—I had drowned once before, and this was different; it was too hot in my throat.

Pieces of me shattering, snapping, slicing apart…

More blackness.

Voices, this time, shouting, as the pain came back.

"She must be going into cardiac arrest."

More pain, more shouting, less awareness. Then a slight reprieve. Some air. A deep breath of painful air.

"Edyth," I choked out her name through my pain. "Edy—"

I was cut off, my throat was hot again. Everything was hot and cold all at once.

The pain faded away again.

How long had passed? Seconds or minutes? The pain was gone. Numb. I couldn't feel. I still couldn't see, either, but I could hear. There was air in my lungs again, scraping in rough bubbles up and down my throat.

"You stay with me now, Bella! Do you hear me? Stay! You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!"

Julie? Julie, still here, still trying to save me.

Of course, I wanted to tell her. Of course I would keep my heart beating. Hadn't I promised them both?

"Jul… lie…" I breathed, "S…Sorr…"

I tried to give Julie that apology she so desperately deserved. But I didn't have the strength arms felt like empty rubber hoses for a moment, and then they felt like nothing at all. I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel me.

The blackness rushed over my eyes more solidly than before. Like a thick blindfold, firm and fast. Covering not just my eyes but also myself with a crushing weight. It was exhausting to push against it. I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain and no weariness and no worry and no fear.

If it had only been for myself, I wouldn't have been able to struggle very long. I was only human, with no more than human strength. I'd been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long.

But this wasn't just about me.

If I did the easy thing now, let the black nothingness erase me, I would hurt them.

Edyth. My Edyth. My life and hers were twisted into a single strand. Cut one, and you cut both. If she were gone, I would not be able to live through that. If I were gone, she wouldn't live through it, either. And a world without Edyth seemed completely pointless. Edyth had to exist.

Julie—who'd said goodbye to me over and over but kept coming back when I needed her. Julie, who I'd wounded so many times it was criminal. Would I hurt her again, the worst way yet? She'd stayed for me, despite everything. Now all she asked was that I stay for her.

But it was so dark here that I couldn't see either of their faces. Nothing seemed real. That made it hard not to just give up.

I kept pushing against the black, though, almost a reflex. I wasn't trying to lift it. I was just resisting. Not allowing it to crush me completely. I wasn't Atlas, and the black felt as heavy as a planet; I couldn't shoulder it. All I could do was not be entirely obliterated.

It was sort of the pattern to my life—I'd never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. To avoid the pain. Always human and weak, the only thing I'd ever been able to do was keep going. Endure. Survive.

It had been enough up to this point. It would have to be enough today. I would endure this until help came.

I knew Edyth would be doing everything she could. She would not give up. Neither would I.

I held the blackness of nonexistence at bay by inches.

It wasn't enough, though—that determination. As the time ground on and on and the darkness gained by tiny eighths and sixteenths of my inches, I needed something more to draw strength from.

I couldn't pull even Edyth's face into view. Not Julie's, not Alice's or Royal's or Charlie's or Renée's or Carlisle's or Esme's... Nothing. It terrified me, and I wondered if it was too late.

I felt myself slipping—there was nothing to hold on to.

No!I had to survive this. Edyth was depending on me. Julie. Charlie, Alice, Royal, Carlisle, Renée, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Jeremy, Allen, Makayla…

All the connections, all the important people in my life.

I had been foolish, selfish, to put everyone through this. I had made them wait, refused a cure when I needed it most so I could put all the pieces of my life in perfect order. What I thought was the right decision. But now, I was at risk of hurting them all more than ever. Dying wouldn't be right. I couldn't put any of them through that.

So I would survive. I would hold on.

Dying is easy, living is harder.

And then, though I still couldn't see anything, suddenly I could feel something. Like phantom limbs, I imagined I could feel myself again. Like a small spot of heat somewhere deep inside me.

I could do this. I had survived so much before now. I would keep surviving. I would wake up.

I would tell Edyth how much I loved her, apologize for ever making her think I regretted choosing her.

I would tell Julie how sorry I was and how much I valued her as a friend and hope that would be enough for her.

I would see Charlie, my mom, my friends. Some day.

That spot of heat in my phantom body felt so real. I clutched it closer. It was exactly where my heart should be. Holding tight the warm memory of my loved ones, I knew that I would be able to fight the darkness as long as I needed to.

The warmth inside my heart got more and more real, warmer and warmer. Hotter. The heat was so real it was hard to believe that I was imagining it.

Hotter.

Uncomfortable now. Too hot. Much, much too hot.

Like accidentally placing a hand on a hot stove—my automatic response was to wrench my body away from the heat. But there was no way to do that. My body was not mine to control right now. My body was a dead thing lying in darkness and that heat was inside of me.

The burning grew—rose and peaked and rose again until it surpassed anything I'd ever felt.

I felt the pulse behind the fire raging now in my chest and realized that I'd found my heart again, just in time to wish I never had. To wish that I'd embraced the blackness while I'd still had the chance. I wanted to raise my arms and claw my chest open and rip the heart from it—anything to get rid of this torture. But I couldn't feel my arms, couldn't move one vanished finger.

James, snapping my leg under his foot. That was nothing. That was a soft place to rest on a feather bed. I'd take that now, a hundred times. A hundred snaps. I'd take it and be grateful.

The sickness, ravaging my body, weakening me to the point of death. That was nothing. That was floating in a pool of cool water. I'd take it a thousand times. Take it and be grateful.

The fire blazed hotter and I wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain. But I couldn't move my lips. The weight was still there, pressing on me.

I realized it wasn't the darkness holding me down; it was my body. So heavy. Burying me in the flames that were chewing their way out from my heart now, spreading with impossible pain through my shoulders and stomach, scalding their way up my throat, licking at my face.

Why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I scream? This wasn't part of the stories.

My mind was unbearably clear—sharpened by the fierce pain—and I saw the answer almost as soon as I could form the questions.

The morphine.

It seemed like a million deaths ago that we'd discussed it—Edyth, Carlisle, and I. Edyth and Carlisle had hoped that enough painkillers would help fight the pain of the venom. Carlisle had tried with Emmett, but the venom had burned ahead of the medicine, sealing his veins. There hadn't been time for it to spread.

I'd kept my face smooth and nodded and thanked my rarely lucky stars that Edyth could not read my mind.

Because I'd had morphine and venom together in my system before, and I knew the truth. I knew the numbness of the medicine was completely irrelevant while the venom seared through my veins. But I thought, foolishly, that keeping that fact to myself was better. That it would make the whole process easier for everyone else, for Edyth...

I hadn't guessed that the morphine would have this effect—that it would pin me down and gag me. Hold me paralyzed while I burned.

I knew all the stories. I knew that Carlisle had kept quiet enough to avoid discovery while he burned. I knew that, according to Royal, it did no good to scream. And I'd hoped that maybe I could be like Carlisle. That I would believe Royal's words and keep my mouth shut. Because I knew that every scream that escaped my lips would torment Edyth.

Now it seemed like a hideous joke that I was getting my wish fulfilled. If I couldn't scream,how could I tell them to kill me?

All I wanted was to die. To never have been born. The whole of my existence did not outweigh this pain. Wasn't worth living through it for one more heartbeat.

Let me die, let me die, let me die.

And, for a never-ending space, that was all there was. Just the fiery torture, and my soundless shrieks, pleading for death to come. Nothing else, not even time. So that made it infinite, with no beginning and no end. One infinite moment of pain.

The only change came when suddenly, impossibly, my pain was doubled. The lower half of my body, deadened since before the morphine, was suddenly on fire, too. Some broken connection had been healed—knitted together by the scorching fingers of the flame.

The endless burn raged on.

It could have been seconds or days, weeks or years, but, eventually, time came to mean something again.

Three things happened together, grew from each other so that I didn't know which came first: time restarted, the morphine's weight faded, and I got stronger.

I could feel the control of my body come back to me in increments, and those increments were my first markers of the time passing. I knew it when I was able to twitch my toes and twist my fingers into fists. I knew it, but I did not act on it.

Though the fire did not decrease one tiny degree—in fact, I began to develop a new capacity for experiencing it, a new sensitivity to appreciate, separately, each blistering tongue of flame that licked through my veins—I discovered that I could think around it.

At first I became aware of an acute difference between the burning. Because there were two different kinds of burning in my body now. I remembered the pain from when James had bit me. I had likened it to fire at the time, but I was wrong. The burn of the venom wasn't like fire. It was a cold burn. I knew that because I had something to compare it to now; the second kind of burning. This sensation was heat. Searing fire. It was a torturous and odd sensation. Fire and ice burning in my body.

Then, after cataloguing all this, I could remember why I shouldn't scream. I could remember the reason why I'd committed to enduring this unendurable agony. I could remember that, though it felt impossible now, there was something that might be worth the torture.

This happened just in time for me to hold on when the weights left my body. To anyone watching me, there would be no change. But for me, as I struggled to keep the screams and thrashing locked up inside my body, where they couldn't hurt anyone else, it felt like I'd gone from being tied to the stake as I burned, to gripping that stake to hold myself in the fire.

I had just enough strength to lie there unmoving while I was charred and frozen alive.

My hearing got clearer and clearer, and I could count the frantic, pounding beats of my heart to mark the time.

I could count the shallow breaths that gasped through my teeth.

I could count the low, even breaths that came from somewhere close beside me. These moved slowest, so I concentrated on them. They meant the most time passing. More even than a clock's pendulum, those breaths pulled me through the burning seconds toward the end.

I continued to get stronger, my thoughts clearer. When new noises came, I could listen.

There were light footsteps, the whisper of air stirred by an opening door. The footsteps got closer, and I felt pressure against the inside of my wrist. I couldn't feel the kind coolness of the fingers. The fire—cold and hot—pushed away every memory of bearable cool.

"Still no change?"

"None."

The lightest pressure, breath against my freezing, burning skin. "There's no scent of the morphine left."

"I know."

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

I knew, beyond all doubt, that if I unlocked my teeth I would lose it—I would shriek and screech and writhe and thrash. If I opened my eyes, if I so much as twitched a finger—any change at all would be the end of my control.

"Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?"

Pressure on my fingers. It was harder not to answer this voice, but I stayed paralyzed. I knew that the pain in her voice now was nothing compared to what it could be. Right now she only feared that I was suffering.

"Maybe... Carlisle, maybe I was too late." Her voice was muffled; it broke on the word late.

My resolve wavered for a second.

"Listen to her heart, Edyth. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect."

Yes, I was right to keep quiet. Carlisle would reassure her. She didn't need to suffer with me.

"And her—her spine?"

"Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as it did Esme."

"But she's so still. I must have done something wrong."

"Or something right, Edyth. daughter, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."

A broken whisper. "She must be in agony."

"We don't know that. She had so much morphine in her system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience. Or how Alice's visions will play into things."

Alice's visions were working again? What had she seen?

"None of us know about that."

"We can't dwell on it now."

Faint pressure inside the crease of my elbow. Another whisper. "Bella, I love you. Bella, I'm sorry."

I wanted so much to answer her, but I wouldn't make her pain worse. Not while I had the strength to hold myself still.

Through all this, the racking fires went right on burning me and freezing me. But there was so much space in my head now. Room to ponder their conversation, room to remember what had happened, room to look ahead to the future, with still endless room left over to suffer in.

Also room to worry.

Where was Julie? Was she okay? Why weren't they talking about her? And what about the wolves? Had the tribe declared war? Why weren't they talking about that?

"No, I'm staying right here," Edyth whispered, answering an unspoken thought. "They'll sort it out."

"An interesting situation," Carlisle responded. "And I'd thought I'd seen just about everything."

"I'll deal with it 'll deal with it." Something pressed softly to my blistering palm.

"I'm sure, between the five of us, we can figure it out."

Edyth sighed. "I don't know what to think about it right now, to be honest."

"I wonder what Bella will think—whose side she'll take," Carlisle mused.

One low, strained chuckle. "I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."

Carlisle's footsteps faded away again, and I was frustrated that there was no further explanation. Were they talking so mysteriously just to annoy me?

I went back to counting Edyth's breaths to mark the time.

Ten thousand, nine hundred forty-three breaths later, a different set of footsteps whispered into the room. Lighter. More... rhythmic.

Strange that I could distinguish the minute differences between footsteps that I'd never been able to hear at all before today.

"How much longer?" Edyth asked.

"It won't be long now," Alice told her. "See how clear she's becoming? I can see her so much better." She sighed.

"Still feeling a little bitter?"

"Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up," she grumbled. "You would be mortified, too, if every limitation you had was suddenly forced upon you all at once. I see vampires best, because I am one; I see humans okay, because I was one. But all the indecision and unpredictability was wreaking absolute havoc on my visions." A tiny huff of air. "And now I can't see these new house guests at all because they're nothing I've experienced. Bah!"

"Focus, Alice."

"Right. Bella's almost too easy to see now. Which is a relief, considering."

There was a long moment of silence, and then Edyth sighed. It was a new sound, happier.

"She's really going to be fine," she breathed.

"Of course she is."

"You weren't so guine two days ago."

"I couldn't see right two days ago. But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."

"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock—give me an estimate."

Alice sighed. "So impatient. Fine. Give me a sec—"

Quiet breathing.

"Thank you, Alice." Her voice was brighter.

How long?Couldn't they at least say it aloud for me? Was that too much to ask? How many more seconds would I burn? Ten thousand? Twenty? Another day—eighty-six thousand, four hundred? More than that?

"She's going to be dazzling."

Edyth growled quietly. "She always has been."

Alice snorted. "You know what I mean."

Edyth didn't answer, but Alice's words gave me hope that maybe I didn't resemble the charcoal briquette I felt like. It seemed as if I must be just a pile of charred bones by now. Every cell in my body had been razed to ash.

I heard Alice breeze out of the room. I heard the swish of the fabric she moved, rubbing against itself. I heard the quiet buzz of the light hanging from the ceiling. I heard the faint wind brushing against the outside of the house. I could hear everything.

Downstairs, someone was watching a ball game. The Mariners were winning by two runs.

"Give me the remote," I heard Royal snap at someone, and there was a low snarl in response.

"Hey, now," Emmett cautioned.

Someone hissed.

I listened for more, but there was nothing but the game. Baseball was not interesting enough to distract me from the pain, so I listened to Edyth's breathing again, counting the seconds.

Twenty-one thousand, nine hundred seventeen and a half seconds later, the pain changed.

On the good-news side of things, it started to fade from my fingertips and toes. Fading slowly, but at least it was doing something new. This had to be it. The pain was on its way out...

And then the bad news: The fire inside my heart got hotter. How was that possible?

My heartbeat, already too fast, picked up—the fire drove its rhythm to a new frantic pace.

"Carlisle," Edyth called. Her voice was low but clear. I knew that Carlisle would hear it, if he were in or near the house.

The fire retreated from my palms, leaving them blissfully pain-free and cool. But it retreated to my heart, which blazed hot as the sun and cold as ice as it beat at a furious new speed.

Carlisle entered the room, Alice at his side. Their footsteps were so distinct, I could even tell that Carlisle was on the right, and a foot ahead of Alice.

"Listen," Edyth told them.

The loudest sound in the room was my frenzied heart, pounding to the rhythm of the fire.

"Ah," Carlisle said. "It's almost over."

My relief at his words was overshadowed by the excruciating pain in my heart.

My wrists were free, though, and my ankles. The fire was totally extinguished there.

"Soon," Alice agreed eagerly. "I'll get the others. Should we have…?"

"No, keep the boys away."

What? What boys? Holy crow, was everyone determined to upset me right now?

My fingers twitched—the irritation breaking through my perfect façade. The room went silent besides the jack-hammering of my heart as they all stopped breathing for a second in response.

A hand squeezed my wayward fingers.

Bella? Bella, love?"

Could I answer her without screaming? I considered that for a moment, and then the fire ripped hotter still through my chest, draining in from my elbows and knees. Better not to chance it.

"I'll bring them right up," Alice said, an urgent edge to her tone, and I heard the swish of wind as she darted away.

And then—oh!

My heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the sound almost a single sustained note; it felt like it would grind through my ribs. The fire flared up in the center of my chest, sucking the last remnants of the flames and ice from the rest of my body to fuel the most freezing and scorching blaze yet. The pain was enough to stun me, to break through my iron grip on the stake. My back arched, bowed as if the fire was dragging me upward by my heart.

I allowed no other piece of my body to break rank as my torso slumped back to the table.

It became a battle inside me—my sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire. Both were losing. The fire was doomed, having consumed everything that was combustible; my heart galloped toward its last beat.

The fire constricted, concentrating inside that one remaining human organ with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more.

There was no sound. No breathing. Not even mine.

For a moment, the absence of pain was all I could comprehend.

And then I opened my eyes and gazed above me in wonder.


	20. new

**so i tried to put more focus on that mate pull thing. i honestly think Meyer never put enough on it.**

Everything was soclear.

Sharp. Defined.

The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for.

Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.

The dust was so beautiful that I inhaled in shock; the air whistled down my throat, swirling the motes into a vortex. The action felt strange in my chest. I realized it must have been because I hadn't breathed in since I opened my eyes. That made sense, though. I didn'tneedair anymore, at least not strictly speaking. But something was still strange about it to me. I was too distracted at that moment to give it more thought.

Distracted, because in that breath of air I could taste the room around me—taste the lovely dust motes, the mix of the stagnant air mingling with the flow of slightly cooler air from the open door. Taste a lush whiff of silk. Taste a faint hint of something warm and desirable, something that should be moist, but wasn't... That smell caused a faint, dry burn in my throat, the faintest echo of the venom burn, though the scent was tainted by the bite of chlorine and ammonia. And most of all, I could taste an almost-honey-lilac-and-sun- flavored scent that was the strongest thing, the closest thing to me.

I heard the sound of the others, breathing again now that I did. Their breath mixed with the scent that was something just off honey and lilac and sunshine, bringing new flavors. Cinnamon, hyacinth, pear, seawater, rising bread, pine, vanilla, leather, apple, moss, lavender, chocolate... I traded a dozen different comparisons in my mind, but none of them fit exactly. So sweet and pleasant.

The TV downstairs had been muted, and I heard someone shift their weight on the first floor.

I also heard a faint, thudding rhythm, with a voice shouting angrily to the beat. Rap music? I was mystified for a moment, and then the sound faded away like a car passing by with the windows rolled down.

With a start, I realized that this could be exactly right. Could I hear all the way to the freeway?

I listened in wonder with my new ears. All the new sounds I could hear and how easily I could discern their meaning. Somewhere in the nearby woods, a small creature—a bird, likely—was pecking with some irritation at the earth. Perhaps searching for food. A slight breeze was moving through the leaves and grass outside the house creating a beautiful flowing sound. The ease and clarity with which I could hear everything would have been overwhelming were it not for the speed at which my mind processed them. The only sound a couldn't place was a soft, gentle thumping rhythm. I could hear it somewhere just behind my ears. I almost recognized this sound, and I had a sense that something was slightly off in its gentle cadence.

I didn't realize someone was holding my hand until whoever it was squeezed it lightly. Like it had before to hide the pain, my body locked down again in surprise. This was not a touch I expected. The skin was perfectly smooth, but it was the wrong temperature. Not icy cold.

After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur—but it did not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread in microscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.

So by the time I found myself crouched against the wall defensively—about a sixteenth of a second later—I already understood what had startled me, and that I had overreacted.

Oh. Of course. Edyth wouldn't feel cold to me. We were the same temperature now. Or nearly the same. She had still felt cooler to me by some degrees. I held my pose for an eighth of a second longer, adjusting to the scene before me.

Edyth was leaning across the operating table that had been my pyre, her hand reached out toward me, her expression anxious.

Edyth's face was the most important thing, but my peripheral vision catalogued everything else, just in case. Some instinct to defend had been triggered, and I automatically searched for any sign of danger.

My vampire family waited cautiously against the far wall by the door, Emmett and Jasper in the front. Like therewasdanger. My nostrils flared, searching for the threat. I could smell nothing out of place. That faint scent of something warm and inviting—but marred by harsh chemicals—tickled my throat again, setting it to a slight aching and burning.

Alice was peeking around Jasper's elbow with wide eyes. Somewhere between nervous and excited, with a wide grin.

That grin reassured me and then put the pieces together. Jasper and Emmett were in the front to protect the others, as I had assumed. What I hadn't grasped immediately was that I was the danger.

All this was a sideline. The greater part of my senses and my mind were still focused on Edyth's face.

I had never seen it before this second.

How many times had I stared at Edyth and marveled over her beauty? How much had that perfect face danced through my mind? I thought I'd known her face better than my own. I had thought that even her beautiful face could become no more beautiful than it already was.

I may as well have been blind.

For the first time, with the dimming shadows and limiting weakness of humanity taken off my eyes, I saw her face. I gasped and then struggled with my vocabulary, unable to find the right words. I needed better words.

At this point, the other part of my attention had ascertained that there was no danger here besides myself, and I automatically straightened out of my crouch; almost a whole second had passed since I'd been on the table.

I was momentarily preoccupied by the way my body moved. The instant I'd considered standing erect, I was already straight. There was no brief fragment of time in which the action occurred; change was instantaneous, almost as if there was no movement at all.

I continued to stare at Edyth's face, motionless again.

She moved slowly around the table—each step taking nearly half a second, each step flowing sinuously like river water weaving over smooth stones—her hand still outstretched.

I watched the grace of her advance, absorbing it with my new eyes.

"Bella?" she asked in a low, calming tone, but the worry in her voice layered my name with tension.

I couldn't answer immediately; her voice—like her face—seemed to reach new levels of musicality to my ears. I could hear every subtle nuance and tone in the single word she spoke. Comparing it to my human memories, I would have thought I had spent my life up to this point with cotton in my ears.

"Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine."

Everything? My mind spun out, spiraling back to my last human hour. Already, the memory seemed dim, like I was watching through a thick, dark veil—because my human eyes had been half blind. Everything had been so blurred.

When she said everything was fine, did that include Julie? Was she fine? Did my long-suffering best friend hate me now? Had she gone back to Sam's pack? Seth and Liam, too?

Were the Cullens safe, or had my transformation ignited the war with the pack? Did Edyth's blanket assurance cover all of that? Or was she just trying to calm me?

And Charlie? What would I tell him now? He must have called while I was burning. What had they told him? What did he think had happened to me?

As I deliberated for one small piece of a second over which question to ask first, Edyth reached out tentatively and stroked her fingertips across my cheek. Smooth as satin, soft as a feather, and that same cool touch that I had longed for during my painful burning.

Her touch seemed to sweep beneath the surface of my skin, right through the bones of my face. The feeling was tingly, electric—it jolted through my bones, down my spine, and trembled in my stomach.

Wait, I thought as the trembling blossomed into a warmth, a yearning. Wasn't I supposed to lose this? Wasn't giving up this feeling a part of the bargain?

I was a newborn vampire. And I knew what being a newborn entailed. Human emotions and longings would come back to me later in some form, but I'd accepted that I would not feel them in the beginning. Only thirst. That was the deal, the price. I'd agreed to pay it.

But as Edyth's hand curled to the shape of my face like satin-covered steel, desire raced through my veins, singing from my scalp to my toes.

She arched one perfect eyebrow, waiting for me to speak. I threw my arms around her.

Again, it was like there was no movement. One moment I stood straight and still as a statue; in the same instant, she was in my arms.

Warmer—or at least, that was my perception—than I had ever felt her. With the sweet, delicious scent that I'd never been able to really take in with my dull human senses, but that was one hundred percent Edyth. I pressed my face into her smooth chest.

And then she shifted her weight uncomfortably. Leaned away from my embrace. I stared up at her face, confused and frightened by the rejection.

"Um... carefully, Bella. Ow."

I yanked my arms away, folding them behind my back as soon as I understood.

I was too strong.

"Oops," I mouthed.

She smiled the kind of smile that would have stopped my heart if it were still beating.

"Don't panic, love," she said, lifting her hand to touch my lips, distracting me from my train of thought. "You're just a bit stronger than I am for the moment."

My eyebrows pushed together. I'd known this, too, but it felt more surreal than any other part of this ultimately surreal moment. I was stronger than Edyth. I'd made her say ow.

Her hand stroked my cheek again, and I all but forgot my distress as another wave of desire rippled through my motionless body.

These emotions were so much stronger than I was used to that it was hard to stick to one train of thought despite the extra room in my head. Each new sensation overwhelmed me. I remembered Edyth saying once—her voice in my head a weak shadow compared to the crystal, musical clarity I was hearing now—that her kind,our kind, were easily distracted. I could see why. And I felt that mate pull while I was human sure. But now it was so much stronger I couldn't name it. But I knew no human could feel this without being in pain probably I knew now why me and Edyth were in physical pain when shed left after my birthday. I knew since I was feeling the mate pull stronger now if she left again or something happened to her itd be so much worse. or if someone hurt her I'd pull a stunt that Victoria did over James. I. could understand her now. not that she wasn't wrong but I could understand her wanting revenge mate for mate as Laurent put it. Because her and James had the mates pull like me and Edyth Carlisle and Esme royal and Emmett and Alice and Jasper had.Even if it was one sided on Victoria's part.

I made a concerted effort to focus. There was something I needed to say. The most important thing.

Very carefully, so carefully that the movement was actually discernible, I brought my right arm out from behind my back and raised my hand to touch her cheek. I refused to let myself be sidetracked by the pearly color of my hand or by the smooth silk of her skin or by the charge that zinged in my fingertips.

I stared into her eyes and heard my own voice for the first time.

"I love you," I said, but it sounded like singing. My voice rang and shimmered like a bell.

Her answering smile dazzled me more than it ever had when I was human; I could really see it now.

"As I love you," she told me.

She took my face between her hands and leaned her face to mine—slow enough to remind me to be careful. She kissed me, soft as a whisper at first, and then suddenly stronger, fiercer. I tried to remember to be gentle with her, but it was hard work to remember anything in the onslaught of sensation, hard to hold on to any coherent thoughts.

It was like she'd never kissed me—like this was our first kiss. And, in truth, she'd never kissed me this way before.

It almost made me feel guilty. Surely this was breaking some sort of rule. I couldn't be allowed to have this, too.

My breathing sped, raced as fast as it had when I was burning. This was a different kind of fire.

Someone cleared his throat. Emmett. I recognized the deep sound at once, joking and annoyed at the same time.

I'd forgotten we weren't alone. And then I realized that the way I was curved around Edyth now was not exactly polite for company.

Embarrassed, I half-stepped away in another instantaneous movement.

Edyth chuckled and stepped with me, keeping her arms tight around my waist. Her face was glowing—like a white flame burned from behind her diamond skin.

I took an unnecessary breath to settle myself.

How different this kissing was! I read her expression as I compared the indistinct human memories to this clear, intense feeling. She looked... a little smug.

"You've been holding out on me," I accused in my singing voice, my eyes narrowing a tiny bit.

She laughed, radiant with relief that it was all over—the fear, the pain, the uncertainties, the waiting, all of it behind us now. "It was sort of necessary at the time," she reminded me. "Now it's your turn to not break me." She laughed again.

I frowned as I considered that, and then Edyth was not the only one laughing.

Carlisle stepped around Emmett and walked toward me swiftly; his eyes were only slightly wary, but Jasper shadowed his footsteps. I'd never seen Carlisle's face before either, not really. I had an odd urge to blink—like I was staring at the sun.

"How do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I considered that for a sixty-fourth of a second.

"Overwhelmed. There's somuch…" I trailed off, listening to the bell-tone of my voice again.

"Yes, it can be quite confusing."

I nodded one fast, jerky bob. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."

Edyth's arms squeezed lightly around my waist. "I told you so," she whispered.

"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. "More so than I expected, even with the time you had to prepare yourself mentally for this."

I thought about the wild mood swings, the difficulty concentrating, and whispered, "I'm not sure about that."

He nodded seriously, and then his jeweled eyes glittered with interest. "Indeed... Bella, tell me, what do you remember of the transformation process?"

I hesitated, intensely aware of Edyth's breath brushing against my cheek, sending whispers of electricity through my skin.

"Everything was... very dim before." Was all I could say, glancing up at Edyth. Then back to Carlisle, focusing on my poker face. "It's hard to remember. It was so dark before. And then… I opened my eyes and I could see everything."

"Interesting," Carlisle breathed, his eyes searching mine.

Chagrin washed through me, and I waited for the heat to burn in my cheeks and give me away. And then I remembered that I would never blush again. Maybe that would protect Edyth from the truth.

I'd have to find a way to tip off Carlisle, though. Someday. If he ever needed to create another vampire. That possibility seemed very unlikely, which made me feel better about lying.

"I want you to think—to tell me everything you remember," Carlisle pressed with a sense of urgency and seriousness, and I couldn't help the grimace that flashed across my face. I didn't want to have to keep lying, because I might slip up. And I didn't want to think about the burning. Unlike the human memories, that part was perfectly clear and I found I could remember it with far too much precision.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle apologized immediately. "I imagine your thirst must be very uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."

Until he'd mentioned it, the thirst actually hadn't even been a thought. There was so much room in my head. A separate part of my brain was keeping tabs on the burn in my throat, almost like a reflex. The way my old brain had handled breathing and blinking.

I would have expected Carlisle's assumption to bring the burn to the forefront of my mind. Edyth had often warned me that the thirst could be overwhelming and consuming. But even then, the dry ache in the back of my throat was painful, annoying even, but not nearly as bad as I had fearfully imagined before. My hand was at my throat in a flash, my fingers grazing my neck in confusion. The skin there was strange to the touch. So smooth it was somehow soft, though it was hard as stone, too.

Edyth dropped her arms and took my other hand, tugging gently. "Let's hunt, Bella."

My eyes widened in shock as I considered her words.

Me? Hunt? With Edyth? But...how?I didn't know what to do.

She read the alarm in my expression and smiled encouragingly. "It's quite easy, love. Instinctual. Don't worry, I'll show you." When I didn't move, she grinned her crooked dempled smile and raised her eyebrows. "I was under the impression that you'd always wanted to see me hunt."

I laughed in a short burst of humor (part of me listened in wonder to the pealing bell sound) as her words reminded me of cloudy human conversations. And then I took a whole second to run quickly through those first days with Edyth in my head so that I would never forget them. I did not expect that it would be so uncomfortable to remember. Like trying to squint through muddy water. I knew from Royal's experience that if I thought of my human memories enough, I would not lose them over time. I did not want to forget one minute I'd spent with Edyth, even now, when eternity stretched in front of us. I would have to make sure those human memories—all my human memories—were cemented into my infallible vampire mind.

"Shall we?" Edyth asked. She reached up to take the hand that was still at my neck. Her fingers smoothed down the column of my throat. "I don't want you to be hurting," she added in a low murmur. Something I would not have been able to hear before.

"I'm fine," I said, and it was mostly true. There were other matters of more importance at the moment. "Wait, what about Julie? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I missed. How long was I... unconscious?"

Edyth didn't seem to notice my hesitation over the last word. Instead, she was exchanging a wary glance with Carlisle.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"Nothing is wrong," Carlisle told me, emphasizing the last word in a strange way. "Nothing has changed much, actually—you were only unaware for just over two days. It was very fast, as these things go. Edyth did an excellent job. Quite innovative—the venom injection straight to your heart was her idea." He paused to smile proudly at his daughter and then sighed. "Julie is still here, and Charlie still believes that you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the CDC. We gave him a bad number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme."

"I should call him..," I murmured to myself, but, listening to my own voice, I understood the new difficulties. He wouldn't recognize this voice. It wouldn't reassure him. And then the earlier surprise intruded. "Hold on—Julie is still here?"

Another glance between them.

"Bella," Edyth said quickly. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have to be in pain..."

I hadn't been overly aware of it, if I was being honest. It was like a mild annoyance in the back of my mind. "But Julie—"

"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love," she reminded me gently.

Of course. I could wait a little longer for the answer; Edyth was right. We had all the time in the world now. "Okay."

"Wait, wait, wait," Alice trilled from the doorway. She danced across the room, dreamily graceful. As with Edyth and Carlisle, I felt some shock as I really looked at her face for the first time. So lovely. "You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?"

"Alice—," Edyth protested, something like a hint of panic in her voice. I wouldn't have been able to detect that as easily before. My new ears made even the slightest inflection obvious.

"It will only take a second!" She said turning, "And it will be fine." And with that, Alice darted from the room.

Edyth sighed.

"What is she talking about?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know how she is, Bella," Royal said, some humor in his golden eyes. and welcome to the family. He paused before saying sister I am sorry for the way I behaved in the past.

My eyes moved to Royal, standing just behind Emmett with Esme. Royal's hair was like spun gold, framing his brilliantly handsome face. He was even more stunningly beautiful than I remembered.

Then Alice was back in the room, carrying the huge, gilt-framed mirror from Royal's room, which was nearly twice as tall as she was, and several times as wide. Royal eyed her with some mild annoyance.

"Careful with that, it's an antique." He grumbled in a voice so low, so quick and quiet that my human ears would never have even noticed him speak.

Alice stuck out her dainty tongue as she danced past him with the mirror.

Jasper had been so still and silent that I'd taken no notice of him since he'd followed behind Carlisle. Now he moved again, to hover over Alice as she approached me, his eyes locked on my expression. Because I was the danger here.

I knew he would be tasting the mood around me, too, and so he must have felt my jolt of shock as I studied his face, looking at it closely for the first time.

Through my sightless human eyes, the scars left from his former life with the newborn armies in the South had been mostly invisible. Only with a bright light to throw their slightly raised shapes into definition could I even make out their existence.

Now that I could see, the scars were Jasper's most dominant feature. It was hard to take my eyes off his ravaged neck and jaw—hard to believe that even a vampire could have survived so many sets of teeth ripping into his throat.

Instinctively, I tensed to defend myself. Any vampire who saw Jasper would have had the same reaction. The scars were like a lighted ,they screamed. How many vampires had tried to kill Jasper? Hundreds? Thousands? The same number that had died in the attempt.

Jasper both saw and felt my assessment, my caution, and he smiled wryly.

"Edyth gave me grief for not getting you to a mirror before the wedding," Alice said, pulling my attention away from her frightening lover. "I'm not going to be chewed out again."

"Chewed out?" Edyth asked skeptically, one eyebrow curving upward.

"Maybe I'm overstating things," she murmured absently as she turned the mirror to face me.

"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification," she countered. "Are you certain…?" She trailed off.

Alice simply winked at her.

I was only aware of this exchange with the lesser part of my concentration. The greater part was riveted on the person in the mirror.

My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as Edyth or even Royal. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as ivory against the frame of her brown, thick hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glowing subtly, luminous as a pearl.

My second reaction was horror.

Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features.

But then, I saw her eyes. And then I felt a strange drop in the pit of my stomach. The eyes on this beautiful creature, this stranger, were mine. The same wide, blue eyes I had always known. My mother's eyes.

I didn't understand. Why were my eyes the same? Shouldn't they be red now? How could they still be the same blue color they had always been? Well, not exactly the same. There was something luminous about them now—like a brilliantly polished bluish silver.

All the while I studied and reacted, the stranger's face was perfectly composed, a carving of a godess, showing nothing of the turmoil roiling inside me. And then her full lips moved.

"The eyes?" I whispered. "How?

"We…" Edyth began, her voice soft and comforting but with traces of anxiousness. "We're not sure, Bella."

That was when I became aware of all the other little things that were wrong.

Well, nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect. There were no traces of the deadly disease that had all but destroyed me in the past months. But as I studied myself in the mirror, as I carefully assessed everything I felt in my new body, I became instantly aware of what was different than I had expected. My eyes had not changed, they were still blue. And my skin, though decidedly paler than it had been before, had the faintest blush of color below the skin. But that was impossible! I shouldn't…

And then my breath caught in my throat.

It caught, and I realized why breathing had felt strange to me earlier. Because I did still need it. Perhaps not as much as I had before, but I my lungs still craved some relief of oxygen. They continued to work, much as they always had in my chest. And suddenly as I isolated all the feelings in my body and examined them, I was able to place that strange, gentle rhythm that had been going continuously behind my ears.

It was my heart.

My hand flew to my chest, and I could sense everyone in the room shift uneasily as my own body became still as a statue. My heart was still keeping a steady beat in my chest. I realized I hadn't noticed it restart when I had first opened my eyes because it was keeping a new pace now; softer, gentler, and slightly slower than it had been in my human life.

"Edyth?" My voice was higher now, stressed. In the mirror, the perfect eyebrows lifted incredulously above the luminous blue eyes.

Jasper took a step forward, alarmed by the intensity of my sudden anxiety. He knew young vampires only too well; did this emotion presage some misstep on my part? Except, I wasn't a vampire… was I?

Edyth didn't answer. I looked away, to her and Alice. Both their eyes were slightly unfocused—reacting to Jasper's unease. Listening to its cause, looking ahead to the immediate future.

I took a deep breath.

"No, I'm fine," I promised them. My eyes flickered to the stranger in the mirror and back. "It's just... Why are… My eyes? My skin?" My voice dropped, "My heart?"

"It's all right, Bella," Edyth soothed. "Don't panic."

Jasper's brow furrowed, highlighting the two scars over his left eye.

"I don't know," Edyth murmured.

The woman in the mirror frowned. "What question did I miss?"

Edyth grinned a little. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Controlling your emotions, Bella," Jasper answered. "I've never seen a newborn do that—stop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."

"But I'm not… I'm not really a newborn, am I?"

"No," she said, but her voice was unsure. "And yes."

Edyth stroked her hand down my arm, as if encouraging me to thaw. "We don't understand it. We don't know how… but Alice saw it, almost immediately, that you would be… different."

I considered that for a portion of a second. "You don't seem overly concerned."

"No, because she saw you would be fine. You would be perfect… just…" She smiled her crooked smile. "Different."

I was different. I wasn't quite a vampire when I really thought about it. Edyth's touch no longer felt icy, but it was still just barely cooler than my own skin, which meant I wasn't quite as cold as she was. The eyes, the skin, the heart… but other than those things, I was very much like a vampire. It was all so confusing.

"But what do you think?" Alice asked, a little impatient now, pointing to the mirror.

"I'm not sure," I hedged, not wanting to admit how frightened I really was.

I stared at the beautiful woman with the blue eyes, looking for pieces of me. Looking for answers. The angularity and sharpness of the stranger's features were unknown and distinctly vampire—and foreign—to my perception.

I raised my hand experimentally, and the woman in the mirror copied the movement, touching her face, too. Her luminous blue eyes watched me warily.

Edyth sighed.

I turned away from the mirror to look at her, raising one eyebrow.

"Disappointed?" I asked, my ringing voice impassive.

She laughed. "Yes," she admitted.

I felt the shock break through the composed mask on my face, followed instantly by the hurt.

Alice snarled. Jasper leaned forward again, waiting for me to snap.

But Edyth ignored them and wrapped her arms tightly around my newly frozen form, pressing her lips against my cheek. "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to my own," she murmured. "And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going on inside your head."

I felt better at once.

"Oh well," I said lightly, relieved that my thoughts were still my own. "I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm good looking."

It was becoming easier to joke with her as I adjusted, to think in straight lines. To be myself and ignore the pressing concerns that would have sent me into a panic in my former life.

Edyth growled in my ear. "Bella, you have never been merely good looking."

Then her face pulled away from mine, and she sighed. "All right, all right," she said to someone.

"What?" I asked.

"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've hunted."

"I just think it would be good to see how she handles that," Jasper explained quickly. "Maybe we'll understand what she's become better if we… see her in action." He managed to relax his worried expression into a slight smirk.

I read the worry still evident behind Jasper's eyes and nodded. Answers would be good right now. And the best way to find them would be to start taking stock of what, if any, more abilities I had that actually did resemble a vampire.

"Okay. Let's hunt," I agreed, a thrill of nerves and anticipation making my stomach quiver. I unwrapped Edyth's arms from around me, keeping one of her hands, and turned my back on the strange, beautiful, and unknown woman in the mirror.

**;) Don't worry that twist will make since soon**


	21. first hunt

The window?" I asked, staring two stories down.

I'd never really been afraid of heights, per se, but being able to see all the details with such clarity made the prospect less appealing. The angles of the rocks below were sharper than I would have imagined them.

Edyth smile. "It's the most convenient exit. If you're frightened, I can carry you."

"We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?"

She frowned slightly. "Julie, Seth, and…" She paused for the briefest fraction of a second, "They're downstairs…"

"Oh."

Right. I was the monster now—if not the monster, I was certainly the unknown. I had to be even more cautious until we could figure out exactly what I was. Even though I wasn't a true vampire newborn, at least not from my perspective, there was still the very real possibility that I could do harm to those around me. Even those I loved.

"Is Julie… Seth… Are they okay?" I whispered. I realized belatedly that it must have been Julie and Seth's hearts I could hear below. I listened hard again, but I realized I heard not just two steady pulses, but three. "What about Liam?"

Edyth's lips tightened in an odd way. "Trust me, they're all perfectly fine."

"Oh, okay," I murmured, and looked at the ground again.

"Stalling?" she challenged.

"A little. I don't know how…"

And I was very conscious of my family behind me, watching silently. Mostly silently. Emmett had already chuckled under his breath once. One mistake, and he'd be rolling on the floor. Then the jokes about the world's only clumsy vampire would start...

Also, this outfit—that Alice must have put me in sometime when I was too lost in the burning to notice—was not what I would have picked out for either jumping or hunting. Tightly fitted blue satin shirt? Tailored dress pants? What did she think I would need it for? Was there a cocktail party later?

"Watch me," Edyth said. And then, very casually, she stepped out of the tall, open window and fell.

I watched carefully, analyzing the angle at which she bent her knees to absorb the impact. The sound of her landing was very low—a muted thud that could have been a door softly closed, or a book gently laid on a table.

It didn't look hard.

Edyth watched me from the ground, my keener vision could discern the slight anxiousness behind her eyes. I was beginning to understand that not only were they keeping me away from Julie and her pack, they were trying to test how vampire I was. I was sure Alice would have seen what—if any—limitations I had now, but Edyth still seemed concerned. Like jumping from the window could still harm me. Maybe it could.

Clenching my teeth as I concentrated, I tried to copy her casual step into empty air.

Ha! The ground seemed to move toward me so slowly that it was nothing at all to place my feet—what shoes had Alice put me in? Leather Oxfords? Ridiculously dressy—to place my overly fancy shoes exactly right so that landing was no different than stepping one foot forward on a flat surface.

I absorbed the impact in the balls of my feet. My landing seemed just as quiet as hers.

I grinned at her.

"Right. Easy."

She smiled back. "Bella?"

"Yes?"

"That was quite graceful—even for a vampire."

I considered that for a moment, and then I beamed. If she'd just been saying that, then Emmett would have laughed. No one found her remark humorous, so it must have been true. It was the first time anyone had ever applied the word graceful to me in my entire life... or, well, existence anyway.

"Thank you," I told her.

And then I kicked the stiff leather shoes off my feet one by one and lobbed them together back through the open window. A little too hard, maybe, but I heard someone catch them before they could damage the paneling.

Alice grumbled, "Her fashion sense hasn't improved as much as her balance."

Edyth took my hand—I couldn't stop marveling at the smoothness, the nearly matched temperature of her skin—and darted through the backyard to the edge of the river. I went along with her effortlessly.

Everything physical seemed very simple.

"Are we swimming?" I asked her when we stopped beside the water.

"And ruin your nice clothes? No. We're jumping."

I pursed my lips, considering. The river was about fifty yards wide here. "You first," I said.

She touched my cheek, took two quick backward strides, and then ran back those two steps, launching herself from a flat stone firmly embedded in the riverbank. I studied the flash of movement as she arced over the water, finally turning a somersault just before she disappeared into the thick trees on the other side of the river.

"Show-off," I muttered, and heard her invisible laugh.

I backed up five paces, just in case, and took a deep breath.

Suddenly, I was anxious again. Not about falling or getting hurt—I was more worried about the forest getting hurt.

It had come on slowly, but I could feel it now—the raw, massive strength thrilling in my limbs. I was suddenly sure that if I wanted to tunnelunderthe river, to claw or beat my way straight through the bedrock, it wouldn't take me very long. The objects around me —the trees, the shrubs, the rocks... the house—had all begun to look very fragile.

Hoping very much that Esme was not particularly fond of any specific trees across the river, I flexed my shoulders back, preparing to move. The first three buttons of the tight satin shirt popped off. I sighed. I tensed into a preparative crouch, and the side seam of the slim fitting pants ripped up the side. God, Alice!

Well, Alice seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so she shouldn't mind this. I bent to carefully grasp the hem at the undamaged right seam between my fingers and, exerting the tiniest amount of pressure possible, I ripped the pants open to just above my knee. Then I fixed the other side to match, and tore off the excess fabric. I admired my new dress shorts with a smug sense of amusement.

Much better.

I could hear the muffled laughter in the house, and even the sound of someone gritting her teeth. The laughter came from upstairs and down, and I very easily recognized the much different, rough, throaty chuckle from the first floor.

So Julie was watching, too? I couldn't imagine what she was thinking now, or what she was still doing here. I'd envisioned our reunion—if she could ever forgive me—taking place far in the future, when I was more stable, and time had healed the wounds I'd inflicted in her heart.

I didn't turn to look at her now, wary of my mood swings. It wouldn't be good to let any emotion take too strong a hold on my frame of mind. Jasper's fears had me on edge, too. I had to hunt before I dealt with anything else. I tried to forget everything else so I couldconcentrate.

"Bella?" Edyth called from the woods, her voice moving closer. "Do you want to watch again?"

But I remembered everything perfectly, of course, and I didn't want to give Emmett a reason to find more humor in my education and testing. This was physical—it should be instinctive. So I took a deep breath and ran for the river.

Unhindered by my fitted pants, it took only one long bound to reach the water's edge. Just an eighty-fourth of a second, and yet it was plenty of time—my eyes and my mind moved so quickly that one step was enough. It was simple to position my right foot just so against the flat stone and exert the adequate pressure to send my body wheeling up into the air. I was paying more attention to aim than force, and I erred on the amount of power necessary—but at least I didn't err on the side that would have gotten me wet. The fifty-yard width was slightlytooeasy a distance…

It was a strange, giddy, electrifying thing, but a short thing. An entire second had yet to pass, and I was across.

I was expecting the close-packed trees to be a problem, but they were surprisingly helpful. It was a simple matter to reach out with one sure hand as I fell back toward the earth again deep inside the forest and catch myself on a convenient branch; I swung lightly from the limb and landed on my toes, still fifteen feet from the ground on the wide bough of a Sitka spruce.

It was fabulous.

Over the sound of my peals of delighted laughter, I could hear Edyth racing to find me. My jump had been twice as long as hers. When she reached my tree, her eyes were wide. I leaped nimbly from the branch to her side, soundlessly landing again on the balls of my feet.

"Was that good?" I wondered, my breathing accelerated with excitement.

"Very good." She smiled approvingly, but her casual tone didn't match the surprised expression in her eyes.

"Can we do it again?"

"Focus, Bella—we're on a hunting trip."

"Oh, right." I nodded. "Hunting."

"Follow me... if you can." She grinned, her expression suddenly taunting, and broke into a run.

She was faster than me. I couldn't imagine how she moved her legs with such blinding speed, but it was beyond me. However, Iwas stronger, and every stride of mine matched the length of three of hers. And so I flew with her through the living green web, by her side, not following at all. As I ran, I couldn't help laughing quietly at the thrill of it; the laughter neither slowed me nor upset my focus.

I could finally understand why Edyth never hit the trees when she ran—a question that had always been a mystery to me. It was a peculiar sensation, the balance between the speed and the clarity. For, while I rocketed over, under, and through the thick jade maze at a rate that should have reduced everything around me to a streaky green blur, I could plainly see each tiny leaf on all the small branches of every insignificant shrub that I passed.

The wind of my speed blew my hair out behind me, and, though I knew it shouldn't, it felt almost warm against my skin. Just as the rough forest floor shouldn't feel like velvet beneath my bare soles, and the limbs that whipped against my skin shouldn't feel like caressing feathers.

The forest was much more alive than I'd ever known—small creatures whose existence I'd never guessed at teemed in the leaves around me. They all grew silent after we passed, their breath quickening in fear. The animals had a much wiser reaction to our scent than humans seemed to. Certainly, it'd had the opposite effect on me.

I kept waiting to feel winded, but my breath came effortlessly. I waited for the burn to begin in my muscles, but my strength only seemed to increase as I grew accustomed to my stride. My leaping bounds stretched longer, and soon she was trying to keep up with me. I laughed again, exultant, when I heard her falling behind. My naked feet touched the ground so infrequently now it felt more like flying than running.

"Bella," she called dryly, her voice even, lazy.

I could hear nothing else; she had stopped. I briefly considered mutiny.

But, with a sigh, I whirled and skipped lightly to her side, some hundred yards back. I looked at her expectantly. She was smiling, with one eyebrow raised. She was so beautiful that I could only stare.

"Did you want to stay in the country?" she asked, amused. "Or were you planning to continue on to Canada this afternoon?"

"This is fine," I agreed, concentrating less on what she was saying and more on the mesmerizing way her lips moved when she spoke. It was hard not to become sidetracked with everything fresh in my strong new eyes. "What are we hunting?"

"Elk. I thought something easy for your first time..." She trailed off when my eyes narrowed at the word easy.

But I wasn't going to argue; I was supposed to be hunting. And I didn't know what I was doing, but she did. So I should follow her lead.

"Okay, where?" I asked, scanning the trees. The thirst was uncomfortable, but not as unmanageable as I had imagined it would be.

"Hold still for a minute," she said, putting her hands lightly on my shoulders. The ability to stay still seemed more difficult when she was touching me.

"Now close your eyes," she murmured. When I obeyed, she raised her hands to my face, stroking my cheekbones. I felt my breathing speed and waited briefly again for the blush that wouldn't come.

"Listen," Edyth instructed. "What do you hear?"

Everything,I could have said; her perfect voice, her breath, her lips brushing together as she spoke, the whisper of birds preening their feathers in the treetops, their fluttering heartbeats, the maple leaves scraping together, the faint clicking of ants following each other in a long line up the bark of the nearest tree. But I knew she meant something specific, so I let my ears range outward, seeking something different than the small hum of life that surrounded me. There was an open space near us—the wind had a different sound across the exposed grass—and a small creek, with a rocky bed. And there, near the noise of the water, was the splash of lapping tongues, the loud thudding of heavy hearts, pumping thick streams of blood...

I felt a vague tenseness in my throat.

"By the creek, to the northeast?" I asked, my eyes still shut.

"Yes." Her tone was approving. "Now... wait for the breeze again and... what do you smell?"

Mostly her—her strange honey-lilac-and-sun perfume. But also the rich, earthy smell of rot and moss, the resin in the evergreens, the warm, almost nutty aroma of the small rodents cowering beneath the tree roots. And then, reaching out again, the clean smell of the water, which was surprisingly unappealing despite my thirst. I focused toward the water and found the scent that must have gone with the lapping noise and the pounding heart. Another warm smell, rich and tangy, stronger than the others. And yet nearly as unappealing as the brook. I wrinkled my nose.

She chuckled. "I know—it takes some getting used to."

"Three?" I guessed.

"Five. There are two more in the trees behind them."

"What do I do now?"

Her voice sounded like she was smiling. "What do you feel like doing?"

I thought about that, my eyes still shut as I listened and breathed in the scent. Another bout of that annoying thirst intruded on my awareness, and as my annoyance with it grew, the warm, tangy odor wasn't quite so objectionable. At least it would be something hot and wet in my dry mouth. My eyes snapped open.

"Don't think about it," she suggested as she lifted her hands off my face and took a step back. "Just follow your instincts."

I let myself drift with the scent, barely aware of my movement as I ghosted down the incline to the narrow meadow where the stream flowed. My body shifted forward automatically into a low crouch as I hesitated at the fern-fringed edge of the trees. I could see a big buck, two dozen antler points crowning his head, at the stream's edge, and the shadow-spotted shapes of the four others heading eastward into forest at a leisurely pace.

I centered myself around the scent of the male, the hot spot in his shaggy neck where the warmth pulsed strongest. Only thirty yards—two or three bounds—between us. I tensed myself for the first leap.

But as my muscles bunched in preparation, the wind shifted, blowing stronger now, and from the south. I didn't stop to think, hurtling out of the trees in a path perpendicular to my original plan, scaring the elk into the forest, racing after a new fragrance so startlingly attractive that I felt instantly drawn to it.

The scent ruled completely. I was single-minded as I traced it, aware only of the thirst and the smell that promised to quench it. The thirst grew more intense, like I was a woman lost in the desert, desperate for just a sip of water.

There was only one thing that had any chance of penetrating my focus now, an instinct more powerful, more basic than the need to quench the thirst—it was the instinct to protect myself from danger. Self-preservation.

I was suddenly alert to the fact that I was being followed. The pull of the nearly irresistible scent warred with the impulse to turn and defend my hunt. A bubble of sound built in my chest, my lips pulled back of their own accord to expose my teeth in warning. My feet slowed, the need to protect my back struggling against the desire to quench my thirst.

And then I could hear my pursuer gaining, and defense won. As I spun, the rising sound ripped its way up my throat and out.

The feral snarl, coming from my own mouth, was so unexpected that it brought me up short. It unsettled me, and it cleared my head for a second—the thirst-driven haze receded, though the parched feeling in my throat continued.

The wind shifted, blowing the smell of wet earth and coming rain across my face, further freeing me from the other scent's grip—a scent so tempting it could only be human.

Edyth hesitated a few feet away, her arms raised as if to embrace me—or restrain me. Her face was intent and cautious as I froze, horrified.

I realized that I had been about to attack her. With a hard jerk, I straightened out of my defensive crouch. I held my breath as I refocused, fearing the power of the fragrance swirling up from the south.

She could see reason return to my face, and she took a step toward me, lowering her arms.

"I have to get away from here," I spit through my teeth, using the breath I had.

Shock crossed her face. "Can you leave?"

I didn't have time to ask her what she meant by that. I knew the ability to think clearly would last only as long as I could stop myself from thinking of—

I burst into a run again, a flat-out sprint straight north, concentrating solely on the uncomfortable feeling of sensory deprivation that seemed to be my body's only immediate response to the lack of air. My one goal was to run far enough away that the scent behind me would be completely lost. Impossible to find, even if I changed my mind...

Once again, I was aware of being followed, but I was sane this time. I fought the instinct to breathe—to use the flavors in the air to be sure it was Edyth. I didn't have to fight long; though I was running faster than I ever had before, shooting like a comet through the straightest path I could find in the trees; Edyth caught up with me after a short minute.

A new thought occurred to me, and I stopped dead, my feet planted. I was sure it must be safe here, but I held my breath just in case.

Edyth blew past me, surprised by my sudden freeze. She wheeled around and was at my side in a second. She put her hands on my shoulders and stared into my eyes, shock still the dominant emotion on her face.

"How did you do that?" she demanded.

"Just a minute," I said quickly. I placed two fingers at the pulse point on my neck. My heart was still beating, but it had slowed even further than before. Instead of panicking from a lack of fresh oxygen, my heart had simply slowed to preserve what oxygen had been in my lungs. They, too, showed no signs of distress. That aching burn from a lack of oxygen was non-existent. My new body was unbothered by me not breathing, carefully adjusting to accommodate the change.

When I opened my mouth, I could taste the air—it was unpolluted now, with no trace of the compelling perfume to torment my thirst. I took a cautious breath.

Edyth was still staring at me, her eyes still wide with shock. "Bella, how did you do it?"

"Do what? Run away? I held my breath."

"But how did you stop hunting?"

"When you came up behind me... I'm so sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one who was horribly careless. I assumed no one would be so far from the trails, but I should have checked first. Such a stupid mistake!You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I growled at you!" I was still horrified that I was physically capable of such a vicious sound.

"Of course you did. That's only natural. But I can't understand how you ran away."

"What else could I do?" I asked. Her attitude confused me—what did shewantto have happened? "It might have been someone I know!"

She startled me, suddenly bursting into a spasm of loud laughter, throwing her head back and letting the sound echo off the trees.

"Why are you laughing at me?"

She stopped at once, and I could see she was wary again.

Keep it under control, I thought to myself. I had to watch my temper. Just like I was a young werewolf rather than a vampire. Something in the back of my new, clearer mind marked that thought like it was important.

"I'm not laughing at you, Bella. I'm laughing because I am in shock. And I am in shock because I am completely amazed."

"Why?"

"You shouldn't be able to do any of this. You shouldn't be so... so rational. You shouldn't be able to stand here discussing this with me calmly and coolly. And, much more than any of that, you shouldnot have been able to break off mid-hunt with the scent of human blood in the air. Even mature vampires have difficulty with that—we're always very careful of where we hunt so as not to put ourselves in the path of temptation. Bella, you're behaving like you're decades rather than days old."

"Oh." But I'd known it was going to be hard. That was why I'd been so on guard. I'd been expecting it to be difficult. Even then, it wasn't themost difficult thing I had done. I imagined I could mark this as one of the ways I was not like a vampire. Whatever I was, perhaps exceptional self-control was a part of the package.

She put her hands on my face again, and her eyes were full of wonder. "What wouldn't I give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment."

Such powerful emotions. I'd been prepared for an all-consuming thirst, for physical strength, but not this. I'd been so sure it wouldn't be the same when she touched me. Well, truthfully, it wasn't the same.

It was stronger.

I reached up to trace the planes of her face; my fingers lingered on her lips.

"I thought I wouldn't feel this way for a long time?" My uncertainty made the words a question. "But I still want you."

She blinked in shock. "How can you even concentrate on that? Aren't you unbearably thirsty?"

I considered that for a moment. Then I shrugged, "I mean, sure."

She stared at me with a bewildered expression. Then she shook her head. "Let's try again, Bella. Concentrate."

I blinked in confusion and then sighed, closing my eyes like I had before to help me concentrate. I let my senses range out around me, tensed this time in case of another onslaught of the delicious taboo scent.

Edyth dropped her hands, not even breathing while I listened farther and farther out into the web of green life, sifting through the scents and sounds for something not totally repellant to my thirst. There was a hint of something different, a faint trail to the east…

My eyes flashed open, but my focus was still on sharper senses as I turned and darted silently eastward. The ground sloped steeply upward almost at once, and I ran in a hunting crouch, close to the ground, taking to the trees when that was easier. I sensed rather than heard Edyth with me, flowing quietly through the woods, letting me lead.

The vegetation thinned as we climbed higher; the scent of pitch and resin grew more powerful, as did the trail I followed—it was a warm scent, sharper than the smell of the elk and more appealing. A few seconds more and I could hear the muted padding of immense feet, so much subtler than the crunch of hooves. The sound was up—in the branches rather than on the ground. Automatically I darted into the boughs as well, gaining the strategic higher position, halfway up a towering silver fir.

The soft thud of paws continued stealthily beneath me now; the rich scent was very close. My eyes pinpointed the movement linked with the sound, and I saw the tawny hide of the great cat slinking along the wide branch of a spruce just down and to the left of my perch. He was big—easily four times my mass. His eyes were intent on the ground beneath; the cat hunted, too. I caught the smell of something smaller, bland next to the aroma of my prey, cowering in brush below the tree. The lion's tail twitched spasmodically as he prepared to spring.

With a light bound, I sailed through the air and landed on the lion's branch. He felt the shiver of the wood and whirled, shrieking surprise and defiance. He clawed the space between us, his eyes bright with fury. Intent on my own prey, I ignored the exposed fangs and the hooked claws and launched myself at him, knocking us both to the forest floor.

It wasn't much of a fight.

His raking claws could have been caressing fingers for all the impact they had on my skin. His teeth could find no purchase against my shoulder or my throat. His weight was nothing. My teeth unerringly sought his throat, and his instinctive resistance was pitifully feeble against my strength. My jaws locked easily over the precise point where the heat flow concentrated.

It was effortless as biting into butter. My teeth were steel razors; they cut through the fur and fat and sinews like they weren't there.

The flavor was wrong, but the blood was hot and wet and it soothed the dry, itching thirst as I drank in an eager rush. The cat's struggles grew more and more feeble, and his screams choked off with a gurgle. The warmth of the blood radiated throughout my whole body, heating even my fingertips and toes.

The lion was finished before I was. The thirst ebbed nearly to the point of non-existence as he ran dry, and I shoved his carcass off my body in disgust. How could I still be even slightly thirsty after all that?

I wrenched myself erect in one quick move. Standing, I realized I was a bit of a mess. I wiped my face off on the back of my arm and tried to fix destroyed shirt hanging off my shoulders. The claws that had been so ineffectual against my skin had had more success with the thin satin.

"Hmm," Edyth said. I looked up to see her leaning casually against a tree trunk, watching me with a thoughtful look on her face.

"I guess I could have done that better." I was covered in dirt, my hair knotted, my clothes bloodstained and hanging in tatters. Edyth didn't come home from hunting trips looking like this.

"You did perfectly fine," she assured me. "It's just that... it was much more difficult for me to watch than it should have been."

I raised my eyebrows, confused.

"It goes against the grain," she explained, "letting you wrestle with lions. I was having an anxiety attack the whole time."

"I suppose that's fair." I mused, "For all we know I could still have been just as fragile."

"I should have more faith." She smiled. "You always surprise me, Bella." Her eyes appraised me for a moment before she continued. "I must say I rather like the improvements to your attire."

I wondered if my strange, new skin blushed like it used to. Judging by the twitch at the corners of her mouth, some sort of change must have registered in my face. I changed the subject. "Why am I still thirsty?"

"Because you're young."

I sighed. "And I don't suppose there are any other mountain lions nearby."

"Plenty of deer, though."

I made a face. "They don't smell as good."

"Herbivores. The meat-eaters smell more like humans," she explained.

"Not that much like humans," I disagreed, trying not to remember.

"We could go back," she said solemnly, but there was a teasing light in her eye. "Whoever it was out there, if their tastes aligned with mine, they probably wouldn't even mind death if you were the one delivering it." Her gaze ran over my ravaged clothes again. "In fact, they would think they were already dead and gone to heaven the moment they saw you."

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Let's go hunt some stinking herbivores."

We found a large herd of mule deer as we ran back toward home. She hunted with me this time, now that I'd gotten the hang of it. I brought down a large buck, making nearly as much of a mess as I had with the lion. She'd finished with two before I was done with the first, not a hair ruffled, not a spot on her white shirt. We chased the scattered and terrified herd, but instead of feeding again, this time I watched carefully to see how she was able to hunt so neatly.

All the times that I had wished that Edyth would not have to leave me behind when she hunted, I had secretly been just a little relieved. Because I was sure that seeing this would be frightening. Horrifying. That seeing her hunt would finally make her look like a vampire to me.

Of course, it was much different from this perspective, as something like a vampire myself. But I doubted that even my human eyes would have missed the beauty here.

It was a surprisingly sensual experience to observe Edyth hunting. Her smooth spring was like the sinuous strike of a snake; her hands were so sure, so strong, so completely inescapable; her full lips were perfect as they parted gracefully over her gleaming teeth. She was glorious. I felt a sudden jolt of both pride and desire. She was mine. Nothing could ever separate her from me now. I was too strong to be torn from her side.

She was very quick. She turned to me and gazed curiously at my gloating expression.

"No longer thirsty?" she asked.

I shrugged. "You distracted me. You're much better at it than I am."

"Centuries of practice." She smiled. Her eyes were a disconcertingly lovely shade of honey gold now.

"Just one," I corrected her.

She laughed. "Are you done for today? Or did you want to continue?"

"Done, I think." I wasn't thirsty anymore. I felt fairly satisfied, and in more ways than one.

I felt in control. Perhaps my sense of security was false, but I did feel pretty good about not killing anyone today. If I could resist totally human strangers, wouldn't I be able to handle the werewolf best friend and her brothers back at the house?

"I want to head back, see Julie and the boys." I said. Now that my thirst was thoroughly tamed, my earlier worries were hard to forget. I wanted to see if I had any chance to reconcile with Julie after all this. If she was still there, surely there had to be a chance to mend things—to create some closure for us.

Edyth held out her hand to me. I took it, and her skin felt warmer than before. Her cheek was faintly flushed, the shadows under her eyes all but vanished.

I was unable to resist stroking her face again. And again.

I sort of forgot that I was waiting for a response to my request as I stared into her shimmering gold eyes.

It was almost harder than it had been to turn away from the scent of human blood, but I somehow kept the need to be careful firmly in my head as I stretched up on my toes and wrapped my arms around her. Gently.

She was not so hesitant in her movements; her arms locked around my waist and pulled me tight against her body. Her lips crushed down on mine, but they felt soft. My lips no longer shaped themselves around hers; they held their own.

Like before, it was as if the touch of her skin, her lips, her hands, was sinking right through my smooth, hard skin and into my new bones. To the very core of my body. I hadn't imagined that I could love her more than I had.

My old mind hadn't been capable of holding this much love. My old heart had not been strong enough to bear it.

Maybe this was the part of me that I'd brought forward to be intensified in my new life. Like Carlisle's compassion and Esme's devotion. I would probably never be able to do anything interesting or special like Edyth, Alice, and Jasper could do. Maybe I would just love Edyth more than anyone in the history of the world had ever loved anyone else.

I could live with that.

I remembered parts of this—twisting my fingers in her hair, tracing the planes of her chest—but other parts were so new. She was new. It was an entirely different experience with Edyth kissing me so fearlessly, so forcefully. I responded to her intensity, and then suddenly we were falling.

"Oops," I said, and she laughed underneath me. "I didn't mean to tackle you like that. Are you okay?"

She stroked my face. "Slightly better than okay." And then a perplexed expression crossed her face. "Still want to go back?" she asked uncertainly, trying to ascertain what I wanted most in this moment. A very difficult question to answer, because I wanted so many things at the same time.

I could tell that she wasn't exactly averse to procrastinating our return trip, and it was hard to think about much besides her skin on mine—there really wasn't that much left of my clothes. But I couldn't stay here forever. Life was waiting for me. My family was waiting. My best friend was waiting. I needed to see them, to fill my new mind with memories of them that would last forever.

"Let's go," I agreed, rueful, and I whipped back up onto my feet, pulling her with me


	22. reconciled

As we ran, I started considering all the things that I—and even Edyth—had been ignoring. The deeper implications of my transformation. The differences.

"Why aren't you more worried about what I am?" I insisted as she took my hand. Being linked barely slowed us.

"Because you're still here with me, Bella" she said solemnly, "I would accept any change you underwent so long as you were still with me."

"But we don't know what I am," I continued. "We don't know if I'll age, we don't know how this will affect things." I was voicing my own fears now.

"Alice can see you again. She sees you staying exactly as you are. Forever." She breathed the last word, adoration and relief heavy in her voice.

If Alice had seen it, then that was the path I was on. It was some relief. It still didn't answer the question of what I was. It didn't explain what had happened.

"I suppose it's not the worst thing in the world," I mused.

"You're my Bella, through and through although you have the same strength as all of us now but different in other ways." She grinned, "Everything about you is exactly perfect. You still have those beautiful eyes, and you still smell like you always did."

I turned my head, raising my eyebrows at her. She laughed, "Well, almost. You don't smell like the most tantalizing temptation anymore." She raised my hand to her face, gently running her nose along my wrist. "Now I can appreciate how delicious your scent is… in other ways."

I felt that desperate urge once again. The need to be near Edyth. It was all I could to keep myself from tackling her. I had to distract myself to stay focused.

"And Julie? Why is Julie still here?" I asked. "How can she stand it? Why should she?" My ringing voice trembled a little. "Why should she have to suffer more?"

"Julie isn't suffering," she said in a strange tone. "Though she could certainly improve her situation if she wasn't such an idiot," Edyth added, rolling her eyes.

"Edyth!" I scolded, yanking her to a stop and feeling a thrill of smugness that I was able to do it. "Don't call Julie an idiot. She has given up everything to protect us! What I've put her through—" I cringed at the dim memory of shame and guilt.

"I believe you'll begin to understand fairly quickly," Edyth muttered. "You've always been surprisingly perceptive. Perhaps you could impart some of your skills to Julie. Goodness knows, she could use them." She watched my face from the corner of her eyes.

"Apparently, I'm not that perceptive," I grumbled in frustration, "because I have no idea what you're talking about."

She stroked my cheek and then smiled gently, "You hide your frustration too well, now. I don't think I'll have any hope of ever figuring out what's going through your beautiful head."

"I don't particularly like feeling confused."

"I know. And so let's get you home, so that you can figure it out for yourself." Her eyes ran over the remains of my shirt as she spoke of going home, and she frowned. "Hmm." After half a second of thought, she unbuttoned her white shirt and held it out for me to put my arms through.

"You can be shirtless and in nothing but a bra but I can't?" I raised an eyebrow.

She grinned. "Truthfully?" She took a deep breath. "It's more for my sake. I'm having a desperately hard time focusing with you looking so… tempting." She growled the last word and I felt a wave of electric desire surge through my body as I shrugged off the scraps of my tattered blue shirt.

"You're having a hard time focusing," I muttered as I slipped my arms into her sleeves and then buttoned it swiftly. Of course, now that she was without a shirt,I was the one having a hard time staying focused. "Shouldn't we be doing everything to help me?"

"Well," She sighed. "It wasn't just your shirt that suffered some damage." As she spoke she tugged the tail of the shirt down over the back of my pants.

I twisted slightly and realized my pants weren't covering much either. "Oh."

She laughed and kissed my cheek.

"Okay, okay," I breathed, "if we don't start heading back now we're never going to make it." I smirked up at her. "I'll race you."

She grinned. "On your mark…"

Finding my way to my new home was simpler than walking down Charlie's street to my old one. Our scent left a clear and easy trail to follow, even running as fast as I could.

Edyth had me beat till we hit the river. I took a chance and made my leap early, trying to use my extra strength to win.

"Ha!" I exulted when I heard my feet touch the grass first.

Listening for her landing, I heard something I did not expect. Something loud and very close. A thudding heart.

Edyth was beside me in the same seconds, her hands clamped down hard on the tops of my arms.

"Don't breathe," she cautioned me urgently.

I expected to feel panic, but instead I felt a surge of happiness in the pit of my stomach. I stayed frozen, though, just in case. My eyes were the only things that moved, wheeling instinctively to find the source of the sound.

Julie stood at the line where the forest touched the Cullens' lawn, her arms folded across her body, her jaw clenched tight. Invisible in the woods behind her, I heard now two larger hearts, and the faint crush of bracken under huge, pacing paws.

"Carefully, Julie," Edyth said. A whine from the forest echoed the concern in her voice. "Maybe this isn't the best way—"

"Come on, sparkles," Julie scoffed, "I think I know my best friend well enough at this point to know it'll be okay." She grinned at me. "Besides, I heal fast."

Was this another test? To see how I reacted to Julie? To see if I could not kill her? I felt sick in the strangest way—it had nothing to do with my stomach, only my mind. Was this Edyth's idea?

I glanced at her face anxiously; Edyth seemed to deliberate for a moment, and then her expression moved from concern to amusement. She shrugged, and there was a passive tone in her voice when she said, "It's your neck, I suppose."

A furious growl echoed from the forest; Liam, I had no doubt.

I wondered if this surprising recklessness was what Edyth meant by Julie being an idiot. My confusion over Edyth's words and actions warred with the urgent sense of relief I wanted to embrace at Julie's words;I think I know my best friend well enough at this point… Was it that simple? Was Julie still my best friend? Had our friendship survived?

And as my eyes met Julie's now, I knew that it had. She still looked like my best friend. But, then again, she wasn't the one who had changed. What did I looked like to her?

Then she smiled her familiar smile, the smile of a kindred spirit, and I was sure our friendship was intact. It was just like before, when we were hanging out in her homemade garage, just two friends killing time. Easy and normal. But it was different this time in one significant way. This time we were just two friends looking at each other. There was no longing, no unspoken desires. Just friends, the way it was supposed to be.

"Julie…" I said tentatively.

Her grin widened. "I gotta say, babe. You're a freak show."

I grinned back, falling into easily into the old pattern. This was a side of her I understood.

Edyth growled. "Watch yourself, mongrel."

I tried to be gentle as I elbowed Edyth in the ribs. "Hey, none of that." I smiled at Julie. "You're right. I'm a walking mystery, aren't I?"

"For sure. But it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be."

"Gee—thanks for the amazing complement!"

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. You still look like you. I mean, there's some changes but… You're still Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here." She smiled at me again without a trace of bitterness or resentment anywhere in her face. Then she chuckled and said, "Anyway, it's a relief. And I guess I'll get used to the changes soon enough."

"You will?" I asked, confused. It was wonderful that we were still friends, but I hadn't thought we'd still be spending much time together.

"We're best friends, Bella." She smiled, "I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."

"Yes, you've made that clear." Edyth said, a hint of annoyance in her amused tone.

"Don't tell me you two are fighting again." I sighed.

"Not quite," Julie smirked. "Okay, ready to take the next step?" Her grin was a challenge now as she started slowly forward.

There was a whine of protest behind her, and then Liam's gray body slid out of the trees behind her. The shorter, sandy-colored Seth was right behind Liam.

"Cool it, guys," Julie said. "It's fine."

I was glad they didn't listen to her but only followed after her a little more slowly.

The wind was still now; it wouldn't blow her scent away from me.

She got close enough that I could feel the heat of her body in the air between us. I braced myself in response.

"C'mon, babe. Do your worst."

Liam growled.

I didn't want to breathe too deeply. It didn't feel right taking such a risk with Julie. Not now when we had just established that we were still friends, not when we still had a conversation to have.

"I'm getting older here, Bella," Julie teased. "Okay, not technically, but you get the idea. Go on, take a whiff."

"Hold on to me," I said to Edyth, leaning back into her chest. "Just in case."

Her hands tightened on my arms.

I locked my muscles in place, hoping I could keep them frozen. I resolved that I would do at least as well as I had on the hunt. Worst-case scenario, I would stop breathing and run for it. Nervously, I leaned my head forward and took a breath through my nose, braced for anything.

It wasn't what I had expected. I could smell the blood in Julie's veins. It held the vaguest temptation to me, but I wasn't thirsty now. More than anything, I could smell the familiar woodsy, masculine scent that I easily recognized as Julie's. There was something else I could detect in her scent now, though. I had almost expected to smell what the others had long complained about—but I didn't smell anything offensive in Julie's scent. There was something I couldn't quite place, however. It was warm, earth-like. It was the same scent I could detect from the two wolves behind her. Some part of my mind warned me against that new scent, like it was dangerous. But largely, it was just Julie.

I took a deep breath and relaxed. "Huh. I don't see what everyone's been going on about. You smell just fine, Julie. Maybe vampire sense of smell isn't as good as it's cracked up to be."

Edyth let out a breath of relief; her hands slipped from my shoulders to wrap around my waist and she laughed. Seth barked a low chortle with Edyth; he came a little closer while Liam retreated several paces. And then I was aware of another audience when I heard Emmett's low, distinct guffaw, muffled a little by the glass wall between us.

"I gotta say, Bella," Julie laughed, "You smell much better than I was prepared for." Her face didn't pucker at all while Edyth embraced me, not even when Edyth leaned in and whispered "I love you" in my ear. Julie just kept grinning. This made me feel hopeful that things were going to be right between us, the way they hadn't been for so long now. Maybe now we could truly be just friends.

"Okay, so I'd say I'm doing pretty good here." I said. "But do we have any ideas what I am?"

"You're Bella." Julie said simply. Then she smirked, and her eyes were playfully teasing. "You've always been the odd woman out. 'Cept now, you might actually be able to keep up with the rest of us."

"Keep up? I'm planning on outrunning all of you." I rolled my eyes dismissively.

Julie and Edyth both laughed, I couldn't suppress my grin. We headed back toward the house and our family.

"So who's idea was it to use Julie as a human sacrifice?" I asked as we reached the front door.

"That was all me." Julie said, sounding proud. "I figured if I'm sticking around, I should make myself useful."

"You? Useful? That would be a nice change." I teased and Julie rolled her eyes.

"Har, har," She huffed. "Alright, you guys can let everyone fawn over Bella now. I'm gonna head to the kitchen and find something to eat."

"I can cook you something!" I offered, smiling. I hadn't had the chance to cook in ages. "If there's anything in the kitchen that is."

"I stocked up for the wolves." Alice appeared in the doorway, "I just got back from the store." She turned to Julie, "I got a little bit of everything."

"How do burgers sound?" I offered, grinning at Julie. She grinned back as we headed toward the kitchen. The others met us just before I made it to the fridge.

"Already business as usual, Bella?" Emmett smirked.

"How did it go?" Carlisle asked, his eyes intent.

"Excellently." Edyth answered smoothly.

"Did she hunt her fill?" Jasper asked, warily.

"She…" I rolled my eyes. "Is standing right here."

"You don't need to be so nervous, Jasper," Edyth waved a hand. "Listen—on the hunt she caught the scent of some hikers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time…"

I heard Carlisle suck in a shocked breath. Esme's face was suddenly full of concern mingled with compassion. Jasper's eyes widened, but he nodded just a tiny bit, as if Edyth's words answered some question in his head. Julie's mouth screwed up into a disgusted grimace. Emmett shrugged. Royal sighed quietly.

Alice's expression told me that she was not fooled. Her narrowed eyes, focused with burning intensity on my borrowed shirt, seemed more worried about what I'd done to my outfit than anything else.

"Edyth!" Carlisle chastened. "How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I know, Carlisle, I know. I was just plain stupid. I should have taken the time to make sure we were in a safe zone before I set her loose."

"Edyth" I mumbled, embarrassed by the way they stared at me. It was like they were trying to see the red that should have been in my eyes.

"He's absolutely right to rebuke me, Bella," Edyth said with a grin. "I made a huge mistake. The fact that you are stronger than anyone I've ever known doesn't change that."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Tasteful joke, Edyth."

"I wasn't making a joke. I was explaining to Jasper how he doesn't need to be so concerned. It's not my fault everyone jumped to conclusions."

"Wait," Jasper gasped. "She didn't hunt the humans?"

"She started to," Edyth said, clearly enjoying herself. My teeth ground together. "She was entirely focused on the hunt."

"What happened?" Carlisle interjected. His eyes were suddenly bright, an amazed smile beginning to form on his face. It reminded me of before, when he'd wanted the details on my transformation experience. The thrill of new information.

Edyth leaned toward him, animated. "Bella heard me behind her and reacted defensively. As soon as my pursuit broke into her concentration she snapped right out of it. I've never seen anything equal to her. She realized at once what was happening, and then…She held her breath and ran away."

"Whoa," Emmett murmured. "Seriously?"

"She's not telling it right," I muttered, more embarrassed than before. "She left out the part where I growled at her."

"Did ya get in a couple of good swipes?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"No! Of course not."

"No, not really? You really didn't attack her?"

"Emmett!" I protested.

"Aw, what a waste," Emmett groaned. "And here you're probably the one person who could take her—since she can't get in your head to cheat—and you had a perfect excuse, too." He sighed. "I've been dying to see how she'd do without that advantage."

I glared at him. "I would never."

Jasper's frown caught my attention; he seemed even more disturbed than before.

Edyth touched her fist lightly to Jasper's shoulder in a mock punch. "You see what I mean?"

"It's not natural," Jasper muttered.

"She could have turned on you—she's only hours old!" Esme scolded, putting her hand on against her heart. "Oh, we should have gone with you."

I wasn't paying so much attention, now that Edyth was past the punch line of her joke. I maneuvered my way to the fridge and opened it, searching for ingredients. I was only vaguely aware of the conversations behind me. The topics were all the same; what was I?

I tried to rest in the knowledge that Alice hadn't seen anything bad in my future. I was here, I was alive. And all things considered, I had appeared to get a pretty good deal out of everything. Maybe we'd figure it all out sooner or later. Maybe we wouldn't. The unknown didn't feel as scary now. I felt like I could handle anything.

"They're all going crazy," Julie muttered to me a little later on, trying not to sound amused. "I gotta admit, it's fun seeing them so panicked."

"I don't think they're panicked," I said as I flipped one of the burger patties. "I think they're just wary. It's something they don't understand. It doesn't happen a lot."

"Those smell great." Julie said, licking her lips. "You're really a good cook."

"Thanks, Julie." I laughed, "I missed cooking. I wonder if I'll get to a point where I could go to cooking school after all."

"What does it smell like to you?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. "I've always wondered, you know?"

I took a quick sniff. I could smell the ground beef, the sizzling juices, and every unique spice I had used. It smelled much the same as a cooking burger had smelled before, except now I had a greater and more defined capacity for understanding the subtleties in the different scents.

"Smells like food," I shrugged. "But you're right—" I grinned, "It does smell good."

She laughed. "Hey, can you get me some water?"

"Sure, sure." I absently reached into a nearby cabinet and grabbed two glasses of water, quickly filling them up in the sink. I handed Julie one of the glasses and set the other down on the counter, within the same second I had grabbed a plate with a bun and flipped the burger onto it, handing that to her before she had even had time to bring the glass to her lips.

"Uh, thanks."

"You're welcome." I laughed, "Make sure you take those other two burgers out to Seth and Liam." I leaned against the counter and absently watched my family as they muttered in low, quick voices. Discussing and debating in endless circles over what I was and what they could do to better understand.

Suddenly, all the conversation stopped. Everyone was staring at me open-mouthed. Even Julie was frozen mid-bite. I blinked a few times, not understanding what I had done this time to upset them. I was just standing here.

"What's wrong?" I asked, perplexed.

"Bella…" Edyth was staring at me wide-eyed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing?" My eyebrows furrowed. "Just listening to you all, I guess?"

Edyth went to say something, then her mouth closed. She looked over at the others, uncertainty in her expression.

"Thirsty, Bella?" Emmett finally asked tentatively.

My brows furrowed further. Thirsty? No I… Then I looked down in my hand at the second glass of water I had poured. The glass of water I had been absently sipping from while I leaned against the counter.

My eyes shot from the glass back to the others. "Drinking water… isn't a vampire thing is it?"

Seven pale faces stared at me. Royal eventually shook his head slowly, his eyes still wide.

I looked back down at the glass of water, then over to Julie still frozen. She blinked a few times before slowly holding the burger out to me.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Well," She swallowed, "I mean if you're thirsty, babe…"

I stared at the burger. "Um… I mean, It did smell good…"

"Does it?" Carlisle took a step forward, that frenetic sparkle of excitement back in his eyes. "It actually smells palatable to you, Bella?"

I nodded slowly, taking the burger from Julie and holding it just under my nose.

"If she actually takes a bite—" Emmett began before Royal elbowed him hard in the ribs. "—Hey! I'm just saying, that's gross."

Royal rolled his eyes and turned to me. "Go on, Bella."

Feeling incredibly self-conscious with eight pairs of eyes glued to my face, I sighed and then took a small bite.

The taste was indescribable.

Indescribable because I hadn't experienced it before now—not like this. The subtleties and depths of flavors, the nuances, the balances. I tried to remind myself that this had more to do with my newly heightened perceptions and senses than it had to do with my skills as a cook, but it was hard not to think I was a master chef in that moment. I took another bite, fascinated by the new experience eating was.

"I can't believe it," Emmett was laughing. "She actually likes it."

"Bella," Edyth took a step forward, "Does it really taste… good?" the way she said the last word openly conveyed that she couldn't possibly imagine the food tasting like anything better than dirt.

"Not to sing my own praises," I swallowed, "but it's great!" I considered for a moment, "Maybe if the meat was a little more on the rare side…"

Now Emmett was crowing with laughter. It quickly spread to everyone else, even me. I caught a glimpse of Seth's sandy face through the kitchen window, a series of breathy wolf-laughs coming from his muzzle


	23. confrontations

The laughter was short lived. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I felt like I sensed it before everyone else. It wasn't a sound, or a scent, rather afeeling.

Then the scent came, and everyone fell silent. Seven pairs of amber-gold eyes darted to the window, Julie's entire body tensed, and I could hear Seth and Liam growling softly outside.

The pack had come to settle things.

My mind was spinning with questions. Thankfully, I could keep my mouth moving as quickly as my brain now. "Where did we leave things with the pack?" I asked the room.

"Julie managed to buy us some time." Edyth replied, "she told them that you took a turn for the worse, that you weren't going to make it."

"But Sam didn't believe me," Julie sighed. "He could tell I was keeping something from him." Julie turned to me apologetically, "Sorry, babe. You know I'm not the best liar."

"It shouldn't be an issue," Edyth said quickly, "Julie gave me her permission as the rightful Alpha and descendent of Ephraim Black to turn Bella. The treaty hasn't been violated—it was amended."

"Yeah, and we can try and explain that to Sam," Julie rolled her eyes, "He'll love that."

"So what now?" I asked, already running through all the possible scenarios in my head.

There were a few furtive glances Alice's way. She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Don't look at me. You know I can't see when the pack is involved."

Something in the back of my mind reacted to that, but I couldn't tell why.

"Bella isn't even truly changed," Royal said softly. "Surely they'll see that?"

"She may not be what they would consider a true vampire, but she's an unknown." Carlisle said, almost more to himself than any of us. "But there are certainly noticeably human aspects to Bella. Perhaps we can appeal to the pack from that angle."

"It's worth a try." Julie nodded. "She still seems pretty human, all things considered."

"He's getting really tired of everyone talking about him like he's not here." I sighed, my mind already made. "Come on, let's meet them. The longer we make them wait the warier they're going to be."

"Bella, love," Edyth was at my side in an instant, "I admire your bravery but perhaps we should wait. Let Carlisle, Julie, and myself go ahead and talk to them first."

"But what if they don't want to talk?" I couldn't help but feel that given the circumstances, this might be an 'attack first, ask questions after' type of situation. "What if they're here to fight?"

From outside, near the edge of the trees, there was a sharp, short howl—probably Liam.

"Looks like we're out of time." Emmett said, raising an eyebrow as he gazed warily out the window.

We all followed his line of vision. I could see Sam, huge and black-furred, standing at the edge of the woods flanked by two of his brother wolves. Further behind them, hidden in the trees, the rest of the pack was pacing irritably.

"Well, guess we should try talking." Julie shrugged.

I took a deep breath and started for the door.

We walked in a formation. Julie at the head, flanked by Carlisle and Edyth. I followed behind them with Emmett and Jasper on either side of me. Alice, Esme, and Royal were behind us. Liam was pacing angrily in front of Sam just ahead of us. Seth was walking next to our formation, radiating tension.

"How fast can you run if this goes bad, Bella?" Emmett said out of the corner his mouth. "Without tripping, I mean."

"Shut it, Emmett." I hissed back.

Seth whined softly, I turned to give him a reassuring smile. Our eyes met, and for the briefest moment I thought I could almost hear his voice in my head. It wasn't actual words, not really. More like a feeling that somehow came in Seth's voice. It was very soft and muted but I could read the emotion. It was fear. Fear and questioning. Seth was worried, he wanted to know if everything was going to be okay.

"Don't worry, Seth. Everything will be fine." I smiled at him.

His head turned slightly to the side, this time I could sense the surprise he was feeling. Like I had answered his exact thought. I wondered if this was typical of vampires but that didn't seem right. I didn't have time to think about it more, now it was time to deal with the pack.

"Sam," Julie called, "we're here to talk. No fighting."

There was a brief pause. "'Fine,'" Edyth said, reading Sam's mind. "'But only out of brotherhood, Julie. You've already betrayed the pack by siding with the Cullens, and you lied to me about Bella dying.'"

Sam was growling softly while Edyth spoke. I guessed to emphasize the words.

"I know, I know," Julie held up her hands. "Listen, things got…" She peeked back over her shoulder at me. "Complicated."

"Sam," Carlisle spoke now, "We understand the seriousness of the situation, especially from your perspective. Believe me when I say we never had any intention of breaking the treaty from a place of ill-will toward you or your people. This alliance—this friendship—tenuous as it has been, means a great deal to me and my family."

"'And still you broke it.'" Edyth responded in Sam's voice.

"Technically, no." Julie took a step forward. "I gave Edyth permission as Ephraim Black's granddaughter to turn Bella. As the heir of the original treaty maker."

A ripple of growls, starting with Sam and resonating through the rest of the pack echoed through the woods.

"And besides," Carlisle spoke again, "as Julie said, there have been further complications. We ask only that you give us a chance to present our case. But I believe that once you see Bella, you'll understand why perhaps we feel we might reach some sort of understanding."

"'Fine. Bring her out.'"

Carlisle turned and gestured for me to come forward. I took a deep breath and stepped forward, being careful to keep my movements and slow and human-like as I could manage.

I didn't need Edyth to read Sam's mind to tell me his reaction. I could see it as his eyes met mine. More than that, I couldsense it. Shock, confusion, anger, more confusion. Those emotions quickly spread to the rest of the pack, and I could sense them magnified as each one of them processed what Sam was seeing, what they were seeing.

I desperately wished I could hear what they were thinking. To know if things were going poorly or not. As I stood there, waiting for someone to say something and wishing I could read minds like Edyth, something shifted in my mind for the shortest fraction of a second. It was a strange feeling; like an echo-chamber inside my head. There weren't truly words, just feelings that I could almost make into words. But the feelings weren't mine. In that fraction of time—that millisecond—I could understand what the pack was thinking and feeling. I almost knew the words running through their heads, even though I couldn't hear them. It caught me so off-guard that I took a quick, sharp breath. Suddenly there was another shift and my mind was quiet and clear again.

At the same moment the initial shift in my brain had happened, Alice had gasped behind me and Edyth had tensed, her eyes darting just slightly in her direction.

My eyes had unfocused for a moment, when they focused again, I was staring at Sam. His body was stiff and his great black eyes were scrutinizing me. After a long moment, he turned and darted into the woods.

"Hey—wait—" Julie called after him. "Where's he going?" She turned to Edyth.

"What?" Edyth hadn't been paying attention. She was staring over her shoulder back at Alice. Her eyes were wide.

"Sam! Where'd he go?" Julie snapped.

"He'll be… right back." Edyth said haltingly. It wasn't like her to be so distracted. I slowly turned my head to look back at Alice.

She was standing perfectly still. Her eyes wider than I'd ever seen them. Her slender hands were clasped in front of her mouth and she was staring straight at me. I furrowed my eyebrows at her. She blinked once, then shook her head.

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine." She said so quietly it was barely a breath.

When I reluctantly turned back to the pack, Sam was jogging out the trees. On two legs.

"I want to talk to Bella." He called as he reached the spot he had previously been standing.

I glanced up at Edyth, who still looked distracted. She was tense, but she nodded reassuringly and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

I took another deep breath and started walking toward Sam.

If he was willing to change back to his human form, then he had to feel safe. This had to be a good sign. I was feeling more confident the closer I got to him, but even my confidence felt slightly shaken by whatever it was that had happened only moments ago. It was completely unlike anything I had ever experienced before, which was saying a lot given everything that had happened since I woke up from the burning was wholly unlike anything I had experienced before.

I stopped just a few steps away from Sam. his eyes were intently focused on me and his body was tense.

"Hi, Sam." I said softly, wondering what my voice sounded like to him now.

"Bella." He said, nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry we lied to you." I finally said after a long, silent minute. "I guess you can tell things are…" I gestured vaguely to myself.

"Complicated." He finished. "Yes."

"So," I began, "Well, you can see I'm not… I mean, not completely." I didn't quite know what to say to Sam, I couldn't really explain the situation, especially since I didn't totally understand the situation myself. "My heart is still beating." Was all I could manage.

"And you're still Bella." He finally said. "I can hear your heart. You're not completely one of them."

"No. Not completely."

"How?"

"We don't know. We're still trying to figure everything out." I replied, feeling slightly embarrassed like I didn't have the answer in class.

"You don't smell like them. Your blood doesn't smell quite human. But still—"

"Blood!" Carlisle gasped suddenly.

We all turned to look at Carlisle. That spark of excitement in his eyes was practically a flame now.

"It's the logical conclusion!" Carlisle said, more to himself than any of us, "It was blood! Julie's blood!" He gestured towards Julie vaguely. "The transfusions. Perhaps the venom and Julie's blood were not compatible, halting the transformation process…"

"Leaving Bella partly human." Edyth finished in astonishment.

"I knew pumping Bella full of d—" I could practically hear Royal's eyes rolling as she spoke. I cut my eyes in her direction to stop her before she said anything offensive. Her eyes caught mine and she snapped her mouth shut for a moment. She cleared her throat and tried again, "I knew putting wolf blood in Bella would do something," she huffed.

"Something good." Julie retorted smugly. Edyth chuckled softly to herself.

"You did this, Julie?" Sam asked, his face serious.

"Bella was dying. I did what I could to help her." Julie said, lifting her chin slightly. "Despite your best efforts."

Sam's face was stony, betraying no underlying emotion in his expressions. But I could see the slightest tightening of his eyes. I would have missed this if I were still completely human, but now I could see the truth of Sam's subtle response; he was hurt. More than that, he knew Julie was right and that he had been wrong.

"Sam," Edyth began, "we assure you we meant no harm or disrespect to you. We meant no harm to anyone. We only wanted to save Bella."

"Saving humans, Sam." Julie echoed Edyth's tone. "It's what we're supposed to do, right?"

"It is." Sam said quietly. He stared into my eyes once more, like he was deep in thought. He took a deep breath, then let out a long sigh before turning his back to me and my family. I felt the slightest twinge of nerves ripple through me. What if Sam decided I wasn't human enough anymore? What if after everything, the treaty was truly broken and we had started a war? What was the next step? My thoughts whirled around everyone standing around me, my family, my friends. Everyone I had so desperately clung to life to stay with. How could I keep them safe if the pack turned on us now?

We would run. It was the only option. Leave Forks and never come back. My slowly beating heart sped slightly at that thought. If we left… What would I tell Charlie?

Charlie.

Before I could think of what to do about my poor father, Sam was speaking again, loudly to the pack.

"The treaty remains." He declared. "The Cullens are not our enemies. And Bella…" He turned to face me again, "Is still under our protection as a human." He held out his hand towards me. "If she will allow that."

I grinned widely at him, relief washing over my body. I reached out my hand to shake Sam's. He winced slightly at my touch.

"But judging by your grip, Bella," He coughed, "You may not need as much protection anymore."

I quickly pulled my hand back, biting my lip in embarrassment. Everyone behind me burst into laughter as Sam carefully flexed his hand.

There was more shaking of hands, more words of thanks. Even Julie and Sam seemed to come to some sort of understanding. Suddenly everything was falling into place.

Except Charlie.

I could pass for a human, and I had shown more than a fair amount of self-control. But would it be enough to see Charlie anytime soon? I wasn't optimistic enough to delude myself into believing that Charlie wouldn't notice that I was different. My father would know that his daughter had changed somehow. He would see it. And even if I could run away from the smell of human blood when it was some miles away, even if Julie's blood didn't tempt me, would I have the same restraint when a human was standing right in front of me? Even if it was my own father?

Before I could delve deeper into my chaotic thoughts, someone cleared their throat behind me. Sam. Even without turning to see him, I recognized the sound of his deep voice, the woodsy scent that was his.

"Hey, Sam." I answered quietly.

"Bella," he nodded, "I was wondering if we could talk alone for a moment."

"Of course," I answered, somewhat surprised. Sam rarely went anywhere without at least Paul or Jared close behind him.

He started walking toward the trees, I followed just behind him, glancing back over my shoulder. Edyth and Julie were watching, confusion on their faces. I smiled reassuringly and gave them a small wave.

Once Sam and I were some distance away in the shelter of the trees, he stopped and turned to me. He didn't speak at first. I got the impression that this was difficult for him.

"Bella," He began, then stopped, like he didn't know what to say. "Bella." He said again.

"Y—yes?" I smiled patiently, hoping it would encourage him.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes drifting to the forest floor. "I've spent so much time hating the Cullens. Even blaming them for how my life turned out. For years, that hatred ate away at me. I thought no one could hate them as much as I did." He looked up at me now. "When they left you alone here, I thought maybe you'd started hating them as much as I had. I thought maybe someone could finally understand how I felt. But then you took them back. You forgave them."

"I love them." Was all I could manage in reply.

"Yes. Love." Sam pondered this for a second. "The Cullens have their powers. We can become wolves to protect our friends and family. But that's always been your power, hasn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You love. You care. You see the humanity behind the monsters in your life."

"I try to, anyway." I shrugged.

Sam smiled. "Maybe if I had lived life more like you, things would have turned out different. If I had tried to have a little more faith in others I wouldn't have made the mistakes I did. But I'm done hating the Cullens. They didn't make me what I am. I was born into this. The bad stuff… Well, that was my fault. My choices are what led me here. So I'm going to make a choice now. I'm going to trust that this is how things were meant to play out."

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

"But I am sorry for being stubborn, and for making the decision to try and hurt you. I made things harder on you, and I broke my pack. I should have listened to Julie and had some faith in her."So I'm stepping down and giving Julie what is rightfully hers.

"To be fair, listening to Julie is a risky move."

Sam laughed at that, some of the stony seriousness that I had always associated with him faded away and I could almost catch a glimpse of who Sam was before he had become the Alpha. Before destiny had intervened in a young man's life and changed it forever. I could understand that.

"Maybe it was Julie's blood that saved you," Sam said, "or maybe it was her love for her best friend."

"Thank you, Sam."

The treaty wasn't broken. One big worry down.

But now that I didn't have to worry about the pack, a more urgent care took the forefront in my mind as I walked back to the others.

Charlie.

He'd spoken to Esme earlier this morning, but that hadn't kept him from calling again, twice, just a little while ago while I was making food for Julie. Carlisle and Edyth had let the phone ring.

What would be the best thing to tell him? The Cullens said telling him I had died would be the best and kindest way. Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?

It didn't seem right to me. But even if I could control myself, even if Charlie could accept that I was changed, putting him in danger of the Volturi's obsession with secrecy was clearly out of the question.

There was still my idea—let Charlie see me, when I was sure I was ready for that, and let him make his own wrong assumptions. Technically, the vampire rules would remain unbroken. Wouldn't it be better for Charlie if he knew that I was alive—mostly—and happy? Even if I was strange and different and possibly frightening to him?

It was a gamble, though. Charlie was never much for horror films, so there was a good chance the word vampire or anything close to it wouldn't even cross his mind. But it was still a risk.

"What's the matter, love?" Edyth asked as I reached her and the others. "Did Sam—"

"No, Sam was great." I answered quickly. "I was thinking about Charlie, actually."

Everyone turned to look at me.

"Ah," Edyth murmured, wrapping her arms around me.

"We really have to leave, don't we?" I asked. "For a while, at the very least. Pretend we're in Atlanta or something."

I could feel Edyth's gaze locked on my face, but she didn't speak. I looked over at Jasper, instead. I knew he would answer me.

"Yes. It's the only way to protect your father."

I brooded for a moment. "I'm going to miss him so much. I'll miss everyone here."

No one had any words of comfort for me. They knew this reality all too well, but it had been many long years before they'd experienced anything like what I was feeling. Some of them, like Edyth and Alice, had never truly experienced it. But Emmett had left his family, as had Royal.

Royal's face was even, but I could see the understanding in his eyes. He had left behind a family when he'd been turned. He knew and he understood better than anyone what I was feeling.

"We'll be heading back to our territory now." Sam said, breaking the somber quiet. He walked up to Carlisle and extended his hand. "Carlisle."

"Thank you, Sam." Carlisle replied.

Sam nodded to Carlisle, to Edyth, and to Julie, then turned and nodded to her pack, waiting by the trees. They took off into the forest. Sam turned his head and caught my eye one more time, nodded slightly, before running off to join them.

"Okay, let's go home." I let out a small sigh, before turning and smiling to everyone else.

Jasper let out a huff, "I can't understand," he said. "I can't bear this."

I watched in surprise as he strode away toward the river. Liam moved to give him a wide margin of space as he launched himself over the water in one bound.

"What's wrong with Jasper?" I asked.

"He'll be back," Edyth said. "He just needs a moment alone to readjust his perspective on life." There was a grin threatening at the corners of her mouth.

A human memory came back to me—Edyth telling me that Jasper would feel better about himself if I "had a hard time adjusting" to being a vampire. This was in the context of a discussion about how many being I would kill my first newborn year.

"Is he mad at me?" I asked.

Edyth's eyes widened. "No. Why would he be?"

"What's the matter with him, then?"

"He's upset with himself, not you, Bella. He's worrying about… self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say."

"How so?" Carlisle asked before I could.

"He's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've always thought, of it, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do it as well as Bella. Even now—perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it's natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations. You're making him question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Bella."

"But that's unfair," Carlisle said. "Everyone is different; everyone has their own challenges."

"And I'm not exactly a true newborn, I think we've decided that at this point." I added.

"Precisely!" Carlisle nodded. "And, who knows, perhaps Bella's self-control goes beyond even her own will or transformation. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak."

I froze with surprise.

"That's an interesting theory, and quite plausible," Edyth said as we all began walking back to the house.

"Lame," Julie laughed. "Bella would get something like that, wouldn't she?" She ran ahead with Seth back to the house. Liam rolled his eyes and trotted back off toward the forest.

For a tiny space, I was disappointed. What? No magic visions, no formidable offensive abilities like, oh, shooting lightning bolts from my eyes or something? Nothing helpful or cool at all?

And then I realized what that might mean, if my "superpower" was no more than exceptional self-control.

For one thing, At least I had a gift. It could have been nothing, especially given the circumstances of my changing.

But much more than that, if Edyth was right, then I could skip right over the part I'd feared the very most.

What if I didn't have to be a newborn?Not in the crazed killing-machine sense, anyway. What if I could fit right in with the Cullens from my first day? What if we didn't have to hide out somewhere remote for a year while I "grew up"? What if, like Carlisle, I never killed a single person? What if I could be a good vampire right away? Or a good… whatever I was.

I could see Charlie.

I sighed as soon as reality filtered through hope. I couldn't see Charlie right away. I wasn't completely changed, but I was still different. The voice, the perfected face, the unnaturally flawless skin. What could I possibly say to him; how could I even begin? I was furtively glad that I had some excuses for putting things off for a while; as much as I wanted to find some way to keep Charlie in my life, I was terrified of that first meeting. Seeing his eyes pop as he took in my new face, my new skin. Knowing that he was frightened. Wondering what dark explanation would form in his head.

I was chicken enough to wait for a while and think of some explanation. And here I'd thought I would be so fearless when I was indestructible.

"Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent?" Edyth asked Carlisle. "Do you really think that's a gift, or a product of all her preparation or her unique transformation?"

Carlisle shrugged. "It's slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she wouldn't call it a gift."

"Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven?" Royal asked. "I wasn't aware that she did anything special. I thought it was Maggie who was talented in that bunch."

"Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of deciding her goals and then almost...willing them into reality. She considers it good planning, but I've always wondered if it was something more. When she included Maggie, for instance. Lorna was very territorial, but Siobhan wanted it to work out, and so it did."

When we reached the house, Edyth, Carlisle and Royal settled into chairs as they continued with the discussion. Julie was already sitting next to Seth on the couch, who'd changed back into his human form. From the way their eyelids were drooping, I was sure they'd be unconscious momentarily. Esme and Emmett wandered off into a different part of the house.

I realized that the others had no reason for sitting down. I was perfectly comfortable standing. It was just as restful as stretching out on a bed would be. I knew I would be able to stand like this for a week without moving and I would feel just as relaxed at the end of the seven days as I did at the beginning.

They must sit out of habit. Humans would notice someone standing for hours without ever shifting her weight to a different foot. Even now, I saw Royal run his fingers through his hair and Carlisle cross his legs. Little motions to keep from being too still, too much a vampire. I would have to pay attention to what they did and start practicing.

I rolled my weight back to my left leg. It felt kind of silly.

I continued to observe them quietly, taking pointers on how to be more human again. After almost an hour—Seth and Julie snoring in harmony on the couch—Edyth looked up suddenly, her eyes watching out the window toward the river.

"Finally." She smiled. I followed her gaze out the window. The sun had set, and it was deep, purply night outside, but I could see just as far as before. Nothing was hidden in the darkness; everything had just changed colors.

Liam, still glowering, got up and slunk into the brush just as Alice came into view on the other side of the river. I hadn't even noticed when she had left before, she'd been so quiet since the meeting with the pack. She swung back and forth from a branch like a trapeze artist, toes touching hands, before throwing her body into a graceful flat spin over the river. Esme and Emmett appeared soon after, I hadn't noticed when they'd left either. I'd been so engrossed in observing the others. Esme made a more traditional leap, while Emmett charged right through the water, splashing it so far that splatters hit the back windows. To my surprise, Jasper followed after, his own efficient leap seaming understated, even subtle, after the others.

The huge grin stretching Alice's face was familiar in a dim, odd way. Everyone was suddenly smiling at me—Esme sweet, Emmett excited, Royal a little superior, Carlisle indulgent, and Edyth expectant.

Alice skipped into the room ahead of everyone else, her hand stretched out in front of her and impatience making a nearly visible aura around her. In her palm was an everyday brass key with an oversized blue satin bow tied around it.

She held the key out for me and I held out my hand to her. Alice dropped the key into it.

"Happy birthday!" she squealed.

I rolled my eyes. "No one starts counting on the actual day of birth," I reminded her. "Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."

Her grin turned smug. "We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September thirteenth, Bella. Happy nineteenth birthday!"


	24. surprise

Um. Thank you, Alice?" I blinked at her a few times, and then shot a confused glance at the smug smile on Edyth's face. "But I stopped aging three days ago."

"Trifling details," Alice said, dismissing my words with a quick shrug. "We're celebrating anyway, so suck it up."

I laughed, shaking my head. There was rarely a point to arguing with Alice.

Her grin got impossibly wider as she read the acquiescence in my expression.

"Are you ready to open your present?" Alice sang.

"Presents," Edyth corrected, and she pulled another key—this one longer and silver with a smaller blue bow—from her pocket.

I struggled to keep from rolling my eyes in amusement. I knew immediately what this key was for—the "after car." I wondered if actually seeing the thing would suddenly spark a post-transformation interest in sports cars.

"Mine first," Alice said, and then she stuck her tongue out foreseeing her answer.

"Mine is closer."

"But look at how she's dressed." Alice's words were almost a moan. "It's been killing me all day. That is clearly the priority."

My eyebrows pulled together as I wondered how a key could get me into new clothes. Had she gotten me a whole trunkful?

"I know—I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."

Jasper chuckled and Edyth sighed.

"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edyth said wryly.

Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent."

"It's probably better that I wait for morning, anyway." Edyth smiled crookedly at me and then nodded toward Julie and Seth, who looked like they were crashed for the night; I wonder how long they'd stayed up this time. "I think it might be more fun if Julie was awake for the big reveal, don't you agree? So that someone there is able to express the right level of enthusiasm?"

I grinned back. She knew me well.

"Yay," Alice sang. Bella, follow me."

"There's no point in resisting, Bella. Best get it over with." Royal grinned at me.

I was glad to see that the new comradeship between us was still there in his smile. I hadn't been entirely sure it would last after I was changed. But maybe we had fought together on the same side long enough that we would always be friends now. I'd fought for my humanity the same he would have if given the chance. That seemed to have washed away his resentment for all my other choices.

Alice shoved the beribboned key in my hand, then grabbed my elbow and steered me toward the back door. "Let's go, let's go," she trilled.

"Is it outside?"

"Sort of," Alice said, pushing me forward.

"Enjoy your gift," Royal said. "It's from all of us. Esme especially."

"Aren't you coming, too?" I realized that no one had moved.

"We'll give you a chance to appreciate it alone," Royal said. "You can tell us about it… later."

Emmett guffawed. Something about his laugh made me feel like blushing, though I wasn't sure why.

I realized that lots of things about me—such as disliking surprises and being embarrassed by gifts in general—had not changed one bit. It was a relief to discover how much of my core traits had come with me into this new body.

I hadn't expected to be myself. I smiled widely.

Alice tugged on my elbow, and I couldn't stop smiling as I followed her into the purple night. Only Edyth came with us.

"There's the enthusiasm I'm looking for," Alice murmured approvingly. Then she dropped my arm, made two lithe bounds, and leaped over the river.

"C'mon, Bella," she called from the other side.

Edyth jumped at the same time I did; it was every bit as fun as it had been this afternoon. Maybe a little bit more fun because the night changed everything into new, rich colors.

Alice took off with us on her heels, heading due north. It was easier to follow the sound of her feet whispering against the ground and the fresh path of her scent than it was to keep my eyes on her through the thick vegetation.

At no sign I could see, she whirled and dashed back to where I paused. "Don't attack me," she warned, and sprang at me.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, squirming as she scrambled onto my back and wrapped her hands around my face. I felt the slightest urge to throw her off, but I controlled it.

"Making sure you can't see."

"I could take care of that without the theatrics," Edyth offered. "You might let her cheat. Take her hand and lead her forward."

"Alice, I—"

"Don't bother, Bella. We're doing this my way."

I felt Edyth's fingers weave through mine. "Just a few seconds more, Bella. Then she'll go annoy someone else." She pulled me forward. I kept up easily. I wasn't afraid of hitting a tree; the tree would be the only one getting hurt in that scenario.

"You might be a little more appreciative," Alice chided her. "This is as much for you as it is for her."

"True. Thank you again, Alice."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." Alice's voice suddenly shot up with excitement. "Stop there. Turn her just a little to the right. Yes, like that. Okay. Are you ready?" she squeaked.

"I'm ready." There were new scents here, piquing my interest, increasing my curiosity. Scents that didn't belong in the deep woods. Honeysuckle. Smoke. Roses. Sawdust? Something metallic, too. The richness of deep earth, dug up and exposed. I leaned toward the mystery.

Alice hopped down from my back, releasing her grip on my eyes.

I stared into the violet dark. There, nestled into a small clearing in the forest, was a tiny stone cottage, lavender gray in the light of the stars.

It belonged here so absolutely that it seemed as if it must have grown from the rock, a natural formation. Honeysuckle climbed up one wall like a lattice, winding all the way up and over the thick wooden shingles. Late summer roses bloomed in a handkerchief- sized garden under the dark, deep-set windows. There was a little path of flat stones, amethyst in the night, that led up to the quaint arched wooden door.

I curled my hand around the key I held, shocked.

"What do you think?" Alice's voice was soft now; it fit with the perfect quiet of the storybook scene.

I opened my mouth but said nothing.

"Esme thought we might like a place of our own for a while, but she didn't want us too far away," Edyth murmured. "And she loves any excuse to renovate. This little place has been crumbling away out here for at least a hundred years."

I continued staring, mouth gaping like a fish.

"Don't you like it?" Alice's face fell. "I mean, I'm sure we could fix it up differently, if you want. Emmett was all for adding a few thousand square feet, a second story, columns, and a tower, but Esme thought you would like it best the way it was meant to look." Her voice started to climb, to go faster. "If she was wrong, we can get back to work. It won't take long to—"

"Shh!" I managed.

She pressed her lips together and waited. It took me a few seconds to recover.

"You're giving me a house for my birthday?" I whispered.

"Us," Edyth corrected. "And it's no more than a cottage. I think the word house implies more legroom."

"No knocking my house," I whispered to her.

Alice beamed. "You like it."

I shook my head.

"Love it?"

I nodded.

"I can't wait to tell Esme!"

"Why didn't she come?"

Alice's smile faded a little, twisted just off what it had been, like my question was hard to answer. "Oh, you know... they all remember how you are about presents. They didn't want to put you under too much pressure to like it."

"But of course I love it. How could I not?"

"They'll like that." She patted my arm. "Anyhoo, your closet is stocked. Use it wisely. And... I guess that's everything."

"Aren't you going to come inside?"

She strolled casually a few feet back. "Edyth knows her way around. I'll stop by... later. Call me if you can't match your clothes right." She threw me a doubtful look and then smiled. "Jazz wants to hunt. See you."

She shot off into the trees like the most graceful bullet.

"That was weird," I said when the sound of her flight had vanished completely. "Am I really that bad? They didn't have to stay away. Now I feel guilty. I didn't even thank her right. We should go back, tell Esme—"

"Bella, don't be silly. No one thinks you're that unreasonable."

"Then what—"

"Alone time is their other gift. Alice was trying to be subtle about it."

"Oh."

That was all it took to make the house disappear. We could have been anywhere. I didn't see the trees or the stones or the stars. It was just Edyth.

"Let me show you what they've done," she said, pulling my hand. Was she oblivious to the fact that an electric current was pulsing through my body like adrenaline-spiked blood?

Once again I felt oddly off balance, waiting for reactions I wasn't sure my body was capable of anymore. My heart should have been thundering like a steam engine about to hit us. Deafening. My cheeks should have been brilliant red.

For that matter, I ought to have been exhausted. This had been the longest day of my life.

I laughed out loud—just one quiet little laugh of shock—when I realized that this day would never end.

"Do I get to hear the joke?"

"It's not a very good one," I told her as she led the way to the little rounded door. "I was just thinking—today is the first and last day of forever. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around it. Even with all this extra room for wrapping." I laughed again.

She chuckled with me. She held her hand out toward the doorknob, waiting for me to do the honors. I stuck the key in the lock and turned it.

"You're such a natural at this, Bella; I forget how very strange this all must be for you. I wish I could hear it." She ducked down and yanked me up into her arms so fast that I didn't see it coming—and that was really something.

"Hey!"

"Thresholds are part of my job description," she reminded me. "But I'm curious. Tell me what you're thinking about right now."

She opened the door—it fell back with a barely audible creak—and stepped through into the little stone living room.

"Everything," I told her. "All at the same time, you know. Good things and things to worry about and things that are new. How I keep using too many superlatives in my head. Right now, I'm thinking that Esme is an artist. It's so perfect!"

The cottage room was something from a fairy tale. The floor was a perfect quilt of smooth, flat stones. The low ceiling had long exposed beams that someone as tall as Julie would surely knock her head on. The walls were warm wood in some places, stone mosaics in others. The beehive fireplace in the corner held the remains of a slow flickering fire. It was driftwood burning there—the low flames were blue and green from the salt.

It was furnished in eclectic pieces, not one of them matching another, but harmonious just the same. One chair seemed vaguely medieval, while a low ottoman by the fire was more contemporary and the stocked bookshelf against the far window reminded me of movies set in Italy. Somehow each piece fit together with the others like a big three-dimensional puzzle. There were a few paintings on the walls that I recognized—some of my very favorites from the big house. Priceless originals, no doubt, but they seemed to belong here, too, like all the rest.

It was a place where anyone could believe magic existed. A place where you just expected Snow White to walk right in with her apple in hand, or a unicorn to stop and nibble at the rosebushes.

Edyth had always thought that she belonged to the world of horror stories. Of course, I'd known she was dead wrong. It was obvious that she belonged here. In a fairy tale.

And now I was in the story with her.

I was about to take advantage of the fact that she hadn't gotten around to setting me back on my feet and that her beautiful face was only inches away when she said, "I'm sure you're dying to see the closet. Or, at least I'lltell Alice that you were, to make her feel good."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Terrified."

She carried me down a narrow stone hallway with tiny arches in the ceiling, like it was our own miniature castle.

"That room is extra," she said, nodding to an empty room with a pale stone floor and large, airy windows. "Esme wasn't sure what to do with it." She smiled crookedly, "Given your hobbies and interests, perhaps we can make it into a kitchen for you."

I grinned widely, "I'd like that," then I laughed, "someone will have to feed the pack, after all."

She laughed as she continued down the hall. "Here's our room. Esme tried to bring some of her island back here for us. She guessed that we would get attached."

The bed was huge and white, with clouds of gossamer floating down from the canopy to the floor. The pale wood floor matched the other room, and now I grasped that it was precisely the color of a pristine beach The walls were that almost-white-blue of a brilliant sunny day, and the back wall had big glass doors that opened into a little hidden garden. Climbing roses and a small round pound, smooth as a mirror and edged with shiny stones. A tiny, calm ocean for us.

"Oh" was all I could say.

"I know," she whispered.

We stood there for a minute, remembering. Though the memories were human and clouded, they took over my mind completely.

She smiled a wide, gleaming smile and then laughed. "The closet is through those double doors. I should warn you—it's bigger than this room."

I couldn't bring myself to even glance at the doors. There was nothing else in the world but her again—her arms curled under me, her sweet breath on my face, her lips just inches from mine—and there was nothing that could distract me now, newborn whatever I was or not.

"We're going to tell Alice that I ran right into the clothes," I whispered, twisting my fingers into her hair and pulling my face closer to hers. "We're going to tell her I spent hours in there playing dress-up. We are going to lie."

She caught up to my mood in an instant, or maybe she'd already been there, and she was just trying to let me fully appreciate my birthday present, like a wife would. She pulled my face to her with a sudden fierceness, a low moan in her throat. The sound sent the electric current running through my body into a near-frenzy, like I couldn't get close enough to her fast enough.

I heard the fabric tearing under our hands, and I was glad my clothes, at least, were already destroyed. It was too late for hers. It felt almost rude to ignore the gorgeous white bed, but we just weren't going to make it that far.

This second honeymoon wasn't like our first.

Our time on the island had been the epitome of my human life. The very best of it. I'd been ready to prolong my human time, just to hold on to what I had with her for a little while longer. Because the physical part wasn't going to be the same ever again.

I should have guessed, after a day like today, that it would be better.

I could really appreciate her now—could properly see every beautiful line of her perfect face, of her long, flawless body with my strong new eyes, every angle and every plane of her. I could taste her pure, vivid scent on my tongue and feel the unbelievable silkiness of her marble skin under my sensitive fingertips.

My skin was so sensitive under her hands, too.

She was all new, a different person as our bodies tangled gracefully into one on the sand-pale floor. No caution, no restraint. No fear—especially not that. We could love together—both active participants now. Perfect equals.

Like our kisses before, every touch was more than I was used to. So much of herself she'd been holding back. Necessary at the time, but I couldn't believe how much I'd been missing.

I tried to keep in mind that I was stronger than she was, but it was hard to focus on anything with sensations so intense, pulling my attention to a million different places in my body every second; if I hurt her, she didn't complain.

A very, very small part of my head considered the interesting conundrum presented in this situation. I was never going to get tired, and neither was she. We didn't have to catch our breath or rest or eat or even use the bathroom; we had no more mundane human needs. She had the most beautiful, perfect body in the world and I had her all to myself, and it didn't feel like I was ever going to find a point where I would think,Now I've had enough for one day.I was always going to want more. And the day was never going to end. So, in such a situation, how did we ever stop?

It didn't bother me at all that I had no answer.

I sort of noticed when the sky began to lighten. The tiny ocean outside turned from black to gray, and a lark started to sing somewhere very close by—maybe she had a nest in the roses.

"Do you miss it?" I asked her when her song was done.

It wasn't the first time we'd spoken, but we weren't exactly keeping up a conversation, either.

"Miss what?" she murmured.

"All of it—the warmth, the soft skin, the tasty smell... I'm not losing anything at all, and I just wondered if it was a little bit sad for you that you were."

She laughed, low and gentle. "It would be hard to find someone less sad than I am now. Impossible, I'd venture. Not many people get every single thing they want, plus all the things they didn't think to ask for, in the same day."

"Are you avoiding the question?"

She pressed her hand against my face. "You are warm," she told me.

It was true. My skin still held a measure of warmth, but the difference between our body temperatures wasn't as severe now, it felt closer, more natural.

Then she pulled her fingers very slowly down my face, lightly tracing from my jaw to my throat and then all the way down to my waist. My eyes rolled back into my head a little.

"You are soft."

Her fingers were like satin against my skin, so I could see what she meant.

"And as for the scent, I already told you; your scent is still beautiful and tempting to me." She smiled, "But in an entirely different way."

"Oh?" I laughed. "That's probably for the better, then."

"Exactly. So the answer is no. I am purely full of joy, because I am missing nothing. No one has more than I do now."

I was about to inform her of the one exception to her statement, but my lips were suddenly very busy.

When the little pool turned pearl-colored with the sunrise, I thought of another question for her.

"How long does this go on? I mean, Carlisle and Esme, Em and Roy, Alice and Jasper —they don't spend all day locked in their rooms. They're out in public, fully clothed, all the time. Does this...craving ever let up?" I twisted myself closer into her—quite an accomplishment, actually—to make it clear what I was talking about.

"That's difficult to say. Everyone is different and, well, so far you're the very most different of all. The average young vampire is too obsessed with thirst to notice much else for a while. That obviously doesn't to apply to you. With the average vampire, though, after that first year, other needs make themselves known. Neither thirst nor any other desire really everfades. It's simply a matter of learning to balance them, learning to prioritize and manage…"

"How long?"

She smiled, wrinkling her nose a little. "Royal and Emmett were the worst. It took a solid decade before I could stand to be within a five-mile radius of them. Even Carlisle and Esme had a difficult time stomaching it. They kicked the happy couple out eventually. Esme built them a house, too. It was grander than this one, but then, Esme knows what Roy likes, and she knows what you like."

"So, after ten years, then?" I was pretty sure that Royal and Emmett had nothing on us, but it might sound cocky if I went higher than a decade. "Everybody is normal again? Like they are now?"

Edyth smiled again. "Well, I'm not sure what you mean by normal. You've seen my family going about life in a fairly human way, but you've been sleeping nights." She winked at me. "There's a tremendous amount of time left over when you don't have to sleep. It makes balancing your... interests quite easy. There's a reason why I'm the best musician in the family, why—besides Carlisle—I've read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages... Emmett would have you believe that I'm such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I've just had alotof free time."

We laughed together, and the motion of our laughter did interesting things to the way our bodies were connected, effectively ending that conversation.


	25. favor

It was only a little while later that Edyth reminded me of life outside our new home.

"Are you ready formy birthday gift for you?" She smiled.

"That wasn't it?" I teased. But I sighed. "I suppose we should go make an appearance at least, right?"

She smiled, "Go get dressed, love."

"Okay," I probably looked like a cartoon, the way I sprung up, then looked back at her—her diamond body faintly glinting in the diffused light—then looked away to the west, where our family waited, then back at her again, then back toward the big house, my head whipping from side to side a half dozen times in a second. Edyth laughed.

"It's all about balance, love. You're so good at all this, I don't imagine it will take too long for you to find that balance."

"And we have all night, right?"

She smiled wider. "Do you think I could bear to let you get dressed now if that weren't the case?"

That would have to be enough to get me through the daylight hours. I would balance this overwhelming, devastating desire with real life—as real as life could be given the circumstances.

I didn't even pause at the ornately carved double doors to catch my breath before finding out what Alice had done. I just burst through, intent on wearing the first things I touched. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"Which ones are mine?" I hissed. As promised, the room was bigger than our bedroom. It might have been bigger than the rest of the house put together, but I'd have to pace it off to be positive. I had a brief mental flash of Alice trying to persuade Esme to ignore classic proportions and allow this monstrosity. I wondered how Alice had won that one.

Everything was wrapped in garment bags, pristine and white, row after row after row.

"To the best of my knowledge, everything but this rack here"—she touched a bar that stretched along the half-wall to the left of the door—"is yours."

"All of this?"

She shrugged.

"Alice," we said together then laughed.

"Alright," I muttered, and I pulled down the zipper on the closest bag. I sighed in exasperation when I saw the silk suit inside—baby blue, no less.

Finding something normal to wear could take all day.

"Let me help," Edyth offered. She sniffed carefully at the air and then followed some scent to the back of the long room. There was a built-in dresser there. She sniffed again, then opened a drawer. With a triumphant grin, she held out a pair of artfully faded blue jeans.

I dashed to her side. "How did you do that?"

"Denim has its own scent just like anything else. Now... stretch cotton?"

She followed her nose to a half-rack, unearthing a long-sleeved white t-shirt. She tossed it to me.

"Thanks," I said fervently. I inhaled each fabric, memorizing the scent for future searches through this madhouse. I remembered silk and satin; I wouldn't much need those.

It only took her seconds to find her own clothes—if I hadn't seen her undressed, I would have sworn there was nothing more beautiful than Edyth in her own jeans and white button up shirt—and then she took my hand. We darted through the hidden garden, leaped lightly over the stone wall, and hit the forest at a dead sprint. I pulled my hand free so that we could race back. She beat me this time.

Royal and Emmett were sitting at the table, talking quietly to each other. Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were sitting on the couch, in a much deeper conversation.

"Good morning," I called as Edyth and I walked into the room.

"Well, well, well," Emmett grinned. "Look who actually showed up."

"We weren't expecting you today," Royal said, sounding surprised. Then he bit his lip and looked away, trying not to laugh. I could see Emmett starting to shake with silent laughter, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.

I kept my chin high, "Esme, thank you. So much. The house is absolutely perfect."

Esme beamed, "I'm glad you like it." She sighed, "I wish I had been able to figure out something to do with that extra room, though."

"About that," I grinned. "We were thinking maybe a kitchen?"

Esme's eyes lit up with excitement, but before she could respond, Emmett was laughing again—it wasn't silent this time.

"So the house is still standing?" he managed to get out between his snickers. "I would've thought you two had knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the national debt?" He howled with laughter.

I glared at him but focused on keeping calm. I had better things to do than lose my temper at Emmett. Of course, Emmett wasn't as breakable as some of my friends.

Speaking of, "Where're the pack today?" I glanced out the window wall, but there had been no sign of Liam or Seth on the way in.

"Julie took off this morning pretty early," Royal told me, a little frown creasing his forehead. "Seth followed her out."

"What was so urgent?" Edyth asked. There must have been more in Royal's memory than I'd seen in his expression.

"I don't know," Royal shrugged. "She woke up this morning and seemed like she had a lot on her mind—just sitting there with her mouth hanging open like the moron she is, and then she just jumped to her feet without any kind of trigger—that I noticed, anyway—and rushed out.I was glad to be rid of her. The more time she spends here, the less chance there is that we'll ever get the smell out."

"Roy," Esme chided gently.

Royal ran a hand through his hair. "I suppose it doesn't matter. We won't be here that much longer."

"I still say we should go straight to New Hampshire and get things set up," Emmett said, obviously continuing an earlier conversation. "Bella's already registered at Dartmouth. Doesn't look like it will take her all that long to be able to handle school." He turned to look at me with a teasing grin. "I'm sure you'll ace your classes... apparently there's nothing interesting for you to do at night besides study."

Royal giggled.

Do not lose your temper, do not lose your temper,I chanted to myself. And then I was proud of myself for keeping my head.

So I was pretty surprised that Edyth didn't.

She growled—an abrupt, shocking rasp of sound—and the blackest fury rolled across her expression like storm clouds.

Before any of us could respond, Alice was on her feet.

"What is she doing? What is that dog doing that has erased my schedule for the entire day? I can't see anything! No!" She shot me a tortured glance. "Look at you! You need me to show you how to use your closet."

For one second I was grateful for whatever Julie was up to.

And then Edyty's hands balled up into fists and she snarled, "She talked to Charlie. She thinks Charlie is following after her. Coming here. Today."

Alice said a word that sounded very odd in her trilling, ladylike voice, and then she blurred into motion, streaking out the back door.

"She told Charlie?" I gasped. "But—doesn't she understand? How could she do that?" Charlie couldn't know about me! About vampires! That would put him on a hit list that even the Cullens couldn't save him from. "No!"

Edyth spoke through her teeth. "Julie's on her way in now."

It must have started raining farther east. Julie came through the door shaking her wet hair like a dog, flipping droplets on the carpet and the couch where they made little round gray spots on the white. Her teeth glinted against her dark lips; her eyes were bright and excited. She walked with jerky movements, like she was all hyped-up about destroying my father's life.

"Hey, guys," she greeted us, grinning. It was perfectly silent.

Liam and Seth slipped in behind her, in their human forms—for now; both of their hands were trembling with the tension in the room.

"Edyth," her name came through my clenched teeth. Wordlessly, Edyth came up behind me and placed both hands on my shoulders; half-comfort and half keeping me in place in case I should lose my temper and decide to throw Julie through the glass wall.

"Charlie'll be here soon," Julie said to me casually. "Just a heads-up. I assume Alice is getting some bronzer or something for you?"

"You assume way too much," I hissed. "What. Have. ?"

Julie's smile wavered, but she was still too wound up to answer seriously. "Blondie and Emmett woke me up this morning going on and on about you all moving cross-country. Like I could let you leave. Charlie was the biggest issue here, right? Well, problem solved."

"Do you even realize what you've done? The danger you've put him in?"

She snorted. "I didn't put him in danger. Except from you. But you've got some kind of supernatural self-control, right? Not as good as mind reading, if you ask me. Much less exciting."

Edyth moved then, darting in front of me to get in Julie's face. Though she was half a head shorter than Julie, Julie leaned away from her staggering anger as if Edyth towered over her.

"That's just a theory, mongrel," she snarled. "You think we should test it out on Charlie? Did you consider the physical pain you're putting Bella through, even if she can resist? Or the emotional pain if she doesn't? I suppose what happens to Bella no longer concerns you!" She spit the last word.

Edyth's words finally cut through Julie's strangely electric mood. Her mouth dropped into a frown. "Bella will be in pain?"

"Like you've shoved a white-hot branding iron down her throat!"

I felt like she was layering things on a little heavy now. I remembered back to the hiker in the woods, the pain hadn't been that bad.

"I didn't know that," Julie whispered.

"Then perhaps you should have asked first," Edyth growled back through her teeth.

"You would have stopped me."

"You should have been stopped—"

"This isn't about me," I interrupted. I stood very still, keeping my hold sanity. "This is about Charlie, Julie. How could you put him in danger this way? Do you realize it's death or vampire life for him now, too?" My voice trembled and I was surprised that tears still formed in my eyes.

Julie was still troubled by Edyth's accusations, but mine didn't seem to bother her. "Relax, Bella. I didn't tell him anything you weren't planning to tell him."

"But he's coming here!"

"Yeah, that's the idea. Wasn't the whole 'let him make the wrong assumptions' thing your plan? I think I provided a very nice red herring, if I do say so myself."

My hands tensed at my side. "Say it straight, Julie. I don't have the patience for this."

"I didn't tell him anything about you, Bella. Not really. I told him about me. Well,show is probably a better verb."

"She phased in front of Charlie," Edyth hissed.

I whispered, "You what?"

"He's brave. Brave as you are. Didn't pass out or throw up or anything. I gotta say, I was impressed. You should've seen his face when I started taking my clothes off, though. Priceless," Julie chortled.

"You absolute moron! You could have given him a heart attack!"

"Charlie's fine. He's tough. If you'd give this just a minute, you'll see that I did you a

favor here."

"You have half of that, Julie." My voice was flat and steely. "You have thirty seconds to tell me every single word before I throw you through the wall."

"Jeez, babe. You didn't used to be so melodramatic. Is that the vampire side of you?"

"Twenty-six seconds."

Julie sighed and shifted awkwardly. Seth and Liam seemed to move slightly with her; Liam's eyes were on me, his teeth slightly bared.

"So I knocked on Charlie's door this morning and asked him to come for a walk with me. He was confused, but when I told him it was about you and that you were back in town, he followed me out to the woods. I told him you weren't sick anymore, and that things were a little weird, but good. He was about to take off to see you, but I told him I had to show him something first. And then I phased." Julie shrugged.

My teeth felt like a vise was pushing them together. "I want every word, Julie."

"Well, you said I only had thirty seconds—okay, okay." My expression must have convinced her that I wasn't in the mood for teasing. "Lemme see... I phased back and got dressed, and then after he started breathing again, I said something like, 'Charlie, you don't live in the world you thought you lived in. The good news is, nothing has changed—except that now you know. Life'll go on the same way it always has. You can go right back to pretending that you don't believe any of this.'

"It took him a minute to get his head together, and then he wanted to know what was really going on with you, with the whole rare-disease thing. I told him that you had been sick, but you were fine now—it was just that you'd had to change a little bit in the process of getting better. He wanted to know what I meant by 'change,' and I told him that you looked a lot more like Esme or Carlisle now than you looked like him or renee."

Edyth hissed while I stared in horror; this was headed in a dangerous direction.

"After a few minutes, he asked, real quietly, if you turned into an animal, too. And I said, 'Bella wishes she was that cool!'" Julie chuckled.

Royal made a noise of disgust.

"I started to tell him more about werewolves, but I didn't even get the whole word out —Charlie cut me off and said he'd 'rather not know the specifics.' Then he asked if you'd known what you were getting yourself into when you married Edyth, and I said, 'Sure, Bella's known all about this for years, since she first came to Forks.' He didn't like that very much. I let him rant till he got it out of his system. After he got calmed down, he just wanted two things. He wanted to see you, and I said it would be better if he gave me a head start to explain."

I inhaled deeply. "What was the other thing he wanted?"

Julie smiled. "You'll like this. His main request is that he be told as little as possible about all of this. If it's not absolutely essential for him to know something, then keep it to yourself. Need to know, only."

I felt relief for the first time since Julie had walked in. "I can handle that part."

"Other than that, he'd just like to pretend things are normal." Julie's smile turned smug; she must suspect that I would be starting to feel the first faint stirrings of gratitude about now.

I struggled to maintain my serious expression, fighting the reluctant appreciation. It was premature. There was still so much wrong with this situation. Even if Julie's intervention had brought out a better reaction in Charlie than I'd ever hoped for...

Julie seemed to sense I was still angry at her. She walked past Edyth and right up to me, waving Liam and Seth off when they started to follow her. She looked at my eyes, her expression showing more repentance than before. "Bella," she began in a soft voice. "I guess it doesn't help much if I say this was supposed to be my birthday present to you?"

I couldn't help but let a slightly maniacal laugh escape my lips. "Birthday present?Really, Julie?"

She sighed. "Everyone was talking about leaving, and I could tell you were really upset yesterday talking about Charlie—about not seeing him and missing him. I wanted to fix it for you, Bella."

She stared at me with half a smile, waiting.

"I'm not going to say thank you," I told her. "You're still putting Charlie at a huge risk."

"I am sorry about it hurting you. I didn't know it was like that. Bella, things are different with us now, but you'll always be my best friend, and I'll always love you."

From behind Julie, I could see Liam tense in an odd way, I made a note of it in the back of my head to try and analyze it when I wasn't so occupied.

Julie continued, "But I'll love you the right way now. As your friend." She smiled her very most Julie-y smile. "If we're still friends?"

Try as hard as I could to resist, I had to smile back. Just a tiny smile.

She held out her hand: an offer.

I took a deep breath and put my left hand in hers. "If I don't kill Charlie tonight, I'll consider forgiving you for this."

"When you don't kill Charlie tonight, you'll owe me huge."

I rolled my eyes.

Alice raced back through the door then, her hands full and her expression promising violence.

"You, you, and you," she snapped, glaring at the werewolves. "If you must stay, get over in the corner and commit to being there for a while. I need to see. Bella, I need you over here with me."

Undiluted fear ripped through my stomach as the enormity of what I was about to do hit me. I was going to gamble on my iffy self-control with my pure human father as the guinea pig. Edyth's earlier words crashed in my ears again.

Did you consider the physical pain you're putting Bella through, even if she can resist? Or the emotional pain if she doesn't?

I couldn't imagine the pain of failure. My breathing turned to gasps. "Coming," I gasped out.

Julie frowned, concern wrinkling her forehead. She gestured to the others, and they all went to the far corner of the room. Seth and Julie slouched on the floor at once, but Liam shook his head and pursed his lips.

"Am I allowed to leave?" he griped. He looked uncomfortable in his human body, wearing the same dirty t-shirt and cotton shorts he'd worn to yell at me the other day, his short hair sticking up in irregular tufts. his hands were still shaking.

"Of course," Julie said.

"Stay east so you don't cross Charlie's path," Alice added.

Liam didn't look at Alice; he ducked out the back door and stomped into the bushes to phase.

Edyth was back at my side, stroking my face. "You can do this. I know you can. I'll help you; we all will."

I met Edyth's eyes with panic screaming from my face. Was she strong enough to stop me if I made a wrong move?

"If I didn't believe you could handle it, we'd disappear today. This very minute. But you can. And you'll be happier if you can have Charlie in your life."

I tried to slow my breathing.

Alice held up a round compact and a make up brush, "Thankfully your eyes aren't too much of a problem. I did have some contacts prepared just in case, though."

"When did you—"

"Before you left on the honeymoon. I was prepared for several possible futures. Now hold still and close your eyes."

I nodded, closing my eyes. I heard the pop of the compact opening, I could smell some sort of makeup product inside it. Alice was brushing it on my face in lightning quick motions.

"There," she said, "Open your eyes and tell me what you think."

When I opened my eyes, she was holding the compact open towards me. It was a lightly colored powder of some sort with a small round mirror in the top half of the compact. She had warmed up my pale skin with the makeup.

"How do I look?" I asked Edyth, the makeup felt strange on my skin. I had never worn makeup in my human life, but I imagined it didn't feel as strange on the skin as it did now.

Edyth smiled. "You look gorgeous. Of course—"

"Yes, yes, she always looks gorgeous," Alice finished her thought impatiently. "You're not as pale as us, but you're still paler than you used to be. Be sure you don't wipe it off, I imagine you don't like the feel of it. If you do, excuse yourself to the downstairs bathroom for a touch up. Which might be a good idea anyway, because humans need bathroom breaks." She shook her head. "Esme, give her a few pointers on acting human while I put this in the powder room."

"How long do I have?"

"Charlie will be here in five minutes. Keep it simple."

Esme nodded once and came to take my hand. "The main thing is not to sit too still or move too fast," she told me.

"Sit down if he does," Emmett interjected. "Humans don't like to just stand there."

"Let your eyes wander every thirty seconds or so," Jasper added. "Humans don't stare at one thing for too long."

"Cross your legs for about five minutes, then switch to the other leg for the next five," Royal said.

I nodded once at each suggestion. I'd noticed them doing some of these things yesterday. I thought I could mimic their actions.

"And blink at least three times a minute," Emmett said. He frowned, then darted to where the television remote sat on the end table. He flipped the TV on to a college football game and nodded to himself.

"Move your hands, too. Brush your hair back or pretend to scratch something," Jasper said.

"I said Esme," Alice complained as she returned. "You'll overwhelm her."

"No, I think I got it all," I said. "Sit, look around, blink, fidget."

"Right," Esme approved. She hugged my shoulders.

Jasper frowned. "You'll be holding your breath as much as possible, but you need to move your shoulders a little to make it look like you're breathing."

I inhaled once and then nodded again.

Edyth hugged me on my free side. "You can do this," she repeated, murmuring the encouragement in my ear.

"Two minutes," Alice said. "Maybe you should start out already on the couch. You've been sick, after all. That way he won't have to see you move right at first."

Alice pulled me to the sofa. I tried to move slowly, to make my limbs more clumsy. She rolled her eyes, so I must not have been doing a good job.

"Do better." Alice commanded.

Edyth took a seat beside me and put her arms around me. She leaned into me and kissed my neck gently. "You can do this."

"I can do this." I said, but it sounded wrong.

Julie chuckled.

"Maybe you should leave, Julie," Edyth said coldly, glaring in her direction. Edyth hadn't forgiven Julie, because Edyth only knew how bad the burning of thirst was from her perspective and as far as she knew I would be suffering terribly.

"I told Charlie I'd be here," Julie said. "He needs moral support."

"Moral support," Edyth scoffed. "As far as Charlie knows, you're the most repulsive monster of us all."

"Repulsive?" Julie protested, and then she laughed quietly to herself.

I heard the tires turn off the highway onto the quiet, damp earth of the Cullens' drive, and my breathing spiked again. My heart ought to have been hammering. It made me anxious that it continued it's slow, steady pace—an entirely wrong reaction.

Instead of fighting my new body's natural reactions, I tried to embrace it. I concentrated on the slow, steady thrumming of my heart to calm myself. It worked pretty quickly.

"Well done, Bella," Jasper whispered in approval.

Edyth tightened her arm over my shoulders.

"You're sure?" I asked her.

"Positive. You can do anything." She smiled and kissed me.

It wasn't precisely a peck on the lips, and my new, wilder reactions took me off guard yet again. Edyth's lips were like a shot of some addictive chemical straight into my nervous system. I was instantly craving more. It took all my concentration to remember the talk at hand.

Jasper felt my mood change. "Er, Edyth, you might not want to distract her like that right now. She needs to be able to focus."

Edyth pulled away. "Oops," she said.

I laughed. That had been my line from the very beginning, from the very first kiss.

"Later," I said, and anticipation curled my stomach into a ball.

"Focus, Bella," Jasper urged.

"Right." I pushed the trembly feelings away. Charlie, that was the main thing now. Keep Charlie safe today. We would have all night...

"Bella."

"Sorry, Jasper."

Emmett laughed.

I continued to focus on my heartbeat, the more I focused, the more relaxed I got. Then a thought came to the forefront of my mind and I couldn't help but turn to Julie.

"Julie. You stripped in front of my dad?"

Julie opened her mouth to speak, then her face darkened with a blush. "I didn't want to ruin my clothes…" she mumbled.

Despite my nervousness, I couldn't help but let out a disbelieving laugh.

The sound of Charlie's cruiser got closer and closer. The second of levity passed, and everyone was still. I crossed my legs and practiced my blinks.

The car pulled in front of the house and idled for a few seconds. I wondered if Charlie was as nervous as I was. Then the engine cut off, and a door slammed. Three steps across the grass, and then eight echoing thuds against the wooden stairs. Four more echoing footsteps across the porch. Then silence. Charlie took two deep breaths.

Knock, knock, knock.

I inhaled for what might be the last time.

Carlisle answered the door. His stressed expression changed to one of welcome, like switching the channel on the TV.

"Hello, Charlie," he said, looking appropriately abashed. After all, we were supposed to be in Atlanta at the Center for Disease Control. Charlie knew he'd been lied to.

"Carlisle," Charlie greeted him stiffly. "Where's Bella?"

"Right here, Dad."

Ugh! My voice was so wrong. Plus, I'd used up some of my air supply. I gulped in a quick refill, glad that Charlie's scent had not saturated the room yet.

Charlie's blank expression told me how off my voice was. His eyes zeroed in on me and widened.

I read the emotions as they scrolled across his face.

Shock. Disbelief. Pain. Loss. Fear. Anger. Suspicion. More pain.

I bit my lip. It felt funny. My new teeth were sharper against my skin than my human teeth had been against my soft human lips.

"Is that you, Bella?" he whispered.

"Yep." I winced at my bell-like voice. "Hi, Dad."

He took a deep breath to steady himself.

"Hey, Charlie," Julie greeted him from the corner. "How're things?"

Charlie glowered at Julie once, shuddered at a memory, and then stared at me again.

Slowly, Charlie walked across the room until he was a few feet away from me. He darted an accusing glare at Edyth, and then his eyes flickered back to me. The warmth of his body heat beat against me with each pulse of his heart.

"Bella?" he asked again.

I spoke in a lower voice, trying to keep the ring out of it. "It's really me."

His jaw locked.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said.

"Are you okay?" he demanded.

"Really and truly great," I promised. "Healthy as a horse."

"Julie told me this was… necessary. That you were dying." He said the words like he didn't believe them one bit.

I steeled myself, focused on my steady heart, leaned into Edyth for support, and took a deep breath.

Charlie's scent was at first a fistful of flames, punching down my throat. My mind instantly went back to the scent of the anonymous hikers from before. Charlie's blood was just as tempting, and he was only a few feet away.

But it wasn't unbearable. Not as unbearable as I had prepared for.

This was a relief. Edyth gave my shoulder a squeeze as she sensed my body relaxed, and Julie shot a hopeful glance at me across the room.

I collected myself and ignored the pain of the thirst. Charlie was waiting for my answer.

"Julie was telling you the truth."

"That makes one of you," Charlie growled.

I hoped Charlie could see past the changes in my new face to read the remorse there.

"Dad," I began, but I couldn't think of what to say that would justify how much I had lied to him.

His eyes met mine, and he stared deeply into them for a moment. As he examined my eyes, something in his expression wavered. Of course, my eyes were still mine but they had changed—I had noticed it immediately—they had a surreal luminous quality to them. His eyes wandered from mine to examine the rest of my face—Surely he could see the lack of imperfections.

Charlie started hyperventilating. His lips trembled. He was trying to understand something beyond understanding. Trying to force it to make sense when he didn't have all the information.

Julie got up and came over to pat Charlie on the back. She leaned in to whisper something in Charlie's ear; only Charlie didn't know we could all hear.

"Need to know, Charlie. It's okay. I promise."

Charlie swallowed and nodded. And then his eyes blazed as he took a step closer to Edyth with his fists tightly clenched.

"I don't want to know everything, but I'm done with the lies!"

"I'm sorry," Edyth said calmly, "but you only need to know so much. It's to protect Bella, to protect all of us. No more lies, but can you go along with some necessary unknowns? For Bella's sake?"

The room was full of statues. I crossed my legs.

Charlie huffed once and then turned his glare on me. "You might've given me some warning, kid."

"Would it really have made this any easier?"

He frowned, and then he knelt on the floor in front of me. I could see the movement of the blood in his neck under his skin. I could feel the warm vibration of venom pulled in my mouth.

Julie reached out to pat Charlie's shoulder, subtly pulling Charlie back away from me in the process. "Need to know, Charlie."

Charlie cringed away from the contact.

"Oh, c'mon, Charlie," Julie groaned. "I'm the same person I've always been. Just pretend this afternoon didn't happen."

The reminder made Charlie's lips go white, but he nodded once. "Just what is your part in all this, Julie?" he asked. "How much does Billy know? Why are you here?" He narrowed his eyes at Julie.

"Well, I could tell you all about it—Billy knows absolutely everything—but it involves a lot of stuff about werewo—"

"Ungh!" Charlie protested, covering his ears. "Never mind."

Julie grinned. "Everything's going to be great, Charlie. Just try to not believe anything you see."

My dad mumbled something unintelligible.

"Woo!" Emmett suddenly boomed in his deep bass. "Go Gators!"

Julie and Charlie jumped. The rest of us froze.

Charlie recovered, then looked at Emmett over his shoulder. "Florida winning?"

"Just scored the first touchdown," Emmett confirmed. He shot a look in my direction, wagging his eyebrows like a villain in vaudeville. "'Bout time somebody scored around here."

I fought back a growl. In front of Charlie? That was over the line.

But Charlie was beyond noticing innuendos. He took yet another deep breath, sucking the air in like he was trying to pull it down to his toes. I envied him. He lurched to his feet, stepped around Julie, and half-fell into an open chair. "Well," he sighed, "I guess we should see if they can hold on to the lead."


	26. shinning

**Julie is bisexual guys that was even hinted at in the first twilight :)**

I don't know how much we should tell Renée about this," Charlie said, hesitating with one foot out the door. He stretched, and then his stomach growled.

I nodded. "I know. I don't want to worry her. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."

His lips twisted up to the side ruefully. "I would have tried to protect you, too, if I'd known how. But I guess you've never fit into the fainthearted category, have you?"

I smiled back.

Charlie patted his stomach absently. "I'll think of something. We've got time to discuss this, right?"

"Right," I promised him.

It had been a long day in some ways, and so short in others. Charlie was late for dinner—Sue Clearwater was cooking for him and was going to be an awkward evening, but at least he'd be eating real food; I was glad someone was trying to keep him from starving due to his lack of cooking ability.

All day the tension had made the minutes pass slowly; Charlie had never fully relaxed the stiff set of his shoulders. But he'd been in no hurry to leave, either. He'd watched two whole games—thankfully so absorbed in his thoughts that he was totally oblivious to Emmett's suggestive jokes that got more pointed and less football-related with each aside—and the after-game commentaries, and then the news, not moving until Seth had reminded him of the time.

"You gonna stand Billy and my mom up, Charlie? C'mon. Bella'll still be here tomorrow. Let's get some grub, eh?"

It had been clear in Charlie's eyes that he hadn't trusted Seth's assessment, but he'd let Seth lead the way out. The doubt was still there as he paused now. The clouds were thinning, the rain gone. The sun might even make an appearance just in time to set.

"Julie says you guys were going to take off on me," he muttered to me now.

"I didn't want to do that if there was any way at all around it. That's why we're still here."

"She said you could stay for a while, but only if I'm tough enough, and if I can keep my mouth shut."

"Yes… but I can't promise that we'll never leave, Dad. It's pretty complicated…"

"Need to know," he reminded me.

"Right."

"You'll visit, though, if you have to go?"

"I promise, Dad. Now that you know just enough, I think this can work. I'll keep as close as you want."

He chewed on his lip for half a second, then leaned slowly toward me with his arms cautiously extended. I locked my teeth, held my breath, and wrapped my arms very carefully around his warm, soft waist.

"Keep real close, Bella," he mumbled. "Real close."

"Love you, Dad," I whispered through my teeth.

He seemed to register some sort of difference in the hug; either my slightly lower body temperature or perhaps I felt more… sturdy… than I had before. He released me from the hug and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Love you, too, kiddo. Whatever else has changed, that hasn't." He reached up and ruffled my hair. "Can I come back tomorrow?"

"Sure, Dad. Of course. I'll be here."

"You'd better be," he said sternly, but his face was soft. "See you tomorrow, Bella."

"Thank you, Dad."

"For what, kiddo?"

"So much has changed so quickly. My head hasn't stopped spinning. If I didn't have you now, I don't know how I'd keep my grip on—on reality." I'd been about to say my grip on who I was. That was probably more than he needed.

Charlie's stomach growled before he could respond.

"Go eat, Dad." I laughed, "We will be here." I remembered how it felt, that first uncomfortable immersion in fantasy—the sensation that everything would disappear in the light of the rising sun.

Charlie nodded. He glanced past me into the house; his eyes were a little wild for a minute as he stared around the big bright room. Everyone was still there, besides Julie, who I could hear raiding the refrigerator in the kitchen; Alice was lounging on the bottom step of the staircase with Jasper's head in her lap; Carlisle had his head bent over large book in his lap; Esme was humming to herself, sketching on a notepad, while Royal and Emmett laid out the foundation for a monumental house of cards under the stairs; Edyth had drifted to her piano and was playing very softly to herself. There was no evidence that the day was coming to a close, that it might be time to eat or shift activities in preparation for the evening. Something intangible had changed in the atmosphere. The Cullens weren't trying as hard as they usually did—the human charade had slipped ever so slightly, enough for Charlie to feel the difference.

He shuddered, shook his head, and sighed. "See you tomorrow, Bella." He frowned and then added, "I mean, it's not like you don't look… like you. You look great, kid. I'll get used to it."But we ain't done here kiddo.

I laughed. "Thanks, Dad."

Charlie nodded and walked thoughtfully toward his car. I watched him drive away; it wasn't until I heard his tires hit the freeway that I realized I'd done it. I'd actually made it through the whole day without hurting Charlie. All by myself. I must have some sort of extra power!

It seemed to good to be true. Could I really have my new family, some of my old, some semblance of my humanity and eternity all at once? And I'd thought that yesterday had been perfect.

"Wow," I whispered. I reached up and brushed some of the makeup Alice had applied off my face.

The sound of the piano cut off, and Edyth's arms were around my waist, her chin resting on my shoulder.

"You took the word right out of my mouth."

"Edyth, I did it!"

"You did. You were unbelievable. All that worrying over being a newborn, and then you skip it altogether." She laughed quietly.

"Now I'm sure she's not really a vampire, let alone a newborn," Emmett called from under the stairs. "She's too tame."

Al the embarrassing comments he'd made in front of my father sounded in my ears again, and it was probably a good thing Edyth had her arms around my waist. Unable to help my reaction entirely, I snarled under my breath.

"Oooo, scary," Emmett laughed.

"Charlie will be back tomorrow to talk to me again," I growled, "and you better be on your best behavior."

"Fat chance," Emmett said. Royal laughed with him this time.

"Not brilliant, Emmett," Edyth said scornfully, turning me to face him. She winked at me when I met her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Emmett demanded.

"It's a little dense, don't you think, to antagonize the strongest being in the house?"

Emmett threw back his head and snorted. "Please!"

"Bella," Edyth murmured to me while Emmett listened closely; "do you remember a few months ago, I asked you to do me a favor if you ever became immortal?"

That rang a dim bell. I sifted through the blurry human conversations. After a moment, I remembered and I gasped, "Oh!"

Alice trilled a long, pealing laugh. Julie poked her head around the corner, her mouth stuffed with food.

"What?" Emmett growled.

"Really?" I asked Edyth.

"Trust me," she said.

I took a deep breath. "Emmett, how do you feel about a little bet?"

He was on his feet at once. "Awesome. Bring it."

I bit my lip for a second. He was just sohuge.

"Unless you're too afraid…?" Emmett suggested.

I squared my shoulders. "You. Me. Arm-wrestling. Dining room table. Now."

Emmett's grin stretched across his face.

"Er, Bella," Alice said quickly, "I think Esme is fairly fond of that table. It's an antique."

"Thanks," Esme mouthed at her.

"No problem," Emmett said with a gleaming smile. "Right this way, Bella."

I followed him out the back, toward the garage; I could hear all the others trailing behind. There was a largish granite boulder standing up out of a tumble of rocks near the river, obviously Emmett's goal. Though the big rock was a little rounded and irregular, it would do the job.

Emmett placed his elbow on the rock and waved me forward.

I was nervous again as I watched the thick muscles in Emmett's arm roll, but I kept my face smooth. Edyth had promised I would be stronger than anyone for a while. She seemed very confident about this, and strong?I wondered, looking at Emmett's biceps. I wasn't even a true vampire, though. Maybe I wasn't as strong as a newborn vampire. There was more about me that was unlike a vampire. Maybe that's why control was so easy for me.

I tried to look unconcerned as I set my elbow against the stone.

"Okay, Emmett. I win, and you cannot say one more word about my sex life to anyone, not even Roy. No allusions, no innuendos—no nothing."

His eyes narrowed. "Deal. I win, and it's going to get alot worse."

He heard my breath stop and grinned evilly. There was no hint of bluff in his eyes.

"You gonna back down so easy, little sister?" Emmett taunted. "Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage doesn't have a scratch." He laughed. "Did Edyth tell you how many houses Roy and I smashed?"

I gritted my teeth and grabbed his big hand. "One, two—"

"Three," he grunted, and shoved against my hand.

Nothing happened.

Oh, I could feel the force he was exerting. My new mind seemed pretty good at all kinds of calculations, and so I could tell that if he wasn't meeting any resistance, his hand would have pounded right through the rock without difficulty. The pressure increased, and I wondered randomly if a cement truck doing forty miles an hour down a sharp decline would have similar power. Fifty miles an hour? Sixty? Probably more.

It wasn't enough to move me. His hand shoved against mine with crushing force, but it wasn't unpleasant. It felt kind of good in a weird way. I'd been so very careful since the last time I woke up, trying so hard not to break things. It was a strange relief to use my muscles. To let the strength flow rather than struggling to restrain it.

Emmett grunted; his forehead creased and his whole body strained in one rigid line toward the obstacle of my unmoving hand. I let him sweat—figuratively—for a moment while I enjoyed the sensation of the crazy force running through my arm.

A few seconds, though, and I was a little bored with it. I flexed; Emmett lost an inch.

I laughed. Emmett snarled harshly through his teeth.

"Just keep your mouth shut," I reminded him, and then I smashed his hand into the boulder. A deafening crack echoed off the trees. The rock shuddered, and a piece— about an eighth of the mass—broke off at an invisible fault line and crashed to the ground. It fell on Emmett's foot, and I snickered. I could hear Julie's and Edyth's muffled laughter.

Emmett kicked the rock fragment across the river. It sliced a young maple in half before thudding into the base of a big fir, which swayed and then fell into another tree.

"Rematch. Tomorrow."

"I don't think it's going to wear off by then," I told him. "Maybe it won't wear off at all."

Emmett growled, flashing his teeth. "Tomorrow."

"Hey, whatever makes you happy, big brother."

As he turned to stalk away, Emmett punched the granite, shattering off an avalanche of shards and powder. It was kind of neat, in a childish way.

Fascinated by the undeniable proof that I was stronger than the strongest vampire I'd ever known, I placed my hand, fingers spread wide, against the rock. Then I dug my fingers slowly into the stone, crushing rather than digging; the consistency reminded me of hard cheese. I ended up with a handful of gravel.

"Cool," I mumbled.

With a grin stretching my face, I whirled in a sudden circle and karate-chopped the rock with the side of my hand. The stone shrieked and groaned and—with a big poof of dust —split in two.

I started laughing.

I didn't pay much attention to the chuckles behind me while I punched and kicked the rest of the boulder into fragments. I was having too much fun, snickering away the whole time.

"Show off." Julie muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Tell me you didn't let go a bit on your first run, wolf-girl," Edyth teased, no antagonism in her voice at all.

"That's different," Julie said, and I watched in surprise as she mock-punched Edyth's shoulder. "Bella's supposed to be the mature one here. Married and all that. Shouldn't there be more dignity?"

"Oh, please!" I laughed, taking a handful of stones and grinding them to dust in my hand. "You're just jealous I'm fast and strong."

"For once in your life." Julie grinned, teasing.

The sun suddenly burst through the clouds, shooting long beams of ruby and gold across the nine of us, and I was immediately lost in the beauty of my skin in the light of the sunset. Dazed by it.

I ran my hand along my arm, marveling at the strange way it glowed in the light. It wasn't diamond-bright facets like Edyth or the others. My skin glowed with a faint luminosity, subtle and mysterious. Nothing that would keep me inside on a sunny day like Edyth's glowing sparkle.But something tells me all these strange things about me wouldn't last forever.

"Wow," I breathed.

"You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Edyth sighed, happily. When I turned to argue, the sunlight on her face stunned me into silence.

Julie had her hand in front of her face, pretending to shield her eyes from the glare. "Freaky Bella," she commented.

"What an amazing creature she is," Edyth murmured, almost in agreement, as if Julie's comment was meant as a compliment. She was both dazzling and dazzled.

It was a strange feeling—not surprising, I supposed, since everything felt strange now—this being a natural at something. As a human, I'd been sufficiently average at most things besides cooking. Hardly top on any lists, always feeling slightly out of sync with everyone else. Being different as a human had alienated me slightly, made me feel like I didn't have a place in the world.

So this was really different. I was amazing now—to them and to myself. It was like I had been born to reach this point. The idea made me want to laugh, but it also made me want to sing. I had found my true place in the world, the place I fit, the place I shined.


	27. travel plans

**So guys im thinking of doing a Beau/Edward version if anyone is interested **

I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd entered my new life.

Often, when I looked back over my first three months as… whatever I was, I imagined how the thread of my life might look in the Fates' loom—who knew but that it actually existed? I was sure my thread must have changed color; I thought it had probably started out as a nice brown, something supportive and non-confrontational, something that would look good in the background. Now it felt like it must be bright crimson, or maybe glistening silver.

The tapestry of family and friends that wove together around me was a beautiful, glowing thing, full of their bright, complementary colors.

I was pleasantly surprised by some of the threads I got to include in my life. The werewolves, with their deep, woodsy colors, were not something I'd expected; Julie of course, and Seth, too. But my old friends Quil and Embry became part of the fabric as they joined Julie's pack, and even Sam and Emily were cordial. The tensions between our families eased. Sam explained that the wolves felt a kinship towards me they couldn't quite explain, and I wasn't going to question it too deeply.

Sue and Liam Clearwater were interlaced into our life, too—two more I had not anticipated.

Sue seemed to have taken it on herself to smooth Charlie's transition into the world of make-believe. She came with him to the Cullens' most days, though she never seemed truly comfortable here the way her younger son and most of Julie's pack did. She did not speak often; she just hovered protectively near Charlie. As I watched their interactions, I couldn't help but smile to myself as I began to recognize the little gestures and actions that belied deeper feelings hidden beneath the surface. I hoped Charlie could see and understand Sue's motivations as well as I could.

Liam was even less comfortable than Sue and was the only part of our recently extended family was openly hostile to the merger. However, he and Julie had a new camaraderie that kept him close to us all. I asked Julie about it once—hesitantly; I didn't want to pry, but the relationship was so different from the way it used to be, and when I had been able to comb back through my human memories leading up to my change I found myself replaying the conversation between Liam and myself the day he had confronted me. What Liam had said, the passion with which he had defended Julie had gotten me thinking, coupled with the little nuances I had noticed in how Liam acted around and responded to Julie. Surely, when they were in their wolf forms, Liam's thoughts and feelings would have been obvious to Julie given their telepathy, but Julie didn't seem to quite catch on the way I thought she would so my curiosity won out. She had shrugged and told me it was a just a pack thing. Liam was Julie's second-in-command now, her "beta," as I'd called it once long ago.

"I figured as long as I was going to do this Alpha thing for real," Julie explained, "I'd better nail down the formalities."

"Mm," I had responded, raising my eyebrow. "How does Liam feel about it? Like, truly feel about it?"

"What do you mean?" Julie asked, puzzled.

"I mean, the whole wolf-telepathy thing," I waved my fingers around my head to emphasize my words. "You probably know better than he lets on?"

Julie had frowned at that, "Not really. Liam's gotten really good at only sharing the thoughts he wants me to hear, which is weird. I don't get why he's being so careful."

"Why indeed." I stifled a laugh. Julie would figure it out eventually.

Liam's new responsibility as Julie's second, coupled with what my intuition informed me was a deeper desire, made Liam feel the need to check in with Julie often, and since Julie was often at the house…

Liam was not happy to be near us, but he was the exception. Happiness was the main component in my life now, the dominant pattern in the tapestry. So much so that my relationship with Jasper was now much closer than I'd ever dreamed it would be.

At first I was rather annoyed, though.

"Yeesh!" I complained to Edyth one night as we were undressing. "If I haven't killed Charlie or Sue yet, it's probably not going to happen. I wish Jasper would stop hovering all the time!"

"No one doubts you, Bella, not in the slightest," she assured me. "You know how Jasper is—he can't resist a good emotional climate. You're so happy all the time, love, he gravitates toward you without thinking."

And then Edyth hugged me tightly, because nothing pleased her more than my overwhelming ecstasy in this new life.

And I was euphoric the vast majority of the time. The days were not long enough for me to get my fill of my family and my friends—long phone conversations with Jeremy and Allen included; the nights did not have enough hours to satisfy my need for Edyth.

There was a flipside to the joy, though. If you turned the fabric of our lives over, I imagined the design on the backside would be woven in the bleak grays of doubt and fear.

We still weren't entirely sure what I was. The best we could decide was that I was a half-vampire, though there was no precedent for such a thing. Julie occasionally teased that I was one-fourth vampire, one-fourth werewolf, and two-fourths human. This, despite the fact that she meant it as a joke, didn't seem out of the question.

For one thing, there was the strange connection I felt to the wolves—different from when I was human—it was something beyond friendship or caring. I had noticed it first when Sam and his fellow pack brothers from Julie's pack had come to confront us when I had first changed. It was like I could almost hear their thoughts when they were in wolf form. It wasn't mind-reading like Edyth, though. It was like I could sense the feel of their thoughts. There was the one moment that stuck out in my mind with particular importance.

When we had been waiting for Sam's decision, I had wished I could know what he was thinking—what the pack was thinking—and for the briefest, fleeting moment I could have sworn I had gotten that wish. It had truly been a millisecond, but I remembered the feeling with crystalline clarity; first, I had felt the sensation of something shifting in my mind, followed by a sudden burst of feelings that weren't my own. It had ended as soon as it had started. But something else had happened in that moment; Alice had reacted to something at the same time I had felt that shift. So much had happened that I hadn't thought about it much. It would be wrong to say I had forgotten; I forgot nothing now, I merely moved thoughts out of the forefront of my mind until I was ready to address them again.

When I had asked Alice what had happened from her perspective, she was hesitant to answer me at first. After some prying, she finally admitted what had happened.

"I didn't want to mention it, and Edyth agreed," she began, "but there was a moment where… Well, where…"

"Where what, Alice?"

"I could see the wolves." She said, barely above a whisper.

I stared at her, dumbstruck for half a second. Alice's visions were blocked by the wolves, it had been an interesting dilemma to work around when they were involved in any of our decision making. "You mean you could see the wolves?"

"Yes, that's why I knew everything would be alright," her eyes became distant, like she was focusing on something. "It was just the one time, though. I could see their future. It was just a flash, and then it went dark again. It hasn't happened since then."

"What changed?" I asked.

She looked at me for what felt like a long second. "I'm not sure, Bella. But something tells me it had to do with you. What you are."

"Me?"

"I see vampires because I am one, I see humans because I was one," she had told me this before, "I can't see the pack because I have no connection to them, but maybe you do. And maybe because I have a connection to you, and maybe you have a connection to them…" She trailed off.

"I could feel their thoughts, for just a second, that day." I said quietly. "It was weird."

She contemplated this for a moment, before shrugging. "Well, it hasn't happened again. All dark when they're involved."

"All dark…" I repeated.

She watched me for a second, then sighed dramatically. "I swear, if you don't let me teach you how to use your closet soon, I'm going to lose my mind."

When I had discussed the matter with Carlisle and Edyth, they had explained that they had already discussed it privately, to my mild annoyance. Edyth told me they hadn't wanted to worry me too much, perhaps it was a strange fluke, perhaps it was signs of some sort of extra power my vampire nature had given maybe it's not forever. Either way, there were more pressing matters to attend to. Matters that had undercut my happiness.

The source of my chagrin was a journey that had to be made, a very important and potentially dangerous journey that I felt had to be a solo trip.

This was the only argument that Edyth and I had gotten in since I'd changed. The main point of the contention was the "solo" part. But the facts were what they were, and my plan was the only one that made rational sense. I had to go see the Volturi, and I had to do it absolutely alone.

Even freed from my old nightmares, from any dreams at all, it was impossible to forget the Volturi. Nor did they leave us without reminders.

Until the day that Aro's present showed up, I didn't know that Alice had sent a wedding announcement to the Volturi leaders; we'd been far away on Esme's island when she'd seen a vision of Volturi soldiers—Jane and Alec, the devastatingly powerful twins, among them. Caius was planning to send a hunting party to see if I was still human, against their edict (because I knew about the secret vampire world, I either must join it or be silence… permanently). So Alice mailed the announcement, seeing that this would delay them as they deciphered the meaning behind it. But they would come eventually. That was certain.

The present itself was not overtly threatening. Extravagant, yes, almost frightening in that very extravagance. The treat was in the parting line of Aro's congratulatory note, written in black ink on a square of heavy, plain white paper in Aro's own hand:

I so look forward to seeing the new Mrs. Cullen in person.

The gift was presented in an ornately carved, ancient wooden box inlaid with gold and mother-of-pearl, ornamented with a rainbow of gemstones. Alice said the box itself was a priceless treasure, that it would have outshone just about any piece of jewelry besides the one inside it.

"I always wondered where the crown jewels disappeared to after John of England pawned them in the thirteenth century," Carlisle said. "I suppose it doesn't surprise me that the Volturi have their share."

The necklace was simple—gold woven into a rope of a chain, almost scaled, like a smooth snake that would curl close around the throat. One jewel hung suspended from the rope: a white diamond the size of a golf ball.

The unsubtle reminder in Aro's note interested me more than the jewel. The Volturi needed to see that I was immortal, that the Cullens had been obedient to the Volturi's orders, and they needed to see this soon. They could not be allowed near Forks. There was only one way to keep our life here safe.

"You're not going alone," Edyth had insisted through her teeth, her hands clenching into fists.

"They won't hurt me," I'd said as soothingly as I could manage, forcing my voice to sound sure. "They have no reason to. I'm a not human anymore. Case closed."

"No. Absolutely no. You may not be human but you're not a true vampire, Bella."

"Edyth, it's the only way to protect everything. If Aro reads your mind, he'll know how close we are to the wolves. If Aro sees that we've made alliances with the pack we could put them—and us—in danger. I'm the only one that Aro can't read."

And she hadn't been able to argue with that. My logic was watertight.

Given my new connection to the wolves, I had dedicated myself to learning as much as I could about them. Billy Black obliged with more of the Quileute history than I had previously known, and Carlisle had told me everything he knew about werewolves. Most distressingly, was the history the Volturi had with werewolves.

The Volturi had never, to any of our combined knowledge, met the Quileute, but they had met werewolves in the past. Met them, hated them, and hunted them. The Volturi had tried to wipe them out in the past—a particular passion of Caius, destroying werewolves. I knew that if the Volturi found out about our alliance with the Pack, they wouldn't be happy.

My status as a half-vampire was a concern, but the Volturi didn't need to know it was Julie's involvement that had made me a half-vampire. We'd just have to come up with as good of a story as we could, and Aro wouldn't be able to see the lie in my protected thoughts. Theoretically, a half-vampire was better than no vampire at all, right?

One of Edyth's concerns lay in something that even I knew about Aro in the short time that I'd known him. He was a collector—and his most prized treasures were his living pieces. He coveted beauty, talent, and rarity in his immortal followers more than any jewel locked in his vaults. It was unfortunate enough that he'd begun to covet Alice's and Edyth's abilities. If the Volturi accepted my half-vampire status, Edyth feared I would give Aro more reason to be jealous of Carlie's family. By Edyth's appraisal, I was beautiful and gifted and unique—I was one of a kind.

But Alice saw no trouble with my trip, though she was worried by the indistinct quality of her visions. She said they were sometimes similarly hazy when there were outside decisions that might conflict but that had not been solidly resolved. This uncertainty made Edyth, already hesitant, extremely opposed to what I had to do. She wanted to come with me as far as my connection to London, but I worried having Edyth anywhere near the Volturi. Carlisle was coming instead. It made both Edyth and me a little more relaxed, knowing that Carlisle would only be a few hours away from me.

Alice kept searching for the future, but the things she found were unrelated to what she was looking for. A new trend in the stock market; a possible visit of reconciliation from Ivan, though his decision was not firm; a snowstorm that wouldn't hit for another six weeks; a call from Renée (I was practicing my "rough" voice, and getting better at it every day—to Renée's knowledge, I was still sick, but mending).

We bought the tickets for Italy the day after the three month anniversary of my changing. I planned for it to be a short trip, so I hadn't told Charlie about it. Julie knew, and she took Edyth's view on things. She wanted to discuss it with me in private.

Julie and I had gone out to the woods for our talk, and to get away from the business of the house for a little bit. She offered to change into her wolf form and hunt with me for a bit.

Hunting wasn't as strictly necessary for me as it was for Edyth and the other Cullens. I could still eat human food and it satisfied me very well, though I still needed blood. I had experimented with my diet for a few weeks. I found a lack of blood made me feel more sluggish. It dulled my more supernatural senses. I had gone the last three weeks without hunting and my thirst was much stronger, though still not unmanageable. Physically, we had discovered that a lack of blood almost seemed to lessen my vampire nature. I was slower and not as strong as I would have otherwise been. Looking at me, my skin was still pale and free of imperfections, but my eyes looked less luminous and more like they had when I was human. My heart was beating faster than it had before, closer to a human meter. It was ironic, abstaining from blood made it easier to pass for a true human, but the increased strain the thirst caused made it more dangerous.But then again when i did drink blood my heart would only beat so many times like it will stop in the future making me a full vampire.

"A hunt wouldn't be the worst thing," I mused. "I'm getting tired of being so slow."Although It's weird it feels like my heart is getting Even slower. I don't think all this is permanent.

"You're getting tired of it?" Julie snorted. "I feel like I'm walking with a snail."

"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes. "Before we hunt, let's get it over with. Tell me all the reasons why you think I shouldn't be going to Italy."

Julie tensed, she shifted uncomfortably, and I strange look passed over her face. "Well, about that…"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't think you should be going alone, for the record." She said quickly. "I don't like it. I get why you're doing it, but I don't like it."

"Okay, well, you're taking it better than Edyth." I chuckled. "But I thought you wanted to come out here so you could convince me not to go?"

She didn't answer, shifting her weight again. I raised my eyebrow expectantly.

The narrow meadow we were standing in was very still, very empty. The fluttering snow was thinning above me, almost gone. Alice had seen that it wouldn't stick for many weeks.

"Here's the thing, Bella," Julie began slowly, "You're my best friend. And we've been through a lot together…"

"Yes," I said slowly, confused.

"And I'm happy for you, Bella. I'm really happy for you and Edyth. You guys are great together, and I'm sorry it took me so long to see that."

I blinked, watching her struggle through her speech.

"I hate that it took you almost dying for me to realize having you as my best friend was more than enough."

"Be fair to yourself, Jules." I sighed, "things were complicated and it wasn't all your fault."

"Sure, sure." She said, then she paused for a long second. "Bella?"

"Yes?"

"You want me to be happy, right?"

A dim memory of a conversation between Julie and myself came to the forefront of my mind; "I hope, beyond anything, that you find someone who makes you happy because you deserve to be happy, Julie. You deserve to find someone who loves you."

The memory was dim, because it was a human one. Back when Julie first found out I was dying, and I had tried to say goodbye to her. I had meant the words, and I still did. Nothing would make me happier than to know Julie was truly happy.

"Of course I do, Jules," I smiled. "You know I do."

"Okay, right," Julie shifted again, "because, well, here's the thing—"

"Liam told you how he feels about you?" I guessed, fighting a wide grin.

Julie's eyes grew wide with disbelief, her mouth went slack. "What?"

I furrowed my brows, "Liam! He finally told you how he feels about you, right?"

Julie blinked a few times, "Liam… feels about me?"

Now I was confused, "Yeah, didn't he…" Julie's surprised expression told me what her words did not. "Liam… didn't tell you."

"Liam hasn't said anything to me," Julie swallowed, "But I… I mean, I don't know, the last few weeks I just… I've been thinking about him a lot and, well, I don't know. We've just been connecting and—Does Liam like me?"

"Oh, god, Liam's going to rip me apart." I groaned.

"Wait, wait, wait," Julie grabbed my shoulders. "Did Liam tell you he likes me?"

"Not exactly," I winced. "But when he came to yell at me that day, the way he talked about you, Jules. I mean, if he doesn't like you then he thinks the world of you."

"So you're basing this off of a rant from almost four months ago?" Julie's face fell.

"No, it's not just that. It's the way Liam is around you. The way he looks at you when you're not looking. The way he gets… I guess it would be jealous when you tell me you love me or we're spending a lot of time together."

"Really?" a spark lit up Julie's eyes.

"That's why I asked you a the other week how Liam feels about everything, if you heard anything when you were connected. I figured he would have let it slip in his thoughts—"

Julie clapped her hand to her forehead. "That's why he's been so careful when we're phased…"

I grinned. "Well, looks like you're going to have to be the one to tell him how you feel."

Julie nodded slowly, then she stopped, and her eyes met mine. "Bella, are you… okay with that?"

I furrowed my brows again, confused. "Why wouldn't I be, Jules?"

"Well, after everything that's happened… After me being so, uh,stubborn about us being a thing… You don't think I'm the worst because I like Liam, do you?"

I burst out laughing. "Julie Black, you're ridiculous."

"Hey, come on, I'm trying to be honest and open here."

I reached up to hold her face in my hands, "Julie Black. You are my best friend in the whole world, I want nothing but happiness for you. If you like Liam I think you should tell him and see where things go because you deserve to be happy." I laughed, "I mean, I got everything I wanted, didn't I? I have Edyth, the Cullens, I still have all my human friends and family. It's about time you got some happiness, too."

Julie smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. "Thanks, Bella. I'm sorry about everything that went wrong. But I'm glad I've got you for a best friend now."

"Now and forever, Jules."

"Sure, sure." She chuckled.

"Just don't tell Liam I said he liked you." I warned, pulling away from the hug.

Jules laughed, "Yeah, that's probably for the—" Her voice cut off with a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes went wild as she scanned the area.

"Jules, what is it?" I asked, sniffing the air. My senses really were dulled, I couldn't sense anything.

"Vampire." She growled, "I don't recognize the scent." She leapt back from me, and by the time she hit the ground again she was in her wolf form, the shreds of her clothes fluttering to the ground.

My eyes swept the area, searching for danger. First the trees, then the mountainside. As my eyes flitted across the edge of a distant cliff, standing out starkly blue-gray against the green-black forest, a glint of silver—or was it gold?—gripped my attention.

My gaze zeroed in on the color that shouldn't have been there, so far away in the haze that an eagle wouldn't have been able to make it out. I stared.

He stared back.

That he was a vampire was obvious. His skin was marble white, the texture a million times smoother than human skin. Even under the clouds, he glistened every so slightly. If his skin had not given him away, his stillness would have. Only vampires and statues could be so perfectly motionless.

His hair was pale, pale blond, almost silver. This was the gleam that had caught my eye. It hung straight as a ruler down to his chin.

He was a stranger to me. I was absolutely certain I'd never seen him before, even as a human. None of the faces in my muddy memory were the same as this one. But I knew him at once from his dark golden eyes.

Ivan had decided to come after all.

For one moment I stared at him, and he stared back. I wondered if he would guess immediately who I was as well. I half-raised my hand, about to wave, but his lip twisted the tiniest bit, making his face suddenly hostile.

Julie growled at my side, her enormous body wrought with tension. Ivan's eyes jerked reflexively to the sound when it echoed to him a few seconds later. His eyes narrowed, and I imagined what it must look like from his perspective. An enormous russet werewolf, perhaps the very one who had killed his Laurent. How long had Ivan been watching us? Long enough to see our affectionate exchange, I was sure.

Ivan's face spasmed in pain.

Instinctually, I opened my hands in front of me in an apologetic gesture. He turned back to me, and his lip curled back over his teeth, his jaw unlocked as he growled.

When the faint sound reached me, he had already turned and disappeared into the forest.

"Crap!" I groaned.

I pulled out my cell phone and hit the speed dial. Edyth answered on the first ring. Julie remained tense at my side.

"Come, bring Carlisle," I trilled so fast I wondered if Julie could keep up. "I saw Ivan and he saw me, but he also saw Jules phase and Ivan got mad and ran away, I think. He hasn't shown up here—yet, anyway—but he looked pretty upset so maybe he will. If he doesn't, you and Carlisle have to go after him and talk to him. I feel so bad."

Julie rumbled.

"Oh," I added, "and bring some clothes for Jules."

"We'll be there in half a minute," Edyth assured me, and I could hear the whose of the wind her running made.

We waited silently, listening carefully for the sound of an approach we did not recognize.

When the sound came, though, it was very familiar. And then Edyth was at my side, Carlisle a few seconds behind holding a bundle of clothing. I was surprised to hear the heavy pad of big paws following behind Carlisle. I supposed I shouldn't have been shocked. With the threat of a strange vampire, of course Julie would call in reinforcements.

"Ivan was up on that ridge," I told them at once, pointing out the spot. If Ivan was fleeing, he already had quite a head start. Would he stop and listen to Carlisle? His expression before made me think not. "Maybe you should call Emmett and Jasper and have them come with you. Ivan looked... really upset. He growled at me."

"What?" Edyth said angrily.

Carlisle put a hand on her arm. "He's grieving. I'll go after him."

"I'm coming with you," Edyth insisted.

They exchanged a long glance—perhaps Carlisle was measuring Edyth's irritation with Ivan against her helpfulness as a mind reader. Finally, Carlisle nodded, he handed me the clothes, and they took off to find the trail without calling for Jasper or Emmett.

Julie huffed impatiently and poked my back with her nose.

"Oh, sorry, Jules." I held the clothes out and she gingerly took them with her teeth, she turned to run back to the trees but not before giving me a pointed glance and nodding her head toward Seth and Liam.

I turned to face them. Seth had an odd, wolfish grin on his big face. Liam, however, looked like he wanted to snap my head off.

"Crap." I said again.

I was wondering if I'd be able to outrun Liam, but then he let out a huffing sound like a laugh, shook his head, and winked at me.

"I'm sorry, Liam. I thought she knew."

Liam rolled his eyes before turning to run back toward the house, Seth followed, still grinning.

Julie joined me a second later. "How bad is it?" She asked, adjusting the waistband of her new pants.

"Liam? Or Ivan?" I asked darkly.

She didn't clarify as we sprinted after Liam and Seth.


	28. the future

Carlisle and Edyth had not been able to catch up with Ivan before his trail disappeared into the river. They'd swam to the other bank to see if his trial had picked up in a straight line, but there was no trace of him for miles in either direction on the eastern shore.

It was all my fault. Ivan had come, as Alice had seen, to make peace with the Cullens, only to be angered by my camaraderie with Julie. I wished I hadn't been experimenting with the effects of not hunting, if my senses had been at their normal sharpness, I would have noticed Ivan's presence before Julie had phased, before Ivan had gotten anywhere near us.

There wasn't much to be done. Carlisle had called Taras with the disappointing news. Taras and Kate hadn't seen Ivan since they'd decided to come to my wedding, and they were distraught that Ivan had come so close and yet not returned home; it wasn't easy for them to lose their brother, however temporary the separation might be. I wondered if this brought back the hard memories of losing their mother so many centuries ago.

Alice was able to catch a few glimpses of Ivan's immediate future, nothing too concrete. He wasn't going back to Denali, as far as Alice could tell. The picture was hazy. All Alice could see was that Ivan was visibly upset; he wandered in the snow-swathed wilderness—to the north? To the east?—with a devastated expression. He made no decisions for a new course beyond his directionless grieving.

Days passed and though, of course, I forgot nothing, Ivan and his pain moved to the back of my mind. There were more important things to think of now. I would leave for Italy in just a few days.

I hadn't told Charlie about the trip, and I stewed about whether or not I should. Edyth and Carlisle discussed the plan for the hundredth time. If I were to tell Charlie, how to break the news to him just right?

Meanwhile, Emmett and Jasper were busy discussing the possibility for some sort of family vacation after I returned. South America seemed to be on their minds. Carlisle had some friends in the Amazon, and Emmett told me I'd enjoy hunting jaguars and panthers for a change. He had a whim to wrestle with an anaconda. Esme and Royal were looking at plans for the new kitchen Esme wanted to add to mine and Edyth's cottage. Julie was off with Liam having a conversation about where they stood with each other.

Alice moved slowly—for her—around the big room, unnecessarily tidying the already immaculate space, straightening Esme's perfectly hung garlands. She was re-centering Esme's vases on the console at the moment. I could see from the way her face fluctuated—aware, then blank, then aware again—that she was searching the future. I assumed she was trying to see what my trip for Italy had in store for me until Jasper said, "Let it go, Alice; Ivan's not our concern," and a cloud of serenity stole silently and invisibly through the room. Alice must have been worrying about him again.

She stuck her tongue out at Jasper and then lifted one crystal vase that was filled with white and red roses and turned toward the kitchen. There was just the barest hint of wilt to one of the white flowers, but Alice seemed intent on utter perfection as a distraction to her lack of vision tonight.

Staring out the window, I didn't see it when the vase slipped from Alice's fingers. I only heard the whoosh of the air whistling past the crystal, and my eyes flickered up in time to see the vase shatter into ten thousand diamond shards against the edge of the kitchen's marble floor.

We were all perfectly still as the fragmented crystal bounced and skittered in every direction with an unmusical tinkling, all eyes on Alice's back.

My first illogical thought was that Alice was playing some joke on us. Because there was no way that Alice could have dropped the vaseby accident. I could have darted across the room to catch the vase in plenty of time myself, if I hadn't assumed she would get it. And how would it fall through her fingers in the first place? Her perfectly sure fingers...

I had never seen a vampire drop anything by accident. Ever.

And then Alice was facing us, twisting in a move so fast it didn't exist.

Her eyes were halfway here and halfway locked on the future, wide, staring, filling her thin face till they seemed to overflow it. Looking into her eyes was like looking out of a grave from the inside; I was buried in the terror and despair and agony of her gaze.

I heard Edyth gasp; it was a broken, half-choked sound.

"What?" Jasper growled, leaping to her side in a blurred rush of movement, crushing the broken crystal under his feet. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her sharply. She seemed to rattle silently in his hands."What, Alice?"

Emmett moved into my peripheral vision, his teeth bared while his eyes darted toward the window, anticipating an attack.

There was only silence from Esme, Carlisle, and Royal, who were frozen just as I was.

Jasper shook Alice again. "What is it?"

"They're coming for us," Alice and Edyth whispered together, perfectly synchronized. "All of them."

Silence.

For once, I was the quickest to understand—because something in their words triggered my own vision. It was only the distant memory of a dream—faint, transparent, indistinct as if I were peering through thick gauze... In my head, I saw a line of black advancing on me, the ghost of my half-forgotten human nightmare. I could not see the glint of their ruby eyes in the shrouded image, or the shine of their sharp wet teeth, but I knew where the gleam should be…

Stronger than the memory of the sight came the memory of the feel—the wrenching need to protect those around me. For the first time since I'd been reborn, I felt cold.

I barely heard the confirmation of my fears. I didn't need it. I already knew. "The Volturi," Alice moaned.

"All of them," Edyth groaned at the same time.

"Why?" Alice whispered to herself. "How?"

"When?" Edyth whispered.

"Why?" Esme echoed.

"When?" Jasper repeated in a voice like splintering ice.

Alice's eyes didn't blink, but it was as if a veil covered them; they became perfectly blank. Only her mouth held on to her expression of horror.

"Not long," she and Edyth said together. Then she spoke alone. "There's snow on the forest, snow on the town. Little more than a month."

"Why?" Carlisle was the one to ask this time.

Esme answered. "They must have a reason. Maybe to see..."

"This isn't just about Bella," Alice said hollowly. "They're all coming—Aro, Caius, Marcus, every member of the guard, even the wives."

"The wives never leave the tower," Jasper contradicted her in a flat voice. "Never. Not during the southern rebellion. Not when the Romanians tried to overthrow them. Not even when they were hunting the werewolves. Never."

"They're coming now," Edyth whispered.

"But why?" Carlisle said again. "We've done nothing! And if we had, what could we possibly do that would bring this down on us?"

"There are so many of us," Edyth answered dully. "They must want to make sure that…" She didn't finish.

"That doesn't answer the crucial question! Why?"

I felt I knew the answer to Carlisle's question, and yet at the same time I didn't. Like it was just there, waiting for me to realize it.

"Go back, Alice," Jasper pleaded. "Look for the trigger. Search."

Alice shook her head slowly, her shoulders sagging. "It came out of nowhere, Jazz. I wasn't looking for them, or even for us. I was just looking for Ivan. He wasn't where I expected him to be…" Alice trailed off, her eyes drifting again. She stared at nothing for a long second.

And then her head jerked up, her eyes hard as flint. I heard Edyth catch her breath.

"He decided to go to them," Alice said. "Ivan decided to go to the Volturi. And then they will decide... It's as if they're waiting for him. Like their decision was already made, and just waiting on him..."

It was silent again as we digested this. What would Ivan tell the Volturi that would result in Alice's appalling vision?

"Can we stop him?" Jasper asked.

"There's no way. He's almost there."

"What is he doing?" Carlisle was asking, but I wasn't paying attention to the discussion now. All my focus was on the picture that was painstakingly coming together in my head.

I pictured Ivan poised on the cliff, watching. What had he seen? A half-vampire and a werewolf who were best friends. I'd been focused on that image, one that would obviously explain his reaction. But that was not quite what he'd seen.

Ivan had seen someone who didn't look like a vampire, or even a half-vampire. Someone who looked remarkably human.

Ivan…. The Denali Orphans… Carlisle had said that losing their mother to the Volturi's justice had made Taras, Kate, and Ivan purists when it came to the law.

The Denali's mother had broken the law; Carlisle himself had told me the story:She broke the rules. She clung too deeply to the mortal world and hid nothing.

With Ivan's past, how could he apply any other reading to what he'd seen that day in the narrow meadow? He had seen me, looking entirely too human, happily bragging about how I had everything—the immortal and the mortal—and wanted for nothing. Exactly what Ivan's mother had been executed for, exactly what Ivan and his siblings were nearly executed for.

The Denali clan knew of the precarious situation we all were in; the Volturi had demanded I be turned. I was to be turned, or we would be punished.

In addition, the Cullens were in league with werewolves, the Volturi's greatest enemy. From Ivan's point of view, it was all too clear; we had broken the rules and the Volturi would punish us and anyone involved with us.

Ivan, wringing his hands in the snowy wilderness—not mourning Laurent, after all, but knowing it was his duty to turn the Cullens in, knowing what would happen to them if he did. Apparently his conscious had won out over the centuries of friendship. Or perhaps his fear of retribution for his association with Cullens, their human, and their werewolf allies made the decision for him.

The Volturi's decision was already decided; it was an automatic response to any kind of infraction.

"Think of what Ivan saw that afternoon," I said in a low voice, interrupting whatever Emmett was beginning to say. "To someone who lost a mother because of involvement with humans, what would I have looked like? Especially after not hunting?"

Everything was silent again as the others caught up to where I was already.

"Human," Carlisle whispered.

I felt Edyth wrap her arms around me.

"Still human, despite the laws. I told Julie I had everything—All of you, my human friends and family—Ivan must have heard. He thinks we're blatantly defying the Volturi. And more than that, we're associating with werewolves."

The icy tension in the room only mounted as they realized I was right. The room just seemed to get colder.

No one spoke for a long time.

Then Edyth whispered into my hair. "They're not coming to hold trial." She said quietly. "Aro has seen Ivan's proof in his thoughts. They're coming to destroy."

"To kill me because they think I'm still human…" I trailed off.

"And destroy us for associating with werewolves." Carlisle finished, darkly.

"But Bella isn't human, anymore!" Emmett growled.

"They won't wait for us to show them that." Edyth's voice was still quiet, gentle, velvet… and yet the pain and desolation in the sound was unavoidable. Her voice was like Alice's eyes before—like the inside of a tomb.

My eyes unfocused, seeing nothing. "They'll destroy all of us… The wolves… What's to stop them from killing everyone in Forks?" I gasped.

Little over a month…

Was this the limit, then? I'd had more happiness than most people ever experienced. Was there some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world? Was my joy overthrowing the balance? Was four months all I could have?

"What can we do?" Royal demanded.

"We fight," Emmett answered calmly.

"We can't win," Jasper growled. I could imagine how his face would look, how his body would curve protectively over Alice's.

"Well, we can't run. Not with Demetri around." Emmett made a disgusted noise, and I knew instinctively that he was not upset by the idea of the Volturi's tracker but by the idea of running away. "And I don't know that we can't win," he said. "There are a few options to consider. We don't have to fight alone."

My head snapped up at that. "We've already sentenced the Quileautes to Death, Emmett! We can't ask them to fight, too!"

"Chill, Bella." His expression was no different from when he was contemplating fighting anacondas. Even the threat of annihilation couldn't change Emmett's perspective, his ability to thrill to a challenge. "I didn't mean the pack. Be realistic, though—do you think Julie or Sam is going to ignore an invasion? But I was thinking of our other friends."

Carlisle echoed me in a whisper. "Other friends we don't have to sentence to death."

"Hey, we'll let them decide," Emmett said in a placating tone. "I'm not saying they have to fight with us." I could see the plan refining itself in his head as he spoke. "If they'd just stand beside us, just long enough to make the Volturi hesitate. If we could force them to stop and listen, see that Bella's not human anymore. That might take away any reason for a fight…"

There was a hint of a smile on Emmett's face now. I was surprised no one had hit him yet. I wanted to.

"Yes," Esme said eagerly. "That makes sense, Emmett. All we need is for the Volturi to pause for one moment. Just long enough to listen."

"We'd need quite a show of witnesses," Royal said harshly, his voice brittle as glass.

Esme nodded in agreement, as if she hadn't heard the sarcasm in Royal's tone. "We can ask that much of our friends. Just to witness."

"We'd do it for them," Emmett said.

"It will take more than that," Alice murmured. I looked over to see her eyes were a dark void again. "The Volturi won't honor a truce with the wolves."

"So how do we protect them?" I asked, watching Alice. Her eyes glazed over.

"Gather witnesses. Taras's family," she said. "Siobhan's coven. Amun's. Some of the nomads—Garrett and Mary for certain. Maybe Alistair."

"What about Peter and Charlotte?" Jasper asked half fearfully, as if he hoped the answer was no, and his old brother could be spared from the coming carnage.

"Maybe."

"The Amazons?" Carlisle asked. "Kachiri, Zafrina, and Senna?"

Alice seemed too deep into her vision to answer at first; finally she shuddered, and her eyes flickered back to the present. She met Carlisle's gaze for the tiniest part of a second, and then looked down.

"I can't see."

"What was that?" Edyth asked, her whisper a demand. "That part in the jungle. Are we going to look for them?"

"I can't see," Alice repeated, not meeting her eyes. A flash of confusion crossed Edyth's face. "We'll have to split up and hurry—before the snow sticks to the ground. We have to round up whomever we can and get them here to show them." She zoned again. "Ask Elena. There is more to this than just a human and werewolves."

The silence was ominous for another long moment while Alice was in her trance. She blinked slowly when it was over, her eyes peculiarly opaque despite the fact that she was clearly in the present.

"There is so much. We have to hurry," she whispered. "Witnesses in place. Stop Aro."

"Alice?" Edyth asked. "That was too fast—I didn't understand. What was-?"

"I can't see!" she exploded back at her. "Julie's almost here!"

Royal took a step toward the door. "I'll tell her to come back—"

"No, let her come," Alice said quickly, her voice straining higher with each word. She grabbed Jasper's hand and began pulling him toward the back door. "But I'll see better away from her and her pack. I need to go. I need to really concentrate. I need to see everything I can. I have to go. Come on, Jasper, there's no time to waste!"

We all could hear Julie on the stairs. Alice yanked, impatient, on Jasper's hand. He followed quickly, confusion in his eyes just like Edyth's. They darted out the door into the silver night.

"Hurry!" she called back to us. "You have to find them all!"

"Find what?" Julie asked, shutting the front door behind herself. "Where'd Alice go?"

No one answered; we all just stared.

Julie shook the wet from her hair and pulled her arms through the sleeves of her t-shirt, her eyes on me. "Hey, babe! I thought you guys would've gone home by now..."

She saw my eyes, blinked, and then stared. I watched her expression as the room's atmosphere finally touched her. She glanced down, eyes wide, at the wet spot on the floor, the scattered roses, the fragments of crystal. Her fingers quivered.

"What?" she asked flatly. "What happened?"

I couldn't think where to begin. No one else found the words, either.

Julie crossed the room in three long strides and dropped to her knees beside me. I could feel the heat shaking off her body as tremors rolled down her arms to her shaking hands.

"Are you okay?" she demanded, putting a hand on my arm. "Don't mess with me, Bella, please!"

"It's… It's…" the words caught in my throat, my voice breaking strangely.

"Bella, babe, what's going on?"

"It's over, Julie," I whispered. And it was there in my voice, too—the sound of the inside of a grave. "We've all been sentenced to die."

**okay guys I've had this book planned out for months before i even started posting. And as you can see Ivan is also more upset about the werewolfs. And I'm sorry for the people that like Bella like this but i never intended for her to be like this forever. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	29. defection

**Can I tell you how much I love your comment? I really appreciate the time you put into thinking through the whole situation and the commentary! Okay, now as for the dilemma;****So, in the original, the crime the Cullens have apparently committed is creating an Immortal Child, hence the need for witnesses to prove Renesmee is, in fact, a half vampire.****Translating this to the rewrite, I wanted to have more at stake, therefore bringing the Werewolf alliance to the forefront and changing the backstory for the Denali cult (since, I mean, come on, there's not a lot of actual tension in the original). My line of thinking for the witnesses in the rewrite is that they would be there as positive witnesses to the Cullens character—Witnesses for the defense, if you will—so they can make a case for forgiveness with the Volturi.**

**I've got a big plan for the rest of the book, and I'm really pleased with how it's turning out so far and I hope you enjoy the rest!**

We sat there all night long, statues of horror and grief, and Alice never came back.

We were all at our limits—frenzied into absolute stillness. Carlisle had barely been able to move his lips to explain it all to Julie. The retelling seemed to make it worse; even Emmett stood silent and still from then on.

It wasn't until the sun slowly crept into the sky that I wondered for the first time what could possibly be taking Alice so long. I'd hoped to know actually know something before much longer. To have some answers. Some tiny, tiny portion of hope so that I could move again and no longer feel like ice.

My face felt permanently set into the fixed mask I had worn all night. I wasn't sure I had the ability to smile anymore.

Julie was breathing evenly in the corner, a mountain of fur on the floor, twitching anxiously in her sleep. Sam knew everything—the wolves were readying themselves for what was coming. Not that this preparation would do anything but get them killed with the rest of my family.

The sunlight broke through the back windows, sparkling on Edyth's skin. My eyes had not moved from hers since Alice's departure. We'd stared at each other all night, staring at what neither of us could handle losing: the other. I saw my reflection glow in her agonized eyes as the sun touched over my own skin.

Her eyebrows moved an infinitesimal bit, then her lips.

"Alice," she said.

The sound of her voice was like ice cracking as it melted. All of us fractured a little, softened a little. Moved again.

"She's been gone a long time," Royal murmured, surprised.

"Where could she be?" Emmett wondered, taking a step toward the door.

Esme wrapped her arms around herself. "We don't want to disturb…"

"She's never taken so long before," Edyth said. New worry splintered the mask her face had become. Her features were alive again, her eyes suddenly wild with fresh fear, extra panic. "Carlisle, you don't think—something preemptive? Would Alice have had time to see if they sent someone for her?"

Aro's translucent-skinned face filled my head. Aro, who had seen into all the corners of Alice's mind, who knew everything she was capable of—

Emmett cussed loud enough that Julie lurched to her feet with a growl. In the yard, her growl was echoed by her pack. My family was already a blur of action.

"Stay here!" I hissed at Julie as I sprinted through the door.

I had kept myself well fed since what had happened with Ivan and I was still stronger than the rest of them, and I used that strength to push myself forward. I overtook Esme in a few bounds, and Royal in just a few strides more. I raced through the thick forest until I was right behind Edyth and Carlisle.

"Would they have been able to surprise her?" Carlisle asked, his voice as even as if he were standing motionless rather than running at full speed.

"I don't see how," Edyth answered. "But Aro knows her better than anyone else. Better than I do."

"Is this a trap?" Emmett called from behind us.

"Maybe," Edyth said. "There's no scent but Alice and Jasper. Where were they going?"

Alice and Jasper's trail was curling into a wide arc; it stretched first east of the house but headed north on the other side of the river, and then back west again after a few miles. We re-crossed the river, all six jumping within a second of each other. Edyth ran in the lead, her concentration total.

"Did you catch that scent?" Esme called ahead a few moments after we'd leaped the river the second time. She was farthest back, on the far-left edge of our hunting party. She gestured to the southeast.

"Keep to the main trail—we're almost to the Quileute border," Edyth called back. "Stay together. See if they turned north or south."

I was not as familiar with the treaty line as the rest of them, but I could smell the hint of wolf in the breeze blowing from the east. Edyth and Carlisle slowed a little out of habit, and I could see their heads sweep from side to side, waiting for the trail to turn.

Then the wolf smell was suddenly stronger, and Edyth's head snapped up. She came to a sudden stop. The rest of us froze, too.

"Sam?" Edyth asked in a flat voice. "What is this?"

Sam came through the trees a few hundred yards away, walking quickly toward us in his human form, flanked by two big wolves—Paul and Jared. It took Sam a while to reach us; his human pace made me impatient. I didn't want time to think about what was happening. I wanted to be in motion, to be doing something. I wanted to have my arms around Alice, to know beyond a doubt that she was safe.

I watched Edyth's face go absolutely white as she read what Sam was thinking. Sam ignored her, looking straight at Carlisle as he stopped walking and began to speak.

"Right after midnight, Alice and Jasper came to this place and asked permission to cross our land to the ocean. I granted them that and escorted them to the coast myself. They went immediately into the water and did not return. As we journeyed, Alice told me it was of utmost importance that I say nothing to Julie about seeing her until I spoke to you. I was to wait here for you to come looking for her and then give you this note. She told me to obey her as if all our lives depended on it."

Sam's face was grim as he held out a folded sheet of paper, printed all over with small black text. It was a page out of a book; my sharp eyes read the printed words as Carlisle unfolded it to see the other side. The side facing me was the copyright page fromThe Merchant of Venice. A hint of my own scent blew off of it as Carlisle shook the paper flat. I realized it was a page torn from one of my books. I'd brought a few things from Charlie's house to the cottage; a few sets of normal clothes, all the letters from my mother, and my favorite books. My tattered collection of Shakespeare paperbacks had been on the bookshelf in the cottage's little living room yesterday morning...

"Alice has decided to leave us," Carlisle whispered.

"What?" Royal's voice was blank shock.

Carlisle turned the page around so that we all could read.

Don't look for us. There isn't time to waste. Remember: Taras, Siobhan, Amun, Alistair, all the nomads you can find. We'll seek out Peter and Charlotte on our way. We're so sorry that we have to leave you this way, with no goodbyes or explanations. It's the only way for us. We love you.

We stood frozen again, the silence total but for the sound of mine and the wolves' heartbeats, our breathing. Their thoughts must have been loud, too. Edyth was first to move again, speaking in response to what she heard in Sam's head.

"Yes, things are that dangerous."

"Enough that you would abandon your family?" Sam asked out loud, censure in his tone. It was clear that he had not read the note before giving it to Carlisle. He was upset now, looking as if he regretted listening to Alice.

Edyth's expression was stiff—to Sam it probably looked angry or arrogant, but I could see the shape of pain in the hard planes of her face.

"We don't know what she saw," Edyth said. "Alice is neither unfeeling nor a coward. She just has more information than we do."

"We would not—," Sam began.

"You are bound differently than we are," Edyth snapped. "We each still have our free will."

Sam's chin jerked up, and his eyes looked suddenly flat black.

"Edyth. Don't." My scolding voice sounded raw and rough.

"But you should heed the warning," Edyth went on. "This is not something you want to involve yourselves in. You can still avoid what Alice saw."

"Don't get your family slaughtered for pride," Carlisle interjected quietly.

Sam looked at Carlisle with a softer expression. "As Edyth pointed out, we don't have the same kind of freedom that you have. It is our duty to stay together, to protect the tribe, and to protect each other." His eyes flickered to Alice's note, and his lips pressed into a thin line.

"You don't know her," Edyth said.

"Do you?" Sam asked bluntly.

Carlisle put a hand on Edyth's shoulder. "We have much to do, Edyth. Whatever Alice's decision, we would be foolish not to follow her advice now. Let's go home and get to work."

Edyth nodded, her face still rigid with pain. Behind me, I could hear Esme's quiet, tearless sobs.

I didn't know how to cry yet in this body; I couldn't do anything but stare. There was no feeling yet. Everything seemed unreal, like I was dreaming again after all these months. Having a nightmare.

"Thank you, Sam," Carlisle said.

"I'm sorry," Sam answered. "We shouldn't have let her through."

"You did the right thing," Carlisle told him. "Alice is free to do what she will. I wouldn't deny her that liberty."

I'd always thought of the Cullens as a whole, an indivisible unit. Suddenly, I remembered that it had not always been so. Carlisle had created Edyth, Esme, Royal and Emmett; Edyth had a hand in making me what I was. We were physically linked by blood and venom. I never thought of Alice and Jasper as separate—as adopted into the family. But in truth, Alice had adopted the Cullens. She had shown up with her unconnected past, bringing Jasper with his, and fit herself into the family that was already there. Both she and Jasper had known another life outside the Cullen family. Had she really chosen to lead another new life after she'd seen that life with the Cullens was over?

We were doomed, then, weren't we? There was no hope at all. Not one ray, one flicker that might have convinced Alice she had a chance at our side.

The bright morning air seemed thicker suddenly, blacker, as if physically darkened by my despair.

"I'm not going down without a fight," Emmett snarled low under his breath. "Alice told us what to do. Let's get it done."

The others nodded with determined expressions, and I realized that they were banking on whatever chance Alice had given us. That they were not going to give in to hopelessness and wait to die.

Yes, we all would fight. What else was there? And apparently we would involve others, because Alice had said so before she'd left us. How could we not follow Alice's last warning? The wolves, too, would fight with us for their people, for their brothers.

We would fight, they would fight, and we all would die.

I didn't feel the same resolve the others seemed to feel. Alice knew the odds. She was giving us the only chance she could see, but the chance was too slim for her to bet on it.

I already felt defeated as I turned my back on Sam's critical face and followed Carlisle toward home.

We ran automatically now, not the same panicked hurry as before. As we neared the river, Esme's head lifted.

"There was that other trail. It was fresh."

She nodded forward, toward where she had called Edyth's attention on the way here. While we were racing to save Alice...

"It has to be from earlier in the day. It was just Alice, without Jasper," Edyth said lifelessly.

Esme's face puckered, and she nodded.

I drifted to the right, falling a little behind. I was sure Edyth was right, but at the same time... After all, how had Alice's note ended up on a page from my book?

"Bella?" Edyth asked in an emotionless voice as I hesitated.

"I want to follow the trail," I told her, smelling the light scent of Alice that led away from her earlier flight path. I was new to this, but it smelled exactly the same to me, just minus the scent of Jasper.

Edyth's golden eyes were empty. "It probably just leads back to the house."

"Then I'll meet you there."

At first I thought she would let me go alone, but then, as I moved a few steps away, her blank eyes flickered to life.

"I'll come with you," she said quietly. "We'll meet you at home, Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded, and the others left. I waited until they were out of sight, and then I looked at Edyth questioningly.

"I couldn't let you walk away from me," she explained in a low voice. "It hurt just to imagine it."

I understood without more explanation than that. I thought of being divided from her now and realized I would have felt the same pain, no matter how short the separation.

There was so little time left to be together.

I held my hand out to her, and she took it.

"Let's hurry," she said. "We should be with the others and explain what happened to Julie."

I nodded, and we were running again.

It was probably a silly thing, to waste the time away from everyone just for curiosity's sake. But the note bothered me. Alice could have carved the note into a boulder or tree trunk if she lacked writing utensils. She could have stolen a pad of paper from any of the houses by the highway. Why my book? When did she get it?

Sure enough, the trail led back to the cottage by a circuitous route that stayed far clear of the Cullens' house and the wolves in the nearby woods. Edyth's brows tightened in confusion as it became obvious where the trail led.

She tried to reason it out. "She left Jasper to wait for her and came here?"

We were almost to the cottage now, and I felt uneasy. I was glad to have Edyth's hand in mine, but I also felt as if I should be here alone. Tearing out the page and carrying it back to Jasper was such an odd thing for Alice to do. It felt like there was a message in her action—one I didn't understand at all. But it was my book, so the messagemust be for me. If it were something she wanted Edyth to know, wouldn't she have pulled a page from one of her books...?

"Give me just a minute," I said, pulling my hand free as we got to the door.

Her forehead creased. "Bella?"

"Please? Thirty seconds."

I didn't wait for her to answer. I darted through the door, pulling it shut behind me. I went straight to the bookshelf. Alice's scent was fresh—less than a day old. A fire that I had not set burned low but hot in the fireplace. I yankedThe Merchant of Veniceoff the shelf and flipped it open to the title page.

There, next to the feathered edge left by the torn page, under the wordsThe Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare, was a note.

Destroy this.

Below that was a name and an address in Seattle.

When Edyth came through the door after only thirteen seconds rather than thirty, I was watching the book burn.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"She was here. She ripped a page out of my book to write her note on."

"Why?"

"I don't know why."

"Why are you burning it?"

"I—I—" I frowned, letting all my frustration and pain show on my face. I did not know what Alice was trying to tell me, only that she'd gone to great lengths to keep it from anyone but me. The one person whose mind Edyth could not read. So she must want to keep her in the dark, and it was probably for a good reason. "It seemed appropriate."

"We don't know what she's doing," she said quietly.

I stared into the flames. I was the only person in the world who could lie to Edyth. Was that what Alice wanted from me? Her last request?

"When we were on the plane to Italy," I whispered—this was not a lie, except perhaps in context—"on our way to rescue you... she lied to Jasper so that he wouldn't come after us. She knew that if he faced the Volturi, he would die. She was willing to die herself rather than put him in danger. Willing for me to die, too. Willing for you to die."

Edyth didn't answer.

"She has her priorities," I said. It made my still heart ache to realize that my explanation did not feel like a lie in any way.

"I don't believe it," Edyth said. She didn't say it like she was arguing with me—she said it like she was arguing with herself. "Maybe it was just Jasper in danger. Her plan would work for the rest of us, but he'd be lost if he stayed. Maybe…"

"She could have told us that. Sent him away."

"But would Jasper have gone? Maybe she's lying to him again."

"Maybe," I pretended to agree.

"We should go home. There's no time." Edyth took my hand, and we ran.

Alice's note did not make me hopeful. If there were any way to avoid the coming slaughter, Alice would have stayed. I couldn't see another possibility. So it was something else she was giving me. Not a way to escape. But what else would she think that I wanted? Maybe a way to salvage something? Was there anything I could still save?

Carlisle and the others had not been idle in our absence. We'd been separated from them for all of five minutes, and they were already prepared to leave. In the corner, Julie was human again, her hands in her lap, watching us with wide eyes.

Royal had traded his silk dress shirt and slacks for a sturdy-looking pair of jeans, running shoes, and a button-down shirt made of the thick weave that backpackers used for long trips. Esme was dressed similarly. There was a map of the world on the coffee table, but they were done looking at it, just waiting for us.

The atmosphere was more positive now than before; it felt good to them to be in action. Their hopes were pinned on Alice's instructions.

I looked at the map and wondered where we were headed first.

"We're to stay here?" Edyth asked, looking at Carlisle. She didn't sound happy.

"Alice said that we need to gather witnesses. I can only assume to attest to our character in this situation so we have a prayer of pleading our case. We're going to have to be very careful of how we present it," Carlisle said. "We'll send whomever we can find back here to you— Edyth, you'll be the best at fielding that particular minefield."

Edyth gave one sharp nod, still not happy. "There's a lot of ground to cover."

"We're splitting up," Emmett answered. "Roy and I are hunting for nomads."

"You'll have your hands full here," Carlisle said. "Taras's family will be here in the morning, and they have no idea why. First, you have to persuade them not to react the way Ivan did. Second, you've got to find out what Alice meant about Elena. Then, after all that, will they stay to witness for us? It will start again as the others come—if we can persuade anyone to come in the first place." Carlisle sighed. "Your job may well be the hardest. We'll be back to help as soon as we can."

Carlisle put his hand on Edyth's shoulder for a second and then on mine. Esme hugged us both, and Emmett punched us both on the arm. Royal forced a hard smile for Edyth and me and then gave Julie a parting grimace.

"Good luck," Edyth told them.

"And to you," Carlisle said. "We'll all need it."

I watched them leave, wishing I could feel whatever hope bolstered them, and wishing I could be alone with the computer for just a few seconds. I had to figure out who this J. Jenks person was and why Alice had gone to such lengths to give his name and address to only me.

Julie shifted uneasily, before finally speaking. "Sounds like we're a little outnumbered right now. I hope Carlisle's friends come." she murmured.

"Julie…" Edyth hesitated.

"What? Well, come on, spit it out," Julie said, her voice raw with tension. She was right at her breaking point, just like the rest of us.

"The vampires who are coming are not the same as we are," Edyth said. "Taras's family is the only one besides ours with a reverence for human life, and even they don't think much of werewolves. I think it might be safer—"

"I can take care of myself," Julie interrupted.

"I know you can." Edyth continued, "But we have to plead our case. We have to show them that Bella has been changed first,then we can discuss the treaty with them."

"Some friends. They'd turn on you just because of who you hang out with now?"

"The Volturi have made their views on werewolves quite clear in the past. There may not be laws prohibiting friendships between vampires and werewolves, but there's never been a need for them. I can't imagine it would be encouraged by the Volturi by any means."

"Edyth…" It was still odd to hear Julie use Edyth's name without bitterness.

"I know, Jules. I know you want to help, to protect us. We'll play it by ear—see how they react to Bella and our story. We'll have to bring you and your people into the situation at some point, but it has to be at the right moment. You, Seth, and Liam are free to use the cottage. As long as you keep a safe distance from the main house…"

"I can do that. Company in the morning, huh?"

"Yes. The closest of our friends. In this particular case, it's probably better if we get things out in the open as soon as possible. You can stay here. Taras knows about you. He's even met Seth."

"Right."

"You should tell Sam what's going on. There might be strangers in the woods soon."

"Good point. Though I owe him some silence after last night."

"Listening to Alice is usually the right thing."

Julie's teeth ground together, and I could see that she shared Sam's feelings about what Alice and Jasper had done.

While they were talking, I wandered toward the back windows, trying to look distracted and anxious. Not a difficult thing to do. I leaned my head against the wall that curved away from the living room toward the dining room, right next to one of the computer desks. I ran my fingers against the keys while staring into the forest, trying to make it look like an absentminded thing. I was fairly certain vampires never did anything absentmindedly, but maybe half-vampires did. I didn't think anyone was paying particular attention to me, but I didn't turn to make sure. The monitor glowed to life. I stroked my fingers across the keys again. Then I drummed them very quietly on the wooden desktop, just to make it seem random. Another stroke across the keys.

I scanned the screen in my peripheral vision.

No J. Jenks, but there was a Jason Jenks. An art historian and dealer. I brushed the keyboard, trying to keep a rhythm, like the preoccupied stroking of a cat you'd all but forgotten on your lap. Jason Jenks had a fancy website for his gallery, but the address on the homepage was wrong. In Seattle, but in a different zip code. I noted the phone number and then stroked the keyboard in rhythm. This time I searched the address, but nothing at all came up, as if the address didn't exist. I wanted to look at a map, but I decided I was pushing my luck. One more brush, to delete the history…

I continued staring out the window and brushed the wood a few times. I heard light footsteps crossing the floor to me, and I turned with what I hoped was the same expression as before.

Julie reached out a hand and put it on my shoulder. "You doing okay, babe?"

"I don't know," I whispered.

"I'm sorry about Alice."

"Me too," I sighed. "But she's Alice. She's doing the right thing, like always."

The right thing for Alice, anyway. I hated thinking of her that way, but how else could the situation be understood?

I suddenly felt a coolness run down my cheek. I lifted my fingers to my eyes. Tears were running down my face. They weren't hot, but cold. Cold as I felt inside.

So this is what it felt like to cry now.

"Don't cry, Bella." Julie wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be fine. We're all going to be fine."

As she spoke, I could see the faces of everyone I loved flashing in front of my eyes in rapid succession. Everything I held dear; my whole world. I watched in despair as the faces were consumed by a flurry of blood-red cloaks.

But just like in the dimly remembered dreams of my human life, I felt a fire burning inside me; a need to protect. It wouldn't be easy, but I would find a way. I would protect my family, and—for once—I would save them. I was more positive than ever that this is what Alice would give me. She would know. She would have left me a way.


	30. first round

How was I going to find time alone to hunt down J. Jenks, and why did Alice want me to know about him?

If Alice's clue didn't prove to be helpful, what could I do to save those I loved?

How were Edyth and I going to explain things to Taras and his family in the morning? What if they reacted like Ivan? What if it turned into a fight?

I didn't know how to fight. How was I going to learn in just a month? Was there any chance at all that I could be taught fast enough that I might be a danger to any one member of the Volturi? Or was I doomed to be totally useless? Just another easily dispatched problem?

So many answers I needed, but I did not get the chance to ask my questions.

Wanting some shred of normality, I'd insisted on staying in the cottage that night. Julie was more comfortable in her wolf form at the moment; the stress was easier dealt with when she felt ready for a fight. I wished that I could feel the same, could feel ready. She ran in the woods, on guard again.

Once we were back at the cottage, I tried to unobtrusively search to see if there was a chance Alice had left something—anything else that could help me. When my search proved in vain, I returned to the front room of the cottage to ask my questions of Edyth. The ones I was able to ask, at any rate; one of the most difficult problems was the idea of trying to hide anything from her, even with the advantage of my silent thoughts.

She stood with her back to me, staring into the fire.

"Edyth, I—"

She spun and was across the room in what seemed like no time at all, not even the smallest part of a second. I only had time to register the ferocious expression on her face before her lips were crushing against mine and her arms were locked around me like steel girders.

I didn't think of my questions again for the rest of that night. It didn't take long for me to grasp the reason for her mood, and even less time to feel exactly the same way.

I'd been planning on needing years just to somewhat organize the overwhelming passion I felt for her physically. And then centuries after that to enjoy it. If we had only a month left together... Well, I didn't see how I could stand to have this end. For the moment I couldn't help but be selfish. All I wanted was to love her as much as possible in the limited time given to me.

It was hard to pull myself away from her when the sun came up, but we had our job to do, a job that might be more difficult than all the rest of our family's searches put together. As soon as I let myself think of what was coming, I was all tension; it felt like my nerves were being stretched on a rack, thinner and thinner.

"I wish there was a way to get the information we need from Elena before we tell them about everything," Edyth muttered as we hurriedly dressed in the huge closet that was more reminder of Alice than I wanted at the moment. "Just in case."

"But she wouldn't understand the question to answer it," I agreed. "Do you think they'll let us explain?"

"I don't know."

I couldn't waste one second of time today. There were answers I needed and I wasn't sure how much time Edyth and I would have alone today. If all went well with Taras's family, hopefully we would have company for an extended period.

"Edyth, will you teach me how to fight?" I asked her, tensed for her reaction, as she held the door for me.

It was what I expected. She froze, and then her eyes swept over me with a deep significance, like she was looking at me for the first or last time.

"If it comes to a fight, there won't be much any of us can do," she hedged.

I kept my voice even. "Would you leave me unable to defend myself?"

She swallowed convulsively, and the door shuddered, hinges protesting, as her hand tightened. Then she nodded. "When you put it that way... I suppose we should get to work as soon as we can."

I nodded, too, and we started toward the big house. We didn't hurry.

I wondered what I could do that would have any hope of making a difference. I was unique, to be sure, and I was a tiny bit special, in my own way—if having a supernaturally thick skull could really be considered special. Was there any use that I could put that toward?

"What would you say their biggest advantage is? Do they even have a weakness?"

Edyth didn't have to ask to know I meant the Volturi.

"Alec and Jane are their greatest offense," she said emotionlessly, like we were talking of a basketball team. "Their defensive players rarely see any real action."

"Because Jane can burn you where you stand—mentally at least. What does Alec do? Didn't you once say he was even more dangerous than Jane?"

"Yes. In a way, he is the antidote to Jane. She makes you feel the worst pain imaginable. Alec, on the other hand, makes you feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sometimes, when the Volturi are feeling kind, they have Alec anesthetize someone before he is executed. If he has surrendered or pleased them in some other way."

"Anesthetic? But how is that more dangerous than Jane?"

"Because he cuts off your senses altogether. No pain, but also no sight or sound or smell. Total sensory deprivation. You are utterly alone in the blackness. You don't even feel it when they burn you."

I shivered. Was this the best we could hope for? To not see or feel death when it came?

"That would make him only equally as dangerous as Jane," Edyth went on in the same detached voice, "in that they both can incapacitate you, make you into a helpless target. The difference between them is like the difference between Aro and me. Aro hears the mind of only one person at a time. Jane can only hurt the one object of her focus. I can hear everyone at the same time."

I felt cold as I saw where she was going. "And Alec can incapacitate us all at the same time?" I whispered.

"Yes," she said. "If he uses his gift against us, we will all stand blind and deaf until they get around to killing us—maybe they'll simply burn us without bothering to tear us apart first. Oh, we could try to fight, but we'll be more likely to hurt one another than we would be to hurt one of them."

We walked in silence for a few seconds.

An idea was shaping itself in my head. Not very promising, but better than nothing.

"Do you think Alec is a very good fighter?" I asked. "Aside from what he can do, I mean. If he had to fight without his gift. I wonder if he's ever even tried..."

Edyth glanced at me sharply. "What are you thinking?"

I looked straight ahead. "Well, he probably can't do that to me, can he? If what he does is like Aro and Jane and you. Maybe... if he's never really had to defend himself... and I learned a few tricks—"

"He's been with the Volturi for centuries," Edyth cut me off, her voice abruptly panicked. She was probably seeing the same image in her head that I was: the Cullens standing helpless, senseless pillars on the killing field—all but me. I'd be the only one who could fight. "Yes, you're surely immune to his power, but you are still new in this life, Bella. I can't make you that strong a fighter in a few weeks. I'm sure he's had training."

"Maybe, maybe not. It's the one thing I can do that no one else can. Even if I can justdistracthim for a while—" Could I last long enough to give the others a chance?

"Please, Bella," Edyth said through her teeth. "Let's not talk about this."

"Be reasonable."

"I will try to teach you what I can, but please don't make me think about you sacrificing yourself as a diversion—" She choked and didn't finish.

I nodded. I would keep my plans to myself, then. First Alec and then, if I was miraculously lucky enough to win, Jane. If I could only even things out—remove the Volturi's overwhelming offensive advantage. Maybe then there was a chance... My mind raced ahead. What if Iwas able to distract or even take them out? Honestly, why would either Jane or Alec ever have needed to learn battle skills? I couldn't imagine petulant little Jane surrendering her advantage, even to learn.

If I was able to kill them, what a difference that would make.

"I have to learn everything. As much as you can possibly cram into my head in the next month," I murmured.

She acted as if I hadn't spoken.

Who next, then? I might as well have my plans in order so that, if I did live past attacking Alec, there would be no hesitation in my strike. I tried to think of another situation where my thick skull would give me an advantage. I didn't know enough about what the others did. Obviously, fighters like the huge Felix were beyond me. I could only try to give Emmett his fair fight there. I didn't know much about the rest of the Volturi guard, besides Demetri…

My face was perfectly smooth as I considered Demetri. Without a doubt, he would be a fighter. There was no other way he could have survived so long, always at the spear point of any attack. And he must always lead, because he was their tracker—the best tracker in the world, no doubt. If there had been one better, the Volturi would have traded up. Aro didn't surround himself with second best.

If Demetri didn't exist, then wecouldrun. Whoever was left of us, in any case.

And... if Demetri didn't exist, then Alice and Jasper could be safe forever. Is that what Alice had seen? That part of our family could continue? The two of them, at the very least.

Could I begrudge her that?

"Demetri...," I said.

"Demetri is mine," Edyth said in a hard, tight voice. I looked at her quickly and saw that her expression had turned violent.

"Why?" I whispered.

She didn't answer at first. We were to the river when she finally murmured, "For Alice. It's the only thanks I can give her now for the last fifty years."

So her thoughts were in line with mine.

I heard Julie's heavy paws thudding against the frozen ground. In seconds, she was pacing beside me, her dark eyes focused on mine.

I nodded to her once, then returned to my questions. There was so little time.

"Edyth, why do you think Alice told us to ask Elena about the Volturi? Has she been in Italy recently or something? What could she know?"

"Elena knows everything when it comes to the Volturi. I forgot you didn't know. She used to be one of them."

Julie growled beside me.

"What?" I demanded, in my head picturing the beautiful dark-haired woman at our wedding wrapped in a long, ashy cloak.

Edyth's face was softer now—she smiled a little. "Elena is a very gentle person. She wasn't entirely happy with the Volturi, but she respected the law and its need to be upheld. She felt she was working toward the greater good. She doesn't regret her time with them. But when she found Carmen, she found her place in this world. They are very similar people, both very compassionate for vampires." She smiled again. "They met Taras and his family, and they never looked back. They are well suited to this lifestyle. If they'd never found Taras, I imagine they would have eventually discovered a way to live without human blood on their own."

The pictures in my head were jarring. I couldn't make them match up. A compassionate Volturi soldier?

Edyth glanced at Julie and answered a silent question. "No, she wasn't one of their warriors, so to speak. She had a gift they found convenient."

Julie must have asked the obvious follow-up question.

"Elena has an instinctive feel for the gifts of others—the extra abilities that some vampires have," Edyth told her. "She could give Aro a general idea of what any given vampire was capable of just by being in proximity with him or her. This was helpful when the Volturi went into battle. Elena could warn them if someone in the opposing coven had a skill that might give them some trouble. That was rare; it takes quite a skill to even inconvenience the Volturi for a moment. More often, the warning would give Aro the chance to save someone who might be useful to him. Elena's gift works even with humans, to an extent. She has to really concentrate with humans, though, because the latent ability is so nebulous. Aro would have her test the people who wanted to join, to see if they had any potential. Aro was sorry to see Elena go."

"They let her go?" I asked. "Just like that?"

Her smile was darker now, a little twisted. "The Volturi aren't supposed to be the villains, the way they seem to you. They are the foundation of our peace and civilization. Each member of the guard chooses to serve them. It's quite prestigious; they all are proud to be there, not forced to be there."

I frowned, troubled by this.

"They're only alleged to be heinous and evil by the criminals, Bella."

"We're not criminals."

Julie huffed in agreement.

"They don't know that."

"Do you really think we can make them stop and listen?"

Edyth hesitated just the tiniest moment and then shrugged. "If we find enough friends to stand beside us. Maybe."

If. I suddenly felt the urgency of what we had before us today. Edyth and I both started to move faster, breaking into a run. Julie caught up quickly.

"Taras shouldn't be too much longer," Edyth said. "We need to be ready."

How to be ready, though? We arranged and rearranged, thought and rethought. Have me in full view? Or hidden at first? Julie in the room? Or outside? She'd told her pack to stay close but invisible. Should she do the same?

In the end, Julie—in her human form again—and I waited around the corner from the front door in the dining room, sitting at the big polished table. Julie sat a few chairs from me; she wanted space in case she had to phase quickly.

Though I was glad to have Julie nearby, it made me feel useless. It reminded me that in a fight with mature vampires, I was no more than an easy target; I didn't know how to protect not to mention i was weakest still tho.

I tried to remember Taras, Kate, Carmen, and Elena from the wedding. Their faces were murky in my ill-lit memories. I only knew they were beautiful, two blondes and two brunettes. I couldn't remember if there was any kindness in their eyes.

Edyth leaned motionlessly against the back-window wall, staring toward the front door. It didn't look like she was seeing the room in front of her.

We listened to the cars zooming past out on the freeway, none of them slowing.

"I really made everything as difficult as I possibly could, didn't I?" I murmured, mostly to myself.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Julie asked, though she was looking towards the front room. Edyth's eyes locked on to me.But the way she was looking at me. It was a ...sad look.

"If I had just let Edyth and Carlisle change me as soon as I got sick…"

"Bella, love, you can't know how that would have changed things you made a mistake." Edyth argued.But then she muttered under her breath makes me wonder if you love me tho.

"But I'd be a full vampire, the Volturi wouldn't be confused about what I was and yes i made a mistake but i do love you." I countered.

"Maybe, but I wouldn't have stuck around." Julie frowned. "I wouldn't be here with you."

"But you'd be safe!" I insisted. "They wouldn't be coming after you or the rest of the pack."

"Unless Sam changed his mind and attacked the Cullens for breaking the treaty—or if I had gone ballistic." She frowned, watching me carefully.

"Julie, I can't see how this is anything but my fault."

"No," Julie and Edyth said at the same time, but before they could argue further, we heard the sound we'd been waiting for: the slowing of an engine on the freeway, the tires moving from pavement to soft dirt.

Edyth darted around the corner to stand waiting by the door. Julie and I stared at each other across the table, desperation on our faces.

The car moved quickly through the woods, faster than Charlie or Sue drove. We heard it pull into the meadow and stop by the front porch. Four doors opened and closed. They didn't speak as they approached the door. Edyth opened it before they could knock.

"Edyth!" a male voice enthused.I felt myself growl without meaning to.

"Hello, Taras. Kate, Elena, Carmen." Three murmured hellos.

"Carlisle said he needed to talk to us right away," the first voice said, Taras. I could hear that they all were still outside. I imagined Edyth in the doorway, blocking their entrance. "What's the problem? Trouble with the werewolves?"

Julie rolled her eyes.

"No," Edyth said. "Not precisely at least. Our truce with the werewolves is stronger than ever."

A woman chuckled.

"Aren't you going to invite us in?" Taras asked. And then he continued without waiting for an answer. "Where's Carlisle?"

"Carlisle had to leave."

There was a short silence.

"What's going on, Edyth?" Taras demanded.

"If you could give me the benefit of the doubt for just a few minutes," she answered. "I have something difficult to explain, and I'll need you to be open-minded until you understand."

"Is Carlisle all right?" a female voice asked anxiously. Elena.

"None of us is all right, Elena," Edyth said, and then she patted something, maybe Elena's shoulder. "But physically, Carlisle is fine."

"Physically?" Taras asked sharply. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that my entire family is in very grave danger. But before I explain, I ask for your promise. Listen to everything I say before you react. I am begging you to hear me out."

A longer silence greeted her request. Through the strained hush, Julie and I stared wordlessly at each other. Her russet lips paled.

"We're listening," Taras finally said. "We will hear it all before we judge."

"Thank you, Taras," Edyth said fervently. "We wouldn't involve you in this if we had any other choice."

Edyth moved. We heard four sets of footsteps walk through the doorway. Someone sniffed. "I knew those werewolves were involved," Taras muttered.

"Yes, and they're on our side. Again."

The reminder silenced Taras.

"Where's your Bella?" one of the other female voices asked. "How is she?"

"She'll join us shortly. She's well, thank you." Edyth hesitated, minutely. "She's taken to immortality with amazing finesse."

"Tell us about the danger, Edyth," Taras said quietly. "We'll listen, and we'll be on your side, where we belong."

Edyth took a deep breath. "I'd like you to witness for yourselves first. Listen—in the other room. What do you hear?"

It was quiet, and then there was movement.

"Just listen first, please," Edyth said.

"A werewolf, I assume. I can hear his heart," Taras said.

"What else?" Edyth asked.

There was a pause.

"What is that other beat?" Kate or Carmen asked. "It's so slow…"

"Yes, and remember how distinct it is—how different. Now, what do you smell? Besides the werewolf."

"Is there a human here?" Elena whispered.

"No," Taras disagreed. "It's not human… but… closer to human than the rest of the scents here. What is that, Edyth? It's… almost familiar. Like I've smelled it before."

"You have, Taras. But what else can you discern from that scent?"

A pause.

"It's more human than we are…" Taras said slowly, "but it is still like us in some ways."

"Now, please, Taras,please remember to listen. Throw away your preconceived notions."

"I promised you I would listen, Edyth."

"All right, then. Bella? Please come here."

My legs felt strangely numb, but I knew that feeling was all in my head. I forced myself not to hold back, not to move sluggishly, as I got to my feet and walked the few short feet to the corner. The heat from Julie's body flamed close behind me as she shadowed my steps.

I took one step into the bigger room and then froze, unable to force myself farther forward. I took a deep breath.

I thought I'd prepared myself for their reaction. For accusations, for shouting, for the motionlessness of deep stress.

Taras staggered back a few steps as he looked me over, confusion overwhelming his expression. Kate narrowed her eyes. Elena moved slightly in front of Carmen, holding her arms out protectively.

"Congrats, you freaked out the vampires," I heard Julie tease under her breath.

Edyth put her arm around me. "Now before you jump to conclusions—" she began.

"What's going on here, Edyth?" Taras exclaimed. "Are you trying to test the Volturi? Carlisle told us you needed to change her!"

"What's…wrong with her?" Kate's narrowed eyes were focused like lasers on me.

"Edyth this isn't wise." Elena sighed.

"Wait," Edyth said, her voice harder now. "Remember what you hear, what you smell. Now look at what you can see."

"I see a human!" Taras snapped back.

"Taras," Edyth said sharply, "Listen to how slow her heartbeat is! Think about her scent! And look at her!"

"Her heart…" Carmen whispered, peering around Elena's shoulder.

"She's not a full vampire, no," Edyth said, answering an unspoken thought and directing her attention toward Carmen's more open expression. "But she's half-vampire."

The four vampires stared at her like she was speaking a language none of them knew.

"Hear me." Edyth's voice shifted into a smooth velvet tone of persuasion. "Bella was very sick—she was dying. Carlisle didn't not believe she would survive the transformation. When we finally did attempt to change her…" Edyth paused, only for a briefest second, "Something happened. Bella awoke as you see her now. Half-vampire and half-human."

Taras's mouth was hanging open, he didn't seem aware of it.

"Edyth, I don't understand." Elena was shaking her head.

"You hear her heart, don't you? It's too slow for a human. Her scent, it's human and vampire." Edyth said as calmly as she could manage.

"I've never heard of such a thing," Elena said. Her shoulders were still stiff, her expression cold.

"Come now, Elena. Open your mind."

It was Carmen who responded to Edyth's words. She stepped around Elena, ignoring her half-articulated protest, and walked carefully to stand right in front of me. She examined me carefully, taking in every detail.

"Your eyes have always been beautiful," she said in a low, calm voice, "but now they almost glow with an inner light, don't they?" And then, as if she could not help herself, she smiled.

"Thank you," I breathed.

They all glanced at each other at the sound of my voice.

"May I?" Carmen held out a hand toward my face.

I nodded once.

She gently placed a hand on my cheek, her head tilted slightly to the side. "You are warm, but… too cold for a human." She leaned in closer and sniffed. "Your heart beats, but I smell no blood in you—not blood I would desire, at least."

"What?" Taras demanded, coming closer. "How?"

Elena approached now. Reaching out her hand, "Please?" she glanced down at my own hand, her expression still cold.

I put my hand in hers, she felt my skin, examined my face. "Ah," she nodded. "How very strange. But I see now. You are not human, not strictly speaking."

"How did this happen?" Kate asked, coming closer now.

"When I was dying," I answered, "I needed a blood transfusion."

"We had few options," Edyth continued, "So we took a chance on a theory." Her eyes darted over to Julie.

"You used the werewolf's blood?" Taras's voice was shocked.

"Hey." Julie grumbled.

"Julie and her people possess advanced healing, we hoped that this would help Bella—and it did. It made her stronger. But the werewolves' blood is not compatible with our venom. The end result…" Edyth tightened her arm around me.

"A half-vampire." Elena whispered.

"Will the Volturi accept this?" Taras asked Elena.

"She is no longer a mortal," Elena replied. "If anything, she would be better adept at hiding the secret of the immortals than any of us."

"They'd be confused." Kate added. "But they'd understand, I'm sure."

"So what is this grave danger you warned us of?" Taras asked. "Surely, you're concerned about how they will react. The Volturi would be cautious but why—"

"The Volturi have been told that Bella is still human, and they've been informed of our friendship with the werewolves." Edyth answered, darkly.

The four vampires looked panicked now.

"The Volturi will not honor a truce with werewolves, Edyth." Elena's voice was grave. "Believe me, I know."

"We had intended to send Bella alone to meet with the Volturi. Her thoughts are protected from Aro and so Bella could hide the wolves' involvement."

"But who would do this to you?" Taras was angry now. "Why?"

"When Ivan saw Bella that day in the mountains," Edyth explained. "Bella hadn't hunted for several weeks. She appears more human when she doesn't hunt, and she had Julie with her."

Kate hissed, her eyes narrowing to slits. "Ivan did this? To you? To Carlisle?Ivan?"

"No," Taras whispered. "Someone else…"

"Alice saw him go to them," Edyth said. I wondered if the others noticed the way she winced just slightly when she spoke Alice's name.

"How could he do this thing?" Elena asked of no one.

"Imagine if you had seen Bella, looking even more human than she does now. Imagine if you knew the Volturi demanded she be changed." Edyth said.

"When Ivan saw me, I was telling Julie how happy I was that everything worked out—that I could stay in Forks, still be around my human family and friends."

Taras and Kate's eyes widened slightly as understanding began to dawn on them. The memory of their mother who refused to let go of her human life bringing pain into their expressions.

"Julie changed into her wolf form when she sensed Ivan and Ivan didn't wait for our explanation." Edyth continued.

Taras's eyes tightened. "No matter what he thought—what he might have felt… You are our family."

"There's nothing we can do about Ivan's choice now. It's too late. Alice gave us a month."

Both Taras's and Elena's heads cocked to one side. Kate's brow furrowed.

"So long?" Elena asked.

"They are all coming. That must take some preparation."

Elena gasped. "The entire guard?"

"Not just the guard," Edyth said, her jaw straining tight. "Aro, Caius, Marcus. Even the wives."

Shock glazed over all their eyes.

"Impossible," Elena said blankly.

"I would have said the same two days ago," Edyth said.

Elena scowled, and when she spoke it was nearly a growl. "But that doesn't make any sense. Why would they put themselves and the wives in danger?"

"It doesn't make sense from that angle. Alice said there was more to this than just punishment for what they think we've done. She thought you could help us."

"More than punishment? But what else is there?" Elena started pacing, stalking toward the door and back again as if she were alone, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the floor.

"Where are the others, Edyth? Carlisle and Alice and the rest?" Taras asked.

Edyth's hesitation was almost unnoticeable. She answered only part of her question. "Looking for friends who might help us."

Taras leaned toward her, holding his hands out in front of him. "Edyth, no matter how many friends you gather, we can't help you win. We can only die with you. You must know that. Of course, perhaps the four of us deserve that after what Ivan has done now, after how we've failed you in the past—for his sake that time as well."

Edyth shook her head quickly. "We're not asking you to fight and die with us, Taras. You know Carlisle would never ask for that."

"Then what, Edyth?"

"We're just looking for witnesses. If we can make them pause, just for a moment. If they would let us explain…" She touched my cheek. "Prove that Bella has been changed, or at least that we did our best to change her. Explain that the wolves present no immediate danger to them. Champion the Volturi to show us some mercy."

Taras nodded slowly. "Do you think they will listen?"

"I don't know. If Ivan had only given us a chance to explain before going to the Volturi we may have been able to avoid this entirely."

"Bella still would have had to convince the Volturi her change was… satisfactory." Kate raised an eyebrow.

"Bella," Elena said quietly, still pacing, "is a rare creature. Aro would not risk destroying anything so unique without pause."

"We can witness to the quality of our family." Carmen finally said in a decided tone. "We can add our voices to yours. The Volturi are strict, but they are not without mercy."

"Without mercy…" Elena repeated, still distant.

"Yes, we can witness for you," Taras said. "Certainly that much. We will consider what more we might do."

"Taras," Edyth protested, hearing more in his thoughts than there was in his words, "we don't expect you to fight with us."

"If the Volturi won't pause to listen to our witness, if they will not show mercy, we cannot simply stand by," Taras insisted. "Of course, I should only speak for myself."

Kate snorted. "Do you really doubt me so much, brother?"

Taras smiled widely at her. "It is a suicide mission, after all."

Kate flashed a grin back and then shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm in."

"I, too, will do what I can do to protect you all," Carmen agreed. "Do not be so troubled, Bella." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you, all of you." I said quietly.

For a moment I thought that maybe what we were attempting might be possible. Maybe we would be shown mercy by our enemies.

And then I remembered that Alice had left us, and my hope vanished as quickly as it had appeared.


	31. talented

What is the werewolves' part in this?" Taras asked then, eyeing Julie.

Julie spoke before Edyth could answer. "If the Volturi won't stop to listen about Bella" she answered Taras "we will stop them."

"Very brave, child, but that would be impossible for more experienced fighters than you are."

"You don't know what we can do."

Taras shrugged. "It is your own life, certainly, to spend as you choose."

Julie's eyes flickered to me - standing by Carmen with Kate hovering by us - and it was easy to read the worry for her friend in them.

"She is special, that one," Taras mused. "half vampire never heard of it."

"A very talented family," Elena murmured as she paced. Her tempo was increasing; she flashed from the door to Carmen and back again every second. "A mind reader for a wife, a shield herself, and then whatever magic has caused her change. I wonder if there is a name for what she is, or if it is the norm for a vampire hybrid to exist. As if such a thing could ever be considered normal! A vampire hybrid, indeed!"

"Excuse me," Edyth said in a stunned voice. She reached out and caught Elena's shoulder as she was about to turn again for the door. "What did you just call my wife?"

Elena looked at Edyth curiously, her manic pacing forgotten for the moment. "A shield, I think. She's blocking me now, so I can't be sure."

I stared at Elena, my brows furrowing in confusion. Shield? What did she mean about my blocking her? I was standing right here beside her, not defensive in any way.

"A shield?" Edyth repeated, bewildered.

"Come now, Edyth! If I can't get a read on her, I doubt you can, either. Can you hear her thoughts right now?"

Elena asked.

"No," Edyth murmured. "But I've never been able to do that. Even when she was full human."

"Never?" Elena blinked. "Interesting. That would indicate a rather powerful latent talent, if it was manifesting so clearly even before the transformation. I can't feel a way through her shield to get a sense of it at all. Yet she must be raw still - she's only a few months old." The look she gave Edyth now was almost exasperated. "And apparently completely unaware of what she's doing. Totally unconscious. Ironic. Aro sent me all over the world searching for such anomalies, and you simply stumble across it by accident and don't even realize what you have." Elena shook her head in disbelief.

I frowned. "What are you talking about? How can I be a shield? What does that even mean?" All I could picture in my head was a ridiculous medieval suit of armor.

Elena leaned her head to one side as she examined me. "I suppose we were overly formal about it in the guard. In truth, categorizing talents is a subjective, haphazard business; every talent is unique, never exactly the same thing twice. But you, Bella, are fairly easy to classify. Talents that are purely defensive, that protect some aspect of the bearer, are always called shields. Have you ever tested your abilities? Blocked anyone besides me and your mate?"

It took me few seconds, despite how quickly my new brain worked, to organize my answer.

"It only works with certain things," I told her. "My head is sort of... private. But it doesn't stop Jasper from being able to mess with my mood or Alice from seeing my future."

"Purely a mental defense." Elena nodded to herself. "Limited, but strong."

"Aro couldn't hear her," Edyth interjected. "Though she was human when they met."

Elena's eyes widened.

"Jane tried to hurt me, but she couldn't," I said. "Edyth thinks Demetri can't find me, and that Alec can't bother me, either. Is that good?"

Elena, still gaping, nodded. "Quite."

"A shield!" Edyth said, deep satisfaction saturating her tone. "I never thought of it that way. The only one I've ever met before was Renata, and what she did was so different."

Elena had recovered slightly. "Yes, no talent ever manifests in precisely the same way, because no one ever thinks in exactly the same way."

"Who's Renata? What does she do?" I asked. Julie was interested, too, leaning away from Liam so that she could see around him.

"Renata is Aro's personal bodyguard," Elena told me. "A very practical kind of shield, and a very strong one."

I vaguely remembered a small crowd of vampires hovering close to Aro in his macabre tower, some male, some female. I couldn't remember the women's faces in the uncomfortable, terrifying memory. One must have been Renata.

"I wonder...," Elena mused. "You see, Renata is a powerful shield against a physical attack. If someone approaches her - or Aro, as she is always close beside him in a hostile situation - they find themselves... diverted.

There's a force around her that repels, though it's almost unnoticeable. You simply find yourself going a different direction than you planned, with a confused memory as to why you wanted to go that other way in the first place. She can project her shield several meters out from herself. She also protects Caius and Marcus, too, when they have a need, but Aro is her priority.

"What she does isn't actually physical, though. Like the vast majority of our gifts, it takes place inside the mind. If she tried to keep you back, I wonder who would win?" She shook her head. "I've never heard of Aro's or Jane's gifts being thwarted."

"Bella, you're special," Julie told me without any surprise, like she was commenting on the color of my clothes.

I felt disoriented. Didn't I already know my gift? I had my super-self-control that had allowed me to skip right over the horrifying newborn year. Vampires only had one extra ability at most, right?

Or had Edyth been correct in the beginning? Before Carlisle had suggested that my self-control could be something beyond the natural, Edyth had thought my restraint was just a product of good preparation - focus and attitude,she'd declared.

Which one had been right? Was there more I could do? A name and a category for what I was?

"Can you project?" Kate asked interestedly.

"Project?" I asked.

"Push it out from yourself," Kate explained. "Shield someone besides yourself."

"I don't know. I've never tried. I didn't know I should do that."

"Oh, you might not be able to," Kate said quickly. "Heavens knows I've been working on it for centuries and the best I can do is run a current over my skin."

I stared at her, mystified.

"Kate's got an offensive skill," Edyth said. "Sort of like Jane."

I flinched away from Kate automatically, and she laughed.

"I'm not sadistic about it," she assured me. "It's just something that comes in handy during a fight."

Kate's words were sinking in, beginning to make connections in my mind. Shield someone besides yourself she'd said. As if there were some way for me to include another person in my strange, quirky silent head.

I remembered Edyth cringing on the ancient stones of the Volturi castle turret. Though this was a human memory, it was sharper, more painful than most of the others - like it had been branded into the tissues of my brain.

What if I could stop that from happening ever again? What if I could protect her? Protect the family? What if there was even the faintest glimmer of a possibility that I could shield them, too?

"You have to teach me what to do!" I insisted, unthinkingly grabbing Kate's arm. "You have to show me how!"

Kate winced at my grip. "Maybe - if you stop trying to crush my radius."

"Oops! Sorry!"

"You're shielding, all right," Kate said. "That move should have about shocked your arm off. You didn't feel

anything just now?"

"That wasn't really necessary, Kate. She didn't mean any harm," Edyth muttered under her breath. Neither of us paid attention to her.

"No, I didn't feel anything. Were you doing your electric current thing?"

"I was. Hmm. I've never met anyone who couldn't feel it, immortal or otherwise."

"You said you project it? On your skin?"

Kate nodded. "It used to be just in my palms. Kind of like Aro."

"now he can do alot more," Edyth interjected.

"But after a lot of practice, I can radiate the current all over my body. It's a good defense. Anyone who tries to touch me drops like a human that's been Tasered. It only downs him for a second, but that's long enough."

I was only half-listening to Kate, my thoughts racing around the idea that I might be able to protect my family if I could just learn fast enough. I wished fervently that I might be good at this projecting thing, too, like I was somehow mysteriously good at all the other aspects of being a vampire. My human life had not prepared me for things that came naturally, and I couldn't make myself trust this aptitude to last.

It felt like I had never wanted anything so badly before this; to be able to protect what I loved.

Because I was so preoccupied, I didn't notice the silent exchange going on between Edyth and Elena until it became a spoken conversation.

"Can you think of even one exception, though?" Edyth asked.

I looked over to make sense of her comment and realized that everyone else was already staring at the two women. They were leaning toward each other intently, Edyth's expression tight with suspicion, Elena's unhappy and reluctant.

"I don't want to think of them that way," Elena said through her teeth. I was surprised at the sudden change in the atmosphere.

"If you're right - ," Elena began again.

Edyth cut her off. "The thought was yours, not mine."

"If I'm right... I can't even grasp what that would mean. It would change everything about the world we've created. It would change the meaning of my life. What I have been a part of."

"Your intentions were always the best, Elena."

"Would that even matter? What have I done? How many lives ..."

Taras put his hand on Elena's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "What did we miss, my friend? I want to know so that I can argue with these thoughts. You've never done anything worth castigating yourself this way."

"Oh, haven't I?" Elena muttered. Then she shrugged out from under his hand and began her pacing again, faster even than before.

Taras watched her for half a second and then focused on Edyth. "Explain."

Edyth nodded, her tense eyes following Elena as she spoke. "She was trying to understand why so many of

the Volturi would come to punish us. It's not the way they do things. Certainly, we are the biggest mature coven they've dealt with, but in the past other covens have joined to protect themselves, and they never presented much of a challenge despite their numbers. We are more closely bonded, and that's a factor, but not a huge one.

"She was remembering other times that covens have been punished, for one thing or the other, and a pattern occurred to her. It was a pattern that the rest of the guard would never have noticed, since Elena was the one passing the pertinent intelligence privately to Aro. A pattern that only repeated every other century or so."

"What was this pattern?" Carmen asked, watching Elena as Edyth was.

"Aro does not often personally attend a punishing expedition," Edyth said. "But in the past, when Aro wanted something in particular, it was never long before evidence turned up proving that this coven or that coven had committed some unpardonable crime. The ancients would decide to go along to watch the guard administer justice. And then, once the coven was all but destroyed, Aro would grant a pardon to one member whose thoughts, he would claim, were particularly repentant. Always, it would turn out that this vampire had the gift Aro had admired. Always, this person was given a place with the guard. The gifted vampire was won over quickly, always so grateful for the honor. There were no exceptions."

"It must be a heady thing to be chosen," Kate suggested.

"Ha!" Elena snarled, still in motion.

"There is one among the guard," Edyth said, explaining Elena's angry reaction. "Her name is Chelsea. She has influence over the emotional ties between people. She can both loosen and secure these ties. She could make someone feel bonded to the Volturi, to want to belong, to want to please them_"

Elena came to an abrupt halt. "We all understood why Chelsea was important. In a fight, if we could separate allegiances between allied covens, we could defeat them that much more easily. If we could distance the innocent members of a coven emotionally from the guilty, justice could be done without unnecessary brutality - the guilty could be punished without interference, and the innocent could be spared. Otherwise, it was impossible to keep the coven from fighting as a whole. So Chelsea would break the ties that bound them together. It seemed a great kindness to me, evidence of Aro's mercy. I did suspect that Chelsea kept our own band more tightly knit, but that, too, was a good thing. It made us more effective. It helped us coexist more easily."

This clarified old memories for me. It had not made sense to me before how the guard obeyed their masters so gladly, with almost lover-like devotion.

"How strong is her gift?" Taras asked with an edge to his voice. His gaze quickly touched on each member of his family.

Elena shrugged. "I was able to leave with Carmen." And then she shook her head. "But anything weaker than the bond between partners is in danger. In a normal coven, at least. Those are weaker bonds than those in our family, though. Abstaining from human blood makes us more civilized - lets us form true bonds of love. I doubt she could turn our allegiances, Taras."

Taras nodded, seeming reassured, while Elena continued with her analysis.

"I could only think that the reason Aro had decided to come himself, to bring so many with him, is because his goal is not punishment but acquisition," Elena said. "He needs to be there to control the situation. But he needs the entire guard for protection from such a large, gifted coven. On the other hand, that leaves the other ancients unprotected in Volterra. Too risky - someone might try to take advantage. So they all come together. How else could he be sure to preserve the gifts that he wants? He must want them very badly," Elena mused.

Edyth's voice was low as a breath. "From what I saw of his thoughts last spring, Aro's never wanted anything more than he wants Alice."

I felt my mouth fall open, remembering the nightmarish pictures I had imagined long ago: Edyth and Alice in black cloaks with bloodred eyes, their faces cold and remote as they stood close as shadows, Aro's hands on theirs... Had Alice seen this more recently? Had she seen Chelsea trying to strip away her love for us, to bind her to Aro and Caius and Marcus?

"Is that why Alice left?" I asked, my voice breaking on her name.

Edyth put her hand against my cheek. "I think it must be. To keep Aro from gaining the thing he wants most of all. To keep her power out of his hands."

I heard Taras and Kate murmuring in disturbed voices and remembered that they hadn't known about Alice.

"He wants you, too," I whispered.

Edyth shrugged, her face suddenly a little too composed. "Not nearly as much. I can't really give him anything more than he already has. And of course that's dependent on his finding a way to force me to do his will. He knows me, and he knows how unlikely that is." She raised one eyebrow sardonically.

Elena frowned at Edyth's nonchalance. "He also knows your weaknesses," Eleazar pointed out, and then he looked at me.

"It's nothing we need to discuss now," Edyth said quickly.

Elena ignored the hint and continued. "He probably wants your mate, too, regardless. He must have been intrigued by a talent that could defy him in its human incarnation."So as he thinks Bella is still human he must be planning on changing her.

Edyth was uncomfortable with this topic. I didn't like it, either. If Aro wanted me to do something- anything - all he had to do was threaten Edyth and I would comply. And vice versa.

Was death the lesser concern? Was it really capture we should fear?

Edyth changed the subject. "I think the Volturi were waiting for this - for some pretext. They couldn't know what form their excuse would come in, but the plan was already in place for when it did come. That's why Alice saw their decision before Ivan triggered it. The decision was already made, just waiting for the pretense of a justification."

"If the Volturi are abusing the trust all immortals have placed in them...," Carmen murmured.

"Does it matter?" Elena asked. "Who would believe it? And even if others could be convinced that the Volturi are exploiting their power, how would it make any difference? No one can stand against them."

"Though some of us are apparently insane enough to try," Kate muttered.

Edyth shook her head. "You're only here to witness, Kate. Whatever Aro's goal, I don't think he's ready to

tarnish the Volturi's reputation for it. If we can take away his argument against us, he'll be forced to leave us in peace."

"Of course," Taras murmured.

No one looked convinced. For a few long minutes, nobody said anything.

Then I heard the sound of tires turning off the highway pavement onto the Cullens' dirt drive.

"Oh crap, Charlie," I muttered. "Maybe the Denalis could hang out upstairs until - "

"No," Edyth said in a distant voice. Her eyes were far away, staring blankly at the door. "It's not your father." Her gaze focused on me. "Alice sent Peter and Charlotte, afterall. Time to get ready for the next round."And after Bella if you don't mind we need to have a talk.

Okay I agreed wondering what she wanted to talk about.

hey guys im back sorry for the long wait.


	32. company

The Cullens' enormous house was more crowded with guests than anyone would assume could possibly be comfortable. It only worked out because none of the visitors slept. Mealtimes were dicey, though. Our company cooperated as best they could. They gave Forks and La Push a wide berth, only hunting out of state; Edyth was a gracious hostess, lending out her cars as needed without so much as a wince i knew she was uncomfortable tho. The compromise made me very uncomfortable, though I tried to tell myself that they'd all be hunting somewhere in the world, regardless.

Julie was even more upset. The werewolves existed to prevent the loss of human life, and here was rampant murder being condoned barely outside the packs' borders. But under these circumstances, with me her friend in acute danger, she kept her mouth shut and glared at the floor rather than the vampires.

I was amazed at the easy acceptance the visiting vampires had for Julie; the problems Edyth had anticipated had never materialized. Julie seemed more or less invisible to them, not quite a person, but also not food, either. They treated her the way people who are not animal-lovers treat the pets of their friends.

Liam, Seth, Quil, and Embry were assigned to run with Sam for now, and Julie would have happily joined them, except that she couldn't stand to be away from me because she was worried, i was busy trying to find ways to make up for my mistakes with Edyth.

We'd replayed the scene of my introduction to the Denali coven a half dozen times. First for Peter and Charlotte, whom Alice and Jasper had sent our way without giving them any explanation at all; like most people who knew Alice, they trusted her instructions despite the lack of information. Alice had told them nothing about which direction she and Jasper were heading. She'd made no promise to ever see them again in the future.

Neither Peter nor Charlotte had ever seen someone like me tho like Carlisle they didn't think it would be permanent. Though they knew the rule, their negative reaction was not as powerful as the Denali vampires' had been at first. Curiosity had driven them to allow the not human but not yet vampire "explanation." And that was it. Now they were as committed to witnessing as Tara's family.

Carlisle had sent friends from Ireland and Egypt.

The Irish clan arrived first, and they were surprisingly easy to convince. Siobhan - a woman of immense presence whose huge body was both beautiful and mesmerizing as it moved in smooth undulations - was the leader, but she and her hard-faced mate, Liam, were long used to trusting the judgment of their newest coven member. Little Maggie, with her bouncy red curls, was not physically imposing like the other two, but she had a gift for knowing when she was being lied to, and her verdicts were never contested. Maggie declared that Edyth and i spoke the truth, and so Siobhan and Liam accepted our story absolutely before even touching me to feel my skin.

Amun and the other Egyptian vampires were another story. Even after two younger members of his coven, Benjamin and Tia, had been convinced by our explanation, Amun refused to touch me to see and ordered his coven to leave. Benjamin - an oddly cheerful vampire who looked barely older than a boy and seemed both utterly confident and utterly careless at the same time - persuaded Amun to stay with a few subtle threats about disbanding their alliance. Amun stayed, but continued to refuse to touch me , and would not allow his mate, Kebi, to touch me, either. It seemed an unlikely grouping - though the Egyptians all looked so alike, with their midnight hair and olive-toned pallor, that they easily could have passed for a biological family. Amun was the senior member and the outspoken leader. Kebi never strayed farther away from Amun than his shadow, and I never heard her speak a single word. Tia, Benjamin's mate, was a quiet woman as well, though when she did speak there was great insight and gravity to everything she said. Still, it was Benjamin whom they all seemed to revolve around, as if he had some invisible magnetism the others depended upon for their balance. I saw Eleazar staring at the boy with wide eyes and assumed Benjamin had a talent that drew the others to him.

"It's not that," Edyth told me when we were alone that night. "His gift is so singular that Amun is terrified of losing him. Much like we had planned to keep you from Aro's knowledge until this passed" - she sighed - "Amun has been keeping Benjamin from Aro's attention. Amun created Benjamin, knowing he would be special."

"What can he do?"

"Something Eleazar's never seen before. Something I've never heard of. Something that even your shield would do nothing against." She grinned her crooked smile at me. "He can actually influence the elements- earth, wind, water, and fire. True physical manipulation, no illusion of the mind. Benjamin's still experimenting with it, and Amun tries to mold him into a weapon. But you see how independent Benjamin is. He won't be used."

"You like him," I surmised from the tone of her voice.

"He has a very clear sense of right and wrong. I like his attitude."

Amun's attitude was something else, and he and Kebi kept to themselves, though Benjamin and Tia were well on their way to being fast friends with both the Denali and the Irish covens. We hoped that Carlisle's return would ease the remaining tension with Amun.

Emmett and Royal sent individuals - any nomad friends of Carlisle's that they could track down.

Garrett came first - a tall, rangy vampire with eager ruby eyes and long sandy hair he kept tied back with a leather thong - and it was apparent immediately that he was an adventurer. I imagined that we could have presented

him with any challenge and he would have accepted, just to test himself. He fell in quickly with the Denali siblings, asking endless questions about their unusual lifestyle. I wondered if vegetarianism was another challenge he would try, just to see if he could do it.

Mary and Randall also came - friends already, though they did not travel together. They listened to my story and stayed to witness like the others. Like the Denalis, they considered what they would do if the Volturi did not pause for explanations. All three of the nomads toyed with the idea of standing with us.

Of course, Julie got more surly with each new addition. She kept her distance when she could, and when she couldn't she grumbled to me that someone was going to have to provide an index if anyone expected her to keep all the new bloodsuckers names straight.

Carlisle and Esme returned a week after they had gone, Emmett and Royal just a few days later, and all of us felt better when they were home. Carlisle brought one more friend home with him, though friend might have been the wrong term. Alistair was a misanthropic English vampire who counted Carlisle as his closest acquaintance, though he could hardly stand a visit more than once a century. Alistair very much preferred to wander alone, and Carlisle had called in a lot of favors to get him here. He shunned all company, and it was clear he didn't have any admirers in the gathered covens.

The brooding dark-haired vampire took Carlisle at his word about my condition, refusing, like Amun, to touch me. Edyth told Carlisle, Esme, and me that Alistair was afraid to be here, but more afraid of not knowing the outcome. He was deeply suspicious of all authority, and therefore naturally suspicious of the Volturi. What was happening now seemed to confirm all his fears.

"Of course, now they'll know i was here," we heard him grumble to himself in the attic - his preferred spot to sulk. "No way to keep it from Aro at this point. Centuries on the run, that's what this will mean. Everyone Carlisle's talked to in the last decade will be on their list. I can't believe I got myself sucked into this mess. What a fine way to treat your friends."

Carlisle clearly felt bad. You can leave if you would like. He only glared at Carlisle.

But if he was right about having to run from the Volturi, at least he had more hope of doing that than the rest of us. Alistair was a tracker, though not nearly as precise and efficient as Demetri. Alistair just felt an elusive pull toward whatever he was seeking. But that pull would be enough to tell him which direction to run - the opposite direction from Demetri.

And then another pair of unexpected friends arrived - unexpected, because neither Carlisle nor Royal had been able to contact the Amazons.

"Carlisle," the taller of the two very tall feline women greeted him when they arrived. Both of them seemed as if they'd been stretched - long arms and legs, long fingers, long black braids, and long faces with long noses. They wore nothing but animal skins - hide vests and tight-fitting pants that laced on the sides with leather ties. It wasn't just their eccentric clothes that made them seem wild but everything about them, from their restless crimson eyes to their sudden, darting movements. I'd never met any vampires less civilized.

But Alice had sent them, and that was interesting news, to put it mildly. Why was Alice in South America? Just

because she'd seen that no one else would be able to get in touch with the Amazons?

"Zafrina and Senna! But Where's Kachiri?" Carlisle asked. Tve never seen you three apart."

"Alice told us we needed to separate," Zafrina answered in the rough, deep voice that matched her wild appearance. "It's uncomfortable to be away from each other, but Alice assured us that you needed us here, while she very much needed Kachiri somewhere else. That's all she would tell us, except that there was a great hurry... ?" Zafrina's statement trailed off into a question, and - with the tremor of nerves that never went away no matter how often I did this - I sucked up my nerves and went out to meet them.

Despite their fierce appearance, they listened very calmly to our story, and then looked closely at me to prove the point. They were every bit as facinated with me as any of the other vampires, but I couldn't help worrying as I watched their swift, jerky movements so close beside me as i tried to stay still. Senna was always near Zafrina, never speaking, but it wasn't the same as Amun and Kebi. Kebi's manner seemed obedient; Senna and Zafrina were more like two limbs of one organism - Zafrina just happened to be the mouthpiece.

The news about Alice was oddly comforting. Clearly, she was on some obscure mission of her own as she avoided whatever Aro had planned for her.

Edyth was thrilled to have the Amazons with us, because Zafrina was enormously talented; her gift could make a very dangerous offensive weapon. Not that Edyth was asking for Zafrina to side with us in the battle, but if the Volturi did not pause when they saw our witnesses, perhaps they would pause for a different kind of scene.

"It's a very straightforward illusion," Edyth explained when it turned out that I couldn't see anything, as usual. Zafrina was intrigued and amused by my immunity - something she'd never encountered before - and she hovered restlessly while Edyth described what I was missing. Edyth's eyes unfocused slightly as she continued. "She can make most people see whatever she wants them to see - see that, and nothing else. For example, right now I would appear to be alone in the middle of a rain forest. It's so clear I might possibly believe it, except for the fact that I can still feel you in my arms."

Zafrina's lips twitched into her hard version of a smile. A second later, Edyth's eyes focused again, and she grinned back.

"Impressive," she said.

of course i was was fascinated with this conversation, and i reached out fearlessly toward Zafrina.

"Can I see?" i I'll try to take down my sheild.

"What would you like to see?" Zafrina asked.

"What you showed Edyth."

Zafrina nodded, and I watched anxiously as my eyes stared blankly into space. A second later, i was seeing the most beautiful place.

" can you show me More?,"i asked.

After that, it was hard to keep me away from Zafrina and her pretty pictures. I worried, because I was quite sure that Zafrina was able to create images that were not pretty at all. But i knew that what i saw was beautiful and i

could see Zafrina's visions for myself - they were as clear as any of my own memories, like they were real - and thus judge for myself whether they were appropriate or not.

Though i started thinking about mine and Edyth's conversation I wouldn't give her up easily, I had to admit it was a good thing Zafrina was keeping me entertained. I needed to think about how i was going to regain my soulmates trust.

My first attempt at learning to fight did not go well.

Edyth had me pinned in about two seconds. But instead of letting me wrestle my way free - which I absolutely could have - she'd leaped up and away from me. I knew immediately that something was wrong; she was still as stone, staring across the meadow we were practicing in.

I'm sorry, Bella," she said.

"No, I'm fine," I said. "Let's go again."

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't? We just started."

She didn't answer.

"Look, I know I'm no good at this, but I can't get better if you don't help me."

She said nothing. Playfully, I sprang at her. She made no defense at all, and we both fell to the ground. She was motionless as I pressed my lips to her jugular.

"I win," I announced.

Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing.

"Edyth? What's wrong? Why won't you teach me?"

A full minute passed before she spoke again.

"I just can't... bear it. Emmett and Royal know as much as I do. Tara's and Elena probably know more. Ask someone else."

"That's not fair! You're good at this. You helped Jasper before - you fought with him and all the others, too. Why not me? What did I do wrong?"

She sighed, exasperated. Her eyes were dark, barely any gold to lighten the black.

"Looking at you that way, analyzing you as a target. Seeing all the ways I can kill you .. ." She flinched. "It just makes it too real for me. We don't have so much time that it will really make a difference who your teacher is. Anyone can teach you the fundamentals."

I scowled.

She touched my pouting lower lip and smiled. "Besides, it's unnecessary. The Volturi will stop. They will be made to understand." I know what you think about them and what the others do but Bella believe me when I say Aro is not without reason or compassion.

"But if they don't! I need to learn this."

"Find another teacher."

That was not our last conversation on the subject, but I never swayed her an inch from her decision.

Emmett was more than willing to help, though his teaching felt to me a lot like revenge for all the lost

arm-wrestling matches. If I could still bruise, I would have been purple from head to toe. Royal, Taras, and Elena all were patient and supportive. Their lessons reminded me of Jasper's fighting instructions to the others last June, though those memories were fuzzy and indistinct. Some of the visitors found my education entertaining, and some even offered assistance. The nomad Garrett took a few turns - he was a surprisingly good teacher; he interacted so easily with others in general that I wondered how he'd never found a coven. I even fought once with Zafrina while liam watched from Julie's arms. I learned several tricks, but I never asked for her help again. In truth, though I liked Zafrina very much and I knew she wouldn't really hurt me, the wild woman scared me to death.

I learned many things from my teachers, but I had the sense that my knowledge was still impossibly basic. I had no idea how many seconds I would last against Alec and Jane. I only prayed that it would be long enough to help.

Every minute of the day that I wasn't with Edyth or learning to fight, I was in the backyard working with Kate, trying to push my internal shield outside of my own brain to protect someone else. Edyth encouraged me in this training. I knew she hoped I would find a way of contributing that satisfied me while also keeping me out of the line of fire.

It was just so hard. There was nothing to get a hold of, nothing solid to work with. I had only my raging desire to be of use, to be able to keep Edyth, Royal, and as much of my family as possible safe with me. Over and over I tried to force the nebulous shield outside of myself, with only faint, sporadic success. It felt like I was wrestling to stretch an invisible rubber band - a band that would change from concrete tangibility into insubstantial smoke at any random moment.

Only Edyth was willing to be our guinea pig - to receive shock after shock from Kate while I grappled incompetently with the insides of my head. We worked for hours at a time, and I felt like I should be covered in sweat from the exertion, but of course my perfect body didn't betray me that way. My weariness was all mental.

It killed me that it was Edyth who had to suffer, my arms wrapped uselessly around her while she winced over and over from Kate's low" setting. I tried as hard as I could to push my shield around us both; every now and then I would get it, and then it would slip away again.

I hated this practice, and I wished that Zafrina would help instead of Kate. Then all Edyth would have to do was look at Zafrina's illusions until I could stop her from seeing them. But Kate insisted that I needed better motivation - by which she meant my hatred of watching Edyth's pain. I was beginning to doubt her assertion from the first day we'd met - that she wasn't sadistic about the use of her gift. She seemed to be enjoying herself to me.

"Hey," Edyth said cheerfully, trying to hide any evidence of distress in her voice. Anything to keep me from fighting practice. "That one barely stung. Good job, Bella."

I took a deep breath, trying to grasp exactly what I'd done right, i tested the elastic band, struggling to force it to remain solid as I stretched it away from me.

"Again, Kate," I grunted through my clenched teeth.

Kate pressed her palm to Edyth's shoulder.

She sighed in relief. "Nothing that time."

She raised an eyebrow. "That wasn't low, either."

"Good," I huffed.

"Get ready," she told me, and reached out to Edyth again.

This time she shuddered, and a low breath hissed between her teeth.

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" I chanted, biting my lip. Why couldn't I get this right?

"You're doing an amazing job, Bella," Edyth said, pulling me tight against her. "You've really only been working at this for a few days and you're already projecting sporadically. Kate, tell her how well she's doing."

Kate pursed her lips. "I don't know. She's obviously got tremendous ability, and we're only beginning to touch it. She can do better, I'm sure. She's just lacking incentive."

I stared at her in disbelief, my lips automatically curling back from my teeth. How could she think I lacked motivation with her shocking Edyth right here in front of me?

I heard murmurs from the audience that had grown steadily as I practiced - only Elena, Carmen, and Taras at first, but then Garrett had wandered over, then Benjamin and Tia, Siobhan and Maggie, and now even Alistair was peering down from a window on the third story. The spectators agreed with Edyth; they thought I was already doing well.

"Kate...," Edyth said in a warning voice as some new course of action occurred to her, but she was already in motion. She darted along the curve of the river to where Zafrina, Senna, and Seth were walking slowly, Seth's hand in Zafrina's as Zafrina showed him her gift. Julie watched them from a few feet behind.

"Wolf boy," Kate said - the newcomers had quickly picked calling the wolves that, "would you like to come help your friend?"

"No," I half-snarled.

Edyth hugged me reassuringly. I shook her off just as Seth flitted across the yard to me, with Kate, Zafrina, and Senna right behind him.

"Absolutely not, Kate he's just a damn kid," I hissed.

Seth reached for me, He put his hand on my shoulder and I looked at him automatically. He smiled a reassuring smile at me.

"But Bella I'm good i promise, I want to help," he said in a determined voice. His hand rested against my shoulder. I can do this he repeated.

"No," I said, quickly backing away. Kate had taken a deliberate step in my direction, her hand stretched toward us.

"Stay away from us, Kate," I warned her.

"No." She began stalking forward. She smiled like a hunter cornering her prey.

I shifted Seth so that he was behind me he looked disappointed., i was still backing us away at a pace that matched Kate's. Now my hands were free, and if Kate wanted to keep her hands attached to her wrists, she'd better keep her distance.

Kate probably didn't understand, never having known for herself the passion of a person trying to protect a young boy who was basically a child. She must

not have realized just how far past too far she'd already gone. I was so furious that my vision took on a strange reddish tint, and my tongue tasted like burning metal. The strength I usually worked to keep restrained flowed through my muscles, and I knew I could crush her into diamond-hard rubble if she pushed me to it.

The rage brought every aspect of my being into sharper focus. I could even feel the elasticity of my shield more exactly now - feel that it was not a band so much as a layer, a thin film that covered me from head to toe. With the anger rippling through my body, I had a better sense of it, a tighter hold on it. I stretched it around myself, out from myself, swaddling Seth completely inside it, just in case Kate got past my guard.

Kate took another calculated step forward, and a vicious snarl ripped up my throat and through my clenched teeth.

"Be careful, Kate," Edyth cautioned.

Kate took another step, and then made a mistake even someone as inexpert as I could recognize. Just a short leap away from me, she looked away, turning her attention from me to Edyth.

Seth was secure on my back; I coiled to spring.

"Can you hear anything from Seth?" Kate asked her, her voice calm and easy.

Edyth darted into the space between us, blocking my line to Kate.

"No, nothing at all," she said. "Now give Bella some space to calm down, Kate. You shouldn't goad her like that. I know she doesn't seem her age, but she's only a few months old."

"We don't have time to do this gently, Edyth. We're going to have to push her. We only have a few weeks, and she's got the potential to - "

"Back off for a minute, Kate."

Kate frowned but took Edyth's warning more seriously than she'd taken mine.

Seth's hand was on my shoulder; he was remembering Kate's attack, i could tell that he was thinking no harm was meant, that Edyth was in on it...

This did not pacify me. The spectrum of light I saw still seemed tainted with crimson. But I was in better control of myself, and I could see the wisdom of Kate's words. The anger helped me. I would learn faster under pressure.

That didn't mean I liked it.

"Kate," I growled. I rested my hand on the small of Edyth's back. I could still feel my shield like a strong, flexible sheet around Seth and me. I pushed it farther, forcing it around Edyth. There was no sign of a flaw in the stretchy fabric, no threat of a tear. I panted with the effort, and my words came out sounding breathless rather than furious. "Again," I said to Kate. "Edyth only."

She rolled her eyes but flitted forward and pressed her palm to Edyth's shoulder.

"Nothing," Edyth said. I heard the smile in her voice.

"And now?" Kate asked.

"Still nothing."

"And now?" This time, there was the sound of strain in her voice.

"Nothing at all."

Kate grunted and stepped away.

"Can you see this?" Zafrina asked in her deep, wild voice, staring intently at the three of us. Her English was strangely accented, her words pulling up in unexpected places.

"I don't see anything I shouldn't," Edyth said.

"And you, Seth?" Zafrina asked.

Seth smiled at Zafrina and shook his head.

My fury had almost entirely ebbed, and I clenched my teeth together, panting faster as I pushed out against the elastic shield; it felt like it was getting heavier the longer I held it. It pulled back, dragging inward.

"No one panic," Zafrina warned the little group watching me. "I want to see how far she can extend."

There was a shocked gasp from everyone there - Elena, Carmen, Ta, Garrett, Benjamin, Tia, Siobhan, Maggie - everyone but Senna, who seemed prepared for whatever Zafrina was doing. The others' eyes were blank, their expressions anxious.

"Raise your hand when you get your sight back," Zafrina instructed. "Now, Bella. See how many you can shield."

My breath came out in a huff. Kate was the closest person to me besides Edyth and seth, but even she was about ten feet away. I locked my jaw and shoved, trying to heave the resisting, resilient safeguard farther from myself. Inch by inch I drove it toward Kate, fighting the reaction that fought back with every fraction that I gained. I only watched Kate's anxious expression while I worked, and I groaned quietly with relief when her eyes blinked and focused. She raised her hand.

"Fascinating!" Edyth murmured under her breath. "It's like one-way glass. I can read everything they're thinking, but they can't reach me behind it. And I can hear Seth, though I couldn't when I was on the outside. I'll bet Kate could shock me now, because she's underneath the umbrella. I still can't hear you... hmmm. How does that work? I wonder if..."

She continued to mumble to herself, but I couldn't listen to the words. I ground my teeth together, struggling to force the shield out to Garrett, who was closest to Kate. His hand came up.

"Very good," Zafrina complimented me. "Now - "

But she'd spoken too soon; with a sharp gasp, I felt my shield recoil like a rubber band stretched too far, snapping back into its original shape. Seth, experiencing for the first time the blindness Zafrina had conjured for the others, trembled against my back. Wearily, I fought back against the elastic pull, forcing the shield to include him again.

"Can I have a minute?" I panted. Since I'd become a vampire, I hadn't felt the need to rest even once before this moment. It was unnerving to feel so drained and yet so strong at the same time.

"Of course," Zafrina said, and the spectators relaxed as she let them see again.

"Kate," Garrett called as the others murmured and drifted slightly away, disturbed by the moment of blindness; vampires were not used to feeling vulnerable. The tall, sandy-haired Garrett was the only non-gifted immortal who

seemed drawn to my practice sessions. I wondered what the lure was for the adventurer.

"I wouldn't, Garrett," Edyth cautioned.

Garrett continued toward Kate despite the warning, his lips pursed in speculation. "They say you can put a vampire flat on his back."

"Yes," she agreed. Then, with a sly smile, she wiggled her fingers playfully at him. "Curious?"

Garrett shrugged. "That's something I've never seen. Seems like it might be a bit of an exaggeration_"

"Maybe," Kate said, her face suddenly serious. "Maybe it only works on the weak or the young. I'm not sure. You look strong, though. Perhaps you could withstand my gift." She stretched her hand out to him, palm up - a clear invitation. Her lips twitched, and I was pretty sure her grave expression was an attempt to hustle him.

Garrett grinned at the challenge. Very confidently, he touched her palm with his index finger.

And then, with a loud gasp, his knees buckled and he keeled over backward. His head hit a piece of granite with a sharp cracking noise. It was shocking to watch. My instincts recoiled against seeing an immortal incapacitated that way; it was profoundly wrong.

"I told you so," Edyth muttered.

Garrett's eyelids trembled for a few seconds, and then his eyes opened wide. He stared up at the smirking Kate, and a wondering smile lit his face.

"Wow," he said.

"Did you enjoy that?" she asked skeptically.

"I'm not crazy," he laughed, shaking his head as he got slowly to his knees, "but that was sure something!"

"That's what I hear."

Edyth rolled her eyes.

And then there was a low commotion from the front yard. I heard Carlisle speaking over a babble of surprised voices.

"Did Alice send you?" he asked someone, his voice unsure, slightly upset.

Another unexpected guest?

Edyth darted into the house and most of the others imitated her. I followed more slowly, Seth still perched on my back. I would give Carlisle a moment. Let him warm up the new guest, prepare him or her or them for the idea of what was coming.

I pulled Seth back and smilled as I walked cautiously around the house to enter through the kitchen door, listening to what I couldn't see.

"No one sent us," a deep whispery voice answered Carlisle's question. I was immediately reminded of the ancient voices of Aro and Caius, and I froze just inside the kitchen.

I knew the front room was crowded - almost everyone had gone in to see the newest visitors - but there was barely any noise. Shallow breathing, that was all.

Carlisle's voice was wary as he responded. "Then what brings you here now?"

"Word travels," a different voice answered, just as feathery as the first. "We heard hints that Volturi were moving against you. There were whispers that you would not stand alone. Obviously, the whispers were true. This is an impressive gathering."

"We are not challenging the Volturi," Carlisle answered in a strained tone. "There has been a misunderstanding, that is all. A very serious misunderstanding, to be sure, but one we're hoping to clear up. What you see are witnesses. We just need the Volturi to listen. We didn't - "

"We don't care what they say you did," the first voice interrupted. "And we don't care if you broke the law."

"No matter how egregiously," the second inserted.

"We've been waiting a millennium and a half for the Italian scum to be challenged," said the first. "If there is any chance they will fall, we will be here to see it."

"Or even to help defeat them," the second added. They spoke ina smooth tandem, their voices so similar that less sensitive ears would assume there was only one speaker. "If we think you have a chance of success."

"Bella?"Edyth called to me in a hard voice. "Can you come in here, please. Maybe we should test our Romanian visitors' claims." She sounded still upset I didn't blame her. And I was really pissed at Julie right now.

It helped to know that probably half of the vampires in the other room would come to my defense if these Romanians were upset by me. I didn't like the sound of their voices, or the dark menace in their words. As I walked into the room, I could see that I was not alone in that assessment. Most of the motionless vampires glared with hostile eyes, anda few - Carmen, Taras, Zafrina, and Senna - repositioned themselves subtly into defensive poses between the newcomers and me. It was weird I knew this was not perminent I could feel myself getting stronger day by day. I hoped this would not be finished before they came. So we could show them. So they couldn't accuse the Cullens of turning me only when they found out about Alice's vision.

The vampires at the door were both slight and short, one dark-haired and the other with hair so ashy blond that it looked pale gray. They had the same powdery look to their skin as the Volturi, though I thought it was not so pronounced. I couldn't be sure about that, as I had never seen the Volturi except with human eyes; I could not make a perfect comparison. Their sharp, narrow eyes were dark burgundy, with no milky film. They wore very simple black clothes that could pass as modern but hinted at older designs.

The dark one grinned when I came into view. "Well, well, Carlisle. You have been naughty, haven't you?"

"She's not what you think, Stefan."

"And we don't care either way," the blonde responded. "As we said before."

"Then you're welcome to observe, Vladimir, but it is definitely not our plan to challenge the Volturi, as we said before."

"Then we'll just cross our fingers," Stefan began.

"And hope we get lucky," finished Vladimir.

In the end, we had pulled together seventeen witnesses - the Irish, Siobhan, Liam, and Maggie; the Egyptians, Amun, Kebi, Benjamin, and Tia; the Amazons, Zafrina and Senna; the Romanians, Vladimir and Stefan; and the

nomads, Charlotte and Peter, Garrett, Alistair, Mary, and Randall - to supplement our family of eleven. Taras, Kate, Elena, and Carmen insisted on being counted as part of our family.

Aside from the Volturi, it was probably the largest friendly gathering of mature vampires in immortal history.

We all were beginning to be a little bit hopeful. Even I couldn't help it. I had unknowingly won over so many in such a brief time.The Volturi only had to listen for just the tiniest second.

The last two surviving Romanians - focused only on their bitter resentment of the ones who had overthrown their empire fifteen hundred years earlier - took everything in stride. They would not touch me I hoped not, but they showed no aversion to me. They seemed mysteriously delighted by our alliance with the werewolves.They watched me practice my shield with Zafrina and Kate, watched Edyth answer unspoken questions, watched Benjamin pull geysers of water from the river or sharp gusts of wind from the still air with just his mind, and their eyes glowed with their fierce hope that the Volturi had finally met their match.

We did not hope for the same things, but we all hoped.

Edyth came and crossed her arms and I suddenly remembered we were supposed to talk.

She looked me in the eye I knew something was bothering her. Bella before I get to what I need to say there's something you need to know.

I looked at her confused.

She handed me a letter it was from the volturi. I read over the letter somehow they have found out what Julie had done. And knew Charlie knew to much.

Edyth looked at me emotionless and responded tho she now looked and sounded more sympathetic Bella you know what we have to do it's either vampirism or death for him now.

No I whispered wait we have to give him a choice.

Edyth approached me and hugged me I know love she whispered.

I suddenly felt such a rage at Julie

**I knew this would happen!!**I yelled as I sprinted back inside to go find Julie.


End file.
